


Nightmares

by MargotCelvin



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: AU, Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Depression, F/M, Fluff, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Past Abuse, Richie Tozier & Stanley Uris Are Best Friends, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2019-06-19 17:36:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 134,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15515028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MargotCelvin/pseuds/MargotCelvin
Summary: Richie Tozier is trying to start over in New York. He left California behind and wants to leave his old life there as well. The only thing holding him to his old life are the nightmares that have plagued him for so long. But is there something in New York that can cure him of this disease?





	1. The one about new beginnings

He was nervous sitting in the airport waiting to board his plane. He was nervous sitting on the plane with his headphones jammed in his ears. He was nervous waiting for his duffle bag to appear on the conveyor belt. He was nervous as he smoked waiting for his taxi. He was nervous during the ride to Morrison University. He only seemed to get more and more nervous the closer he got to his dorm. When he got his key, he thought he was going to throw up. Although, he felt like he had a right to be nervous. He was off to college. He was trying to start over. He wanted things to be better here.

Richie was thinking a lot as he walked down the hall with his duffle bag slung over his shoulder. He was really hoping that he would get a roommate that wasn’t some sort of asshole, or jock. Richie was a lanky kid and never really got along with jocks since he was an art kid. He also thought that most jocks were dumb and gross, and while he wasn’t the most organized guy around he was actually a pretty clean person. And even though he was loud and never seemed to pay attention in class he never failed anything in an academic sphere.

Richie unlocked and opened the door that was supposedly his, only to find a very cute boy, who was definitely not a jock, behind it. He was shorter than Richie, but not by much, maybe a few inches. He had tight ringlet curls that sat on the top of his head and flopped down a little to one side. His side of the room was already completely unpacked and very well organized. He was playing music softly, Richie thought it was orchestral music but couldn’t be sure. He turned around and looked at Richie, smirking slightly.

“Hey there, Richie Tozier. Guess we’re roommates.”

“Stanley Uris, but you can call me Stan.”

“Alright, Stan the Man it is.” Stan just rolled his eyes, although it seemed like he was smirking, Richie couldn't really tell though. That fact scared Richie more than he would've liked to admit. He wasn’t irritated with Richie, already was he?

The two were silent as Richie unpacked, although Stan’s music was still playing softly so Richie wasn’t too bothered by it.  Stan seemed fine at least on first impressions, he was wearing khakis shorts and a button down, which was a drastic change from Richie’s AC/DC shirt and ripped jeans. Were they going to get along at all?

“Hey, what are you doing for dinner?” Stan’s voice was a surprise.

“Nothing. I don’t know anyone here so I’m free as a bird.” Stan chuckled to himself. “What? I didn’t think it was that funny.”

“Nothing. I’m just into birds. Anyways, I was wondering if you wanted to get dinner with me and Bill. I figured I should introduce him early since he’ll probably be over here quite a bit and-”

“Stan,” Richie interrupted his rambling before it got to Richie level rambling. “That sounds fine. Just let me finish unpacking and maybe take a quick nap. That plane ride was brutal.” He wasn’t lying, it was like the stereotypical plane ride from hell. Richie thought that maybe he could relax on the ride over, but with the kid kicking his seat, the fat man snoring louder than his music, and the ungodly amount of turbulence, Richie had been on edge the whole time.

“Sounds good, I’ll let Bill know.” Richie finished unpacking quickly, he didn’t have that much anyways and flopped down onto his bed. As soon as his head hit the pillow he was out, and really hoping the nightmares were over, they weren’t.

This one wasn’t new, but it hadn’t been around in quite some time. Richie was in the creepy old house that he had grown up near. Surrounding him in the decrepit place were missing posters, all plastered with Richie’s face. Richie cried because no one cared that he was missing, he knew it. That’s when the clowns showed up. Some of them had skin falling from their bones, others looked almost normal with one tiny detail that was fucked up, but the worst one looked so real. It’s all white skin was crackling and he had red lips with paint that ran up his face, bright orange hair, and creepy yellow eyes. He had this smile that could curdle milk.

“Keep crying little boy, no one can hear you.” His voice was raspy and a little squeaky, spit hit Richie’s face. “You think anyone would care if they did hear you? No one cares about you. You’re going to die alone in this house. Your fear tastes so good.” The clown licked Richie’s face. Richie just cried out as the clown’s spit burned his skin.

“Richie.” A voice echoed around the house. It didn’t sound like it was coming from any of the clowns. “Richie!” The clowns began to scream as if they were in pain. Richie just looked around, confused at what was happening. “Richie!” The voice finally shattered Richie from his nightmare as he bolted upright. Stan was standing over him, worry painted all over his face.

Richie wiped the tears from his eyes. He knew he would have to explain what just happened but his voice was still so shaky, and he couldn’t stop the tears from falling. The nightmares that involved that clown and the missing posters always hurt the most. Stan sat down on his bed and wrapped his arms around Richie’s trembling frame. Stan hadn’t even thought about what he was doing, it was a natural response to someone waking up from a nightmare.

It was the first time that Richie was comforted like this after a nightmare. He melted into Stan’s shoulder, although he had covered his eyes with his hands. When his sobs slowed to just unsteady breathing Stan leaned back but didn’t let go of Richie. “You okay?” Richie nodded, still not trusting his voice. “Is this gonna be a normal thing, cause I kinda hate it?” Richie chuckled as he saw that Stan was mostly joking, he had a smirk on his face.

“Yeah sorry, I get really bad nightmares sometimes and by sometimes, I mean all the time.”

“You were crying and whimpered a couple times. That’s when I decided I needed to wake you up.”

“Thanks. I’ve had that one before and if you hadn’t of woken me up, it would’ve gotten a lot worse.” That one always ends with the clown unhinging his jaw revealing dozens of rows of teeth and what Richie called the death lights. Stan didn’t push the subject anymore, maybe he picked up on the fact that Richie didn’t want to explain it or he just didn’t care enough to ask. Stan went over to his desk and sat back in his chair. “So, when are we getting dinner, I’m starving.”

“I can text Bill and tell him to meet us at the diner down the road in ten minutes.”  Richie just gave finger guns as a response. Stan chuckled to himself and continued texting. Richie pulled his shoes back on and stood up to stretch.

“Who is this Bill that I keep hearing so much about?”

“He’s my boyfriend,” Stan said it so casually.

“So, you’re -”

“Gay? Yeah. Does that bother you? Because the other thing I should probably tell you is that I’m Jewish, but I don’t really practice my religion. Although you’re from California so I wouldn’t think it’s that big of a deal but I kinda need to make sure.”

“Nah, I swing both ways so I get it and also I don’t care that you’re Jewish. I had some Jewish neighbors and they were cool.” Stan had sighed in relief and put on his shoes and stood up letting Richie know it was time to go. They walked out of the door.

“So, we have a gay Jewish kid and a bi kid that has terrible nightmares, we are one hell of a pair my friend.” Richie wrapped his arm around Stan’s shoulders as they walked down the hallway.

“Are you going to be this annoying all year?”

“Yes. Only because I like you.”

“I should try harder to make you hate me.” Richie laughed at him as they walked out of their dorm. The diner was a few minutes away since they were on the edge of campus. They sat down on opposite sides of a booth near the back and waited for Bill to show up. Stan explained that Bill was in the library working on stuff because his roommate’s mom was moving him in and Bill was trying to avoid her at all cost. They ordered food, Stan went ahead and ordered for Bill.

A tall boy with auburn hair, wearing a red and black flannel walked in and started walking towards their table. He sat in the booth with Stan and placed a small kiss on Stan’s temple, causing the boy to blush and smack his arm.

“I’m gonna guess that you’re Bill or this is gonna get really awkward when he does show up.” Stan rolled his eyes.

“Bill this is Richie, my roommate and Richie this is Bill, my boyfriend.”

“Hey. I think Eddie is gonna stop by after his mom leaves, but who knows when that’s going to happen.”

“True, she is crazy.”

“You wanna fill the new kid in?”

“Eddie is my roommate and his mother is crazy. Like batshit crazy. She barely let him come to a college this far away from home and she only let him come because he’s rooming with me.”

“Is that why you two aren’t rooming together?” Richie asked as their food showed up.

“Pretty much,” Stan responded while shoving some fries in his mouth.

“That, and your parents don’t know that we’re going to the same school.”

“That too. By the way, my parents are going to want to meet you soon, they want to make sure you aren’t the worst or something. We can just do it over Skype cause my dad doesn’t want to drive out this far.”

“Sounds fine. Parents love me.” Well, most parents did.

“Part of me feels like that’s not true.” Richie faked hurt.

“Stanley, that’s rude. Be nice to your roommate.”

“Thanks, Big Bill, I think I like you more than I like Stanny here.” Richie dug into his burger. Bill looked at Stan, who just shrugged. They ate in peace and joked around. Richie felt comfortable around these two, they didn’t seem to care too much about the inappropriate jokes that Richie would make and he appreciated that they weren’t too coupley, only holding hands with Bill absentmindedly rubbing Stan’s knuckles.

Richie had been telling them a story about how he hid from one of the football players by hiding in the closet and got caught because he started laughing at a joke he made in his head about coming out of the closet again. He had just finished the story when a small boy was suddenly in the booth next to him, the other boy’s head immediately hitting the table.

“Your mom finally leave?” Stan asked, sounding slightly amused.

“Yeah. That took too damn long.” The small boy said, Richie soon assumed that it was Eddie.

“She try to convince you to come home again?”

“Yeah, she kept saying that I was going to hate New York and that I should just go back and stay home. ‘Who needs college when you have me?’ That’s exactly why I picked New York mom, to leave you.” Eddie had raised his head, air quoted what his mother said, and slammed his head back down all in one breath. Richie was kinda impressed.

“So, I’m gonna guess that this is Eddie.”

“Oh fuck, I didn’t realize you were here. I’m Eddie, I’m Bill’s roommate and you must be Stan’s roommate. What the fuck? Why didn’t you tell me he was here before you let me rant and be so dramatic?”

“Because it was funny,” Stan said as he tried to hold back laughter, failing a little bit.

“I’m sorry, you probably think I’m crazy now, my mom is just, intense.”

“Intense is a word for it,” Bill said joining his boyfriend in laughing.

“My mom is paranoid and thinks that everything is going to kill me. I like to call it intense, everyone else likes to call it insane.”

“I might have to agree with everyone else, that sounds crazy.”

“What did you tell him about my mother?” Eddie narrowed his eyes at the couple across from the booth from him.

“Um, only the truth,” Stan said in his normally snarky tone.

“Just her reluctance to let you come here.” Bill gave Stan the look of ‘why do you torture him?’. Richie laughed at the disgruntled noise that escaped Eddie. Eddie seemed, dramatic. While Richie thought it was entertaining he also thought it could get really annoying if he was always like this. Although from the vibe Richie was getting from Stan, Stan doesn’t seem like someone who would put up with someone that overly dramatic. Maybe this was just because of his mom?

“Oh my god I didn’t even let you introduce yourself!” Eddie was looking at Richie now. It was the first time that the two had really looked at each other fully. Richie thought his heart stopped for a second, Eddie was probably the cutest boy that Richie had ever seen. His brown eyes were huge and Richie felt like he could happily drown in them. He had a few freckles spattered across his nose, although not as many as Richie.

“Yeah, introduce yourself,” Stan said pulling Richie from how he had been staring at Eddie. None of these guys knew anything about Richie, all Stan knew was that he had nightmares, was from California and was bi.

“Hello, I’m Richie.”

“Hi Richie,” they said in unison, mimicking an AA Meeting, which made Richie cringe a little.

“I’m originally from southern California. I came to New York to go to school. I’m an art major and yes, I know it’s hard to get a job as an art major and no, I don’t care. I have one tattoo so far and I have my ears pierced. I own more black clothes and band shirts than underwear. And yes, I almost always look like a punk.”

“You’re from California?” Bill asked. “What’s it like out there?”

“Overrated. Kinda shitty.”

“How could it be shitty? It’s so pretty out there. I’d love to visit sometime.” Eddie seemed to be lost in some sort of fantasy, his big brown eyes seemed to shine a little brighter at that moment. Richie couldn’t lie that he was cute, Richie still couldn’t pin down an opinion on Eddie though. He wanted to say that his opinion on the boy was a good one, at least he was really hoping it would end up being good. Richie didn't know why, but he felt like he knew Eddie already. Maybe he had seen him on campus earlier? Or maybe Stan had a picture of all of them in his room and Richie hadn't really realized that he had seen it. 

“Trust me Eds, you’ll hate it.”

“Eds?” Eddie asked, not really taking the rest of what Richie said into consideration.

“Richie makes up nicknames for everyone. I have been dubbed Stan the Man and Stanny and he’s Big Bill, apparently.”

“But Eds? You realize that Eddie is already a nickname, right?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t give you that one so,” Richie shrugged.

“I kinda hate it,” Eddie shrugged back and stared a little bit at Richie’s fries. Richie moved his plate over so that it was more in between them. Richie was pretty full at that point and he wasn’t planning on eating the rest of them. “Thanks,” Eddie said in a small voice. They all sat and talked for a bit longer until everyone’s phones, except Richie’s, went off.

“The fuck was that?”

“We have a group chat with our friends from back home and one of them is already complaining that all but one of us left him in Maine,” Bill explained. Richie noticed that Bill seemed to talk slightly slower than everyone else and seemed to concentrate on what he was saying. Weird.

“You guys are from Maine?” They all nodded their heads as their phones rang again. They all sat for a little bit longer, the three Maine boys with their noses in their phones and Stan rolling his eyes occasionally. Richie felt super awkward, they were all already so close and already had other friends. Where was he supposed to fit in? “Well, I’m gonna head out.”

“Why?” Eddie asked.

“I’m gonna go catch up with your mom, I promised that I would kiss her goodbye.” Richie winked at Eddie as he moved so Richie could get out of the booth. He pulled out his wallet and saw that he had four dollars, which was not enough for his meal. “Fuck. I have four bucks on me and I didn’t think to stop at the ATM. I’ll pay you back the difference later,” he explained while he looked at Stan.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll make you work off your debt.”

“Oh, kinky.” Richie got to the outside of the diner and pulled out his cigarette pack. He lit one up and started walking to the art building. He had gotten an email saying that he needed to stop by on move-in day before 10:00 pm. It was a little after seven so he knew that he would have plenty of time to get there.

“That was kind of weird,” Stan noted after Richie left.

“What part are you talking about because I thought all of it was weird,” Eddie said as he ate more of the fries that Richie left.

“The part where he just left in a hurry,” Stan turned and looked out the diner window to see Richie walking off, cigarette in hand. “I hope he doesn’t smoke in our room, this isn’t the 50s.”

“He smokes?” Eddie asked with a disgusted face.

“Apparently.” Stan sat back down normally and rolled his eyes at his phone again, Mike was taking lessons from someone about being dramatic.

“Do you think it was because we kind of ignored him and were just paying attention to our phones?” Bill was always the voice of reason.

“Shit, maybe. He doesn’t know anyone out here, so we’re all he’s got at this point.”

“That’s sad. I couldn’t imagine going to school so far from home and not knowing anyone.” Eddie seemed sympathetic. He had thought about going to another school but Morrison had offered him the most money and he would be with Stan and Bill. “Do you think we should apologize?”

“Probably.”

“I just feel bad now, he’s weird but he seems alright.” Eddie was right, he was weird. But Eddie was wrong about him _seeming_ alright because Stan could tell that he was going to be a great addition to their friend group, although that thought terrified him. Richie might seem like an obnoxious kid that gave everyone nicknames, but he was actually deep and had fears like a real person. Stan knew he had to make this right.

 ~~~~~~~~~~ 

Richie had his foot up on the bench, making it look like he was tying his shoe. If one was to look closer they would see that he was really pushing his dying cigarette against his skin. His first day of classes had been rough seeing as he didn’t go back to his room except to quickly change his clothes while Stan was asleep and just stayed in the art studio all night. He had painted a kid curled in on themselves, trying to keep the darkness away with a small lighter.

Richie grit his teeth at the pain. It was a pain that he could control. He couldn’t control his emotional pain, but at least he could control this. He threw the dead cigarette into the trash and pulled down his jeans, covering the newest burn when he heard someone say his name.

“Hey Richie,” It was Stan. He looked like he wanted to talk about something.

“What’s up, Stan?”

“What? No nickname?” Richie shrugged and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Anyways, I was wondering if you wanted to get dinner with me? Like just us roommates. I don’t want you to feel like you don’t know your roommate or something. We are kind of stuck together.”

“Yeah, unless you kick me out and move Bill in.” Richie meant for it to sound like a joke, although it didn’t.

“Trust me, as much as I love Bill, I’m not ready to live with him full time. Come on, let’s go see if the dining hall has anything edible.”

“You have such high hopes for the dining hall workers.” Richie was still hesitating, he wanted to be friends with Stan, but what if Stan didn’t want any more friends.

“Well I didn’t get to try the food when I was here on tour, and I figured you hadn’t tried it either.” Stan shrugged and started walking. Richie followed a few steps behind. They walked in silence, and the silence made Richie’s skin crawl. He hated silence, which is why he constantly had music playing or headphones in. “I think this is the quietest you’ve been.”

“Sorry.”

“What’s on your mind?”

“Just, things.”

“Wow, that’s so specific. You do use actual words, right?” Stan smirked at Richie over his shoulder. Richie wanted to feel better but something was still holding him back. They made it to the dining hall and got their food, Richie got a couple slices of pizza and Stan got a salad and fries. They sat down at one of the tables and began eating, still in silence. Richie had to end it before he exploded.

“Why did you invite me to dinner?”

“I wanted to get to know you. Thought that was obvious.”

“Yeah, but you already have a bunch of friends, you don’t need to pretend to be friends with me.”

“I’m not pretending. And just because I have friends in Maine and some friends here, doesn’t mean I don’t want to make new friends, or at least one.”

“Really?” The thought almost baffled Richie. Did Stan want to be friends with him?

“Yes really. I wouldn’t have invited you anywhere if I didn’t want to at least try to be your friend. You seem cool, or at least cool enough for our group of losers.”

“Really?”

“You gonna say anything other than really?”

“Really,” Stan smirked at Richie and rolled his eyes. “No, but you actually want to be friends with me? I’m such a fuck up.”

“We’re all fuck ups. I’m a gay rabbi’s son so I’m not exactly the most perfect child.” Richie felt better. Stan was fine with him being a fuck up, Stan wanted to be friends with him, and if he did then maybe the other two would as well.


	2. The one about determination

Stan had convinced Richie to actually sleep in their room instead of just spending the whole night in the studio. Richie took a long time to fall asleep. He didn’t stay asleep for long. He wasn’t surprised that he had a nightmare, although this one was new.

Richie had never dreamed about his home life before. He didn’t need too. Why would his brain make him relive what happened to him during the day? It had given him that one shred of mercy, although it seemed the mercy had stayed in California.  

He was in his bedroom. Most kids feel as though their bedroom is a safe haven, not Richie. Nowhere in his parents’ home was safe. Richie had music playing softly as he drew. His homework was done for the night so he was giving himself some time to relax before his father was home for the night.

Wentworth had gone out with some of his friends, Richie wasn’t sure as to why. All he knew, was that there was no food in the house and that there was going to be a shit storm when Wentworth got home. He was always worse after a night out with his friends, maybe because he saw how well other people had it. Maybe because his friends all had good kids that had bright futures ahead of them. Maybe because their kids were all straight, or at least not out of the closet.

Richie heard the front door slam shut. He reached over his bed to turn the music off. Wentworth wouldn’t be able to hear the music from downstairs, but the silence only stayed on the first floor. Richie tried to put his sketchbook in its hiding spot before his father could see it, although he wasn’t fast enough.

He knew all the points of his father’s rant. Although if he didn’t listen, things would only get worse for him. He had learned that the hard way.

“I can’t fucking believe that you’re doing that bullshit again. How are you going to get anywhere if you spend all your time on something that’s going to get you nowhere.” That was the route they were going that night. “You’re such a disappointment, you know that? You’re never going to amount to anything if you don’t start focusing on something productive.”

Richie didn’t really respond. He just looked at his father and tried to keep his face as flat as he could. He knew too much emotion would make it worse, another lesson he learned the hard way.

His father had walked downstairs for a minute, Richie figured that the first part of his rant had made him thirsty. Richie’s assumption was right when his father barged back into his room with a beer bottle in hand. _Wonderful._ His father downed the beer quickly. It wasn’t a hard thing to do when someone has been drinking like a fish for years.

Richie wasn’t expecting his father to break the bottom of the bottle off on the edge of Richie’s bed. The look in his father’s eyes was one that he had only seen a few other times. His father only needed to take one step to be at the same spot Richie was. His father held the broken glass up to Richie’s neck.

Richie tried to keep himself from crying. Although, that was getting more difficult since the glass was getting pushed further into his skin. It hadn’t broken through his skin yet, although it was certainly close.

“Cry you little bitch. I dare you. See what happens. I’d say you could go meet God, but the only place people like you belong is in hell.”

Richie shouted at Stan as he shook him awake. Richie didn’t say anything, even though he wanted to. He so desperately wanted to explain to Stan what was going on and what his nightmare was about. But they had known each other for only a few days. Richie wasn’t going to unload his shitty backstory on him. Instead he just quietly sat up and reached for his glasses. His hands were shaking as he put the spectacles on his face.

“Are you okay?”

“I don’t- I don’t know.”

"You wanna tell me about it?” Richie shook his head. “Anything that’ll help you?” Richie shrugged. “Draw me something?”

“Why?”

“You’re supposed to be some great artist, aren’t you?”

“How am I some great artist? You’ve never seen any of my art.”

“I know how competitive the art program is here. If you got in, you have to be really good. They don’t let hacks in here.”

“I guess. Hand me my sketchbook?” Stan reached over and grabbed the black notebook off of Richie’s desk. They both settled onto Richie’s bed as Richie looked for an empty page. “Can I take your order?”

“You know how to do birds?”

"A few.”

“You know how to draw a bluebird?” Richie nodded and started the rough skeleton of the bird. Richie didn’t bother looking up a reference photo. “How do you know how to draw a bluebird without any reference?”

“I’ve drawn one before.”

“Why?”

“As part of my admission portfolio, I had to draw something that was specific to New York. I chose the state bird. I guess a lot of people chose some of the city landmarks. They liked that I did something different.”

“I mean you certainly are different.”

“I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not.”

“It can be if you want it to be.” Richie didn’t answer right away, he was focusing on the face of the sketch. He didn’t want the bird to look dead or anything.

“I’m going to say it’s a good thing. Life would be real boring if everyone was the same generic asshole.”

“That’s one way to look at it, I guess.”

“Better than me being some psycho.”

"I don’t know if I could handle living with a psychopath.”

“How about someone with nightmares?”

“That, I can live with.” They sat for a little longer as Richie worked on some of the feather details. “You know, you aren’t the only one that gets nightmares, right?”

“I know. I just don’t know all that many people that have them every night.”

“I could name one.” Although they had stopped being every night a couple years, now it was whenever there was a storm.

“Who?” Richie looked sideways at Stan.

“Not sure it’s my place to tell.” Richie nodded and went back to sketching. “I won’t tell Bill or Eddie about your nightmares.” 

“Because it’s not your place?”

"Because I know you wouldn’t have told me if I didn’t live with you.”

"Thank you, Stan.”

“Why do you sound surprised that I’m being nice?”

“I’ve lived with you for less than a week and you have roasted me about twenty times. And that’s at the minimum.” Stan chuckled. It seemed as though Stan didn’t fully laugh all that often. Richie was determined to get Stan to really laugh at him before the semester was over.

Richie finished his sketch and went to rip out the page. Stan sat his hand on top of Richie’s before he could do it. When Richie asked if Stan wanted the picture he just shook his head.

“I thought maybe if I distracted you, you would be more alright quicker. Did it work?”

“A little. Although now I mostly want to paint.” Richie might have been an artist, but in reality, he was a painter. He loved how one can create such a mess with paints, and still end up with something beautiful.

“How long did you sleep?”

“Few hours.”

“And you’re not going to be able to go back to sleep?” Richie shook his head, he hardly ever went back to sleep after a nightmare. Mostly to avoid other nightmares.

“I promise I’ll still make it to class on time.”

"I have to be out the door by 8:45, you better be back by then.”

“Okay, mom.” Richie stood up and stepped over Stan’s legs. Richie had been sleeping in one of his two pairs of sweatpants. These ones were covered in paint and would probably have to be retired soon. He threw on a shirt and slipped his shoes on.

“I would be a terrible mother.”

“It’d be kind of funny.” Richie grabbed his keys, smokes, and Zippo before waving goodbye to Stan and walking out the door.

Stan watched his roommate leave, and although it was hard to see, he was worried. He didn’t know what Richie’s nightmare was about, but Richie hadn’t stopped shaking. Whatever it was, it was absolutely terrifying. The only other person Stan had ever seen shake like that, was Bill. And he only did that when he was truly broken.

~~~~~~~~~~

Richie was walking to his second class of the day when he bumped into someone, knocking their books out of their hands. Richie thought it was strange that someone was carrying books around by hand, but then again, he was too distracted by the map on his phone to really pay attention to where he was going.

“Oh shit. Sorry.” Richie leaned down to help the stranger pick up their things.

“It’s fine, I wasn’t paying all that much attention.” Richie recognized that voice. He had only talked to a handful people on campus. He looked up at the person he was helping and was pretty pleased with who looked back up at him.

The boy had pinned some of the hairs that fell onto his face on a regular basis back with a couple light blue bobby pins. They matched the sweater he was wearing and Richie could see the black straps of his overalls. _Oh, fuck me._

“Richie?”

“Correct you are Eds.”

“Don’t call me that.” Richie handed Eddie his things and then helped him stand back up. “Thank you. And sorry for kind of running into you.”

“It’s no big deal. I wasn’t looking either.”

“What’s so interesting on that phone of yours?” Eddie went up on his toes, pretending like he was going to look at Richie’s phone. When Richie pulled his phone to his chest and looked offended, Eddie laughed. Eddie had one of those laughs that light up his face. Richie smirked, he loved smiles like that.

“If you must know, it’s a map. I don’t know where the fuck I’m going.”

“What are you looking for?”

“206 in Kennedy.”

“Kennedy is the light brick building over there, and if you go up the stairs just to the right of the door, 206 is the second door on the right.”

“Do you know where every room is?”

“I have a class in the room across the hall.”

“Would it be weird if I asked for your number?”

“Only because you phrased it like that.” Eddie grabbed a pen out of the breast pocket of his overalls and wrote something down on the corner of a piece of paper that he had yet to return to its folder. He ripped the corner off and handed it to Richie. “I’m only giving this to you because I’m sure we’ll be seeing more of each other.” Richie raised an eyebrow at Eddie. “Because we’re both friends with Stan and stuff.”

“Sure Eds. I got to go, but I’ll text you.” Richie started walking backward toward his class. He made sure to throw a wink in at Eddie.

“Whatever.” Eddie turned and continued walking to class. Eddie bit his lip and smiled as he walked.

Eddie hadn’t noticed how cute Richie was when they first met. Richie may have crazy hair, but it looked really soft. Richie had worn his contacts today so Eddie noticed how pretty Richie’s eyes are. They were like melted dark chocolate and Eddie thought they were the prettiest things he had ever seen. _What the fuck am I doing? You barely know him. Plus, he smokes. Gross._

Eddie walked into his classroom and saw Bill sitting in one of the corners. He walked over and sat down at the table Bill was sitting at. He looked up at Eddie and gave him a look.

“What?” Eddie asked as he crossed his legs under him and started to reorganize his stuff from when he dropped it.

“You look way too happy for introductory English.”

“What?”

“You hate English class. You’re only in this class because you have to be.”

“I can’t just be happy to be alive?” Bill looked at Eddie like he had lost his mind. “I ran into Richie.”

“Ah.”

“What?”

“Nothing.” Bill was saved as their professor walked in. The professor introduced herself and handed out the syllabus. Eddie didn’t really listen to the professor as she went over the syllabus. He was much more interested in his phone and the text messages that were coming in.

**From Unknown: Hey there Eddie Spaghetti**

**To Unknown: That’s worse than Eds. And I’m guessing this is Richie.**

**From Unknown: You would be correct**

**To Rich: Aren’t you supposed to be in class?**

**From Rich: I could ask the same to you**

**From Rich: Plus it's just syllabus day. I don’t REALLY need to pay attention**

**To Rich: I would fight you on that if I weren’t doing the same thing.**

**From Rich: What class are you even in?**

**To Rich: English 102. You?**

**From Rich: Art History**

**To Rich: Why is that in Kennedy? Shouldn’t it be in Clark?**

**From Rich: Too many people signed up for this class. It counts as a core class so anyone can take it**

**To Rich: Oooohhhhh**

**From Rich: You doing anything after this class?**

**To Rich: Nope.**

**From Rich: You want to go get lunch?**

**From Rich: Like with me?**

Eddie looked at his phone for a minute. Why was he freaking out over Richie asking if he wanted to get lunch with him? It was a normal question. People ask to get lunch with people when they want to get to know people. So why can’t Eddie just answer the question?

**From Rich: You know what you can just ignore that**

**From Rich: That was probably out of line**

**From Rich: Sorry**

**To Rich: NO! Sorry, I was actually listening for a second. I would love to get lunch with you. I mean we should get to know each other since our roommates are dating.**

**To Rich: That came out wrong. I want to get to know you anyway, it’s just that since our roommates are dating and I’m friends with your roommate we should also get to know each other because I know we’re going to see a lot of each other and I don’t want it to be weird.**

**From Rich: Cool**

**From Rich: You just want to meet me outside Kennedy?**

**To Rich: Sure. I’ll see you then : )**

**From Billy: Who the fuck are you texting? You never text in class.**

**To Billy: A boy that I gave my number to.**

**From Billy: Richie?**

**To Billy: Yes.**

**From Billy: Why are you texting him?**

**To Billy: He wanted to know if I wanted to get lunch with him.**

**From Billy: Oh. That makes the panic texting make sense.**

**To Billy: Panic texting?**

**From Billy: You looked like you freaking out and also the rate you were texting was way faster than normal. Panic texting.**

**To Billy: I don’t do that.**

**From Billy: Yes, you do.**

**To Billy: Fuck off**

Eddie was overly excited when the professor let them out twenty minutes early. All she had done was go over the syllabus and told them that they needed the first reading assignment done in the next three weeks. Eddie stopped in the bathroom on his way out to make sure he still looked okay. _Why am I checking my appearance? It’s just Richie._ Didn’t matter anyway, Eddie still looked adorable.

Eddie had been excited to go to college so that he could wear whatever he wanted without having to sneak around his mother. In high school, Eddie would bring the clothes he wanted to wear in his backpack. His mother would never be cool with his outfit, she would’ve said that he looked like a girl. Not that Eddie cared. They’re just clothes.

Eddie left the bathroom and walked as quickly as he could to Kennedy. He suddenly couldn’t wait to see Richie again. Eddie told himself it was because he knew that they were going to be great friends. He didn’t want to admit that it could’ve been something else.

He saw Richie sitting on the outdoor steps of Kennedy. He went to call out and wave when he saw that Richie was talking to a girl with blonde, curly hair. Eddie was pretty sure that she was a toxicology major in his microbiology class. He couldn’t remember what her name was, but he did remember that she was pretty.

Richie caught Eddie standing out of the corner of his eye. He turned and waved at Eddie, who waved back, although it was with not nearly as much enthusiasm as it would’ve originally been. Richie bid the girl goodbye and walked over to Eddie.

“Hello again, sir,” Richie used a ridiculous British accent as he greeted Eddie.

“Hey. Who was that?”

“Cillian. She’s in my art history class, plus the RA of the floor above me.”

“Us.”

“What?”

“Bill and I live on the same floor as you and Stan.”

“Oh. Well, she was asking me if I would help her out if she needs it.”

“She give you her number?”

“Nope. You’re the only number I’ve gotten today. Now come on, let’s get food. I’m fucking starving.” Richie started walking back down the path towards the dining hall. Eddie followed him. They talked about how they thought their classes were going to be now that they had been to all of them. Eddie told him that he was only really worried about his microbiology class since apparently, the professor made it ridiculously hard to weed out the ones that didn’t belong.

They got their food and sat down at one of the larger booths in the back. It was an off hour for lunch so there weren’t that many people in there. Which was good because they ended up sitting in there for over two hours.

Eddie told Richie all about Derry, which was where him, Bill, and Stan all grew up. Richie told Eddie about all his strange neighbors, although he never talked about his family, even when Eddie asked. When they decided that they needed to at least leave the dining hall they agreed to go chill in Richie’s room for a little bit longer.

“We should do this again,” Eddie said as they started walking back to their dorm. It was on the other side of campus, their campus wasn’t very big but it was still a little bit of a walk.

“What time do you get lunch tomorrow?”

“One.”

“It’s a date then.”

“This was not a date.”

“You’re right. If this was, we would’ve gone somewhere way better than the dining hall.”

“It will never be a date but okay.”

“I’m going to prove you wrong Eds.” Richie was determined to do so. Eddie rolled his eyes at Richie. He had joked about it never being a date, but he wasn’t sure if that was how he really felt or if that was what he was telling himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of these chapters have really good names, this one... not so much. I'm trying guys.


	3. The one about ghosts

“So, why don’t you want to go to this party?” Eddie asked. He and Richie were in Eddie and Bill’s room. Richie was sitting on the floor in front of Eddie’s bed and Eddie was sitting at his desk. It had been a peaceful day, that was until Eddie started badgering Richie about some Halloween party that was going on in a house off campus.

“I just don’t really have any interest in being around a bunch of drunk ass sweaty college kids in some random person’s house. Why do you want to go?” Richie responded as he continued sketching. They were waiting for Bill and Stan to meet them for dinner.

“I never got to go to any parties when I was in high school. The only people that threw them were the football team, Bowers, and Greta. I probably could’ve used some of my friends to get into football parties but had I shown up to any of the parties that Bowers or Greta threw, I would probably be dead at this point.”

“1. Parties are overrated and never as fun as they seem on TV. 2. Why do you want me to go with you?”

“You’ve been to parties?” Richie nodded. “And because you’re my friend.” Richie looked up from his sketch and raised his eyebrows. He knew there was more to it. “I want someone to match costumes with me, and I know I won’t be able to convince Bill or Stan to dress up with me. They always match, this year they’re going as greasers.”

“Don’t you have other friends in the bio department that you can convince to dress up with you?” It wasn’t that Richie didn’t want to hang out with Eddie, quite the opposite actually, he just didn’t want to be around that many drunk people.

“Richie. Why are you making this so difficult?”

“It’s entertaining for me.” Eddie pouted at him. They both knew that Richie couldn’t resist agreeing to whatever Eddie wanted when he pouted. “Fine. What am I wearing?”

“Well, you’re gonna be a wolf.”

“And what are you going to be?”

“Red riding hood.”

“Why am I not shocked? I’m also not going to be shocked if you already have my costume.”

“I might.”

“How did you know I was going to say yes?”

“I know you way too well at this point.” It may have been a little over a month since they met, but Eddie had figured Richie out. At least he hoped he had. “Will you quiz me for my micro-bio exam tomorrow?”

“Sure. Hand me your flashcards.” Eddie grabbed the flashcards out of his desk drawer and handed them to Richie. Richie stretched out his legs, making sure that Eddie had enough room to pace across the floor.

“What is the concept of spontaneous generation?”

“Is that, um.” Eddie didn’t answer as he paced for a few moments. “Is that when living organisms can develop from nonliving or decomposing matter?”

“Yeah. Who showed that flasks sealed and then boiled had no growth of microorganisms?”

“John Needham?”

“Lazzaro Spallanzani.”

“Fuck. I’m gonna fail this exam.”

“That was question two. And you aren’t going to fail. You just need to focus. If you stopped trying to put a hole in your floor then maybe you could concentrate.”

“I remember things better when I’m not super focused on answering the questions.”

“That makes no sense. How do you take tests like that?”

“It’s only when I’m studying.”

“Would you please sit down?” Eddie sighed and sat down behind Richie. “Who showed that silkworm disease was caused by a fungus?”

“Agostino Bassi?”

“Correct. What vaccination did Edward Jenner make?”

“It wasn’t yellow fever. It was um.” Eddie sat his head on Richie’s and groaned loudly. Richie smirked and tried to not focus on the breathing that was on the back of his neck. _Fuck me._

“You have a guess?”

“No.” Eddie lifted his head back up and sighed again.

“If you need something to distract you, try doing something with your hands. That helps me sometimes.”

“Okay.” Eddie sat still for a minute. Then he started playing with Richie’s hair. He separated Richie’s hair down the middle and started braiding the thick curls. He made sure that he didn’t pull on Richie’s hair too hard.

“So what vaccination did Jenner make?”

“Smallpox,” Eddie answered immediately. Although he was more focused on Richie’s hair than he was answering the questions. They continued like that for another hour. Eddie didn’t have any problem answering whatever questions Richie asked him.

By the time Bill and Stan got there, they had gone through all the flashcards and Eddie had braided and unbraided Richie’s hair over ten times. Stan just looked confused at them, Bill just smirked.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

The music was loud even outside the house. Richie could hear it from inside Eddie’s car. He had been to parties before, he had never been to one this big before. Morrison was in a college town known for outrageous Halloween parties, and this one was certainly living up to the expectation.

“Are you sure you don’t mind being the DD tonight? I don’t care to do it,” Bill offered for the twentieth time that night.

“I’m sure.” Richie was still weirdly quiet. “Now go on you crazy kids, I’m gonna park the car a street over so that it’s not super close to any drunk people.” Stan and Bill got out of the car, Eddie stayed with Richie though. Richie just shrugged and went to the next street and looked for a parking spot.

“You don’t have to stay the whole time if you don’t want to. I know you didn’t really want to come.” Richie had parked the car and was just sitting in there for a minute. “I could always just text you when we’re ready to leave.”

“Nah. Can’t waste a good outfit like this. Plus, someone has to make sure that you don’t embarrass yourself too much.”

“I’m sure if you drank you would embarrass the shit out of yourself too.”

“Maybe, but we’ll never know. Come on Eds, let’s get inside.” Richie hopped out of the car and went around to the passenger side, where he opened the door for Eddie.

“Thank you?”

“Have you never had someone open the door for you?”

“Only my mother, and it was generally because she thought I was sick, or the one time I broke my arm.”

“That sucks, you should find someone that does.”

“Yeah, I should.” Richie didn’t see the small on Eddie’s face as Richie slung his arm around the smaller boy’s shoulder.

“Let’s get the party started my boy.”

 ~~~~~~~~~~

Richie wanted nothing more than to leave. He didn’t particularly mind that the music was loud, but there were way too many drunk people in the house. He was standing outside smoking, just trying to clear his head and keep his cool. Eddie had been outside with him for a while, but he had just gone inside to get them something to drink. A tapping on his shoulder pulled Richie out of his head.

“Do you think I could steal a cigarette from you?” The guy who asked was cute, not completely Richie’s type, but still good looking. Richie recognized him, he was Eddie and Bill’s neighbor. His name was Jacob and he was some kind of theatre major. That was pretty much all Richie knew about him.

“Sure thing.” Richie grabbed the pack and held it for Jacob to take one. Jacob took one and Richie lit his Zippo for him.

“Thanks,” Jacob said once his cigarette was lit.

“Didn’t think you would be a smoker.”

“Only when I’m really stressed.”

“This isn’t your house so what are you stressed about?”

“Girlfriend’s house. I had to help plan most of this.”

“So, you did everything?”

“Do you know how hard it is to plan a party and be in a show?”

“Not an actor and I don’t plan parties.” Richie raised a finger with each response, causing Jacob to chuckle slightly.

“You just show up?”

“When I’m forced to by a boy with big brown eyes and the best puppy dog face. Like, if he gave you that face, you’d fucking murder someone if he asked.”

“You talking about Eddie?”

“Am I that obvious?”

“You have matching costumes.”

“So, am I supposed to be looking for a girl in a toga to figure out who your girlfriend is?”

“No, but when you find Cleopatra, then you found her.”

“Oh, you’re dressed up as Antony?”

“Look who knows his Roman history. And yes, since we’re doing _Julius Caesar_ for our fall show, she thought this would be kind of funny.” Richie chuckled at Jacob.

_Where the fuck is Eddie?_ It had been almost ten minutes since Eddie went inside. There was no way that grabbing a cheap can of beer and a water bottle should’ve taken this long. Richie stomped out the end of his cigarette and told Jacob that he was going to go look for Eddie. When he looked around the kitchen the small brunette was nowhere to be found.

When he walked into the living room his heart dropped. He saw Eddie, but he wasn’t alone. There was a large guy behind him with his hands on Eddie’s tiny hips. The guy had moved part of Eddie’s costume so that his hands were touching bare skin. Richie knew that if he had seen someone dancing or flirting with Eddie he was going to hate it, but he didn’t know how bad it was going to be.

Richie felt like he had been punched in the gut. He had enough reference as to what that felt like to know he wasn’t exaggerating. He was glad that he was wearing contacts so that if his eyes looked a little red he could just blame it on those since there were tears trying to come out from behind his eyes.

When Eddie looked up at Richie, there was something else in his eyes. He didn’t look like he was enjoying himself, it looked more like he was uncomfortable. That was when Richie noticed that Eddie was mouthing words at him, words that looked a lot like help me.

Richie weaved his way through the mass of young adults to get to Eddie. When Richie was up close, he realized the guy behind Eddie was about Richie’s height, slightly shorter, and only a little more muscular looking.

“Mind if I cut it?” Richie didn’t want it to seem like Eddie had been asking for his help, figuring that it would only make it worse.

“Yeah, I do.” Richie could smell the booze on his breath. _Great, that’s just what I needed, a drunk asshole._

“Well I hate to break it to you, but the matching outfits kinda give away that we’re together.” Eddie looked confused as to what Richie was saying, he definitely made it sound like they were a couple.

“Well, he said yes when I asked him to dance.”

“No, I didn’t. Now please let go of me.” Eddie tried his hardest to pull the guy’s hands off of Eddie. Eddie didn’t sound pathetic in any way. In fact, he sounded like he was about ten seconds from punching the guy in the ribs.

“You heard little red, let go.”  The people around the three had turned to look at them. Richie didn’t want this to be a scene, but that was his reality, so he was just hoping that masses would be on his side.  

“I don’t think so.” The guy tightened his hold on Eddie. Eddie hissed and looked a little pained.

“Seriously man, let go of him.” Richie didn’t know who said that. Richie clenched his jaw as Eddie looked pained at how hard the guy was holding him.

“Yeah, you’re hurting him.” This other voice was right, Eddie’s eyes were shiny. _Where the fuck is Bill when you need him? He’s probably off making out with Stan._

“Look, man, if you’re gonna hurt anyone, maybe pick on someone your own fucking size.” Richie grabbed onto Eddie’s arm and yanked hard. The guy must have been mildly shocked since Eddie was so easily pulled away. “You okay?” Richie’s voice was only barely audible over the deafening music.

“Yeah. Let’s go.” The two began to walk away when Richie heard someone shout behind him. Thinking nothing of it, Richie turned around, only to be greeted with a fist meeting his mouth.

“Motherfuck,” Richie shouted as he held onto part of his jaw. The guy’s fist was huge, hitting Richie’s mouth, jaw, and part of his nose in one punch. Richie would’ve been impressed had he not been the one to get punched.

“Greg, what the hell?!” Richie wasn’t paying attention to who was speaking anymore. He was only concerned with the blood that was escaping some part of his face.

“Richie, we need to find a first aid kit.”

“Ask Cleopatra.” Eddie looked at him like he was speaking gibberish. “This is her house.” Eddie nodded and pulled Richie away from the living room, looking for anyone dressed as Cleopatra. He found her talking to Jacob in the dining room. She turned at looked at the two approaching them.

“Oh my God, what happened?”

“Do you have a first aid kit?”

“Bathroom upstairs. It’s the first door on the left.”

“Thank you.” Eddie had to practically drag Richie up the stairs and forced him to sit on the toilet. Eddie closed and locked the door before looking in the bathroom closet for the first aid kit. When he finally found it, he went back over to Richie.

Eddie turned Richie’s head so that he could see the right half of Richie’s face better, guess Greg was left handed. The blood was coming from the split in Richie’s lip. Eddie dabbed a cotton ball that he had put hydrogen peroxide on. Richie pulled away slightly.

“Sorry.”

“Just stings a little.” Richie wasn’t completely used to having his wounds cleaned like this. Normally he would just rinse them out with water and hope for the best.

“I’m also sorry that you got punched because of me.” Richie shrugged. “Don’t shrug at me. It’s my fault you’re hurt. If I hadn’t made you come to this party, none of this would’ve happened.”

“If I wasn’t here, you would still be dancing with that asshole and it could’ve been a lot worse.”

“Thanks for saving me.”

“Any time little red, any time.”

“The good news is, you don’t need stitches and nothing’s broken; the bad news is a good chunk of your face is going to bruise.” _Won’t be the first time my face is bruised._

“But if I lose my good looks, your mom won’t let me fuck her anymore.” Eddie backhanded Richie’s shoulder.

“Shut the fuck up you asshole. You’re the only person I know that can go from hero to dick in twenty seconds.”

“Man, you must be way more drunk than you seem because you made it too easy to make a dick joke.” Eddie didn’t have a comeback for that. They had been there for a few hours and he had lost track of how many beers he had.

“I’m gonna call Stan and have him bring Bill up here so we can figure out a plan because I don’t particularly want to stay.” Eddie pulled his phone out of his shorts and started scrolling for Stan’s number.

“How are we gonna make out then?” Eddie flipped him off as he listened to the phone ringing.

“Hello?” Stan didn’t sound completely drunk, but he definitely wasn’t sober.

“Hey, can you grab Bill and come up to the upstairs bathroom?”

“Why the fuck would I do that?”

“Because we have a minor situation.”

“Don’t call me a situation.”

“Shut up Richie.”

“Sure, we’ll be there in a minute.” Stan hung up without saying any real form of goodbye.

“They’re coming up.” Richie nodded. His jaw was finally starting to feel the punch. “Jaw hurt?” Richie nodded. “Sorry, I can see if I can find some ice.”

“It’s fine.” Richie was used to not really having anything for bruises. Most of the time, he had to pretend they weren’t there at all. There was a knock at the door. Eddie opened it to see Stan and Bill, with Bill sitting his head on Stan’s shoulder.

“Did you hear there was a fight? Some people are idiots.” Stan said as he walked into the bathroom, then Stan saw Richie’s bruising and still slightly bleeding face. “Shit, one of them was our idiot.”

“Wh-wh-who did you fight?”

“An asshole that couldn’t listen to ‘let go.’ You should see the other guy.”

“You didn’t even hit him, you shouted motherfuck and then we came up here to fix you up.”

“Don’t tell him that.”

“So, do you want to head out?” Stan seemed a little too excited when Richie nodded his head. Richie drove them home and Eddie gave Richie an ice pack that he kept in his room. Richie thanked him and placed a small kiss on the top of Eddie’s head.

“I’m just glad you’re okay.” Richie walked back into his room before Eddie could really respond. Had Richie stayed, he might have noticed the starstruck look on Eddie’s face. Had Richie stayed, he might have noticed how fast Eddie’s heart was racing after Richie kissed him. Had Richie stayed, maybe Eddie would’ve returned the gesture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who has read the first two chapters. And thanks to those who have left comments and kudos and all that jazz. I hope that you enjoy these next few chapters, and the whole fic if you read it all. 
> 
> I will say this is fairly long and I'm still not completely done with it yet. Also, I promise that the other three Losers do come into the story and aren't just glossed over and such


	4. The one about tension

Richie hadn’t realized how great the first few months of school had been. He and Stan had gotten really close, having roomie dinners once a week. Neither of them went home but they did go on a roommate trip to New York City for a weekend to escape the stress of school after midterms. Bill had texted Stan the whole weekend about how Eddie was freaking out about them dying or being kidnapped. Then Eddie was texting Richie about how jealous he was that they were in the big city without him. Richie had joked that he would take Eddie one day on a lovers’ retreat. (Eddie freaked out for twenty minutes after he said it, Bill recorded it and sent it to Stan.) 

Richie had also gotten pretty close to Bill. Bill was such a nice kid and had an adorable little brother that would send him ridiculous snaps on snapchat. Richie found out that Bill had a stutter as a kid, which is why he was so interested in words and wanted to be a writer. Richie had read some of Bill’s work as a peer reviewer and was actually blown away.

Besides getting really close with Stan and pretty close to Bill, Richie had also gotten incredibly close to Eddie. It was getting to the point that they were inseparable, although it wasn’t like Richie was complaining. Richie would walk Eddie to his early biology class and Eddie would wait for Richie to get out of his later art classes. They would eat most meals together and do homework together in one of their rooms. They texted all the time and were together so much that Richie started feeling like they were closer than just friends, although when he thought about it, he had always sort of felt like that. Richie couldn’t get Eddie out of his head, all he wanted to do was be with Eddie and hold the cute kid that always wore soft sweaters and sometimes painted his nails. He loved that Eddie would play with his hair and French braid it while Richie was studying or quizzing him for a test. Richie had found out that Eddie loved rock music and they would get into arguments about who was a better rock band.

 The only downside Richie found to making friends was that they started showing up in his nightmares. It started where they would just be watching the terrible things that would be happening to Richie, unable to do anything. They would be in the group of clowns that tormented him, they would be in the room when his dad beat the shit out of him. But after the first month, they became the stars of his nightmares. Eddie would be the one that got the shit beaten out of him while Richie was being held back. Bill would be in the clutches of It, begging Richie to leave him and save himself. Stan would be taken by the clowns or attacked by huge human-like birds or followed by a grotesque flute playing woman.

The only good part to the nightmares was they inspired some of Richie’s best art. The bird creatures got Richie an A on his monster project, Bill had helped Richie with the story part since he was the local English major. Eddie’s abuse dream inspired Richie to paint a small boy with hands reaching towards him, coming from all directions. Richie had decided that that one wouldn’t be shown to anyone, it seemed almost too painful.

The real pain came when Thanksgiving break rolled around. His friends had all gone back to Maine, while he stayed on campus. Richie didn’t want to go home and couldn’t afford it even if he wanted to. Richie had sold a couple of his art pieces online but he was still low on cash, he needed to find a job or sell more art.

He was sitting on his bed, sketching a bird that he and Stan had seen a couple weeks ago. Richie was surprisingly good at remembering things, Stan called it a photographic memory. It kept his grades high and helped him draw things that he saw. He was working on the wing feathers when his phone buzzed in his pocket.

**From Eds: Hey, are you busy?**

**To Eds: Nah just sketching**

**From Eds: You have a skype right?**

**To Eds: Yeah**

**From Eds: Do you, maybe, want to chat with me?**

**To Eds: Of course**

**From Eds: Yay!**

Richie put his sketchbook down and grabbed his laptop, he had been watching stuff on Stan’s Netflix since Stan gave him the password. He paused his show and pulled up Skype, he hadn’t used that thing since he did interviews to get accepted into Morrison. He logged on and soon had an incoming call from PlaceboGazebo, Richie chuckled at the name and hit accept.

“What up Spaghetti Man?”

“Why do you insist on that nickname?”

“Well, it’s either Eddie Spaghetti or Eds.”

“What about Eddie? It’s already short. The one is longer than my actual name.”

“Whatever, you know you love the nicknames.” Richie winked and adjusted so that he was still visible but could also sketch. He flipped the page to start a new one.

“Do you have the same posters at home that you do in your dorm room?”

“Uh no, I’m in my dorm room.”

“But it’s Saturday. Did you already go back to campus?”

“Never left.”

“You stayed on campus for break? Why?”

“Well, plane tickets are expensive and I didn’t really want to go home.”

“Why not?”

“I like it here way more than I like it back in California.”

“Why did you pick Morrison? It’s so far from where you’re from and not exactly cheap.”

“I really liked the art program here. Morrison is a school for the arts and the sciences, not many places are good with art programs. They kind of shove them aside for sports and business, which is a fake major, and Morrison doesn’t do that. Also, I didn’t think I was going to get in, so when I did, I couldn’t let the opportunity go.”

“Why didn’t you think you were going to get in?” Eddie adjusted so that he was sitting with his legs folded underneath him.

“The art program here is one of the hardest in the country to get in to. There was a huge portfolio that I had to do, part of which was a struggle since it was a sculpture, and I wasn’t able to come to any of it really. I mean I also just didn’t think I’d be good enough to get in. When I told Stan that, he punched me in the shoulder.”

“I would too if I were there! Richie, you are fantastic.”

“In my ability to art?”

“Well yeah, in other ways too.” Eddie’s voice tapered off as he spoke. Richie smiled as Eddie looked down at his lap.

“What’s with your skype name by the way?”

“Okay.” Eddie looked back up so he could see Richie,” So, my mom used to make me take placebo pills. She convinced me that I was sick. I was allergic to everything. When in reality I wasn’t. When I confronted her about it I accidentally said gazebos instead of placebos. The point got across but it was a joke in my friend group for years, they still bring it up sometimes.”

“That’s pretty funny actually.”

“Why is your username so normal?” It was simple, just RichieTozier.

“I really only have it because I did my college interviews over Skype. Like I said, I couldn’t make it to anything. I could only afford the ticket to get here and that required me selling a lot of my shit.”

“Is that why you said you were cutting back on smoking? You don’t have a lot of money?”

“Mostly.” He also decided that he needed to cut back because he knew that Eddie wasn’t a big fan of his vice. He tried so hard to impress Eddie. Part of him thought that if he could kick his smoking habit, then Eddie would like him more. It seemed irrational to most of Richie’s brain, but the irrational part was the loudest part. It was the part of his brain that created the nightmares, it created the doubt, it created so many of the negative aspects of Richie’s brain.

“I could help out.”

“I’m not a charity case, Eddie,” Richie tried to keep his voice as light as possible, although it didn’t work in the slightest. His entire life he had been treated like a charity case, like he was a sad kid that needed to be saved, like someone who couldn’t take care of himself even though he had been for his entire life.

“I never said you were.” Eddie looked hurt at the bitterness in Richie’s voice.

“I know. Sorry. Just people have treated me like that for a long time. But those people are in the past and they are going to stay there.” They sat in an awkward silence for a minute, Richie hated it. “So, why did you want to Skype me? I’m not upset about it, I’m just curious, it’s not like we haven’t been texting for most of the day.”

“My family was being a little too much. They came over for Thanksgiving and some of them are still here. Like it would be fine if it was my aunt on my dad’s side, who I’m pretty sure is a lesbian so like we’re really close, but no.” _Oh yeah, Eddie is gay and not out to anyone but her._ “My two aunts on my mom’s side stayed and they are just as crazy as my mother. I feel like I’m lying to them. Like I can’t be myself. I had to take off my nail polish and it was really cute.” It had been really cute, it was a very pale blue that complimented his skin tone really well, “I can’t talk about the person I have a crush on because they would freak out.”

“Wait, back the fuck up. Little ol’ Eds has a crush on someone?” Richie had a shit-eating smile on his face, but inside he was dying because Eddie had a crush on someone and what if it’s not Richie. _It’s not going to be you. You’re a mess who won’t tell anyone anything about your past. Eddie isn’t going to want to be with an artist who isn’t going to make anything of themselves. This school might be prestigious in the art world, but that doesn’t mean shit and you know it. He’s not gonna want the dead weight._

“Yeah, I do. Please don’t harass me about it, Stan already has you covered.”

“Dammit Stan, stealing all my thunder.” Eddie chuckled. Richie smirked that Eddie looked less upset. “I’m sorry I kind of yelled at you. I just, I’m trying really hard to leave my past in California and you offering to help felt like that again. And I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you because I don’t tell you anything about my past.”

“Are you going to?”

“Yeah, I just don’t want to tell you and then you run away. I’m afraid of that with all of you. You guys are all so close and I’m an outsider with a shit past. I just- I don’t know.”

“Richie, that’s what worries you?” Richie just nodded. “Trust me, your past is no less fucked up than any of ours. We all have our demons and we all want to leave them in the past. And even though they will never really be gone, we can’t let them destroy us, or our relationships. We just have to find people that are okay with hanging things in a closet with skeletons in it.” _God Eds if you were here I would kiss you._ Richie was smart enough to not say that out loud. There was no way that Eddie felt the same way about Richie that he did about Eddie. Richie was a punk and used humor to mask any real problem he had. There was no way that soft Eddie, who always looked put together and had his emotions under control would feel the same about the ticking time bomb that was Richie Tozier.

“Have you gotten to see your other friends over break?” Eddie knew that Richie was trying to change the topic, and he just let him.

“Two of them. The one didn’t come home because like you said, plane tickets are expensive.”

“That’s nice.”

“Whatcha sketching?”

“Just working on people.” He was drawing the most important people in his life, his friends. That was what he normally drew when he worked on portraiture, he had their faces memorized. He didn’t realize that he did it because he was terrified of losing them. That he thought if he put them on paper, he would never lose them.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

Stan and Richie were in Eddie and Bill’s room doing their homework. It had become a tradition of theirs to camp out in one of their rooms for the weekend. This forced everyone to actually do their homework, except Richie’s paintings. He didn’t want to get paint on the carpet. But his late-night painting sessions after nightmares never let him fall behind.

Richie was working on some chemistry problems when his phone started ringing. He looked at the phone and sighed heavily. He answered the call without any excitement, “Hello.” Richie never said hello if it was someone he knew. “Oh, is it?” Richie sounded sarcastic and also done with the conversation already. Richie was silent for quite some time, just listening to whoever was on the other end of the line. “As fun as being yelled at is, I’m in my friends’ room and I’m trying to do homework.” Richie wasn’t as good at hiding his emotions as he once was, Stan could tell how irritated Richie was getting. “Yes, I have friends. And even if I’m an art major I still have other classes and I have art homework.” The person on the other side was screaming, Eddie couldn’t make out what he was saying but he could tell it was an angry man. “Yeah well, I’m going to go now. Have a nice day.” Richie hung up and tossed his phone off of Eddie’s bed where he sat. Richie looked drained.

“You okay man?” Stan asked.

“My dad called. It was my mom’s birthday yesterday and he was pissed that I didn’t call to wish her a happy birthday.”

“What was that part about you having friends?” Eddie asked tentatively.

“I didn’t have all that many friends back home, and by that, I mean I didn’t have any real ones. So, he didn’t believe that I have friends, or that I was doing homework, even though I always did my homework.” Richie absentmindedly rubbed the inside of his left wrist, Stan noticed the small scar that was there.

“Richie, how did you get that scar?”

“The way you think I did, I only did it once, it hurt like a bitch.” Richie shrugged and went back to doing his homework.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Bill asked, he recognized what Richie was doing, burying himself in something to distract himself, he had seen Stan do it for years.

“There’s nothing to talk about. A young and dumbass Richie thought it would be a good idea to cut my wrist and I realized it didn’t change anything.”

“What didn’t it change?” Eddie asked.

“Just didn’t change anything. There’s not much else to it.” Richie didn’t answer any other questions about it. They all just went back to their homework, Richie made jokes to help disperse some of the tension in the room. Stan and Richie went back to their room since they all had class the next day.

Stan had been almost asleep when he heard some kind of strange noise from the other side of the room. Stan was used to Richie getting up and leaving or going to the bathroom in the middle of the night, but this didn’t sound like that. It sounded like Richie was trying to hide the fact that he was crying. Stan looked at his phone as saw that it was still too early for it to be Richie waking up from a nightmare. Stan got up and walked over to Richie’s bed.

“You’re not being as quiet as you think you are.”

“Sorry.” Richie got up and started acting like he was going to get ready to the studio, although he hadn’t looked up at Stan. Stan caught Richie’s arm before he could get his shoes on.

“You don’t have to leave. You can just tell me what’s up.”

“I can’t.” Richie sounded defeated.

“Then at least stay here. We can just watch movies and chill. I won’t even make you go to sleep.” Richie nodded and sat back down on his bed, pushing himself back against his wall. Stan grabbed his laptop and started playing movies on Netflix. Richie fell asleep on Stan’s shoulder, although Richie didn’t sleep well. Richie could only act strong for so long, and if he went back to California he wouldn’t be able to stay strong enough to make it back. Stan knew that he had to figure out something to save his best friend. Stan had decided a while ago that he couldn’t lose Richie, he just couldn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> v excited about the next chapter. Not gonna say anything else about it, but get hyped. I mean if you want.


	5. The one about opening doors

Richie looked around his dorm room. His friends were drunk on the beer that Bill got to chill after hell week, not finals week but the week before. Many professors, almost but one in Richie’s case, had papers due and tests before finals so that they didn’t need to do anything the next week. Stan and Bill were making out on Stan’s bed which didn’t really bother Richie. Eddie had his head on Richie’s lap, they had been talking for quite some time about what counted as classic rock and what didn’t.

“Hey Richie,” Eddie’s head was still in Richie’s lap, Richie moved his head to look down at Eddie. “Why don’t you drink with us?” This wasn’t the first time that his friends drank around him. He always refused to drink with them, usually telling them they needed a sober person to take them out to get food at two in the morning. He didn’t know why, but he decided that he was going to tell Eddie the truth. Maybe it was the way his big brown eyes shined in the dim light of the room.

“My parents were alcoholics. When my dad drank, he would get mean, like an abusive asshole kind of mean. My mom would be too drunk to care when he would get like that, not that she would’ve stopped him anyway. One time, I think I was seventeen, he got drunk and threw a lamp at me. It barely missed my head and smashed against my wall. He left and I cleaned everything up. Except I missed a piece and stepped on it, cut my foot open. I got blood on my carpet and when my dad saw he beat the shit out of me.” He had finished his story when he noticed that Eddie was crying slightly. “Hey, don’t cry for me, Spaghetti Man. I’m never going back there.”

“I don’t want you to, no one should treat you that way. You’re so nice and caring even though you’re a trashmouth.” Richie wiped one of the tears that had escaped from Eddie’s eyes. This was when Richie knew that he was really fucked. Here was the kid that he was falling for crying over him and telling him that he didn’t want Richie to go back to the hell that he called home a year ago. “So, what are you gonna for Christmas break?” Eddie’s small voice pulled Richie back to reality.

“I don’t know. Probably the same thing I did for Thanksgiving break.” He knew Eddie hated that he just stayed in his dorm alone over break but he really didn’t have any other choice.

“No.” Eddie sat up and looked over at the other two. “Hey, Stan.” Stan stopped making out with Bill for a second to look over at the other two boys. “We can’t let Richie stay here over break and be all alone again.”

“C-c-can we talk ab-bout this later?” Bill’s stutter only seemed to come out when his emotions ran high or he was drunk. It was kind of cute to Richie.

“We can talk about it when you guys are sober, and please take that thing to Bill’s room, it’s fucking gross.” Richie laughed as Bill attacked Stan’s neck.

“Can I stay with you then?”

“Sure thing Eds.” They waved goodbye as Bill pulled Stan out of the room and down the hall to his and Eddie’s room. Richie smiled to himself as he leaned his head back against the wall, Eddie’s head returning to his lap. After a few minutes of the two boys just listening to the music that escaped Richie’s record player, he felt the itch in the back of his throat for a cigarette. He got up and pulled his ratty sneakers and jacket on when he finally heard Eddie whining for him to come back to bed. “How about, you get comfortable and I’ll be back in five minutes.”

“Hurry back.” Eddie sounded half asleep as Richie pulled his door closed behind him. He stepped outside and the freezing air hit his face. It was just barely December and the winds were frigid. He still wasn’t used to the cold that New York offered but he was hoping that he would over the next four years. He lit up his cigarette and felt the warmth in his lungs. He knew he needed to stop smoking but it was the one thing that reminded him of home and didn’t make him sick, he had cut back quite a bit but he knew this was a habit not easily broken.

His mind drifted as he smoked. Normally his mind drifted to his shitty family or whatever music he had been listening to or what he needed to get done for whatever art project he needs to finish, but this time his mind drifted to Eddie. He was so soft and feisty and nothing like Richie had expected when he first met him. Eddie was sweet and really cared about Richie and the rest of his friends. Eddie loved rock and roll but also loved wearing pastel sweaters and overalls. Why did he even talk to Richie? Was it just because Stan was his roommate and Eddie didn’t want to be the third wheel? That was the reason he gave to agreeing to lunch with him that first week. Did he just feel sorry for Richie?

The thoughts left a sour taste in his mouth and a dark cloud over his head. The cigarette he was smoking didn’t get rid of either of those things. He knew that the only way to get rid of them was to actually just ask Eddie. Except Eddie drank a whole six-pack of beer by himself and probably couldn’t answer serious questions at this point. It could probably wait until morning. Richie stomped out the end of his cigarette and went back inside.

When he got back to his room he saw that Eddie had curled up in his bed near the wall. Richie thought it was really cute, although Richie found everything that Eddie did cute. He didn’t want to disturb the cute boy in his bed but he also really wanted to try and get some sleep. Richie tried to think about the last time that he slept through the night and that date escaped him. He changed quickly and climbed into his bed, trying not to wake Eddie as he snored softly next to Richie. Richie made sure to leave plenty of space between them, although he hated the idea.

Richie fell asleep pretty quickly, but that didn’t mean that the nightmares wouldn’t come back. They did. This one was new. It was just him and Eddie. He didn’t know where they were, just that it was the two of them. Eddie seemed taller than normal, almost like Richie was sitting on the ground looking up at him. Richie couldn’t really read Eddie’s face but he could tell that it was bad.

“Wow Richie, you thought I liked you? You thought I could even like you romantically? Don’t make me laugh. I just put up with you because you were so damn pathetic. You were a charity case, you’ve always been a charity case and you always will be.  You think any of us liked you? You don’t have any friends, you don’t have anyone. Your family is half a step away from disowning you. Stan is gonna kick you out any minute now. And when he does, you know Bill and I will leave you too. Why not instead of just burning yourself like a preteen, you just off yourself? You’ve thought about it before. You know no one would miss you. Just kill yourself. It would be so easy for you to do it. Just fucking kill yourself.”

Richie woke up to someone shaking his arm. He freaked out and rolled off the bed. He knew he was shaking and crying, but he couldn’t stop it. Eddie looked down at him and seemed actually concerned, although Richie was too blind to see that without his glasses. He just sat on the floor and pulled his legs in and hugged them. That was until Eddie was pulling his hands away and pushing his legs down. Eddie sat in Richie’s lap and wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck. Richie figured that Eddie was still drunk but the arms around him did make him feel better.

“Shh. It’s okay. You’re okay,” Eddie whispered in Richie’s ear and ran his fingers through Richie’s hair. Richie wrapped his arms around Eddie’s tiny waist and buried his face in the crook of Eddie’s neck. Richie cried and Eddie just kept trying to comfort him, not really knowing what else to do. When Richie was finally able to calm down he pulled his head out from Eddie’s neck and dug the heels of his hands into his eyes and groaned. He hated crying that much, it made his eyes itch. “You okay now?”

“Maybe.” Richie sounded weak and he hated it.

“Can you tell me what just happened?”

“I had a nightmare. It happens all the time.”

“Is that why you don’t sleep?” They all knew about how little he slept at that point.

“Yeah. I’ve had nightmares every night since I was thirteen. They started as regular nightmares, running from something, falling, normal stuff. But starting my junior year they got worse, more personal almost. I have a thing against clowns and there’s one that shows up all the time. Tonight’s was terrible. It was the worst I think I’ve ever had.” He didn’t want to tell Eddie what it was about, but he knew he would have to so that Eddie would stop staring at him with those gorgeous eyes like that. “It was just you and I, and I don’t know where we were or what the conversation was beforehand but you were just going off on me. You were telling me that no one liked me and that no one would miss me if I died so I might as well just kill myself. It was fucked up Eddie.”

“Richie, look. I would never say that to you. I don’t think I could live without you at this point, I don’t think any of us could. You were the missing piece to our little group of Losers, half of whom you haven’t even met yet. But just know that my life would be completely terrible without you. You’re not allowed to die, not on my watch.” Richie was just so overwhelmed with emotions that his body took over and connected his lips with Eddie’s. When his brain kicked in he pulled back and tried to backpedal and save his friendship with Eddie.

“Oh fuck. Shit. I am so sorry. It’s just that no one has ever said anything that nice to me and I don’t want to ruin what we have but-”

“Richie. Shut the fuck up and kiss me again.” Richie obeyed and immediately kissed Eddie again, placing his hands on either side of Eddie’s neck, pulling him closer. Eddie was so soft and still tasted like the cherry Chapstick that he always wore. Richie wanted to go further but he didn’t want to push Eddie’s comfort zone. Either way, Richie was in heaven.

Eddie’s head was spinning, and it wasn’t because of the beer. Eddie had been dreaming about this moment for most of the semester. He had always wondered what Richie tasted like, turns out it was cigarettes and the gummy bears he was eating earlier. He had been dreaming about how Richie’s lips would feel against his, they were rough but not in a bad or gross way. He had dreamed about every detail of their first kiss. It was a little messy and they clanked teeth a couple times but as soon as they found their rhythm it was the best experience of his life. He had wondered what kind of lover Richie would be and he was really hoping that he would be able to figure that out completely. They separated for air and stared into each other’s eyes.

“What just happened?” Richie asked, chuckling a little bit.

“Something that I have wanted to happen for a really long time. Like longer than I would like to admit.”

“Same. And I would love to do it again but,” Eddie’s face suddenly dropped, “I’m actually really tired and want to try to get some sleep before another nightmare happens.”

“Oh, okay good. I was really afraid of what you were gonna say,” The two got back into bed and Eddie pulled one of Richie’s arms around him. Richie smirked and buried his nose in the waves on the top of Eddie’s head. “Hey Rich, I meant what I said. My life would be awful without you.”

“I feel the same Eds.” They fell asleep quickly after that. Eddie felt safe with Richie wrapped around him and Richie felt like nothing dark could touch him while he was holding onto such light.

Richie kept expecting another nightmare to wake him up. But it was the buzzing of his phone on his nightstand that woke Richie up. He blinked to get his eyes to adjust to the sunlight that was leaking into his window. He grabbed his glasses and threw them on his face, not really fixing them properly. He finally got his phone and answered it without really looking at who it was. “Richie talking.”

“Did you just wake up?”

“Yeah. Why what time is it?”

“It’s almost eleven Richie.” Richie hadn’t slept into eleven in almost four years, his nightmares never let him sleep that long. “Anyways, Bill and I are going to go to lunch and wanted to know if you and Eddie want to come with.” 

“Um, I’ll wake him up and ask. Go with the answer is yes unless I send you a text telling you that we aren’t.”

“Sounds good to me. Have fun waking Eddie up.” Stan hung up without really explaining what he meant by that. Richie tried pushing on Eddie to wake him up but Eddie just moaned and rolled onto his back.

“Eddie. You gotta wake up.” Nothing. “If you want food you gotta get up.” Still nothing. “Damn kid you sleep like the fucking dead.” Then it hit him, a way to at least try and get Eddie to wake up. He leaned over and kissed Eddie, when he started kissing back he knew that either Eddie was awake or he somehow learned to kiss in his sleep. “Good morning,” Richie said as he pulled away, seeing Eddie’s eyes open so that he could glare at Richie for pulling away.

“Good morning. That was a nice wake-up, by the way, you should wake me up like that more often.”

“Well, you sleep like the dead.”

“That only happens when I drink. So why did you wake me up?”

“Stan called. He wanted to know if we wanted to join him and Bill for lunch. I said yes so I had to wake you up.”

“Oh, okay that’s a good reason. Can I borrow a shirt since Bill spilled beer on my sweater?” Richie remembered that he laughed at the time but knew that Eddie had already been worried about getting caught so he didn’t want to wear a beer-soaked sweater out.

“Yeah. Feel free to dig around my closet, I’m going to take a really quick shower.”

“Can I pick out your outfit?”

“I guess,” Richie yelled as he closed the bathroom door behind him. As he showered he tried to come to terms with the events of last night. He had a terrible nightmare, kissed Eddie, cuddled with Eddie, and then didn’t have another nightmare. The second nightmare being missing seemed like the weirdest part of last night. He smiled to himself, he kissed Eddie, and Eddie didn’t push him away. He couldn’t contain himself, he rushed through his shower so that he could get back to the cute boy in his room.

When he got back out to where the living and sleeping side of his room was he could have cried at how cute Eddie looked. He was in the black jeans that he wore last night and the Metallica sweatshirt that Richie found at a thrift shop a few years back, it was about two sizes too big on Eddie since it was a size too big for Richie.

“You like it?” Richie nodded his head because he really didn’t trust his voice. “So, I know this is really cheesy, but we kind of have matching outfits but instead of Metallica you have an Anthrax tee and the denim jacket that I really love.”

“The one you steal like every time that I wear it?”

“Yeah, that one. Now get dressed, I’m starving.” He turned to where their phones were. “I’m gonna text Stan and tell him that we’ll be ready in ten minutes and then I’m gonna go pee.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Richie threw on his clothes while Eddie went to the bathroom. Richie couldn’t stop smiling, Eddie picked out his outfit and wanted them to match. He looked at himself in the mirror when he got done getting dressed, Eddie did well.

Had he seen the scars on Richie’s legs? They were visible, but hopefully, Eddie was too distracted by Richie being shirtless to notice. Eddie did get tunnel vision when he focused on something. He was pretty sure he saw Eddie mostly focusing on the tattoo on Richie’s shoulder but he couldn’t really trust himself either.

“Hey, Richie.” He turned around to look at Eddie, who had a worried look in his eyes. “What are we? Are we like, in a relationship? Are we something like friends with benefits? Was that a onetime thing?”

“I mean, I would like to be in an actual relationship but if you don’t want that then we can be whatever you want to be.”

“I want to actually be with you.” They smiled at each other and Richie leaned down to kiss the smaller boy.

“Well this is an interesting turn of events,” the third voice tore the two apart.

“Goddammit Stan, can you not just barge in here?” There was no real spite in Richie's voice.

“I live here Richie. I just stopped by to change my shirt.” Stan quickly changed out of the tee that we wore last night into one of his signature button ups with a sweater on top. “Are you two ready to go?”

“Yeah let’s go.” Eddie grabbed Richie’s hand as he pulled the other boy out the door and down the hall. Richie could hear Stan and Bill snickering behind them.

“Slow down there, speed demon.”

“Sorry, I just don’t want them to make fun of me.”

“Why would they make fun of you?”

“Long story. Maybe I’ll tell you one day.” Bill and Stan caught up to them and they walked to the diner that they always ate at. Richie thought it was funny that he met Eddie in that diner and now it’s the first place they went as a real couple. They all ordered their usuals and started joking around until Bill asked an interesting question.

“So how long have you two been a thing?”

“Since about three this morning,” Eddie joked.

“You guys are cute. Gross, but cute,” Stan deadpanned.

“Oh, like you can talk. You and Billiam attack each other all the time.”

“Beep Beep Richie,” Eddie said through a laugh as Stan and Bill both turned red. They knew that they got like sometimes but they thought they kept it from being too frequent. Stan’s phone started ringing.

“Oh, shit I gotta take this. Be right back.” He answered his phone with a “hey Mom”.

“His mom is calling him?” Eddie asked. Bill just shrugged his shoulders. The food showed up soon after Stan left. When he got back to the booth he flopped down with a smile on his face.

“Sorry, she was trying to finalize some last-minute details before I got home for winter break. We’re having someone stay in our guest room and she wanted to make sure everything was good on my end.”

“Who are you having stay over?” Eddie asked as he took a drink of his water.

“Richie.” Eddie choked on his water.

“What?” Richie said, shock all over his face.

“Yeah, you’re gonna stay in our guest room for break so you don’t have to spend a month alone in our dorm room. You’ll go insane if you do.” Richie was speechless. Stan was opening his home to him, no one has ever done that.

“Why?”

“Well I don’t want you to spend the whole month here and I know you’re not going back to California. Plus, it might be nice having someone else in the house for once. And you get to meet the rest of the Losers.”

“Stan, I could kiss you right now.”

“Hey, that’s my job,” Bill complained.

“I was only joking. Why would I kiss Stan when I could just kiss this cutie instead?” He placed a kiss on Eddie’s cheek. Eddie blushed but pretended to hate it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow look they got together. Fun fact, the beginning of this chapter was one of the first ones that I wrote because I don't write in order.   
> So, if you're thinking the rest of this is going to be a sweet domestic bliss kinda fic, I got some bad news for you. There are a few chapters before that, but just remember that something's gonna go down, eventually.


	6. The one about fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this took me like two weeks to post, I got really busy with school and shit.

The heat was excruciating. The fire blazed as the crowd gathered around the fiasco. Richie pounded on the door as he yelled for Stan. He could hear the boy on the other side, crying, begging Richie to help him. He just kept coughing, Richie knew that the smoke was getting to him.

There was a loud thud on the other side. “Stan?” Silence. “Stan buddy you got to talk to me.” Silence. “GODDAMMIT STAN ANSWER ME!” Richie slid down the door in defeat as there was still silence. Stan was dead or dying. There was nothing Richie could do about it. The fire continued to roar. It would take him soon. Was he ready for death?

Richie woke up, a few tears escaping his eyes. He wiped them away and stared at the ceiling, trying to hear Stan’s small snores. He always did that when Stan was part of his nightmare, he just wanted to know that Stan was alive. When he heard Stan murmur in his sleep Richie sighed, relieved that he was still alive.

Richie looked at the time on his phone and saw that it read a little after four. Richie knew that he wasn’t going to be sleeping anymore so he decided to do what he always did on nights like this, he went to his art studio. He changed and grabbed his shoes, jacket, keys, and smokes before sneaking out of the door. He didn’t think he would wake Stan up if he got completely ready in the room, but he didn’t want to test it.

As he walked out of the dorm building he lit up his cigarette. Suddenly he remembered the heat of his dream and put it out. Maybe it was time he quit smoking. He walked across campus to the studio and swiped himself in. Most people could get in at any time but once inside they needed a key to get into the art rooms since all the art students had their own room.

Richie’s was blue with wide windows. He asked for one with windows so that he could people watch and he had had too many dreams that involved confined spaces. He had a stereo sitting in the corner with a huge stack of CDs. He put in a Queen album and set up his easel and a fresh canvas.

Richie had been painting for over three hours when he heard a knock at the door. He grabbed a rag and wiped off his hands so he wouldn’t get more paint on the doorknob. On the other side, he saw his roommate, holding a white paper bag and coffee. “Figured I’d find you here. I brought you breakfast.” He handed the bag over to Richie but kept the coffee for himself. Richie didn’t drink coffee.

“Did I wake you up when I left earlier?”

“No. I woke up a little bit ago and figured you might want some company.” Richie hugged Stan, it made his nightmare hurt more since he knew that Stan cared so much. “Why are you hugging me?”

“You were in my nightmare,” Richie answered after he let go of Stan.

“Does it have something to do with that?” Stan gestured to the painting. Richie had painted a house fire. He wanted it to look like the fire was destroying the house. It wasn’t a home anymore. Richie wanted that message to get across. He had just realized that he was painting the house he once called home.

“Kinda. Thanks for the donuts man. I appreciate it. You didn’t poison them, did you?”

“Not both of them, only one. Avoid the poison one and you can win a prize.”

“What a morbid fucking game show.”

“That’s the best kind. You got any more of that to finish or are you done for the day?”

“I got a couple small details to finish. You can stick around if you want.”

“Thanks.” Stan sat over by the stereo and began texting someone, Richie figured it was Bill. He worked so diligently on his writing but Bill was also an amazing artist, so much so that Richie was surprised that Bill wasn’t an art major as well. Stan had some of Bill’s sketches of birds hanging in their room and Richie was honestly amazed by Bill’s talent. It wasn’t as lifelike as some of Richie’s work, but it was still amazing.

“Hey, can you take a look at this and see what you think. I want to see if you can figure out the message behind it.” Stan pocketed his phone and walked over to the easel. Richie had added more to the tree in the front yard and added the warped deck while Stan was in there. He didn’t feel as empty about painting his childhood home with Stan in there.

“Well, it’s a house on fire. The fire is destroying the house. It’s destroying the place that some family calls home. Are those beer bottles and cans in the front yard?”

“Wine bottles, but you were right with beer cans.”

“Is that top window cracked?”

“Yeah, cracked it with a baseball. Dad freaked out and threatened to crack a head open.”

“Is this your house?”

“It was. It’s on fire because I’m trying to get rid of my past.”

“That’s really dark Richie.”

“It’s why I won’t go back.” He hadn’t been lying when he told everyone that he was never going back to his parents’ house. “You get it right? It’s not like too vague or anything?”

“No. I get it. I think other people will too.”

“Hah, no one else is going to see this.”

“Well, what are you using for your final art project?”

“Oh, fuck me.” Richie just realized he had nothing for his final, and it had to be done by Tuesday. He had to have something to present to the panel or he couldn’t stay in the art program.

“You don’t have anything do you?”

“No. I’m royally fucked.”

“What all do you need to have for that?”

“I need one piece in my main form, one piece in my least favorite form, and three sketches of different subject matters and one has to be a portrait.”

“Well, why don’t you use this for one part of it?”

“Do you think it’s good enough?”

“I think it’s real, it’s not some pretentious bullshit.”

“Okay that’s one part done, but my least favorite is going to take some time. I get to figure out a sculpture.” Richie hated sculpture, he mostly hated making them. There were so many steps that he had to do to make sure that it didn’t fall apart.

“You’ll figure it out. But for the moment, maybe try to get some sleep? You look a little bit like death.”

“You don’t need to roast me all the time Stan.” Richie chuckled as he closed and locked the door behind the two of them.

“Oh also, you might want to check in with Eddie. He was a little freaked out that you were just gone this morning. I guess he stopped by to see if you wanted to get breakfast like twenty minutes ago and freaked when no one answered. Bill was telling me about it. He was pacing which is when you know that Eddie is really stressed about something.” Richie thought it was cute that Eddie was concerned about him.

“I’ll stop by when we get back to the dorm.” They walked in a comfortable silence. Richie normally hated silence but he didn’t mind it with his friends, not as much at least. Stan, Bill, and Eddie made him feel like he didn’t need to fill every second with noise.

“You gonna stop for a smoke first?”

“No.”

“Nightmare?”

“Nightmare.” Stan nodded his head as he swiped them into the building. “I’ll catch you later Stan the Man.” Richie saluted as he walked past their room and continued down the hall. When he got to Eddie and Bill’s room he knocked lightly on the door. He knew that it was still pretty early and that noise went through the walls easily in the dorm. Richie would know, he has heard the dude in the next room have sex more times than he would like to. The door opened to reveal Eddie, who had a worried look on his face until he saw Richie’s grinning face.

“Hey, Rich.”

“Hey, Eds.” Eddie rolled his eyes at the nickname. “Can I come in?”

“Sure. Bill’s not here so you’re all good.” It had seemed weird but Richie remembered that Bill had told them he picked up an extra shift at the writing center. Richie kicked off his shoes and flopped down on Eddie’s bed. Eddie sat down as well and Richie moved so that his head was on Eddie’s lap. Eddie started running his hand through Richie’s hair, it was something that calmed both of them down.

“I heard you were freaking out that I was gone this morning.”

“A little bit.”

“I heard there was pacing.”

“Okay, I was really freaking out. My anxiety got the better of me for a little bit. I thought you regretted being with me. I thought you were regretting agreeing to come spend winter break with us. Part of me thought you just ran because all of this was getting too much for you. I was just worried.”

“No, I had a nightmare and went to the studio and painted. You know I do that a lot.”

“Yeah, I know, I just freaked. What was your nightmare about?”

“Stan dying in a fire.” Eddie nodded his head. Some might think that Eddie would be jealous that Stan was in Richie’s dream but Eddie knew that Stan was Richie’s best friend and that he really had nothing to worry about. He knew that nothing was going to happen between them. “It was traumatizing, did inspire a good painting for my final so it wasn’t all bad.”

“It’s still a nightmare. I wish you didn’t have those, you don’t deserve that kind of torture.”

“They inspire some of my best art.”

“They’re still awful.”

“I didn’t have one when I was cuddling with you.”

“Would you normally have another one?”

“Yeah. Every time I fall asleep. The first day here, I slept for half an hour and had a nightmare that brought me to tears. Great fucking first impression. I’m pretty sure Stan thought I was insane. What grown ass person cries at a nightmare?”

“Well, your nightmares don’t seem like normal nightmares. People in your life show up and horrible things happen. I mean you said I told you to kill yourself in your dream the other night, that’s insane.”

“Hey, I know you’d never actually say things like that to me, okay. My nightmares are just really fucked up.”

“They just worry me is all.”

“I know they do. Come here.” Eddie leaned down and kissed Richie on the forehead before Richie pulled Eddie’s lips to his. Richie smiled into the kiss. He decided that kissing Eddie was his favorite pastime. Eddie was the one that broke the kiss first.

“So, did you come over here just to check in or was there some other reason?” Richie thought about it for a second. True, he had really only stopped by because Stan had told him that Eddie was freaking out, but he could’ve explained what had happened standing in the doorway. He also could have just sent Eddie a text telling him that everything was okay. Why did he come over and immediately lay down in Eddie’s bed?

“Well, Stan told me to get some sleep and I guess I feel like the only time I’ve slept well was when I was with you.” Richie knew that he didn’t have to explain all of it to Eddie.

“You came over here to take a nap?”

“It seems bad if I say yeah.”

“It’s not. I have to read for my English project but I can do that and cuddle.” Eddie moved Richie and grabbed the book from his bedside table before laying down all the way. Richie wrapped his arms around Eddie and laid with his head on Eddie’s stomach.

“You all good?” Eddie sat his book upon Richie’s head.

“Yeah, you make a great book stand. Plus, your head is mostly full of hot air so it’s not that heavy.” Richie smacked Eddie’s thigh but chuckled anyway. Richie knew that Eddie was joking, Eddie had reassured Richie multiple times that he wasn’t just another dumb art major who wouldn’t make it in the real world. Richie had been living in the real world for his entire life.

Richie fell asleep to the rhythmic breathing of the small boy underneath him. He didn’t really dream, he only saw flashes of images, none of them that unpleasant or disturbing. He saw pale hands holding a dark rose, a raven sitting on a tree branch, and a boy sitting under a tree reading a book. He woke up feeling refreshed for once.

“How long was I out?”

“Long enough for me to finish my book.” Richie had finally woken up enough to realize that Eddie was running his fingers through Richie’s curls again. “So, like three hours.”

“Damn that’s a long ass nap.” Richie sat up and stretched. “What time is it?”

“It’s almost noon. You wanna get something for lunch and then study? We do have finals tomorrow.”

“Food sounds good but the only thing I have to work on is my art final so unless you wanna spend all day in the studio with me, you might want to find someone else to study with.”

“Don’t you have actual final exams to take?”

“I have one on Wednesday, but it’s chemistry so I’m not too worried about it.” Richie had taken chemistry his senior year of high school and this class was almost exactly the same.  He was pretty confident when it came to chemistry, he had gotten an A on all the exams so far and this was a comprehensive exam so he would be fine. At most he would go over his notes after his panel on Tuesday.

“Lucky, I still have two papers to write and three exams next week. But spending all day in the studio doesn’t seem that bad. At least it would be a change of scenery.”

“Okay so pack your stuff and we can go pick something up and take it to the studio. I eat in there all the time.”

“What all do you need to get done for your final?” Eddie asked as he started packing his book bag with all of his notebooks as well as his laptop and chargers.

“I need to make a sculpture which I have no clue of what to do for, and I have to do three sketches which I might know what to do.” Richie thought that maybe his dream type thing was his brain coming up with sketches. Although he knew that they all had to have a theme so he didn’t really know what to do with that to tie them all together.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

“So, you have to have a theme?” Eddie asked as he took a bite of his rice. They had stopped and gotten Chinese food before getting to the studio.

“Yeah the thought is that it should seem like a collection. Like it would all fit in the same exhibit. And I have to figure out mine and the only thing I have is the house fire painting.”

“Well what do you have planned for the sketches so far?”

“Pale hands holding a black rose and a raven on a tree branch.”

“Those all seem like death.”

“Eds, you’re a genius.” Why hadn’t Richie thought about that? All of these things were of death. His portrait could be a person turning into a skull. “Hey so this is gonna be a strange request, but you know how one of my sketches has to be a portrait?” Eddie nodded. “Do you care if I use you?”

“No. Does that mean you’d have to stare at my face for a long time to know my features and shit?” Richie turned red and really hoped that Eddie didn’t notice. He did. Richie didn’t really need Eddie to be there when he drew him because it wouldn’t be the first time that he did so. He had filled a good chunk of a sketchbook with Eddie.

“Only because part of you will be bone.” Richie didn’t want to mess up Eddie’s perfect bone structure, also the panel would tear him to shreds if he did.

“So, what are you going to start with?”

“The sculpture is going to take the most time and I’m not sure what to do for that.”

“Well do you have a nightmare character that kills you all the time?” Richie knew what to do. It always killed him when it showed up in his dreams. Richie knew that the color must have dropped from his face. “Hey are you okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. There’s this clown that always kills me with his death lights as I call them. He opens his mouth and there are these lights inside and I die if I look at them too long. I guess I could sculpt him. I’ll really need you in here for that. He scares the shit out of me.”

“Yeah no problem.”

“Thanks babe.”

“Oh, I get a new nickname now that we’re dating?”

“Of course.” Richie shrugged as he left the room to go get the clay he needed to make It. The thing that haunted him.


	7. The one about meeting the family

Eddie had been giving Richie a little bit of a rundown on his friend group during the drive. Richie hadn’t minded waiting for Eddie to be done on Thursday so they could ride together. Stan and Bill had been done on Wednesday so they were already home.

“Okay, so we have Beverly Marsh. She’s an art and fashion double major and goes to a school in Chicago so we only get to see her on breaks because she stays with Ben. Anyways, Bev is probably going to be the person that you get along with the most and you guys will 100% have smoke breaks together. So, Bev is dating, well kind of engaged to, Ben and they’ve been together since we were freshmen in high school which is why we get to see her on breaks. Ben Hanscom is an architecture and history double major and goes to a school in Maine. He’s really sweet and really into poetry. Like he used to write Bev poems all the time. And then there’s good ol’ Mike Hanlon. He used to work on a farm and only joined us in school for high school although we had all been friends before that. He doesn’t go to school but he works at the library so he reads all the time. He’s the most loyal person you will ever meet like he threatened to throw the old bully down a well when Mike got really beefed up all of a sudden. Puberty was so kind to him. Well, puberty and football.”

“Okay, I think I have a vague idea of everyone. What have you told them about me?”

“Well, I told them that you have a trash mouth. I told them that you’re an art major and that you’re originally from California. I told them that we’re dating. I didn’t tell them about your nightmares or home life because that seems like none of their business. I don’t know what Stan and Bill told them about you. Also, did you ever actually meet Georgie? Bill’s brother.”

“No, I wasn’t allowed to join the party because Bill was concerned that I would corrupt his brother, although I’m pretty sure Stan and the internet have already done that.”

“Oh right, Georgie is so sweet and we all love him. He’s slowly turning into a walking meme but he also still loves to make Christmas cookies for us before we go to Bill’s for a sleepover on the day after Christmas. This will be our sixth year doing it.”

“Sounds fun. Am I going to meet these dudes before then?”

“Yeah, we’re all going out for dinner tomorrow when everyone is back in town. You’re coming.”

“So not an invitation, just an order?”

“Yes.” Eddie looked so pleased with himself as he drove. Richie used to have an old pick up but he sold it to help pay for school. Eddie’s car was small and very clean. “Oh, you never told me how your panel went.”

“It went really well actually. I passed and one of the judges was blown away by the painting and the sketches, not so much the sculpture but I knew that one wasn’t the best.”

“Hey, I thought it was great.”

“You helped make it. Anyways she’s apparently from some small art gallery a town over or something and she bought the painting to hang up. I got two hundred for her to get it and then I get half of however much she sells it for. She bought the sketches to give as gifts to her niece or sister or something, I got three hundred for those.” Richie was acting like it was no big deal but he was actually so excited that he sold some of his art, especially to someone of such a high caliber.

“Richie that’s amazing! I’m so proud of you. I know how hard you worked on all of that stuff even though you put it off to last minute.”

“I forgot about it, okay. I was too busy flirting with a cute boy.” Richie leaned over and kissed Eddie on the cheek. Eddie went to smack him but Richie caught his hand. Richie laced their fingers together, loving how small Eddie’s hands were compared to his.

“You know I’m supposed to use two hands to drive right?”

“You seem to be doing just fine with one. And you aren’t trying to pull it away.”

“Because I like holding your hand too much.”

“Well Spaghetti Man, you can hold my hand whenever you want.” Richie pulled Eddie’s hand up and gently kissed it. After a moment of silence, he let go of Eddie’s hand and leaned into the back seat to get a pen out of his bag. He hunted for the one that he knew washed off easily so that Eddie’s mom didn’t freak out. When he found it, he sat back down and pulled Eddie’s arm towards him.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“Shh. Pay attention to driving.” Richie pushed the sleeve of Eddie’s sweater up so that his whole forearm was exposed. Richie knew what he wanted to draw on his cute boyfriend. The petals were so delicate and soft but the thorns were sharp and would stab a bitch, like Eddie.

“Why are you drawing a rose on my arm?”

“Because it reminds me of you.” Richie was still focusing on the details in the leaves.

“How does a rose remind you of me?”

“It’s so delicate and pretty but can also cut you if you aren’t careful. You’re adorable and feisty and would definitely cut someone if you wanted to.”

“That’s really sweet Richie.”

“I can be sweet, probably.”

“Probably?”

“Remember how I didn’t have friends? That means I didn’t date anyone either.”

“If it makes you feel better, I haven’t dated anyone. Being a partially closeted gay in a small town makes it kind of rough to find someone to date.”

“How did you know you were gay?” Richie was finished with his drawing and began playing with Eddie’s fingers. He wanted to hold his hand but he had to wait for the ink to dry completely.

“I guess I just always knew. I was never really into girls, I thought guys were really cute. And like when I would think about the future, I would always think about my husband and not my wife.” There was silence for a minute while Eddie thought to himself. “How did you know you were bi? Since we’re talking about this now.”

“When I was in middle school, I had a friend who was a guy. I thought he was the best thing ever, he was funny and kind and so smart, like you and Stan level smart. We were fucking around in his backyard one day and we were talking about how neither of us had kissed anyone yet. He kind of jokingly said that we should kiss each other, to you know, get it out of the way. I said, let’s do it. He looked a little shocked but he kissed me, and it felt right. But I was still into girls so it was really confusing for a little bit. But then I also realized, that I didn’t really care about gender, all people are terrible.”

“What happened to your friend?” 

“His mom saw us kiss in the backyard and told him that he wasn’t allowed to see me anymore. We still tried to be friends at school but, he became a football player and I became an artist. We just grew apart.” The memories made Richie sad, he liked that kid. He had been cool. But maybe it was a good thing that he had stopped talking to Richie. If he hadn’t it may have made it harder for Richie to leave California and then he never would have met Eddie, Stan, and Bill.

“I’m sorry, that sucks.”

“Shit happens my boy.”

“Oh hey, we’re here.” They had arrived at where Richie would become whole or leave a broken man.

~~~~~~~~~~

Richie was terrified, he had already smoked two cigarettes while they waited for everyone else to show up to the diner. Richie didn’t know how this group always seemed to meet at diners, but it seemed like a tradition for what was dubbed the Losers Club. He was outside smoking his third one when a girl with bright, red hair and a silver ring shining on the side of her nose walked up to him. She looked to be the same age as Richie, and she walked with such confidence. She stopped in front of Richie.

“Do you think I could bum a cig off of you? I don’t have anymore and my boyfriend keeps nagging me about getting another pack. Something about needing to quit.” Richie handed her one and helped her light it. Her voice was really smooth. Maybe Richie would be into her if he wasn’t with Eddie, although she seemed more like someone he would hang out with and smoke with all the time. “I’m Beverly, by the way.”

“Richie,” he was still so nervous that her name didn’t connect in his head. That was until she wrapped her arms around him and squealed a little bit.

“I’m so excited to finally meet you! Eddie and Stan have told us so much about you, Eddie tells us all the normal things and Stan mostly just roasts you and tells us about the dumb things you do and say.”

“That sounds about right for Stanny.” She pulled away from him so that she could actually look at him and smoke. “And sorry, I’m just freaking out so your name didn’t click in my head.”

“What the hell are you nervous about?”

“I’m meeting the Losers Club. You guys are the closest thing to a real family to Eddie and I don’t want to make a bad impression.”

“Well you make Eddie really happy so I don’t think you have too much to worry about. Also, Stan does say nice things about you so he really likes you. Although with no physical description, you look nothing like I expected you to.”

“How were you picturing me?”

“More of a hipster art student than a homeless one. You look like you’ve slept on the streets for a few days and that you steal from gas stations and thrift stores.” She smirked, which Richie was really hoping meant she was kidding.

“Well, last night I ‘slept’ at Stan’s place so that was interesting. And I don’t steal from thrift stores, anymore.” Richie air quoted slept as he really hadn’t gotten any sleep at all. His nightmares are always so much worse when he’s nervous about something. Really, he stayed up all night and drew the tree outside of Stan’s house in great detail and worked on some other sketches.

He hated it admit it, but he used to steal from gas stations and thrift stores all the time. It would only ever be small things or things that were about to be thrown out. A lot of the shop owners started to recognize him and would save him food that was a day outdated or clothes that had huge holes in them. Richie knew how to patch holes so those kinds of things didn’t bother him. He hadn’t done that since he was freshmen in high school and got a job.

“Oh yeah, I forgot you were staying with Stan. I kinda thought you would stay with Eddie. Oh wait, Sonia is insane.”

“I have yet to meet this crazy lady but I have heard so much about her.” Richie stomped out his smoke and shoved his hands in his pockets, he still wasn’t used to the cold, and Maine felt worse than New York did.

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll meet her at some point. You’re gonna need somewhere to go around Hanukkah unless you plan on celebrating with Stan’s family. They all come over the last day and have some sort of dinner or something, Stan’s not good with details.”

“Yeah, I got that. I’m not staying though, I don’t think they want a self-proclaimed orphan crashing the party. I’ll figure it out though. Thanks for the heads-up Bev.”

“Already using the nickname, are we?”

“Well it was either that or Molly Ringwald, take ya pick milady.” Richie ended the sentence with a fake British accent and a ridiculous bow. Beverly laughed both at the comparison to an 80s movie star and the ridiculous nature that was Richie. She stomped out the last bit of the cigarette and slowly blew the smoke out of her nose.

“I just have to tell you, if you break Eddie’s heart, I will murder you and no one will be able to find your body. There are spots in Derry that never get checked and the Losers know where all of them are.” Her tone was so serious that Richie was actually terrified of the short redhead. He knew she wasn’t joking.

“I don’t plan on breaking Eddie’s heart, like at all.”

“Great! Come on let’s get inside, I’m freezing.” And just as soon as she was a woman who had no sympathy for murdering someone she was back to the happy kid that Richie had met. He followed her inside the diner and pointed to where the other three were.

“Bev!” Eddie was so excited to see her that he jumped up and gave her a hug. “Glad to see you were able to drag Richie in with you.”

“Yeah, we thought he froze out there,” Stan deadpanned.

“Nope. Sorry Stan, you still can’t move Bill into our room.” Stan snapped his fingers in a defeated manner. Bev, Richie, and Eddie all slid into the circular booth, with Richie in between Stan and Eddie. Richie slung his arm over the back of the booth and subsequently over Eddie’s shoulders. Eddie nestled into Richie’s side and Richie already felt a little warmer.

“So, how’s Chicago?” Bill asked.

“It’s good. Although I miss all of you like crazy. You know what I miss the most about actual Derry though? The quarry. Isn’t that a strange thing to miss?”

“No, I miss going there too. We need to go back once it’s not subarctic weather anymore.” Eddie seemed so excited about making future plans with his friends that it made Richie wonder, would he be that excited to make future plans with Richie? It seemed like a valid question. Richie planned on being a part of Eddie’s future, but does Eddie plan on Richie being a part of his future? Is this a short-term thing for Eddie? Eddie didn’t seem like the person to not be in something for the long run, but people can be deceiving. “Richie.”

“Huh?”

“I asked you a question.” Eddie wasn’t exactly angry, more mildly annoyed that his boyfriend wasn’t listening.

“I’m so sorry, I zoned out. What did you ask?”

“I asked what your plans for summer were.”

“Oh, I have no idea. I’ll either find a job and apartment in New York or bum at Stan’s again.”

“That’s only if I haven’t killed you before then.”

“Will you make it look like an accident or a crime of passion?” Richie winked at Stan, Eddie elbowed him in the ribs, playfully.

“Haven’t decided yet.”

“Damn Stan, he keeps up with your sass better than any of us do,” a blonde kid said from behind Beverly. He was a built kid although his face was too sweet to be intimidating.

“It’s like this all the time,” Bill said avoiding eye contact with his boyfriend. The kid chuckled and sat down next to Beverly, placing a small kiss on her cheek. Richie figured that this had to be Ben.

“I’m gonna guess this is Richie?” The kid asked the table, although it seemed directed at Eddie. Richie answered.

“You would be correct there, Benny Boy.”

“Benny Boy?” He asked.

“Just go with it, Ben. We all have nicknames. I’m Billiam or Big Bill.”

“Stan the Man, Stanny, or if he’s being clever he calls me Stanley.”

“Eds or Eddie Spaghetti, I hate both of them but gave up trying to get him to stop.”

“You don't hate them.”

“I’ve gotten Bev and Molly Ringwald and I’ve only known him for ten minutes.”

“Oh, I got you beat, I got Stan the Man in the first ten seconds we knew each other.”

“I’m a close second, I got Eds in under five minutes.”

“Oh, trash the trashmouth why don’t we.”

“You make it so easy.”

“You’re so loving to your poor roommate Stan,” a tall dark stranger said as he sat down at the booth. _So, this is Mike, glad to have met the last of the Losers._ They all talked for hours until the diner closed and kicked them out. Richie liked them. All of them. They had just accepted Richie into the group like it was nothing. Half of them knew nothing about Richie and they didn’t care. They were just enjoying each other’s company and reconnecting. Was this what it was like having friends? Richie could get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, look the rest of the Losers showed up yay! Now they're never gonna leave. 
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone that has commented and left kudos on here! I love the feedback and it kinda drives me to keep updating this. 
> 
> Also, I don't think I've done any self-promotion (Sorry if that's wrong) but you should check out my tumblr. It's exactly the same as it is on here (margotcelvin). I mostly just reblog other peoples' fan art and fics. It's like a wonderful place to find all the gay ships I have.


	8. The one about realizing you're in love

They were all a few years younger, maybe 13. They were in a sewer; all of the Losers except Bev were there. Bill was helping Mike into the tunnel when they heard Eddie say “Where’s Stan?” They all started screaming for Stan. Where could he have gone? They ran down multiple tunnels until they got to an open area. Inside there was a woman in all black leaning over Stan, her creepy, extended mouth around his face. Richie knew that it was It. Had to be. Richie was expecting her to leave and Stan would be missing his face. She disappeared and Stan still had his face, although he had puncture marks and blood running down both sides.   
He sat up in a panic, screaming at the rest of the Losers, “You brought me down here! You left me! You’re not my friends! You don’t care about me at all!” over and over again. Bill and Richie tried to tell him that they didn’t leave him, that he just disappeared, that they all cared about him. But Stan wouldn’t listen, he just kept pushing them away, crying.   
Richie matched Stan, waking up in a panic. He was breathing hard but couldn’t catch his breath. He tried to get the look of pure horror and heartbreak in Stan’s eyes out of his mind. He had never seen his gold eyes so dark. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to relax until he knew that Stan was okay. He got out of bed and crept down the hall as quietly as he could. He opened Stan’s door and took a few steps inside, only to see an empty bed. Richie saw Stan’s phone on his bedside table so he wouldn’t be at Bill’s. “Stan?” Richie tried not to be too loud but he was falling more into a panic. “Stan.” Not getting a response was not helping. His heart was beating so hard that he didn’t hear the toilet flush in the bathroom across the hall. “Stan.”   
“Dude be quiet, you’re gonna wake my parents. What are you even doing in here?” Richie was so relieved to see Stan was okay that he attacked him with a hug before he started spouting his nightmare between sobs.   
“She had your face in her mouth, Stan. I thought you were a goner. But she went away and you were okay. But then you started screaming that we abandoned you and that we weren’t your friends but we didn’t abandon you, you just disappeared. It took you and we couldn’t do anything about.”   
“Hey. Look at me. I know you would never abandon me. I know you’re my friend and you really can’t get rid of me at this point. I’m stuck with you and you’re stuck with me.” Richie laughed a little but still couldn’t really catch his breath for a minute. Once he could finally take a whole breath Stan asked, “You okay?”   
“I think so. I just freaked out because you weren’t in here but your phone was. It was like you disappeared, like in my nightmare.”  
“You wanna go back to bed or stay in here for a little bit?”   
“Can I stay in here for a bit?”   
“Of course.” Richie thought it was funny how caring Stan could be when he needed to be. Stan was the master of roasting people but was also one of the nicest people that you could ever meet if you were his friend. He cared so much about them, even if he liked to pretend he didn’t. After about twenty minutes of silence Richie had calmed down completely and something that had been bothering him stumbled out of his mouth before he could stop it.  
“Do your parents hate Bill or something? They were ripping into him pretty hard at dinner.” Richie had offhandedly mentioned something funny that Bill had done earlier that day, which only sent Stan’s father into a rant about Bill.   
“Well, Bill used to be, for lack of a better term, a fuckboy when we were younger.”   
“Big Bill, a fuckboy? Somehow I can’t see that.”   
“He was. He dressed like a fuckboy and he acted like one too. He would get a girl, show her off, make out with her in very public places, and then dump her. He would have some new girl every two months or so. He did that from 8th grade to the end of junior year. Starting sophomore year, he would talk about getting blowjobs and almost getting caught, shit like that.”   
“So, is he bi because he’s with you now?”   
“Don’t interrupt Richie, it’s rude.” They both chuckled before Stan continued. “I think he’s pan though, we don’t really talk about it. And if you ask him he would probably say something along the lines of him Stan-sexual, which I hate with a burning passion. Anyways my parents knew all about the drama because I would be torn up about it. I had a crush on Bill since we were 11. So, Mom wasn’t exactly happy that I was even still friends with him but he and I have been friends since birth pretty much so it really didn’t matter at that point. Dad was just upset that I was gay. I tried my hardest not to distance myself from him but it was so hard with him flaunting his new girl all the time and hanging out with the football team constantly and going to parties where he got shitfaced and I had to pick him up. I think that’s where my sarcastic attitude came from, I just got really bitter about the whole situation.   
“Anyways, it was the summer before our senior year and we were at the Fourth of July party that the neighborhood throws every year and we were watching the firework display and Bill leans over and whispers in my ear ‘the fireworks are great but you know what’s even better? You.’ I asked him if he was practicing pickup lines on me and he said ‘I need to talk to you. Alone.’ So, after the fireworks, we came back here and I asked him what he was so desperate to talk about.   
“He looked a little heartbroken because I had definitely said in a stronger version of my sassy deadpan tone. In my defense, he had just told me about having sex with Alexa Delanco so I was a little pissed. But he also looked so nervous. I still remember the speech he gave me. ‘I didn’t have sex with Alexa. In fact, I’ve never done anything besides make out with someone. I ramped it up because it didn’t seem to bother you, still doesn’t.’ I told it him it did, always had. He continued with ‘I was just scared. You’re so open about who you are and I just couldn’t do that, so I pretended to be something I wasn’t. I pretended to be this dude that could get any girl and then drop them like it was nothing when really the only person I ever wanted was you.’ I asked him if he meant it. I asked if it was just one of his stupid games. He said ‘No, I’ve been in love you since I was 12 and I tried to push my feelings back but I couldn’t, still can’t. And I feel like if I don’t do something about them then they’re going to destroy me and our friendship. And I know telling you about my feelings could also ruin it but at least I won’t feel so terrible.’ I was shocked, he was still getting over his stutter and since he didn’t stutter once I was impressed. He gave me one of those looks where he was expecting an answer but I didn’t answer him with words, instead, I kissed him. And I know that’s so fucking cliché but it’s what happened.”   
“So, your parents are concerned he’s gonna just drop you randomly? You’ve been together for over a year.”   
“Yeah, they are. They just want what’s best for me and don’t think Bill is it. It doesn’t help that he’s an English major and a guy. At least on my dad’s end.”   
“So, they think he’s going somewhere else?”   
“Yeah, they think he’s going to a school father west, but still in New York. Which he originally was because he was for waitlisted at Morrison. But he got accepted right before we had to finalize where we were going so my parents don’t know. We had to beg Bill’s parents not to tell mine. I made a deal with them that if Bill and I last a year in college they have to just accept our relationship and get over the past, I had.”   
“That’s a cute story Stanley,” Richie said in one of those baby voices.   
“Oh, fuck off Richie.” They both laughed since they knew each other were joking. They really had become incredibly close over the past semester. “So, you and Eddie finally got your shit together. I’m happy for you two.”   
“What do you mean got our shit together?”  
“You two have been flirting and crushing on each other for almost the entire semester and both of you were telling me about it. So please explain how you finally got it together.” Richie huffed, knowing Stan was right.   
“So, it was after you and Bill left. I went out for a smoke break and Eddie fell asleep. I figured I would try and get some sleep but my nightmares decided that wasn’t going to happen. I had a nightmare that Eddie was drilling into me that no one liked and no one would miss me. He told me I should kill myself. I woke up- er I think he woke me up, fell off of the bed, cried, Eddie held me, and told me my dream was wrong. That you all actually cared about me and that his life would be terrible without me. I was so happy at that moment that I kissed him. When I tried to backpedal he told me to shut up and kiss him again, which I did. We went back to bed, cuddled, and I didn’t have another nightmare, which never happens.”   
“That’s sweet in a ‘You had a demented nightmare kind of way’. He’s right though. We do all care about you. I wouldn’t have invited you to stay if I didn’t.”   
“I know Stan. I’m just not used to it yet.”   
“You ever gonna fully explain that? I vaguely remember you telling Eddie something about it, but I was in the middle of something.”  
“Yeah, might as well do it now. My parents wanted a daughter. They were really disappointed when I wasn’t born a girl and then they were never able to have another kid after me. They didn’t neglect or abuse me, at first at least, but they didn’t really care about me. My dad ran a dentistry but it got shut down when I was 13. That’s when he started drinking. Mom had been drinking for as long as I could remember. My dad was one of those angry drunks. When he was angry, he was abusive. That’s why I started smoking at 15, it helped numb the pain. I think the worst part was that I couldn’t even escape the terror at night because of my nightmares. That’s also when I got really into art. I had always been an artsy kid but it got really intense when I was 16. If I wasn’t in class I was in the art wing. My parents found out and were furious. They told me I was never going to get anywhere in life if I didn’t focus on something other than drawing bullshit on paper. So, when I applied to Morrison as an art major my dad beat the shit out of me. It sucked. That’s why I’m not going back and why I’m not used to people caring about me.”   
“That’s really depressing Richie.”   
“I know right. I try not to let it keep me down though. I used to and it got really bad. I decided that the best place to put out cigarettes were my legs, which is why I always wear jeans, I’m ashamed of the scars.”  
“Is that why you didn’t cut your arms more than once? You didn’t want people to see?”  
“Yeah, especially Eddie now.”   
“I won’t tell him, but you should.”   
“Maybe one day I will.”   
“You should really try to get some sleep. You can stay in here if you want.”   
“This is gonna sound strange and feel free to say no but-”  
“Yes, you can sleep in my bed and yes you can cuddle up against me, just nothing like you do with Eddie.”   
“What you don’t wanna spoon?”   
“You can sleep on the floor.”   
“You’re so mean to me Stanny.” Richie crawled into bed with Stan. Stan laid on his back and Richie curled up against his side. It took a bit of time before Richie fell asleep. He didn’t quite have a nightmare but he had a mildly unpleasant dream. He was back at home. His parents were drunk and going off on him about being an art major and being in a relationship with a boy. He was raised a good Christian, how dare he be with a man. Richie tuned them out and stared out the window of his house, only to see Bill and Stan walking past holding hands. He got a slap for not paying attention.   
The slap ended up being Stan trying to wake him up, although he was more patting his face than slapping him. “You are difficult to wake up when you’re not having a nightmare.”   
“I wouldn’t really know. And I still had one, it just wasn’t all that bad.”   
“Nightmare?” Bill’s voice was coming from where Richie knew that Stan’s desk was. How long had Bill been in there? Was he going to freak if he saw Richie and Stan sleeping together? Did he see it? Richie was very much awake now. He sat up with a start and stared straight at Bill, trying to see if he was angry, not that he could really see until he actually fixed his glasses.   
“I have really bad nightmares. Stan was in the one I had last night and I kinda freaked out so I came in here to check on him and when I saw he wasn’t in here I freaked out even more and then I fell asleep in here.” Everyone was silent. Bill looked between Stan and Richie.   
“Wait do you think I’m mad that you slept in the same bed as Stan?”  
“Maybe.”  
“I’m not.”  
“You’re not?”  
“No. Look, I know for a fact that you’re not really Stan’s type when it comes to boyfriends. Friends, yeah, but Stan’s not into you like that.”  
“I feel like if I wasn’t so relieved that you’re not mad I would be insulted that you just said I’m not Stan’s type because I am everyone’s fucking type.”  
“You are 100%, not my type Richie,” Stan smirked. While Stan had come to love Richie, it wasn’t in a romantic sense of love, he loved Richie like how he imagined Bill loved Georgie.   
“Plus, I know that you’re really, really into Eddie.”   
“That’s really accurate. He’s so cute though, how could you not fall in love with him?”  
“Did you just say fall in love? As in you’re in love with Eddie?” Stan had stopped trying to hide his amused laughter around Richie.   
Did he love Eddie? Richie had never felt like this about someone in his life. All he ever wanted to do was be with Eddie, even when they’re just doing homework in the same room. Richie has never felt safer and more relaxed than when he was with Eddie, he felt safe with Stan and the other Losers too but with Eddie it was different. Eddie was the only reason that he didn’t have nightmares. Maybe he did love Eddie.  
“I think you broke him.”  
“Earth to Richie.” Stan waved his hand in front of Richie’s face. He still wasn’t really paying attention. He had made up his mind.  
“I do.”   
“Richie, I already told you, you can’t marry Stan, that’s my job.”  
“No no no. I’m not trying to steal your man this time. I love Eddie. I’m in love with Eddie. Holy fuck.” He flopped back down onto Stan’s bed. Part of him was ecstatic that he had found love, something that he had never thought he would find. The other part of him was frustrated. They had been together for only a little over a week at that point. How the hell could he be in love? Stan could tell what Richie was thinking.   
“You freaking out that you’re in love with Eddie already?” He nodded but didn’t move otherwise. “Don’t be. Trust me, some people just fall in love quickly. I know Eddie does.”   
“I did. One day I saw Stan as my best friend. The next day I thought damn he’s cute. Three days later I was in love with my best friend. It scared the shit out of me. But I don’t regret it. I regret not getting over my fear earlier but we can’t change the past. We can only improve the present and work on the future.” Bill really was great at motivational speeches.   
“Thank you Billiam, I needed that.” Richie felt a lot better, he was still scared but at least now he knew that his friend had been in the same place. He was just glad that he realized he loved Eddie after they had gotten together, beforehand would’ve been a little more awkward. A thought suddenly hit Richie and he sat back up. “How did you get in here? Stan is still in his pajamas.”   
“I have a key to the house.”   
“Why?”   
“When we go on vacations we have one of them come over and make sure the house is still standing. You guys have had that key for like twelve years?”   
“Uh, that sounds right. Did you think I just climbed in the window or something?”  
“I mean that would be very cheesy and a little cliché. And considering how you two got together it would make sense.”  
“Why would you tell him about that?”  
“We were having a moment. Fuck off.”   
~~~~~~~~~~  
The tapping at Eddie’s window woke him up. At first, he thought he was dreaming, but after staring at his window for a moment he realized that the noise was real. He walked slowly over to the window and opened the curtains, only to see a very familiar face on the other side of his window. He opened the window for his lanky boyfriend to climb in. Eddie locked the door as Richie closed and locked the window, leaving the curtains open. There wasn’t as much light pollution in Derry so Richie could see more of the stars than he could anywhere else.   
“What are you doing here?” Eddie whispered as he joined Richie in front of the window.   
“You were in my nightmare.”  
“You wanna tell me about it?”  
“You, me and Bill were in this creepy old house that I grew up near and we were looking for something, I don’t remember what it was. We went upstairs and you got separated from us. Bill and I were pounding on the door and then we heard this crashing noise. Then I heard your voice from down the hall so I followed it. You sounded like you were in danger and I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I was led into this room that was full of clown dolls. In the middle of the room there was a coffin and when I opened it, it was me in there. I had this hole in my face and there were all these maggots in me. Then It came after me but Bill was able to pull me out of it. Even when I was being attacked, all I could think about was finding you.   
“We eventually did. You had fallen through the floor. It was coming after you. It was so close to you. You had a broken arm so you couldn’t fight him off. Someone else distracted him, I think it was Bev, so I ran over to you. I snapped your arm back into place and just held your face so you wouldn’t look at It. I don’t know what happened next, I woke up. I couldn’t figure out anything else to do so I just came over. I figured if I saw you I would be more okay than if I just called you or something.”  
“It’s okay. I’m glad you came over.”  
“And why’s that?” Richie turned so he was facing Eddie.   
“I don’t know.”  
“You’re a terrible liar.” Richie moved one of his hands so that he could rub his thumb on Eddie’s cheekbone. Richie loved Eddie’s bone structure, it was like an artist sculpted him.   
“I’ll take it.” They stood in silence for a minute. Eddie had wrapped his arms around Richie’s waist, it took most of his self-control to not stick his hands in Richie’s back pockets. “I am glad you came over though. For some reason, I just couldn’t get this terrible feeling to go away. I felt like it was about you but I really couldn’t say that for sure until you showed up, and it went away.”   
“That’s the cheesiest thing I have ever heard.”  
“Have you heard how Bill and Stan got together?”  
“Okay, second cheesiest thing.” They both tried to keep their voices as low as possible. Richie leaned toward Eddie at a pace that seemed agonizingly slow for Eddie. Eddie pulled Richie’s face down to his, it was the first time they kissed that Richie didn’t have one of his hands on Eddie’s face. Richie pulled away and seemed a little out of it.   
“This feels wrong.”  
“What?”  
“I don’t know, something just feels wrong.”  
“Maybe you’re just tired?”  
“Nope, I think I figured it out.” Richie put his hand on Eddie’s neck and took a little bit more control of the situation, not that Eddie minded in the slightest. Eddie pulled away this time.  
“Better?”  
“Better.”  
“The fact that hand placement made a difference is weird.”   
“Can’t help it. Maybe it won’t at some point, or in certain situations, but right now it’s kind of a must.”  
“Certain situations?”  
“You know, like if we ever have sex or if I’m like holding you up or something like that.”  
“If we ever have sex?”  
“Stop only focusing on part of my response. And yes if. You could be ace for all I know.”  
“I’m not. Trust me, that is something I want to do at some point.” Sooner rather than later if I have anything to say about it Eddie thought to himself.   
“With me, I’d hope.”  
“Nah with Mike. Of course, with you, you fucking moron.”   
“Just remember, I’m your fucking moron now.”  
“Can I return you?”  
“Nah, no returns or refunds.”   
“I think I got ripped off.”   
“You’ll learn to love it.”  
“Maybe I will.” Eddie didn’t want to tell Richie that he already did. Richie ended up spending the night, not that either of them was surprised. Richie woke up around nine and snuck back out the window, hoping that he wouldn’t get caught by Sonia.   
When Eddie woke up a little later he saw a small note on his desk. It was from Richie.   
Thanks for letting me spend the night Eds. Maybe I’ll have to sneak in your window more often. I’ll see you later today cutie.   
Richie had also included a time and told him that he would pick him up. Eddie laughed to himself, knowing that he would be driving to whatever it was Richie was planning.   
Richie hadn’t been planning anything, he just wanted to see Eddie again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. So, the other three losers aren't in this specific chapter, but they are in the next one, I promise.   
> 2\. The next chapter is set during Christmas. I just didn't plan this well, nor did I think about it.   
> 3\. I counted how many chapters I have written at the moment, and it's 31. Some of the end chapters aren't finished yet, and I don't really know if I'm done or not and whether or not I'm going to keep all of the end chapters. I guess we'll see.   
> 4\. I really hate chapter summaries (just like normal summaries). It's just going to be a surprise when you read it.


	9. The one about the holidays

“Eds, where did you even find this thing?” Richie looked at the ugly sweater that Eddie had convinced him to wear in the mirror of Bill’s room. Richie, Eddie, and Stan all came over early to help set up and to finish getting ready. Somehow, somewhere, Eddie found a Metallica ugly Christmas sweater.

“I bought it online.” Eddie looked so cute in his sweater that Richie thought he might die. The sweater was light green with a Christmas tree and the words “It’s Lit” on it. Richie thought it was the most ridiculous sweater he had ever seen but for some reason, Eddie looked adorable in it.

“How much did you spend on this?” Eddie refused to tell Richie that it wasn’t the cheapest sweater Eddie had ever bought but the look of pure joy on Richie’s face had made it completely worth it.

“Not telling.” Eddie leaned up and pecked his boyfriend on the lips. Eddie had to go on his tiptoes if Richie didn’t lean down to kiss him. Richie didn’t bother fighting Eddie to tell him the price, Eddie was stubborn. “Thanks for letting me paint your nails though.” Eddie had painted Richie’s nails black with little red dots on his ring finger. They were almost exactly the same as Eddie’s although his nails were white. Eddie had also convinced Richie to wear one red and one green earring instead of his normal black ones.

“Well, you were really excited when you asked and I knew it would make you happy. I just want to see you smile, especially because of me.” Richie laced his fingers with Eddie’s and watched as the smaller boy lowered his head to hide his blushing cheeks.

“You’re so fucking cheesy.”

“Says the boy that painted our nails to match since we didn’t have matching sweaters.”

“I like the idea of matching with my boyfriend. Fucking sue me.”

“Can I kiss you instead?”

“I guess,” Eddie pretended like it was a compromise and not something that he wanted. Richie placed one hand on the side of Eddie’s face to tilt it up slightly, his other hand falling on the small of Eddie’s back. Eddie’s arms felt numb when his lips connected with Richie’s, although they always felt like that to him. Eddie loved kissing Richie, from the way he always tasted a little bit like cigarettes and whatever candy he was binging on for the week, to the way that at least one of his hands was always on Eddie’s face or neck. He had thought the fact that hand placement made a difference was weird before, but he ended up feeling the same.

“Can you two stop being gross and help finish setting up?”

“Stan the Man, moment ruiner.” Stan shrugged and his oversized sweater that said “Happy Hanukkah Ya Schmuck” on it fell slightly from his shoulders and left the doorway that he was leaning on. Richie kissed the top of Eddie’s head and grabbed his hand.

“We should head down before Stanny kills us.” Eddie nodded, still too excited about kissing Richie to speak.

~~~~~~~~~~

They were all exchanging gifts. Ben had gotten Bev a really pretty necklace that was a thimble since she constantly pricked her fingers with needles and wrote everyone poems, except Richie. Mike had gotten all of them different books that he thought they would like, except Richie. Bev made all of them matching shirts with the word Loser written on it, although there was a v over the s so it said lover instead, again Richie was the only odd man out. Richie understood why. No one knew all that much about him. He met them a week ago. This was the second time he had ever hung out with them. The only saving grace he found was that they all seemed genuinely sorry that they didn’t get him anything. Every time someone would give out their gifts, Eddie would lean into Richie so that it was almost like they were opening it together.

Stan and Bill bought joint gifts because they wanted to be a super couple like that and Stan didn’t really celebrate Christmas. Everyone got something different. Ben got multiple architecture sketchbooks, which are apparently different from regular sketchbooks, and some really pretty stationery that looked like postcards. Mike got every single Michael Jackson record that was ever made, apparently, he also had a record player that he got from his grandpa. Bev got a Polaroid camera and some film; her focus was in photography. Bill made Stan a bird sculpture, Richie had helped him get the supplies and use the equipment correctly. It had been incredibly hard for Richie to keep it a secret from Stan. Stan had gotten Bill an old-style fountain pen and ink as well as some old-style parchment. When Eddie got his gift, he looked at it skeptically.

“Why is it so small?”

“We thought you would be fine with small packages, you are dating Richie.” They all laughed at Stan’s quality roast, they could also all hear Georgie laughing on the basement stairs. He always “left” while they exchanged gifts, mostly because he didn’t want anything and never got them anything, which they were all fine with. “Just open it.”

Eddie opened the small package and pulled out a small blue inhaler. “Where the hell did you get this? I could’ve sworn that I threw this thing out years ago.”

“You threw your main one out but that was the backup one that you left here. I found it over the summer and thought it would be a funny gift.”

“I like it, very nostalgic. Thanks, you two.”

“So, you spent like no money on Eddie’s gift? I feel bad since we all got stuff that was obviously pretty expensive.” Ben looked down at his gifts like they weighed a thousand pounds in his lap.

“It’s not the only thing they got me.” They all looked at Eddie like he was speaking another language. Was there something else in the box? “Stan let Richie stay with him for break. That’s a pretty good gift to me.” Bev awed as Richie kissed Eddie’s cheek. Why was his boyfriend the best thing ever? Richie wasn’t expecting it when Bill got up and went back to the tree where there was one present left. Richie had assumed it was for Georgie.

“Here, Richie. This is for you.” Bill was holding the gift out for Richie to grab.

“Wait, what?”

“We got you a gift. Obviously.” Stan seemed almost insulted that Richie thought he wasn’t going to get a gift from Stan and Bill.

“Oh, okay.” Richie removed his arms from around Eddie as Eddie moved to sit on the arm of the chair so that he could actually open his gift. Eddie missed the warmth but was excited to see his boyfriend get his first gift from the Losers. Richie unwrapped the box and slowly opened it. Inside was a new denim jacket. Richie was excited to replace his old tattered one but he was even more excited to see all the pins at the bottom of the box. There were band pins, artist pins, a bird pin, a typewriter pin, and an inhaler pin.

“Guys, this is amazing. Thank you.” Richie was so happy that they had thought about him enough to get him such an amazing and personal gift.

“Oh shit, does this mean I can officially steal your jacket?”

“Yes, you can have my old jacket that you look fucking better than me in.”

“Alright, Eddie you’re up.”

“Oh boy.” Eddie hopped up and went over to his bag. He pulled out six small boxes and handed them to everyone in the room. They all opened them to see matching beaded bracelets. The beads were black and white and in a seemingly random pattern.

“I don’t get the pattern.” Bev was the one that spoke up.

“Oh right. It’s Morse code for family. We all have one. I consider you guys a better family than my actual one. I just didn’t want you to forget that.”

“We could never forget that,” Mike said as he slipped his on. Richie loved it. It was something so personal and the fact that Eddie was already considering him part of his family was the best gift that Eddie could’ve ever gotten him.

“Oh Bill, where did you put the big one?”

“Closet.” Eddie jumped up again and disappeared to the closet that was around the corner. He came back with a huge box and handed it to Richie.

“What the fuck?” Eddie sat down in front of Richie on the floor so that he could see his face.

“Open it.” Eddie looked like he was going to explode he was so excited for Richie to open it. Eddie had been excited since he bought it. Richie sighed and opened the box only to see a guitar case and some cigarette packs in it. He chuckled at the cigarettes but unlocked the case to see the prettiest guitar he had ever seen. It was made of a pale white wood and had black details on it. “You like it? I remember you saying that you had to sell your guitar so I thought I would get you a new one.”

“Eddie this is amazing.”

“Oh, shit he got his real name, that’s how you know it’s serious,” Stan joked.

“So, is that all of them?” Mike asked, clearly wanting to get onto the Christmas cookies and having Georgie judge their sweaters. Richie was so ecstatic about his gift that he almost forgot about the stuff he brought.

“I have stuff for you.” Richie looked up to see confused faces from all. Bill, Stan, and Eddie knew that Richie didn’t have much in terms of money so they didn’t know what he would have gotten them. Bev, Ben, and Mike weren’t expecting to get anything from Richie since they had just met him.

Richie closed the guitar case and stood up to go to his bag. He had packed his change of clothes in his backpack so that he could make sure the folder that his gifts were in didn’t get damaged at all.

“Okay, so explanation time. I don’t sleep all that much and I don’t really have a lot of cash but I can draw so, yeah.” He pulled out the papers one by one and handed them to everyone so that they were face down. “Don’t turn them around until everyone gets theirs.” He wanted to see their faces when they saw them. Richie had put so much time into these, trying to make them perfect. Once they were all passed out he sat back down on the chair he had been sharing with Eddie. “Okay, go ahead.” They all flipped their papers over to see that they had all gotten a piece of art, drawn by Richie, although he hadn’t signed any of them.

Richie drew Eddie a picture of all of the Losers at the diner. He drew Stan a picture of Bill working on something and chewing on his pen, Stan had told him that he thought it was super cute when Bill did that. He drew Bill a cute selfie that Stan and Georgie took that Bill didn’t know about. He drew Mike a picture of him sitting on a huge pile of books, smiling his always bright smile. He drew Ben a picture of Bev smiling and laughing. And he drew Bev a replica of a selfie of her and Ben that he stole from her Instagram.

“Richie this is amazing, where did this picture even come from?”

“We took that when he was visiting,” Stan told him although he still hadn’t looked up from his drawing.

“Richie, why aren’t you in this picture?” Eddie asked.

“Well, it’s from when we were at the diner and I went to the bathroom. I came back out and saw you guys all laughing. I wasn’t in it so I didn’t put myself in it.”

“Well, I want a new one with you in it.” Eddie was partially joking, he loved it but he was a little upset that Richie hadn’t put himself in the picture. Richie was just as important to Eddie as any of his other friends.

“Okay, Eds.”

“I’m serious.”

“I want a copy of that one!” Bev said. She hadn’t stopped smiling at the picture that Richie had given her. The rest all said that they agreed. Looks like Richie had to make that one really good if six people wanted it.

“You still have to make this up to me though. I can’t believe you didn’t think to put yourself in this first picture.” Richie chuckled and rolled his eyes at his small boyfriend that was still on the floor. “I think to make it up, you should play something.”

“Oh no. I haven’t played anything in almost six months, I don’t even know if I still remember any songs.”

“Says the guy with the photographic memory,” Bill was sounding more like Stan every day.

“Fine, fine. But don’t blame me if it’s bad.” Richie got out the guitar and strummed it a few times trying to get it slightly more in tune. “Here goes nothing.” Richie played the first few chords and Eddie was already in love. He fell harder when the words came out.

“ _Wise men say,_

_Only fools rush in_

_But I can’t help falling in love with you”_

Eddie could tell that Richie was used to singing rock songs and smoking. His voice was low and a little gravely, although it was in the best way.

_“Shall I stay_

_Would it be a sin_

_If I can’t help falling in love with you_

_Like a river flows_

_Surely to the sea_

_Darling, so it goes_

_Some things are meant to be”_

Eddie looked over his shoulder to his friends. Bev’s eyes were shiny with tears as she held Ben’s hand. Stan had his head on Bill’s shoulder. Mike smiled at both Richie and Eddie, overjoyed to see all his friends so happy.

_“Take my hand_

_Take my whole life too_

_For I can’t help falling in love with you_

_Like a river flows_

_Surely to the sea_

_Darling, so it goes_

_Some things are meant to be”_

Richie looked at Eddie as he sang the last part of the song. He was hoping that Eddie could see how much the lyrics meant to him.

_“Take my hand_

_Take my whole life too_

_For I can’t help falling in love with you_

_For I can’t help falling in love with you.”_

Once he finished the song the others clapped as Eddie stood up and kissed Richie. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me you were that good?”

“For real Richie, I’m not even going to mind the extra noise if it sounds like that.” Stan was actually impressed, Richie was so much better than he ever expected. Was there anything this kid couldn’t do? Maybe he was gifted with so many talents to make up for his shitty parents.

Richie put the guitar away and Georgie came down the stairs with the cookies he had made earlier that day. Eddie sat back on the chair with his legs thrown over Richie’s lap and with his head resting on Richie’s shoulder. Richie had one arm around Eddie’s back and the other hand on top of his knees. Stan was going to make a comment about how gross they were and that there was a child present but he was just too happy for them.

They ate cookies and drank eggnog, Richie’s was the only one that didn’t have rum in it, as they watched Christmas movies. Halfway through _How the Grinch Stole Christmas_ Richie’s phone started ringing. He dug it out of his pocket and looked at who it was. “Oh, shit I gotta answer this. Pause the movie?” Bill hit pause and they all listened to Richie’s end of the conversation.

“Hey Lori, how you doing?” _Who the hell is Lori?_ Eddie thought. He tried not to let his imagination run wild, Richie seemed more nervous than anything else. “You did?” Eddie couldn’t make out what the woman was saying. “You’re shitting me!” Eddie couldn’t tell if Richie was upset or excited. “Oh my God. That is un-fucking-believable.” _What is going on?_ The suspense was killing Eddie. “Yeah, I’ll get started on that right after I get back. Thank you. Have a nice night.” Richie hung up the phone and still looked like he was in shock.

“What was that about?”

“Lori is the lady that was going to sell my painting. It sold.”

“You’re joking. How much did it go for?” Mike asked. Eddie had told them all about the situation after Richie’s panel because he was so proud of his boyfriend.

“She put it up for two and there was a bidding war and it sold for seven.”

“Hundred?” Bill asked since Richie was just saying part of the numbers.

“Thousand. It sold for seven thousand dollars. I just made thirty-five hundred bucks by painting a fucking nightmare I had.”

“Richie that’s amazing!”

“There are also some people that want to commission me for some stuff but she’s going to bring me all that when I get back to school.” This had to be one of the greatest days of Richie’s entire life. He had the best Christmas of his existence, he sold a piece of art that he wasn’t even confident in, and now he had commissions. After they all congratulated him they went back to watching movies and Richie couldn’t wipe the goofy smile off of his face. Eddie couldn’t wipe his own off either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay another cute chapter! I wish I could say the rest of the chapters were this cute but they ain't. 
> 
> Also, I don't actually know how the art world works, but that's how it's going to work in this universe. I'm a STEM major please forgive me.


	10. The one about Mother

“Eddie Bear is that you?” Richie gave Eddie a shit-eating grin at the nickname who just rolled his eyes and smack Richie with the back of his hand.

“Yeah Mommy, Richie is gonna spend the night.” Both boys stepping to the view of Eddie’s mother. She was a large woman who spent almost all of her free time in front of the TV in her chair.

“Who?”

“My friend Richie, he’s Stan’s roommate. He’s staying with Stan for break but Stan’s family is over for their annual Hanukkah celebration so he’s going to stay over here. He can’t stay at Bill’s because Georgie is having a party. He’s also only met Mike and Ben once so he’s not super comfortable staying with either of them.” She eyed Richie up and down. Eddie had made him put on something other than a band shirt since Sonia thought rock music was the Devil’s music. Still, all of Richie clothes were dark and old looking since he only ever really shopped at thrift stores. The dark green shirt was one of the nicer things he owned and paired with his new denim jacket and black jeans he seemed almost like a presentable human being.

“Alright then. There should be some extra blankets in the hall closet.” She didn’t sound sure of the whole thing but she said okay so both boys were going to take it.

“Thanks, Mommy!”

“Thanks, Mrs. K.” Richie followed Eddie up the stairs and into his room. Eddie locked the door behind Richie as he set his bag down on Eddie’s desk chair. Eddie turned to face him, pulling the taller boy down by his shirt so their lips met. Richie pulled away after a few moments, partially because he needed to breathe but mostly so he could be snarky. “Is this how you treat all your friends?”

“God, I cringed so hard having to call you my friend. You’re so much more than that.” Richie loved this boy. Eddie could’ve stopped at the first sentence, but he hadn’t.

“I’m glad you added that second part because you’re so much more to me too,” Richie said as he kissed Eddie’s neck. He got to the exposed part of Eddie’s shoulder and bit down, a little harder than he had originally meant to but the reaction he got was worth it. Eddie’s gasp was the most amazing thing that Richie had ever heard.

“Fuck Rich.” Eddie tried to keep his voice low. Eddie had warned Richie that they would have to be on the quiet side if they were going to do anything because his mom would have an aneurysm if she caught them.

“Oh, you like that?” While Richie could have said that in a much sultrier tone, he went for the comedic route as per usual.

“Richie, I love you, but you really know how to ruin a moment.” Eddie pulled Richie back down to meet his lips. Eddie’s words seemed to hit both of them at the same time. Eddie pulled away and look horrified, he just blurted out that he loved Richie. Was he joking? Was he using it the same way that he did when they were just friends? “Oh shit.”

“Did you just say that you loved me?” _There’s no way he loves you. You’re unlovable. No one loves you. Your parents don’t love you, how could someone like Eddie love you?_

“Yeah.” Eddie sat down on his bed and looked straight down. Richie could tell that Eddie was panicking, but then again so was Richie. “It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way. I get it. I fall in love really fast but it’s real.” Richie was just staring at the small boy that sat in front of him. “Please say something.”

“Sorry. When the boy you love says that he loves you it takes your brain a second to catch up.” Richie was smirking when Eddie looked up in shock.

“Are you speaking from experience?”

“Yeah. We were right in the middle of making out and he spat it out. I was too stupid to say it back right away, but I felt the same.” Richie crouched down in front of Eddie so that they were about the same height. This was one of those moments that Richie really appreciated the height difference between them.

“You do?” A tear escaped from one of Eddie’s eyes. Richie placed his hand on the side of Eddie’s face and wiped away the tear with his thumb.

“Yeah.” He leaned up and kissed Eddie on the forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Richie. I love how punk you are and how much pretend you don’t care. I love how different we are but also that sometimes we’re the same person. I love how much you love rock and roll and art. I love how strong you are despite how terrible your parents were. I love all of you.” Richie looked completely shocked. That was such a long list and Richie could tell that it wasn’t even all of it. “Oh, shit I’m sorry, was that too much?”

“No. I have a long list of everything that I love about you too.” Eddie wasn’t going to ask for the list but he did want to hear it. “I love how cute you look in sweaters and I love how fantastic your ass looks in those overalls that you wear constantly. I love how excited you get about little things. I love the way your eyes light up when you see your friends. I love just being with you, even if it’s just us silently sitting in the same room. And I know it’s real for you because it’s real for me too.”  

“You’re so cheesy.”

“You know you love me.” Richie smiled as he leaned up to kiss Eddie. The kiss started out sweet and slow. They had just admitted that they loved each other. But it didn’t stay that way for long. Eddie pulled Richie farther onto the bed. Richie was straddling Eddie. Eddie shoved Richie’s jacket off of him and broke away to look at Richie. Both were breathing heavily and both smiled and laughed a little.

“What are we doing?”

“I have no idea, what do you want to do?”

“Make out, although maybe we should wait to do that until my mom goes to bed, which should be soon.”

“Aw man, I have to wait to kiss my Spaghetti Man?” Eddie pushed Richie off of him, and Richie rolled off of the bed. Richie smiled as Eddie checked to make sure he was okay. If someone would have told him a month ago that he would be in love with the cutest, sweetest kid in the world he would have laughed in their face. But there he was, in love with Eddie Kaspbrak, who loved him back. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Stan was rolling his eyes at Richie’s terrible, _terrible_ joke when his phone started ringing. Stan answered the phone and put it on speakerphone since it was Bill. “Hey, what’s up?” Richie was still giggling as he talked.

“Hey, is Richie there with you?” Bill’s tone was so serious, it shut Richie up immediately.

“Yeah, he’s here. Where else would he be?”

“I’m asking,” Bill told someone else that was with him. “Why didn’t he answer his phone?”

“My phone was dead so I plugged it in and forgot to grab it when I came to Stan’s room. Why?”

“Eddie called you. A couple times.”

“Is he okay?” Richie was clutching the bed sheets so hard his knuckles were turning white. Stan placed a hand on Richie’s, trying to tell him that it was going to be okay.

“No. You guys need to come over. And hurry.” Bill hung up. Richie stood up in a second.

“Stan, we need to go. We need to go right fucking now. If Eddie isn’t okay then I need to be there now.” Stan stood up and sat a hand on Richie’s shoulder. Richie had to use all his willpower to not throw Stan’s hand off of him and tell him this was not the time for a pep talk.

“Richie, you need to calm down. If Eddie isn’t doing well, then he needs people that are calm. Or at least can pretend that they are.” Richie knew that Stan was right, he usually was.

“Okay. But we really do need to go.” Stan nodded his head and pulled Richie out of his room. They stopped by the door and pulled their shoes and coats on. Stan yelled at his mom in the living room that he and Richie were going to Bill’s. They ran out the door before she said anything else. Stan backed out of his driveway and sped to the Denbrough house. Richie picked at the fraying edge of his denim jacket, the old one Eddie was going to steal.

Richie was really hoped that Eddie was okay. Richie felt like he was in a nightmare. He remembered waking up but he knew that some people occasionally have dreams where they wake up and are still dreaming. Richie felt like he was panicking. This was one of the moments when he would kill for a cigarette but he didn’t want Stan to kill him for smoking in his car.

The drive took less than five minutes but Richie felt like it took forever. Stan turned off the car and they both jumped out of the car. “Bill says they’re in the basement and that the door is unlocked.” Stan opened the door and led Richie through the house. Richie had been there before but didn’t know the layout like Stan did, Stan could probably walk the house blindfolded. They went downstairs and saw Bill and Eddie sitting on the couch. They both looked up.

Richie’s heart broke in that moment. Eddie looked broken. He had tear marks running down his cheeks. His eyes were puffy and red. He had chewed his nails down to the stub. His breathing was still hitching. Richie walked over to him and crouched in front of him. That was when he noticed that Eddie’s left cheek was significantly redder than the other one.

“Babe, what happened?”

“You didn’t answer me. Why didn’t you answer me?”

“I didn't have my phone on me. I am so sorry. You can yell at me all you want later but right now I need you to tell me what happened.”

“My mom was trying to set me up with the daughter of one of her co-workers again and I told her not to bother because I was in love and they loved me back. She asked why I didn’t tell her about the girl I’m seeing and I - I was so mad that she thought that she could still control my life. I just – I just blurted it out. I said because I’m gay and dating you. She freaked out. She screamed that she didn’t raise a fag and that it was your guys’ fault that I’m sick like this. She blamed New York. She blamed everything else. I told her that it was no one’s fault that I’ve always been like this. That I’m ‘sick’ like this because the only woman I ever knew was her and I didn’t want to be with anyone like her. That was when she slapped me. She told me to get out. I wasn’t welcomed in her house anymore. I had a bag of clothes in my car and Bill lives the closest so I came here. I just – I just didn’t know where to go or what to do. I’m not even all that upset that she threw me out, it was the look she gave me and that she blamed everything except me just being gay.” Eddie wrapped his arms around Richie and cried into his shoulder. “Why couldn’t she just accept it?”

“Sometimes people can’t. It sucks. I don’t have a good answer though.”

“She hates me now. I never wanted her to hate me.”

“She doesn’t hate you.”

“She does. She hates me just like your parents hate you.” Eddie didn’t realize how much that comment actually stung. Eddie hadn’t been wrong, Richie just hadn’t wanted to admit it. Richie pulled Eddie off of him so that he could look Eddie in the eyes. He tried to keep his voice steady, for Eddie’s sake.

“She doesn’t hate you, she’s scared. Her perfect son isn’t as perfect as she thought you would be. She’s scared that she’s going to lose her son and all the dreams that she had for you. She wanted so much for you and now she’s scared that you can’t get any of it. But she’s wrong. You’re still perfect. You’re still her son. And you can still have everything that you want in life.”

“What if what I want is wrong?”

“Let it be wrong. If it’s right to you, then fuck what everyone else thinks. What you need to focus on is making yourself happy.”

“Thank you, Richie, I needed that.” Richie pulled Eddie off of the couch and onto his lap, he wanted Eddie as close as possible in that second. Richie was worried that if there was too much space between them then Eddie would float away. “I needed you, Richie.” Eddie buried his head in Richie’s neck again. They sat there for a moment before Bill cleared his throat to get their attention.

“So, Stan and I were talking while this was going on, and we decided that the final decision should be Eddie’s but we think that Eddie should stay with you and Stan. It’s either that or he stays here, which is fine but I feel like you two might want to be together, at least for tonight.”

“Please don’t fuck in my house.”

“We have.”

“Don’t tell them that.”

“Stan, can I really stay with you and Richie?”

“Yeah. I already texted my mom and she said it was fine. She said we only have the one guest room so you would have to share but I figured you two wouldn’t care.”

“You gonna stay with us Eds?”

“Yeah.” Richie smiled so brightly at Eddie that Eddie felt the tiniest sliver of hope that everything would be okay in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who has left comments or kudos on this and everything else I've posted. It makes me smile so much everytime I see something new.


	11. The one about blackbirds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School has been a bitch lately, which is why this is going up almost a week later than normal. I'm going to try to get back on the schedule that I made for myself but I really can't promise anything. I love being a science major.

“Goodnight you two.” Stan closed his bedroom door. By the time they got home, it was almost midnight. The two continued down the hall to the guest room, which was on the opposite end of the hall from Stan and his parents’ rooms. They walked in and Richie dropped Eddie’s bag by the closet, they could unpack it later.

“Richie, you still love me, right?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

“I said that your parents hated you.”

“You weren’t completely wrong. They don’t care about me. Also, you were distressed so I didn’t take it personally.” He hadn’t. Richie hadn’t thought about it awhile so it still hurt but it wasn’t Eddie’s fault.

“I’m still sorry about that.” Richie shrugged as he pulled his jeans off and quickly pulled his sleep pants on, trying his hardest to not let Eddie see his scars, tonight was not the night. He pulled his shirt off as well. He knew that Eddie admired the view, even though Richie wasn’t the most athletic kid ever. He was lanky and pale but apparently, Eddie loved it.

“It’s no big deal. Let’s get some sleep, okay?”

“I’m pretty sure I’m the one that always tells you that.”

“I thought I’d try it out. Don’t think I like it.” Eddie laughed and took his jeans and sweater off. Richie turned the light off, took his glasses off, and got into bed with Eddie, who immediately curled up against him. Eddie tangled his legs with Richie’s and buried his nose into Richie’s chest. Richie was fine with whatever Eddie wanted to do, he just wanted his boyfriend to feel better, even if it was just for just a moment.

“Richie, I need you to take your pants off.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“They’re itchy.”

“Man, you are demanding in the bedroom, I knew it.” Eddie laughed.

“You have no idea. Now take them off or I am going to take them off for you.” Shit that means he would see the scars.

“No, I got them.” Richie rolled onto his back and pulled his sleep pants off without getting up. He knew that he would have to tell Eddie about the scars soon, seeing how their relationship was going. He just didn’t want Eddie to worry about it tonight, it was the past. The second he rolled back over Eddie had attached to him again. Richie chuckled a little bit.

“What are you laughing at?”

“Nothing you koala.”

“Shut up,” Eddie tried to bury his face into Richie’s chest even more, but there was really no space left between them. “I love you.”

“I love you more.” Richie wrapped his arms around the smaller boy and soon fell asleep. Richie was hopeful that he would be free from anything unpleasant, and for once his hopes were answered. He didn’t dream, there were no flashing images, it just felt like he blinked for a long time.

Richie opened his eyes to meet the big brown pair that he loved with the feeling of fingers playing with his hair. He leaned up to kiss his boyfriend who was already sitting up. “Good morning beautiful.” Richie sat up to put his glasses on and stretched. “How did you sleep?”

“I felt like you, I had nightmares.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“It seemed like it was the first times you had slept really well and I didn’t want to ruin that.” Eddie was so concerned about Richie that it almost hurt him. Eddie had just had his heart broken by his mother but he still wanted Richie to sleep.

“What did you dream about?” Richie took Eddie’s hand and began creating patterns on the back of the smaller hand with his thumb.

“You.”

“That sounds more like a lovely dream than a nightmare.”

“Well one of them was my mom yelling at you, blaming you for the reason that I’m gay. She was saying that you took her son away, that it was all your fault. The other one was you in a house with these shadows and you were cowering away from them, I think they were supposed to be your parents. And then when they finally dissipated you started smoking and -” his voice caught in his throat. Richie could tell where this was going, Eddie must have seen the scars at some point and come to a conclusion as to where they came from.

“And I put the cigarette out on my leg?” Eddie nodded, tears welling up in his eyes. “I wish I could tell you that it was just a dream, but I used to do that. Emphasis on used to. I haven’t done it in a really long time, like since the first week of college. It started as just the fact that I couldn’t smoke inside, but then I felt like I didn’t need to do it anymore. I did it because I wanted the pain to be something that I could control. But I haven’t been in pain, I’ve been happy. And a good reason for that is you.” Richie a few tears escaping too at this point. He had always known why he did it, but this was the first time that he had actually admitted it to someone.

“Why are you crying?”

“Fucking emotions and shit.” They both laughed. A weight felt like it had been lifted off of his shoulders. Eddie knew, there wasn’t anything he was keeping from Eddie now.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“I didn’t want to worry you. It was something that used to happen and doesn’t anymore. I don’t feel pain like that anymore. How did you figure it out anyway?”

“At first, I saw them the day after we first got together, and I sort of brushed it off as nothing. Then I got up to go to the bathroom at one point and I accidentally moved the blanket too much and saw them. That was in between the nightmares.”

“I wish you would have woken me up.”

“I’m pretty sure I should’ve. Seeing as you wake me up all the time now when you have nightmares.” Richie smacked Eddie’s shoulder with the back of his hand but Eddie caught his hand and placed a small kiss of the inside of Richie’s wrist, where a small scar was. Richie knew he needed to get that covered with a tattoo at some point. “Are there any other scars like this that you’re hiding from me?”

“Nope. Are you?”

“No. I never felt like I needed to do something like that, I was also scared to. If I even had a bruise my mom would take me to the hospital, let alone if I had a cut. If something cut me we had to go to the E.R. to get it sterilized and see if I needed stitches and make sure I didn’t get tetanus or something. I didn’t want to deal with that more than I needed to. I thought she was going to die when I broke my arm.” Eddie was running his thumb over the small scar.

“Why are you obsessing over that scar right now?”

“Because you’re one of the strongest people I know, and if you did something like this to yourself, what the hell did your dad do to you?”

“You’re not gonna like the answer to that question.”

“I know, but I want to know.”

“He broke my arm, twice. He pushed me down the stairs multiple times and one time it broke my ankle. Cracked a couple of my ribs. Beat me with all sorts of things. But the worst part was the verbal stuff. That’s what always pushed me over the edge.”

“I hate him so much. I hate both of them. How the hell could they do something like that to you?”

“Because they were crazy, drunk, religious freaks.” Eddie still looked so angry. “You know part of me is glad they were so shit.” Eddie looked at Richie like he was speaking gibberish. “If they weren’t the worst, I wouldn’t have run so far from them. I probably would’ve never ended up at Morrison and I never would’ve met you.”

“I think you would’ve met me. It just would’ve taken a little bit longer.”

“Well, I didn’t want it to take any longer. I think nineteen years was long enough.” Eddie didn’t look angry anymore as he was playing with Richie’s fingers as if they were the ivory keys of a piano instead of Richie’s pale fingers.

“You know you were amazing the other night.”

“What? With the guitar? I’m not that fucking good.”

“Shut the hell up, yes you are.” Richie had callouses reforming from where he had started practicing again. “If this whole art thing doesn’t work out you could always go into music.”

“This whole art thing that’s going really well at the moment?”

“Yeah, that one.” Eddie laughed as Richie rolled his eyes.

“Listen Eds, art is my passion, music is a hobby. Something to get my mind off things when I can’t paint, which is what I would much rather do.”

“Why?”

“I create art, I create my paintings from nothing, from my own head. I don’t get that same kind of release from someone else’s music. And I don’t write my own, I’m not great with words. But you don’t need words to make art that speaks to people.” Eddie nodded. He understood what Richie meant.

“I’m still so proud of you. I can’t believe you just suddenly blew up like this.”

“It’s crazy.”

“You deserve it though. Anyone with a shitty childhood deserves the best future.”

“Do I get to decide anything that’s going to be a part of that future? Something that I can make certain?”

“I think it depends on what it is.”

“What if I want to make sure you’re in my future?”

“I think that’s doable.” Richie laughed and cupped Eddie’s face, pulling them together. Eddie wanted to be a part of Richie’s future. Eddie grabbed Richie’s hips, trying to pull them closer together. The moment was heated, but as always, interrupted.

“You guys are the cheesiest couple I have ever seen.” They pulled apart and Richie faked a glare at Stan who leaned against the doorway.

“You really are a moment ruiner. What’s the reason you’re ruining our moment now?”

“Breakfast is almost ready. After that, we’re going to Mike’s. Figured Eddie might want some distractions for the day, plus the others are worried about you.”

“Okay, thanks, Stan. We’ll be down in a few minutes.” Stan nodded and closed the door behind him. “Can you bring your guitar with you to Mike’s, we’ll probably have a bonfire so you could play some more then.”

“You just love clichés, don’t you?”

“Yes, I do. Especially with my boyfriend who loves them too.” Eddie poked Richie’s nose and got out of bed to get dressed for the day.

“I never agreed to that.” Richie got out of bed to get dressed as well. He walked over to the dresser where all of his clothes were. He pulled out a new change of clothes and went into the connecting bathroom to change. He quickly changed and splashed water on his face. He wondered if he should put his contacts in or just leave his glasses. He opened the door to ask Eddie. “Hey, Eds, contacts or glasses?”

Eddie turned around to look at Richie and both of them fell a little bit more in love with the other. Richie fell for how adorable Eddie looked in his navy sweater and overalls. Eddie had stolen one of Richie’s artist pins. Eddie fell in love with how domestic this whole thing felt. Eddie fell in love with how right this felt.

“Glasses. You look better with them.” Richie looked amazing with either but Richie with glasses will always have a special place in his heart.

“Thanks, babe.” Richie exited the bathroom and walked over to Eddie. He wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist, Eddie’s arms immediately going around Richie’s neck. “How are you feeling today?”

“Fine. It still kind of hurts but, you’re making it bearable.”

“Glad to hear. We should go down to breakfast before Stan comes back up here and beats us.” Richie grabbed Eddie’s hand and led him to the dining room where he was sure breakfast would be set up, their first of many breakfasts in this house.

~~~~~~~~~~

“So, what other songs do you know?” Bev asked with her legs over Ben’s lap, cigarette in hand. They had enjoyed their day at Mike’s and Eddie was right, they did have a bonfire. The weather had been warming up a little over the past couple of days so they weren’t dying from being outside.

“Well, that depends on whether you want a love song or something depressing.” Richie had gotten an actual guitar tuner the day after he got the guitar so he answered as he tuned the instrument.

“How about something we would never expect you to play,” Bill answered as he sat back down. They all sat on huge piles of hay and blankets. They were all surprisingly warm, Richie still thought it was freezing but this was also his first winter away from California.

“Then I know just want to play.” Richie played the first few chords before Stan made a comment.

“You’re the cheesiest fuck I have ever met.”

_“Blackbird singing in the dead of night_

_Take these broken wings and learn to fly_

_All your life_

_You were only waiting for this moment to arise”_

Bev smirked around the cigarette hanging between her lips. The Beatles were one of her favorite bands. They always made her feel a little more a peace. She looked over at Stan and waggled her eyebrows at him. He rolled his eyes and flipped her off, knowing what she was getting at. Just because he liked birds didn’t mean that he had every song about birds memorized. He had this one memorized and on pretty much every playlist he has ever made but that wasn’t the point _Beverley Marsh._

_“Blackbird singing in the dead of night_

_Take these sunken eyes and learn to see_

_All your life_

_You were only waiting for this moment to be free”_

At the realization as to why Richie learned this song, Stan reached down and grabbed Bill’s hand. Richie did things for a reason. He picked a school to be away from his family. He picked his major partially because his parents hated the idea it, although he would never admit that was even part of it.

_“Blackbird fly, blackbird fly_

_Into the light of the dark black night”_

Richie looked up at Eddie, who was absolutely beaming. Richie tried to hide the smirk that was threatening to appear on his lips. The smirk won out in the end.

_“Blackbird fly, blackbird fly_

_Into the light of the dark black night”_

Mike really was overly excited about how Richie was at performing. Mike really appreciated the fact that his friends were going to pester Richie to perform as they did with him. Once the initial shock of Richie’s talent was over, they would definitely be forced to perform together. He loved his friends, but sometimes they were assholes.

_“Blackbird singing in the dead of night_

_Take these broken wings and learn to fly_

_All your life_

_You were only waiting for this moment to arise_

_You were only waiting for this moment to arise_

_You were only waiting for this moment to arise”_

Richie sang the last notes and looked around at his friends. They all looked both sad and in awe. Eddie mostly looked sad, probably having put together why Richie learned that song in particular. Richie had told him that he learned every song for a reason, which is why he mostly knew sad songs. The only reason Richie knew _I Can’t Help Falling in Love_ was because he was bi and for the longest time he felt like it was wrong to fall in love with guys, but he couldn’t help it.

“That was nice Richie.” Bev smiled at him, the firelight making all of her features a lot warmer than normal.

“Thanks, hon.” Richie sat with his arms on top of the instrument. He liked this, feeling important, wanted. It was a new feeling, one that he was getting used to, but he liked it. It made him feel warm on this cold winter night.

“Do you know anything that’s not horribly depressing but also isn’t cheesy?” Stan was such a piece of shit sometimes. He mostly just didn’t want to think about why Richie would learn a song like that. He and Eddie had shared a look, probably coming to the same conclusion.

“Maybe?” Richie thought about all the songs that he had taught himself. _Sound of Silence_ was depressing. _The Scientist_ was kinda depressing. _Crazy little thing called love_ seemed cheesy. The only other song that he knew really well was from a band no one had ever heard of, and it wasn’t super depressing. It’ll have to work. He had learned it to try and make himself feel better.

_“I lost six of my years_

_Fighting fire with fear_

_And it's tearing me apart inside_

_I can point all the blame_

_Try to relieve the shame_

_But I think it's time I took back my life_

_'Cause I'm sick of the person I used to be_

_So, stressed out, burned out, living in my agony_

_Hated all the words that they said to me_

_So, I jacked up, blacked out, wasted all those memories_

_I won't go back_

_I won't go back_

_I won't go back_

_'Cause I'm sick of you_

_I'm sick of me_

_I'm sick of the person I used to be”_

Eddie felt like he remembered hearing the song from somewhere but he couldn’t remember where. It didn’t sound like any classic rock band he could think of, so it must have been a newer band, and judging on how he didn’t recognize it, it must be a small band.

_“What a pointless mistake_

_Such a slap in the face_

_Gotta turn this thing around again_

_No more holding it back_

_No more bending the facts_

_I'll push myself, push myself_

_'Till I understand_

_'Cause I'm sick of the person I used to be_

_So, stressed out, burned out, living in my agony_

_Hated all the words that they said to me_

_So, I jacked up, blacked out, wasted all those memories_

_I won't go back_

_I won't go back_

_I won't go back_

_'Cause I'm sick of you_

_I'm sick of me_

_I'm sick of the person I used to be”_

Richie had played the song for Eddie before, it was a much harder song than how he was playing it, but it still sounded amazing as an acoustic song. He couldn’t remember what the band was called but he knew he knew it. The band had a screamer although he was also a good singer. It was annoying the shit out of Eddie that he couldn’t think of the band.

_“Save me from this tragedy_

_All the memories gone bad_

_Save me from the legacy_

_From my history_

_Just save me from my broken past”_

That must be why Richie learned this song, he just wanted to be saved from his broken past. He had told Eddie from the beginning that he was trying to leave his past behind him. He had been doing a pretty good job too.

_“'Cause I'm sick of the person I used to be_

_So, stressed out, burned out, living in my agony_

_Hated all the words that they said to me_

_So, I jacked up, blacked out, wasted all those memories_

_I won't go back_

_I won't go back_

_I won't go back_

_'Cause I'm sick of you_

_I'm sick of me_

_I'm sick of the person I used to be”_

They all clapped, loudly. This song sounded more Richie than the Beatles did, although they were still an okay fit for Richie’s voice.

“Did you write that?” Ben asked, kind of hoping that the answer was yes.

“Nah. It’s a song by a smaller rock band called Beartooth out of Ohio.”

“Ohio? Sometimes I forget that state exists,” Mike joked. They all laughed, knowing that they were currently in a state that got forgotten all the time, although it could never be forgotten to all of them.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey, Rich.” Richie had almost been asleep. They had come home from Mike’s and immediately went to go to bed. Eddie has his head on Richie’s shoulder with his arm on Richie’s chest. Richie had put his hand on top of Eddie’s, the other was slowly falling asleep under Eddie.

“Yeah?”

“How long do you think this is going to last?”

“How long what’s going to last?”

“Us.”

“Why do you ask?”

“All the really strong couples I know knew each other for a lot longer than we did before they knew they loved each other. What if we’re using all our passion in the beginning and it’s going to run out soon. I don’t want it to run out soon.” Eddie sounded like he was on the brink of a panic attack. Richie was wide awake now.

“Eddie, I have never felt like this about anyone. I don’t think this is just some passion that will burn out if we aren’t careful. I mean think about it, I kind of need you to live. People can’t really survive on as little sleep as I was getting. I’m not worried about us fizzling out or something. I’m in this until the end.” Eddie picked up his head to look at Richie.

“Really?”

“When have I lied to you?” Eddie looked like he was thinking really hard. “Exactly, never.”

“I guess you’re right,” Eddie smirked and rested his chin on Richie. Richie used his slightly freer hand to reach around and play with Eddie’s hair, it also helped bring feeling back into that arm. Eddie wiggled his hand out from under Richie’s, much to Richie’s dismay, and poked at Richie’s tattoo.

“Why did you pick Saturn as your first tattoo?” The tattoo was small and simple, he didn’t have a lot of money when he got that one so it couldn’t be anything crazy.

“If you think about it, Saturn’s rings are made of a bunch of debris that it pulled in. It’s surrounded by trash but people still think it’s amazing for it. I wanted to be that. Trash that people thought was amazing.”

“I think you’re amazing. And just because you have a trash mouth doesn’t mean you are trash. I wouldn’t be madly in love with someone if they were trash.”

“Oh, so now you’re madly in love with me?”

“Hell yeah, Tozier.” Eddie closed the little bit of distance that was between their lips. Richie tasted like cigarettes and s’mores. Eddie tasted like cherry Chapstick. Both were so in love with each other, that they never wanted this to end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really hope you guys like this chapter, I rewrote almost half of one of the sections a little bit before posting this so...


	12. The one about losing yourself

It was New Year’s Eve and just like with every other celebration, the Losers were at Bill’s house. The Denbrough house was the largest and Bill’s parents always went out for New Years, they also just didn’t give a shit. Someone had brought a bunch of cheap champagne so all of the Losers were getting drunk, except Richie, who sat pretty quietly on the couch while the rest of them danced. Stan came over to Richie and sat down with him, he was the least drunk out of the rest of them.

“You’ve been awfully quiet tonight.”

“Sorry.” Richie took a drink of his soda.

“Something bothering you?” Richie couldn’t really explain what was bothering him. He should be happy, his friends were. “Is it the drinking?” Stan had lowered his voice a little, not wanting the others to hear. Ben, Mike, and Bev didn’t know about Richie’s parents or home life.

“Maybe. I’ve just never really been into New Year’s.” Richie took another drink of his soda, it was warm at this point. “New Years is about fixing yourself. Taking whatever was wrong and making it better. At least, that’s what my parents told me. Couple of fucking hypocrites, they never fixed what was wrong with them. It was like they lied to me every year for my entire life.” _And you can’t fix anything about yourself either. You’re just so fucking broken._

“None of us make New Year resolutions. We all think that if you need to change something about yourself, you should just do it. We mostly use it as an excuse to get together. Some of us use it as an excuse to drink, but that’s a new thing. I can ask them to dial it back if you want.”

“I don’t want to ruin everyone else’s fun. I’m gonna go out for a smoke. I’ll be back.” Part of Stan thought that maybe he wouldn’t be back. Richie made his way to the backyard and sat on the raised part of Bill’s porch. He lit up his cigarette and just tried to focus on the cold air and the smoke filling his lungs. Was it just the drinking that was bothering him? It had to be. Was it just one of Richie’s signature off days? He hoped it wasn’t that. How the hell was he supposed to explain to Eddie or the rest of them about how he will just randomly feel really sad and out of it and like he didn’t belong and that his head has been shit talking him for the past three hours? Stan knew about it because he would get the same way although they had never really talked about it. Usually, he would spend the day in the studio and paint but he couldn’t do that here, he didn’t have anything, his sketchbook wasn’t going to be good enough.

“You doing okay out here?” Richie recognized the voice, although he hadn’t really spent much alone time with its owner as of late.

“I don’t know Bill.”

“You wanna tell me what’s up?” Bill joined him on his makeshift bench.

“Did Stan send you out here?” Richie really didn’t want to talk, not right now at least.

“He told me you weren’t doing all that great when I asked why you left.”

“He didn’t say anything else?” Richie finally looked up at Bill, his nose was red which was his telltale sign that he had been drinking but wasn’t completely drunk yet.

“Stan doesn’t even know that I came out here, I told him I was going to the bathroom, which I did do but I also wanted to check on you.” Richie chuckled although it was empty. “Did you ever hear about the summer that almost broke me?”

“No.”

“Right before we were freshmen in high school, Georgie went missing for the summer. There was a really bad storm and he got swept into the sewers. I blamed myself for him going missing since I was going to go out with him but was super sick. We spent the whole summer looking for him. My parents had given up but I wasn’t going to give up on him. Turns out he had ended up in the barrens and couldn’t figure out where he was and how to get home. He was found two towns over and had been living off of scraps. I couldn’t take that he was missing, that he could’ve been dead and that it was all my fault. I spiraled down a hole that I thought I would never get out of. I think that was when I knew that I loved Stan for sure, he was always there for me when days were really bad. You need to find someone to help you through days like this.”

“Who would you recommend?” Richie had snubbed the end of his cigarette on the bottom lip of the porch, he didn’t want Bill’s parents to see it.

“Eddie would be a good choice. Stan is a good choice too. I’m a decent choice but those two are probably your best options seeing as they know you the best, but any of us could help you. You just have to tell us.”

“Thanks, Bill. I just- I just don’t know how to explain it and have people understand.”

“Well, why don’t you try to explain it to me? I’m a writer, I get weird descriptions.”

“It’s not like I’m sad per say. It’s more like I just don’t feel like myself. It feels almost like the real me has just left my body and in its wake, it left this fake version of me, one that sounds a lot more like my dad than it should. I just want the real me back.”

“Do you get like this at school?”

“Sometimes.”

“How do you deal with it there?”

“I lock myself in the studio for as long as I can. Or Stan forces me to watch movies all day, but that doesn’t help as much. I can’t paint here though, I don’t have anything with me.”

“I might have some paints around here. You’ll just need to find a canvas.”

“I’ll try to figure that one out.” And then the perfect canvas hit Richie. “Do you have any shorts I can borrow?”

“Yeah, let’s go up to my room and I’ll help you find a pair you want and that will fit you.” Richie and Bill hopped off of the porch ledge and went inside. Richie followed Bill upstairs and into his room. Bill pointed to where his shorts were as he started digging in his closet for paints he was sure he had. Richie had found a pair and was quickly changing when he heard someone come inside.

“Hey Bill-” Stan stopped in the doorway and just made eye contact with Richie, who only had one leg in the shorts. “Richie if you had sex with my boyfriend I’m going to chop your dick off and shove it down your throat.” Bill laughed from the closet. Stan looked farther into the room to see Bill standing on his desk chair looking for the paints. “Okay, you can keep your dick for now. Bill, what are you looking for?”

“Paint.”

“Why the hell are you looking for paint?”

“Richie wanted to paint to feel better and I was sure I had some somewhere.”

“Didn’t Georgie take those like two months ago?”

“Oh yeah, that’s what happened to them.” Bill hopped off his chair and went into the hall to get the paint that Georgie had. Stan stepped closer to Richie as he pulled the shorts up all the way. They were big and hung low on Richie’s hips. This was the first time he wore shorts in almost three years.

“You doing okay?”

“I think I’m getting there. Bill came out and talked to me for a bit. I guess he relates.”

“You should know that the only reason Eddie isn’t completely freaking out is because I told him you went out for a smoke and that you’re going to be fine. Please don’t make me a liar.”

“I won’t.” Bill came back with a box of acrylic paints and some paint brushes. “Hey Bill, do you have some towels that I can get paint on?”

“Yeah, I can grab them on the way down. Here take this.” Richie took the box and headed back down to the basement with Stan. When he got back down to the others they greeted him, Mike and Bev being very drunk. Eddie walked over and kissed Richie on the cheek.

“Where have you been mister? And why do you have shorts on?” Eddie’s voice sort of faded as he looked at the scars that littered Richie’s legs.

“I went out for a smoke and suddenly really wanted to paint.” It wasn’t a lie, he just didn’t want to tell Eddie right then for the reason that he wanted to paint.

“So, you’re using your legs?” Ben had walked over, leaving the two drunk people to dance, Bev on a table. Eddie and Ben seemed to have slowed down their drinking as none of their words were slurred but they both swayed quite a bit if they moved too quickly.

“Well, Bill doesn’t have any actual canvases so I have to work with what I got.” Richie shrugged as Bill came down with the towels.

“Anything else you need?”

“A couple of paper plates and a couple of the plastic spoons. Also, some napkins and a cup of water.” Richie had been looking in the box and knew that his colors were limited. He was going to have to mix some colors if he wanted to paint what he wanted to. Eddie helped Richie set up the towels up on the floor in front of the couch. Richie sat down on the towels and started mixing colors. Eddie sat down on the couch behind him, he had never watched Richie paint something like this before. He had fallen asleep while Richie painted the sculpture for his panel. Stan brought Eddie another glass of champagne to sip on and joined him on the couch.

“What you gonna paint there my boy?” Bev asked as she flopped down on the chair. Ben rolled his eyes but had to go back to join Bill in trying to get Mike off of the table before he either broke it or fell off.

“You’ll see. It will probably be really obvious once I actually start it.” Richie was already feeling a little bit better. If he was using his metaphor from earlier it was almost like half of him was back, but he still needed to get the rest of him back home. He started painting the base color, a dark navy that was almost black. Eddie was running his fingers through the long hairs that sat on the back of Richie’s head. Richie hadn’t gotten a haircut in some time, but Eddie liked it at that length, he could actually get French braids to hold without half of them popping out.

Everyone eventually made it to the couch area and began talking. Most of them were watching Richie paint but didn’t want to bring that to Richie’s attention. Although he was too enveloped in his work to really notice. He always got like this when he was painting. With sketching, he could always go back and fix a mistake without anyone really noticing, but with painting, you couldn’t. At least Richie couldn’t, a painting was a one-shot type of thing.

The awkward position he was sitting in was killing Richie’s back after about thirty minutes and he wasn’t even done yet. He leaned back into the couch and stretched his arms up, giving his back a second to decompress. Eddie leaned forward and sat his chin on top of Richie’s head.

“You doing okay Picasso?”

“Yeah, I just don’t know if it’s turning out how I want to.”

“I think it looks good so far.” So far Richie had added most of the space clouds and still needed to add the stars, the thousands and thousands of stars.

“Yeah, but you would say that no matter what.”

“It doesn’t look like trash,” Stan deadpanned. He was almost completely sober at this point and kept checking his clock. He didn’t want them to miss midnight.

“See Stan is someone that would tell me if it looked like shit.” Eddie was worried about Richie still, he wasn’t using nicknames, he was so quiet even when he wasn’t painting, and now everyone had seen the scars on Richie’s legs.

“You sure you’re doing okay?” Eddie whispered in Richie’s ear. Richie made a face that was almost a smirk and nodded his head lightly. He leaned forward again to resume painting and Eddie let a sigh out of his nose. _Why won’t he just tell me what’s wrong?_ Eddie was really glad that Richie couldn’t see the annoyed face he was wearing.

“Hey Eddie, can I talk to you for a sec?” Stan asked, standing up. It was more a demand than a question and Eddie knew that. They walked upstairs so that no one would hear them.

“What’s up?” Was Stan going to tell him what was up with Richie?

“Look, you can’t get mad at Richie, okay. I’m almost positive that he has depression and isn’t taking anything for it or seeing anyone about it or doing anything about it.”

“Why would you think that? Richie’s not depressed, at least not since he’s been with us.”

“Eddie, depression doesn’t work like that. It doesn’t just go away with a change of environment and making some new friends. A lot of times people need medicine and get counseling to help.”

“You talk like you know anything about this other than what we learned in health class.” Eddie was so angry that Stan thought he knew more about what was going on than Eddie. Richie was _his_ boyfriend, not Stan’s.  

“I know what I’m talking about because I’ve struggled with depression since I was thirteen.” Stan didn’t like telling people that he had depression. It made people look at him differently like he was broken.

“Oh shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“The only person that knew was Bill. I don’t tell people because it’s not as bad as it used to be. I’ve been on antidepressants for three years now. Bill made me talk to my doctor about it after I called him at two a.m. and was talking about killing myself. I thought everyone actually hated me. Sound like anyone else that you know?” Richie, it sounded like Richie.

“I’m a fucking idiot. It was right in front of me and I didn’t even notice.”

“Most people don’t.”

“Well, what do I do? I want to help.”

“I know. The first thing is, you can’t get mad at him for not really wanting to talk about it. I think the only reason I know is because he kind of explained it to Bill after he told Richie about that summer and our depression if that’s what it is, acts very similarly.”

“Okay, so I need to just know he’s not going to tell me everything when he’s like this. What else?”

“You need to figure out what makes him happy. For me, Bill will take me out somewhere new and go bird watching. He’ll also find a bunch of flowers and put them in my hair. Or I just chill and watch movies all day if it’s cold. For Bill, it was puzzles and tea for some reason. I think for Richie it’s painting.”

“Okay, anything else?”

“Keep an eye on him, especially when he goes out to smoke.” That one didn’t need any other explanation.

“Okay. I think I can do that.”

“It gets easier over time. And at some point, you might want to convince him to see someone about it, especially if it gets any worse.”

“How will I know if it gets worse?”

“The bad days will be more frequent. He’ll start shutting us all out. He might start burning himself again. We’ll just have to keep an eye on him.”

“Thank you, Stan. So, what do we tell them if they ask what we were talking about?”

“That I heard you and Richie fuck in my house and that I asked you to stop.”

“We did not.”

“I know, but who do you think they would believe?”

“I’ll give you that one.” They walked back downstairs to see Richie practically stabbing his legs with the back of the paintbrush to add the stars to his galaxy. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Making stars.” He didn’t look up to answer, only putting his current brush in his mouth to pick up another and repeat what he was doing.

“Hey guys, it’s almost midnight,” Ben said from under Bev on the chair.

“Bill, find the channel that’s showing the ball drop,” Mike slurred out. He really was shitfaced. Bill turned the tv on and found the channel that was showing the ball drop for the east coast.

“Hey Richie, it’s almost midnight,” Eddie whispered in Richie’s ear. Richie turned his head slightly and nodded at Eddie. Richie kept painting though, he was so close to being done that he was determined to get done before the new year.

It was two minutes until the stroke of midnight when Richie put the last few stars on his legs. He smirked down at his legs, they filled him with pride instead of making him feel shame for what he had done in the past. “Your legs look nice hot stuff,” Bev said from the chair.

“Thanks, babe.”

“Why the universe though?” Eddie asked.

“Don’t know. Just seemed nice to paint something never ending on my legs. Maybe it makes me feel like I’m not so small.” Eddie sat on the ground next to Richie and lied his head in the crook of Richie’s neck.

“I like it, cause you’re my universe.”

“Holy fuck you’re so goddamn cheesy.” Richie chuckled at how ridiculous Eddie was. They both knew that Eddie was laying it on pretty thick since Richie was feeling down.

“Made you smile.”

“Yeah.” The rest of the group started counting down from ten, looks like the new year was coming faster than either of them had realized. They joined in when the rest of the group got to three.

“3-”

“2-”

“1-”

“Happy New Year!” They all screamed, many of them still pretty tipsy.

“Happy New Year Eds,” Richie whispered to Eddie.

“Don’t call me that,” Eddie said before closing the gap between them. Richie put one of his hands on Eddie’s face like he always did.

“Happy New Year Trashmouth,” Eddie said after they separated. “You want something to eat? You haven’t really eaten since we got here.”

“Sure. Whatever is fine.” Eddie got up and went to the food table, grabbing Richie pretty much everything on there. He walked back into the sitting area and everyone immediately started laughing.

“We can tell who’s dating the art kid,” Stan commented.

“I have paint on my face, don’t I?”

“Sorry,” Richie tried to contain his laughter. He knew he had wet paint on his hand but he didn’t care when he was kissing Eddie. Eddie looked good with the mixture of blues and whites on his face. Maybe he should get paint on Eddie more often.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, fun fact, Richie/Stan's depression is based very much on my own. I know that not every case of depression is the same, but this is the one I understand so it's the one that's in here.


	13. The one about a haunting past

**Benny: What was up with the burn marks on Richie’s legs?**

**PolaroidGirl: Yeah I was wondering about that too**

**BirdBoy: You were drunk, how do you even remember them?**

**PolaroidGirl: Fucking rude Stanley. But for real, why does he have so many?**

**Edwardo: Hey this is Richie. Eds is asleep so I figured I would explain. I have really shitty parents. Like the kind that are abusive. And sometimes when it got really bad I would put my cigarettes out on my legs. The last time I did it was the first day of classes**

**Michelangelo: Oh dude I’m so sorry**

**PolaroidGirl: Is that why you’re staying with Stan?**

**Edwardo: Yeah**

**BirdBoy: I didn’t give him an option**

**Benny: I’m so sorry Richie, I didn’t mean to bring this up.**

**Benny: I just wanted to make sure you were okay.**

**B-b-bill: Is that why you always wear pants, even during summer?**

**Michelangelo: Wait you didn’t know about this Bill?**

**Edwardo: I tried to let as few people know as possible**

**PolaroidGirl: Thank you for telling us Richie. I know it takes a lot of courage to do something like that**

**BirdBoy: Okay wait back up**

**B-b-bill: What?**

**BirdBoy: Why the hell are you awake? You and Eddie went to bed like three hours ago**

Richie opened the door to Stan’s room, without knocking. “You’re not going to like the answer.”

“You didn’t have a nightmare, did you?”

“I’m sure I would’ve had I fallen asleep, but no. My dad called.”

“What did that fucker want?”

“He called to tell me I was a disgrace for not even coming home for a day. And then he told me that this was the last month they were paying for my phone. ‘You never bother to call us so why spend our money like that?’ So now I get to figure that out. And please don’t ask your parents to add me to theirs.” Richie already felt like he was such a burden to the Uris family, he didn’t want to add any more to it.

“What are you gonna do?”

“I might see about getting my own plan when we get back to school. I did just make a lot of money. After that, I’m probably going to try and get a job.” Richie looked defeated, everything was finally going right for him and then life had to swiftly kick him in the balls, again. He was still kind of down from New Years, and that was three days ago.

“Don’t you have a bunch of commissions?”

“Yeah, but who knows how long that’s going to last. With my luck, it won’t last for more than a month.”

“Have you told Eddie yet?”

“No. He was already out when my dad called.”

“Why didn’t you wake him up? It’s not like it would’ve been the first time you did that.”

“He hasn’t slept well since his mom. I just wanted him to get some sleep.”

“Sounds like what we used to tell you,” Richie smirked, but it didn’t last for long. “Are you going to try to get some sleep?”

“I’m afraid to. I haven’t had a nightmare in like a week, I’m starting to forget what it’s like.” Richie’s joke would’ve been funny had the situation not been so serious. “Sorry for just barging in here and not just answering you from Eddie’s phone. I just didn’t really want everyone else to know what was going on, at least not yet.”

“It’s okay, they care though. I can tell because my phone has buzzed about ten times since you’ve been in here.” Stan handed over his phone, not looking at what the messages were.

**Michelangelo: Wait what’s going on? Richie has been out like a light every time I’ve seen him sleep**

**PolaroidGirl: Richie is everything okay?**

**PolaroidGirl: If you don’t answer in the next ten minutes I am coming over**

**B-b-bill: Was it another nightmare?**

**Benny: Nightmare?**

**PolaroidGirl: You aren’t concerned that he said another**

**B-b-bill: Ummmmmmmmmm. Forget I said that?**

“Your boyfriend is a struggle.”

“God don’t I know it. What did he do now?”

“Hinted at the nightmares.”

**PolaroidGirl: That’s it. I’m getting dressed and coming over**

**Michelangelo: Isn’t that a bit overkill Bev? Maybe he just fell asleep. Or went to the bathroom. Or Eddie woke up?**

**Edwardo: Why the fuck are you guys aggressively texting at one in the morning?**

“Eddie’s awake.”

**Benny: Is this Eddie or Richie?**

**Edwardo: What kind of question is that?**

**BirdBoy: It’s Eds. I migrated to Stan’s room**

**PolaroidGirl: Okay you have two minutes to explain or I am out the door**

“Why is Bev threatening to come over?” Eddie asked from the doorway, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Scroll back up in the conversation,” Stan said, trying to keep him normal deadpan alive but he wasn’t very convincing this time. Meanwhile, Richie typed his message to get Bev off the ledge.

**BirdBoy: Tonight, I got woken up by some of my parents bullshit, don’t worry. And the nightmare thing is that I have really bad nightmares. Although they haven’t been that bad lately.**

“Richie, what’s going on?” Eddie was still tired, but that was overcome with concern.

“My phone is getting shut off next month.”

“You’re shitting me!”

“Nope.”

**PolaroidGirl: Okay. I’ll accept that answer, for now.**

**PolaroidGirl: Also will one of you add Richie to the group chat?**

**Michelangelo: Yeah I don’t want to keep playing a guessing game as to who’s talking from our New York gang**

**B-b-bill: Is that what we have been dubbed?**

**Michelangelo: Yes**

**BirdBoy: Man how am I gonna roast him without him knowing now?**

“Ha-ha very funny Stanley.”

“You know I’m hilarious.”

“You’re both really extra,” Eddie smirked at the two of them. Their banter was always entertaining. “Richie, are we going to bed at all tonight?”

“Probably not.” Richie shrugged. He still seemed really down, and it seemed to be getting worse.

“Well, what do you want to do instead?” Eddie grabbed Richie’s hand, it was so cold. Richie was a naturally warmer person so to feel him so cold scared Eddie.

“Do you want to go downstairs and watch movies?” Stan offered. Richie nodded. He and Richie had binged Netflix when Stan was really down at school, they had done it a couple times when Richie was down. It usually helped a little bit. “Do you want me to invite anyone else over?” Richie shook his head. He really just wanted to be with his two favorite people. “Okay. You might want to grab your phone so we can add you to the group chat before Bev drives over here and does it herself.” Richie smirked, he knew Bev would do it.

Bev had really taken a liking to Richie and he couldn’t figure out why. Was it just because they were both smoking, bi, art majors? Was it because they both had adorable boyfriends? Whatever it was, Bev had told the Trashmouth that he was her favorite of the New York Gang. _How the hell can I be her favorite? I’ve known her for a blink of an eye and she’s known the other three for so fucking long._

Richie’s mind was racing but he felt numb. These kids all really liked him and really cared about him. But what if they all just felt bad for him? What if they all knew about Richie’s home life because Stan, Eddie, and Bill had already told them about it? Maybe they were all pretending that they liked him a lot to make him feel better, but the second they were out of college they would forget about him. Was Eddie toying with his emotions? He couldn’t be, Eddie isn’t that cruel.

“Hey, Rich. You okay?” Eddie gently pushed on Richie’s shoulder, trying to get him to focus. _When did we get downstairs?_

“Um. I don’t know.”

“Can you tell us what’s wrong?” Eddie tried to keep his voice even, remembering what Stan told him a couple days ago.

“You guys wouldn’t lie to me, right?”

“I wouldn’t,” Eddie looked so worried. Why would Richie think he would lie to him?

“Never,” Stan tried to keep his voice level, for Richie’s sake, even though he wanted nothing more than to break at that moment. He could tell where Richie was going. He knew the spot Richie was in all too well.

“You guys actually care about me, right? Like this isn’t some sick game to play on the new kid?” Eddies heart shattered. He wanted to scream at Richie that he loved the boy and how could he think such ridiculous ideas. But then he remembered he couldn’t get mad, that would only make it worse.

“Richie,” Eddie put his hands on either side of Richie’s face, forcing him to look at Eddie. “I promise you, this isn’t some sick joke or game, this is real. I love you so much that sometimes it hurts and when you’re hurt, I’m dying. It hurts when your nightmares run rampant, it hurts when your parents are awful, it hurts when I see the scars, and it actually kills me when you’re like this because I don’t know how to help you. And I might not understand it completely, but I’m here for you. No matter what. We all are. And you don’t have to open up right away, but I do want you to tell me what’s going on in that pretty head of yours because I might be many things, but a mind reader isn’t one of them.”

Richie had tears streaming down his face by the end of Eddie’s speech. Neither of the other two said anything. Eddie knew how much Richie hated crying like that and Stan knew how fragile Richie’s mental state was when he was like that. Eddie pulled Richie in and wrapped his arms around the taller boy’s shoulders. Richie instinctively wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist. As much as Stan hated the idea, he got up and moved so that he was behind Richie, wrapping his arms around Richie’s waist and laying the side of his face against Richie’s spine.

Richie cried for a long time. He hated it. His eyes felt itchy. His body was aching. He felt weak. Who cries this much? Only babies and children. He’s an adult. This is why no one actually likes him. But Eddie just gave him a whole speech about how he loved him and they all really liked him. They all cared. Stan had to care, he’s basically cuddling with Richie and Stan had told him multiple times that he was not going to do that.

Richie had finally gotten his sobs down to just a few tears and snivels. Although no one moved, at least not for some time. Eddie was the one that moved first, he gingerly cupped Richie’s face, using his thumb to wipe away a stray tear from Richie’s face.

“You okay?” Richie shrugged, he didn’t really know. “Do you want anything?”

“A drink would be nice. I think I just made myself dehydrated from crying so much.”

“Okay. Stan, you want anything?” Stan finally moved from Richie’s back, he had gotten quite comfortable.

“Yeah, a drink would be nice.” He mouthed the words ‘I’m gonna talk to him’ to Eddie so that Eddie would take a little bit longer than he really needed too. Richie shifted so that he was sitting with his back on the back of the couch. “Your brain telling you shitty things? Telling you that you’re worthless? That no one cares?” Richie nodded. He didn’t really have any more tears to shed. “You know it’s wrong, right?”

“How do you know that?”

“Because mine has told me the same thing for six years. I get it. Three years ago, I called Bill in tears, I was so sure that no one cared about me. No one liked me. Everyone just put up with me because I was supposed to be Bill’s best friend. I told him that my life was empty and that I just wanted it to end. I was so scared that we were going to graduate high school and they were going to just slowly distance themselves from me until they forgot about me. I just wanted everything to end. It was terrible.”

“How did you deal with it?”

“I talked to my doctor about getting some antidepressants. I think it helped though. I don’t get that low anymore. It’s not a cure-all but it helps. I also started opening up when I felt like that, that’s what felt like it was impossible.”

“I haven’t been to a doctor in a long fucking time.”

“You know our school has a free clinic, right? They also have a free mental health clinic. Maybe make an appointment when we get back? I know you’re not going to like it but I think you should. I don’t want depression to take you. I care about you too much at this point to lose you.”

“Thank you, Stan. Will you force me to make the appointment when we get back in a few days? I’ll claim I forgot because I don’t want to do it.”

“Yeah. I’ll give you the first day to settle back but then you’re making the appointment, even if I have to make it for you.” Richie laughed, and it seemed genuine. Richie probably wasn’t completely better at this point, but hopefully, he was getting there.

Eddie entered the room again with drinks in hand, he had been listening from the doorway to know when a good time to come in was. He handed Richie and Stan both bottles of water before flopping back on the couch next to Richie. Richie chugged half of his water and put the rest of the bottle on the coffee table. “So, what are we going to watch my dudes?”

“Why don’t you pick something?” Stan asked as he sat back into the couch.

“Stan, you and I both know that is a bad idea.”

“You’re right. Last time I let you pick we watched some really shitty ‘horror’ movies. What do you think Eddie?”

“Well, what genre are we thinking?”

“Comedy.”

“Horror.”

“Richie you always want to watch horror movies. Why is that?” Eddie asked, Stan just rolled his eyes.

“Nothing is scarier than my own brain so they don’t bother me.”

“Wait, aren’t there comedy horror movies? Isn’t that what the Scary Movie franchise is?” Eddie asked. He had seen the first of those movies and thought they were pretty stupid.

“Holy shit! I know the perfect movie to watch!” Richie jumped up and grabbed the remote. He turned on the TV and fired up Netflix. He started typing the movie name and clicked it as soon as it came up, he had watched it multiple times last semester.

“Tucker and Dale vs. Evil? So, you’re the one that keeps watching this?”

“Who else would watch it? No offense Stanny, but your parents don’t seem like the kind of people to binge weird movies.”

“Accurate.”

“How did you even find this? Also, it sounds ridiculous.” Eddie nestled against Richie and read the synopsis of the movie. He was right, it was a ridiculous sounding movie, but what did he expect when it’s a parody of the redneck cabin in the woods style horror movie.

“I was scrolling through the dark comedies section and it came up. It’s actually really good.” Richie wrapped his arm around Eddie’s waist and leaned his head on top of his boyfriend’s, living for the height difference. Stan shifted so he could throw his legs over the couple. He was trying to help Richie feel better, he knew he could get over his own uncomfortableness with Eddie being there. Richie hit play and tossed the remote onto the coffee table, careful not to break anything.

 None of them moved or spoke again until the end of the movie. 

“Okay Richie, you can have your movie picking privileges back, as long as it’s more shit like this.”

“Wow, thanks, Stan. That’s so sweet of you.” All three of them were dying at the movie. Stan thought it was probably one of the funniest movies he had ever seen and Eddie was upset that he had never seen that movie before. Richie was right when he said it was hilarious.

“I’m gonna have to tell the rest of them about this.” Stan readjusted himself as he said that. He moved so that he was sitting with his legs crossed under him, he was still pretty close to Richie on the couch though.

“Oh, we need to add Richie to the group chat. Let me see your phone.” Richie handed his phone over to Eddie, who quickly downloaded their group chat app and added Richie to the group. “Okay, you just need to pick out a nickname. I mean you can keep Richie but we all have nicknames so you should too.”

**Richie was added to the chat**

**Richie changed their name to RichDick**

**BirdBoy: Why are you like this?**

**RichDick: You know you love it Stanny ;)**

**PolaroidGirl: RICHIE!!!**

**Benny: Bev just actually screeched, I want you all to know this**

**PolaroidGirl: WHY WOULD YOU TELL THEM THAT**

**PolaroidGirl: BETRAYAL**

**Michelangelo: Hahahahahaha**

**PolaroidGirl: I hate all of you**

**BirdBoy: Now you know how I feel**

**B-b-bill: I hope I’m not included in that**

**BirdBoy: You are**

**Edwardo: Why are all of you still awake?**

**PolaroidGirl: I wanted to make sure Richie was okay. I made Ben stay up with me**

**Michelangelo: I also wanted to make sure Richie was okay. I was also looking at how much a plane ticket to California would be**

**RichDick: I don’t want to know why. If I don’t know why I can’t be connected. As far as I know it’s for vacation**

**RichDick: Also, I’m fine. I forced Eddie and Stan to watch one of my favorite movies with me**

**B-b-bill: Which is???**

**BirdBoy: It’s called Tucker and Dale vs. Evil. It was actually really good**

**Michelangelo: Oh shit. If Stan says it’s good then it has to be one hell of a movie**

**BirdBoy: Am I really that much of a movie snob?**

**Michelangelo: Yes**

**PolaroidGirl: Yeah**

**Benny: A little bit**

**RichDick: Yes, from me and Eds**

**B-b-bill: I love you, but you are**

**BirdBoy: I’m feeling attacked in my own home**

**Edwardo: Okay since we all know Richie is okay, will you all please go to bed?**

**Benny: Are you going to go to bed?**

**Edwardo: Ummmmm**

**RichDick: Probably not**

**BirdBoy: Doubtful**

**PolaroidGirl: Then no**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, the movie mentioned in this chapter is a real movie that I absolutely love. I've seen it dozens of times and it still makes me laugh.


	14. The one about the high before the fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A cuter fluffier chapter featuring my real life opinions on Valentine's Day. I will say that this chapter is kind of a filler, I just didn't want a three-month jump without anything in between. Anyway, enjoy.

Richie had just finished helping Eddie pack up all their stuff. Eddie had gotten almost all of his stuff from his mom’s house, with some fighting. Mike and Ben were the ones that went with him. Richie didn’t go on that trip, afraid that he might say something that would really get Eddie in deep shit.

“How did you convince her to let you keep the car?”

“It was a gift from my aunt, she has no claim over it.”

“The cool aunt?”

“Yeah. I told her what happened, she’s pissed. She and her girlfriend are gonna help me out if I need anything.”

“Nice. Wish I had someone like that.” Eddie felt bad, he at least had someone to turn to, Richie didn’t. He wasn’t going to be able to enjoy being a college student, a kid. Richie was going to have to grow up in the blink of an eye. “But you know what, I do have you. That might be all I need.”

“You’re so fucking cheesy.”

“Like you have so much room to talk, you’re wearing a jacket that you stole from me.”

“It smells like you!” Eddie had been freezing so he put Richie’s old denim jacket over his sweater. He had also stolen another of Richie’s pins, although this was his crown one that was supposed to represent Queen. “Okay, I can see where you’re coming from.”

They got in the car and got ready to head out. Stan and Bill were going to head out a little later because Georgie wanted to have lunch with the two of them before they were gone until summer. The four were still up in the air about going back for spring break. Eddie wanted to go to New York City and Bill just didn’t want to make the drive back.

“What do you want to listen to babe?” Richie asked browsing through Eddie’s CD collection. Eddie’s car had an older radio so there was no aux cord.

“You know I’m going to say whatever.”

“At least help me narrow it down.”

“Maybe something alternative or pop-punk? I’m not really feeling pop and I’m not really feeling anything heavy either.” Richie put in a CD that he had pretty much forced Eddie to get. It was a small band called Makeout, they were more of a pop-punk band that Richie had seen a long time ago when they were under a different name. Eddie nodded his head along with the music. Richie watched in amusement. “Why are you staring at me?”

“You’re just really cute when you do that.”

“Do what?”

“Get lost in something you like.”

“And you bitch at me about being cheesy.”

“Yeah but I have the punk look to pull it off.”

“I feel like the punk look makes it harder for you to be that cheesy. Also, our friends never believe me when I tell them that you’re really cheesy and sweet.”

“Good. I save all the cheese for my spaghetti man.”

“I hate that you call me that.”

“You’ll get over it.” They drove in a comfortable silence for a bit before Eddie spoke again.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“Yeah. I haven’t been that bad in a really long time. It was just so much, I don’t think my brain could take it. I’m sorry I scared you.”

“I just didn’t know. I thought the days you locked yourself in the studio were because you had a lot of work to get done. I never imagined it was anything else.”

“Yeah, but I’m gonna take Stan’s advice and talk to someone about it.”

“I’m glad, I wasn’t joking when I said that it kills me when you’re like that.”

“I know you weren’t.”

~~~~~~~~~~

They had been floating, not particularly flying, but floating as if they were in a bubble or on a cloud. They had been talking, with small kisses spread throughout the conversation. Eddie was playing with Richie’s finger like he always does when he was relaxing. Suddenly, they were falling. Eddie screamed and cried out for Richie. Richie grabbed Eddie’s hand and pulled him into his chest. “I love you so much! I’m so sorry!”

“I love you too!” Richie tried to keeps Eddie from looking at the quickly approaching ground. Richie didn’t want to accept death. He wasn’t ready. He had so much that he still wanted to do, so many places he wanted to go, so much he wanted to do with Eddie.

When they hit the ground Richie jumped, hitting his knees against the dashboard of Eddie’s car. “Mother fuck that hurt!”

“What did you do?” Eddie was still driving, but he looked over in concern.

“Your car is trying to take me out at the kneecaps.”

“Why did you jump like that?”

“Unpleasant dream. I wouldn’t really call it a nightmare. We were floating and then suddenly we were falling. I jumped when we hit the ground.”

“We?”

“You and me.”

“Why were we floating?”

“I have no clue.” Richie sat his drink, which was still slightly cold on his knees, trying to get the pain to go away. “How much farther we got?”

“A little under an hour.”

“Did you want me to take over driving for the rest of the way? You look exhausted.”

“Bitch, you haven’t driven in forever and you are not driving my car.”

“I’ve literally driven your car last semester. You get really hungry when you’re tipsy.”

“It’s okay. If it was a longer drive, then probably. Will you open my drink for me?”

“Sure, thing babe.” Richie grabbed Eddie’s drink from the bag behind Eddie’s seat and opened it for Eddie, handing it to him. “I don’t know how you drink that shit, it’s leaf juice.”

“It’s good. You’d like it if you tried it.” He handed the bottle back to Richie, mostly so he could close it. Richie put the cap back on and put it in Eddie’s cup holder.

“What are we gonna do when we get back?”

“Are you asking me if we can get something to eat?”

“Absolutely.”

“You’re so predictable.”

“What do you want to get? We can get a pizza so we can eat and unpack all your shit.”

“I can’t help that I have a lot of stuff. This is everything that I collected over nineteen years of my life.”

“I left home with pretty much nothing.”

“Yeah, but I’m really sentimental about stuff.”

“Where are you gonna put everything?”

“I guess you and I are going to figure that out now aren’t we.” Richie chuckled at his boyfriend, his ridiculous boyfriend. “But the idea of pizza sounds good. We can take everything in and then order it. It should be early enough that we won’t have to wait too long for delivery. While we wait we can start planning where all of my ‘shit’ is going to go.”

They worked for hours, ate a whole large pizza, and barely got all of Eddie’s stuff in his room. Some of it ended up going in Richie’s room, some of it was set aside to be donated, and some of it was simply thrown away. Eddie was not happy about having to throw some things away. Richie made it up to him though.

~~~~~~~~~

“Are you and Bill doing anything for Valentine’s Day?” Richie had been working on a realistic sketch of Cupid, which made him think of it.

“Valentine’s Day is a stupid holiday and I don’t celebrate it,” Stan didn’t look up from his textbook. In all reality, he never remembered what day Valentine’s Day fell on, not that he cared. He really did consider it a stupid holiday.

“You guys for real don’t do anything?”

“We go get discount chocolate the second they mark it down. But we don’t go out because every restaurant is going to be packed. Bill might try to do something cute but he and I both came to an agreement that our anniversary is a significantly more important date than some dumb holiday that has changed meaning over the centuries.”

“Really?”

“Valentine’s day started as a Pagan holiday,” Stan was interrupted by Richie’s comment of, “Just like all the good ones.” Stan just rolled his eyes.

“It was a holiday to celebrate the Roman god of agriculture and the founders of Rome.”

“Why do you know that?”

“I like to ruin people’s ideas of holidays.” Stan looked up at Richie completely, “You want to hear the real origins of Christmas?”

“Nah.” Stan shrugged and went back to working on his homework. “Do you think Eddie is gonna want to do something?”

“I’m sure he will.”

“Do you think he’s going to plan something or should I do it?”

“That one I’m less sure about. If I know Eddie, he’s going to plan something.”

“Does he not trust me to plan something awesome?” Stan looked up at Richie though he didn’t lift his head up. “Okay, fair point.”

“Don’t worry about it too much. If he doesn’t plan anything just make it up to him by fucking him, I’m sure that’s how you apologize now.”

"We haven’t done anything yet.”

“Nothing?” Stan looked up in shock.

“Nope.” Richie sounded a lot more nonchalant about it than Stan would’ve expected. With all the dick jokes and comments that Richie makes, he figured they had to be doing something.

“How long have you two been together?”

“A little over two months.”

"Huh.”

“Why the huh there, smarty?”

“Nothing, I just thought you two would’ve done it really quickly. Or at least something.”

“When did you and Bill actually do it for the first time?”

“Like, when did we actually fuck or when did we start messing around?”

“Both?”

“Messing around was, like not even a month and a half in. Actual fucking was four months in.” Richie nodded. He had starting scratching his leg very aggressively while Stan was talking. “Why are you scratching your leg so hard?”

“Just itchy.” Richie stopped suddenly and pulled his hand away from his leg. He had sounded off to Stan.

“Richie. Tell me the truth.”

“But, you’re gonna be disappointed in me.”

“You didn’t, did you?” Richie nodded making Stan sigh. He tried not to sound disappointed, but he knew he did. “When?”

“It was after my last session with Rose.”

“You’re seeing her so that you’ll stop burning yourself.”

“We just- we talked about some stuff that was really rough. Things I’m not ready for you guys to know. That was the only thing that felt like it was going to help, I knew it wouldn’t but it was all I could think of.” Stan went and sat on Richie’s bed next to him.

“Richie,” he looked up at Stan, “I need you to promise me something.”

“What is it?”

“That you’re not going to burn yourself again. Ever.” Richie nodded. Stan would normally make Richie verbally agree, but he wasn’t going to push it this time.

Meanwhile, in the room down the hall, Eddie and Bill were having a similar conversation that Richie and Stan had been having, at least the not so sad part of their conversation.  

“Do you think Richie is going to want to do something for Valentine’s day?”

“I don’t know. You’re the one dating him.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean all that much and you know it.”

“He might just want to spend time with you. That’s all Stan and I do.”

“Do you think I should plan something?”

“I don’t know. Again, I’m not exactly the best person to ask for a situation like this. Stan hates Valentine’s day so we don’t do anything. The best we do is go get discount chocolate.”

“You still need to help me. It’s my first Valentine’s day with anyone and I need help from someone who’s dated a bunch of people.”

"I would be insulted if that wasn’t true. Also, I was never dating anyone around Valentine’s Day. Then and Christmas were holidays that I purposefully avoided dating anyone during.”

“Why?” Eddie was expecting Bill to say that it was because he didn’t want to get anyone a gift.

“Remember how I was in love with someone else that whole time?”

“Oh yeah. But that still doesn’t make sense.”

“I knew I wasn’t going to be able to get a really romantic gift without thinking about Stan the whole time and that would’ve blown my cover.”

“You had a cover? Literally, all of us knew you liked Stan.”

“The rest of the school didn’t.”

“Eh. It was a rumor that you were dating girls as a cover-up for something.”

"Of course, it was. Did Bev start it?”

“I don’t want to say yes, but yes.”

“That bitch,” Bill mumbled, although he wasn’t actually angry. With all the times he complained at her, he figured that was some pretty good payback.

“So, are you going to help me with this Valentine’s day thing or not?”

“Why don’t you ask Richie if he wants to do anything. There’s a good chance he won’t. He’s not exactly one of those guys who celebrates a lot of holidays.”

“I guess I can do that.”

**To Rich <3: Question**

**From Rich <3: Shoot**

**To Rich <3: Do you want to do something for Valentine’s day? It is coming up.**

**From Rich <3: I don’t really care. Do you?**

**To Rich <3: Maybe. I at least want to spend the day with you.**

**From Rich <3: That is very doable **

**To Rich <3: Is there something specific you want to do? **

**From Rich <3: Not really. Is there something you want to do?**

**To Rich <3: Nope. **

**To Rich <3: Do you want me to plan something?**

**From Rich <3: Don’t worry about it. I got it. **

**To Rich <3: I’m scared.**

**From Rich <3: Don’t be. You’ll like it. I think. **

Eddie worried about it for the entire week leading up to Valentine’s day. He had no idea what was in store for him when Richie showed up to his room to take them out. They made their way to the art studios, which thoroughly confused Eddie.

Richie opened the door to his studio room and Eddie’s breath caught in his throat. Richie had strung fairy lights all around the room. In the center of the room, there was a blanket on the floor with some food and a few candles.

“Richie, this is amazing.”

“You like it?” Richie tried not to sound as nervous as he felt. He had worked really hard on all this and wanted Eddie to like it. It was both their first time celebrating the holiday of love and Richie just wanted it to be special.

“Like it? I love it. Almost as much as I love you.” Eddie turned slightly to look at the side of Richie’s face.

“I’m going to take that as a good thing.”

“It’s a very good thing.” Eddie kissed Richie on the cheek and sat down on the blanket Richie had laid out. “Did you have to carry this food all the way from our dorm?”

“No. There’s a stove down in the basement. It’s mostly for melting wax and stuff, but you can cook on it.” Richie joined Eddie on the blanket, sitting across from him.

“So, what did you make?”

“Well, I made my Eddie Spaghetti, some spaghetti.” Eddie gasped, but not in an excited way, more in a ‘how dare you’ kind of way.

“I fucking hate you.”

“Sure, you do. You want food or not?” Eddie had what Richie called the look of mild frustration on his face. It was a look that was only ever really aimed at Richie.

“Fine, pass me some spaghetti.”

“You don’t want to lady and the tramp it?” Richie winked at Eddie, only making his mild look of frustration a little worse.

“Boy if you don’t shut the fuck up.”

“Sorry. I just had a lot of fun with this.”

“It’s a good thing I love you. I hate the nickname and pretty much everything you just said in the past like minute but I guess it’s okay.”

“I love you,” Richie said through his lopsided smile.

“I love you too.” Eddie may have acted like he hated Richie and his jokes at the moment, but he really did love them. He just knew Richie liked getting a reaction, and he really loved making Richie happy and seeing the smile that made tiny dimples, ones that were barely visible. Eddie could die a happy man if that smile was the last thing he saw.

~~~~~~~~~~

 “Hey, Rich.”

“Yeah?” Richie looked up from his English reading, Eddie looked concerned. “What’s wrong?” He had discarded the reading to fully look at his boyfriend of three months.

“Why haven’t we, you know? Had sex?”

“What the hell brought this up?”

“Everyone else I know had sex way before this point in their relationship. Or at least they had done something, we haven’t done anything.”

“Why do you keep comparing us to other people?” Richie asked through a slight laugh. Richie wasn’t necessarily hurt by it, he was just confused. They weren’t anyone else.

“Just answer my damn question, Richie!”

“Sorry. I just- I didn’t want to push you into something you didn’t want to do or wasn’t ready for. I didn’t want to push too hard and lose you. Cause trust me, I was ready to go all the way the first time we kissed.”

“But I have been dropping a lot of hints that I wanted to lately.”

“Please remember that Stan calls me the densest human being to walk the Earth. Let’s not forget that I didn’t notice that you had a crush on me for all of last semester.”

“You are pretty dense. So, it’s just that? It’s not because something is wrong with me?”

“What the fuck? Of course not! There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You’re the most perfect being I have ever met.”

“You’re the most ridiculous being that I have ever met.”

“You picked me.”

“I still question that decision.”

“So why did you suddenly bring our lack of a sex life up?”

“No reason,” Eddie said looking down at his lap.

“No reason huh?” Richie leaned over so he was much closer to Eddie’s face.

“I can pretend it was for no reason, can’t I? At least for tonight?”

“Why? Do you not want to? Because we don’t have to.”

“No, I do, it’s just- Bill’s gonna be back at some point tonight and I wanted our first time to be really sweet and not be rushed and I don’t know when Bill’s going to be back and I don’t want him to walk in on us because then I could never look at him again.”

“It’s okay, I agree. But Bill has work until six and then he and Stan are going out to dinner. We have plenty of time. And I can tell Stan that Bill needs to spend the night in our room. But if you don’t want to do it tonight, then we don’t have to.”

“Have you done it before?”

“Couple times. Some people are real into the punk look. But none of those felt special. Just a way to get some frustration out I guess.” _It was more like a way to feel like someone actually cared. At least for a moment._

“It’ll be my first time.”

“That’s okay.” Richie tucked one of the waves behind Eddie’s ear, rubbing his thumb on Eddie’s cheekbone. “I don’t judge.”

“I know you don’t. That’s why I love you.”

“I love you too.” Richie leaned in and closed the space between their lips. Richie let Eddie set the pace. Although Eddie picked up the pace really quickly. Bill spent the night with Stan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I'm just going to say this now, but I'm sorry.


	15. The one about broken promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a repost so if you've read this chapter before, please re-read it.

Richie had been sketching for class when he heard a knock on the door. He sat his sketchpad down on the floor and turned the music off. Who was knocking? Eddie had a key to his studio room and Stan had his night class at the moment and Bill had to work. He opened the door to see the small blonde from down the hall. Her name was Millie, she was a sophomore who had almost failed her panel and hung out with a kid named Matthew a lot, who Richie wasn’t really a fan of. That was all Richie really knew about her.

“Hey, Richie.”

“Hey Millie, what can I do for you?”

“I just wanted to talk.” She stepped into his room, looking around as if she would see some art on the walls. Most of the stuff he made never stayed for very long. Usually, it was commission work or school work or it just sold quickly.

“What did you want to talk about because I have work to do and I’m waiting on someone.”

“You know everyone in the art department is talking about you? The crazy talented freshman who can paint anything, or anyone.”

“I mean I guess. All I did was get lucky.”

“You wanna get lucky again?”

“What are you-” Richie was cut off by a pair of lips smashing against his. As always, it took Richie’s brain a moment to realize what was going on. He pushed her away, both looking confused.

“What the fuck?!” The voice didn’t come from either of them. Richie looked towards the door and his heart broke. There stood Eddie holding what Richie could assume was supposed to be their dinner. Tears were already forming in the small boy’s eyes. He turned and left the doorway.

“Eddie! Eddie come back here!” Richie ran after him. He wanted to explain. He caught up to the small boy and grabbed his arm. _Fuck my short legs_ Eddie thought to himself. “Look, Eddie, what you saw back there wasn’t what you think it was.”

“I don’t want to hear it,” Eddie turned around, his eyes full of hatred and glassy with unshed tears.

“Just listen to me for three seconds,” Richie didn’t raise his voice although a lot of him wanted to.

“Save it, Richard.” _Oh God, not Richard._ “I get it, you know. I was the first person who was really nice to you. I guess you just fall for anyone who says something nice.” Eddie’s words were so bitter they hurt. “I guess you got all you wanted out of me didn’t you. I can’t believe I bought into your speech about not wanting to push too hard and losing me. Is she what you were using to get by while I wasn’t fucking you? Is she what you were really doing those late nights when we all thought you were painting? Guess you don’t have to sneak around anymore do you, you fucking piece of shit.” Eddie pulled his arm away and took a few steps away from Richie.

“Eddie…” Richie couldn’t say much more before Eddie turned back around and continued.

“You know what I just realized, you probably told that you loved me to make me feel better. To make me feel like I wasn’t some kid who fell too quickly for someone that clearly didn’t fall for me and wasn’t going to. I was such an idiot for believing anything that came out of your mouth. You’re just like your parents, a fucking liar. If your parents even were actually like that. You’re the fucking worst Richard, I hope you know that. I also hope you know, that I will be perfectly happy if I never see you again.” Eddie completely walked off then. Richie felt like he was stuck in a nightmare. _Wake up. Please, fucking wake up. For the love of God fucking wake up._ But this was no nightmare and Richie knew it.

Richie knew it was too good to be true. His life was going too well. He knew it would eventually come crashing down, but he had hoped it wasn’t like this. He had been hoping that it was commissions died down a little. Or he would lose one of his scholarships. That’s what he had been expecting it to be. He never expected this. Richie turned and went back to his studio. When he made it back, Millie was still standing there.

“Who was that?”

“That was my boyfriend. Although he just dumped me.”

“Oh shit. I didn’t know you guys were a thing. I thought you guys were friends. Do you want me to go talk to him?”

“Don’t you think you’ve done enough.” Richie’s voice was a lot harsher than normal, it reminded him a lot of how Wentworth would sound right before he blew. Richie shut his eyes to stop the tears that were threatening to escape. “Get out.”

“Richie.” Why was she fighting him? She had ruined his life.

“I said get the fuck out!” He was furious at her. He was furious at himself. She left quietly and he closed the door behind her. He walked over to the window and opened it slightly. It was still cold outside, but Richie didn’t notice. He felt numb. He dug in his bag to find the pack of cigarettes that sat at the bottom of one of the pockets. He lit one up and slid to the ground.

He hated this kind of pain. The pain that he couldn’t control. He knew that he promised Stan that he would never burn himself again but that was a promise he was going to break. All he wanted was to control his pain. Was that too much to ask? He didn’t bother stopping the tears anymore.

 

**RichDick has been removed from the group**

**PolaroidGirl: Wait why did Richie get kicked out of the group?**

**Benny: What’s going on?**

**Edwardo: I’d rather we not talk about Richie, like ever.**

**Michelangelo: What happened?**

**Edwardo: I caught Richie cheating on me. He was making out with some girl.**

**PolaroidGirl: WHAT?! That doesn’t seem like Richie**

**Michelangelo: Yeah I thought he was super in love with you. At least that’s how it seemed over break**

**Edwardo: Look I told you, now let’s never talk about it again.**

**From Bevvery: Richie please tell me what happened**

**From Bevvery: Richie.**

**From Bevvery: Goddamnit Richie answer your phone!**

**To Bevvery: Whatever Eddie told you is true**

**From Bevvery: So you cheated on him?**

**To Bevvery: Sure**

**From Bevvery: I don’t believe it, but whatever you say**

**PolaroidGirl started a chat**

**Benny, Michelangelo, BirdBoy, and B-b-bill were added to the chat**

**PolaroidGirl: Will one of you please explain what the hell is going on?**

**BirdBoy: I don’t know. I just got out of class.**

**PolaroidGirl: I don’t believe that Richie would cheat on Eddie. Like it doesn’t seem like him. I mean this is a kid that called Eddie the best thing in his life, like all the time. You didn’t hear the way he talked about Eddie when we would take smoke breaks**

**B-b-bill: I can tell you that Eddie came back to our room and just immediately started crying. I don’t think that Richie cheated but whatever happened, Eddie is heartbroken about it.**

**Benny: I’m still confused as to what is happening**

**Michelangelo: Me too**

**B-b-bill: So, I got Eddie to tell me a little bit of what happened but not much. He said he walked into Richie’s studio and saw him making out with some girl from down the hall and that’s about all I got.**

**B-b-bill: Don’t let him know I told you that. He wants to keep as much of this a secret from the rest of you as possible.**

**B-b-bill: I mean he knows I’m going to tell Stan but he doesn’t know I’m telling the rest of you.**

**Michelangelo: Why?**

**B-b-bill: He just doesn’t want to lose anyone else.**

**PolaroidGirl: Why would we leave him?**

**B-b-bill: He’s freaking really hard. He didn’t go to any classes today if that tells you anything.**

**Benny: This is the boy that came to school with the flu**

**B-b-bill: I know that. He knows that. When I asked why he responded with I just fucking can’t and rolled over so that he wasn’t facing me anymore.**

**Michelangelo: Have you heard anything about Richie’s side of the story?**

**BirdBoy: I haven’t even heard from Richie**

**Michelangelo: But it’s been like a whole day?**

**B-b-bill: Maybe Richie just needs some space, we’ll probably all hear from him tomorrow.**

**PolaroidGirl: I hope so**

**From Benny: Hey Eddie how you doing?**

**To Benny: Fine I guess.**

**From Benny: I feel like you’re lying to me**

**To Benny: Can I pretend that I’m doing okay for right now?**

**From Benny: Of course**

**To Benny: You fallen down any weird holes lately?**

**From Benny: Of course**

**From Benny: This is me we’re talking about**

**To Benny: So what are you concerning Beverly with this time?**

**From Benny: Spontaneous human combustion**

**To Benny: That sounds absolutely terrifying.**

**From Benny: I mean it’s not a fun way to die**

**To Benny: Are there any fun ways to die Ben? Cause that is something I might be interested in at the moment.**

**From Benny: Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?**

**To Benny: What am I going to do now? Ben I feel lost**

**From Benny: I could never imagine what you’re going through but we’re all here for you when you need us**

**To Benny: Are you gonna be there for Richie too?**

**From Benny: I mean I am friends with him**

**From Benny: So yeah I am**

**From Benny: I know the others are too**

**To Benny: Good. I wouldn’t want him to feel alone in all this.**

**From Benny: That’s not really how I expected you to react**

**To Benny: I don’t hate him. I want to but I can’t.**

**From Benny: Why not?**

**To Benny: Because I still love him. Because even if it was fake he made me feel loved. So no matter what, I could never really hate him. He showed me how I should be treated.**

**To Benny: You know up until a week ago.**

**From Benny: Have you heard from him?**

**To Benny: No**

**To Benny: Why?**

**From Benny: I was just wondering**

**From Stan: Eddie have you heard from Richie?**

**To Stan: Why does everyone keep asking me that?**

**From Stan: Have you?**

**To Stan: No.**

**From Stan: Okay. Thanks.**

**To Stan: Why were you asking?**

**From Stan: Reasons.**

**To Stan: That’s specific.**

**From Stan: I just didn’t hear from him yesterday and was hoping he reached out to someone. I thought maybe it would be you since I haven’t heard from him.**

**To Stan: That is a pretty good bet. But no. Hope you hear from him soon.**

**From Stan: Thanks.**

**To Stan: Are you freaking out?**

**From Stan: Of course I am. Wouldn’t be Stan the Man if I didn’t freak out.**

**To Stan: Did you just call yourself Stan the Man?**

**From Stan: I hate everything about my life right now.**

**To Stan: Same. Is this what depression feels like?**

**From Stan: I mean it’s different for everyone, but it’s pretty close.**

**To Stan: I hate it.**

**From Stan: Tell me about it.**

**From Stan: You got any booze left in your room?**

**To Stan: Did you mean to send that to Bill?**

**From Stan: No.**

**To Stan: Oh well, we ran out after midterms and haven’t restocked yet.**

**From Stan: That sucks.**

**To Stan: Why were you asking?**

**From Stan: No reason.**

**From Billiam: Hey dude are you okay?**

**From Billiam: Look I know what happened sucked but we just want to know that you’re okay or at least alive.**

**From Billiam: If you’re not going to answer me, at least answer Stan. He’s freaking out and I can’t help him if none of us hear from you.**

**From Stan the Man: Richie, are you okay?**

**From Stan the Man: Richie please answer me**

**From Stan the Man: Richie**

**From Stan the Man: Richard Tozier you better fucking answer me**

**From Stan the Man: Richie please**

**From Stan the Man: I stopped by your studio earlier and you didn’t answer me**

**From Stan the Man: Come on I’m sure you’re in there**

**From Stan the Man: I could smell the cigarette smoke in there**

**From Stan the Man: Why won’t you answer me?**

**From Stan the Man: Is this how you treat your best friend?**

**From Stan the Man: You just don’t fucking answer him for two days?**

**From Stan the Man: Please send me anything so that I know you’re alive**

**From Stan the Man: It can be a bad joke**

**From Stan the Man: Or a terrible new nickname**

**From Stan the Man: Or an awful meme**

**From Stan the Man: It can be anything**

**From Stan the Man: It can be a single letter I don’t fucking care anymore**

**From Stan the Man: Just please respond**

**From Stan the Man: Dude, we’re all worried about you**

**From Stan the Man: Come on**

**From Stan the Man: Please**

**From Stan the Man: You’re not even going to answer your best friend?**

**From Stan the Man: Richie answer me**

**From Stan the Man: Richie please**

**From Stan the Man: Richie I can’t lose you**

**17 Missed Calls from Stan the Man**

**6 Missed Calls from Bevvery**

**8 Missed Calls from Billiam**

**5 Missed Calls from Haystack**

**5 Missed Calls from Homeschool**

**From Unknown: Hey Richie, it’s Karly. I was your neighbor when you were in your old studio. Millie told me what happened. Do you want to get something to eat? We can talk about it. Just let me know.**

**From Unknown: Richie I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to mess everything up between you two. Please forgive me.**

**BirdBoy: Guys, Richie hasn’t come back in two days. I mean I didn’t expect him to come back the first night but I thought he’d come back last night at some point. Like he hasn’t been back at all because all of his stuff is in the same place. I’m freaking out. Guys what if his depression got the best of him and he killed himself.**

**B-b-bill: Stan I need you to calm down.**

**BirdBoy: Fuck you Bill. I can’t calm down. Richie is fucking missing**

**B-b-bill: Stan I don’t want a repeat of three years ago so I need you to calm down until I’m done with work. Have you been taking your meds?**

**BirdBoy: Of course I’ve been taking my meds. Me taking my antidepressants doesn’t change the fact that Richie could be fucking dead.**

**Benny: Stan are you okay? Since when have you been on antidepressants?**

**BirdBoy: For the last three years okay Benjamin. But me being depressed doesn’t change the fact that Richie is missing and could be dead and I am so fucking terrified and I don’t know what to do and I thought telling you guys would help but it hasn’t**

Stan answered the phone call that come in from Mike. “What do you want Mike?” Any bitterness that would’ve been in Stan’s voice died the second he answered the phone, instead, it turned to worry.

“To check on you.”

“I just - I just don’t know what to do. I have no clue what to do and that never happens to me. I don’t know where Richie is. I don’t even know if he’s alive. I’ve sent him so many messages and he hasn’t responded to a single one or answered any of my calls.”

“Have you checked the studio?”

“I checked yesterday but there was no answer. I could smell cigarette smoke but no one came to the door. I have a feeling that’s where he is, but I can’t get into his room if he won’t open it. It’s locked and he has his keys.”

“Does no one else have a key to the room?”

“I think Eddie has the spare. But it’s not like he’s going to go check on Richie.”

“Why don’t you ask him for the key?”

“I can but he has a night lab tonight and then I have early classes tomorrow so I don’t think we would both be back until a little after one.”

“Well get the key then and go check on Richie, okay. And please let us know how he is. Are you doing okay?”

“I don’t know. I’m just so scared. Mike, what if Richie is actually dead?”

“I don’t think he would kill himself. He might have been dating Eddie, but he was also your best friend. And he was your best friend before he was Eddie’s boyfriend. I think part of him knows that. I think he’ll be alive, maybe not in great shape, but at least alive.”

“Thanks, Mike. I hope you’re right.” Stan hung up the phone after they both said their goodbyes. He felt drained. He felt almost like he did that night.

The feeling didn’t really get any better, even after Bill showed up.

“Were you asking Eddie for alcohol?”

“Yesterday.”

“Stan. You can’t drown your depression in booze.”

“Why not? You and I both know I’ve done worse things than that to try to feel better.” Stan regretted saying it the second it left his mouth. “Sorry. I didn’t- I didn’t mean it like that.”

“It’s okay. I’m not the one that really went through that.”

“But I dragged you into it so in reality, you went through it just as much as I did,” Stan was sounding more broken as their almost argument thing continued. He hated everything about this situation. He hated that he didn’t know where Richie was or even if he was alive. He hated that he made Bill upset. He hated that now he was crying, it wasn’t much but it was enough for Bill to notice.

“Hey, come here.” Bill pulled Stan into his chest, held onto Stan as tightly as he could. “It’s gonna be okay. Richie is fine. You’re gonna be okay. Someday we’ll be able to look back on this and laugh at how ridiculous it is.”

“All of us?”

“All of us. Everything will go back to normal. Promise.”

“Which version of normal?” Stan tried to say it through a laugh but it just sounded pained.

“The version where we’re all happy.” Bill knew he promised that, but he really wasn’t sure they would ever be able to get back to that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, you might have noticed that this chapter was missing for a hot minute, and that's because I was editing it and decided it would be easier to take it down and repost it instead of just leaving it up and trying to edit it that way.


	16. The one about a broken boy

A knock at Eddie’s door pulled him out of his self-loathing. He really didn’t want it to be Richie. Although part of him did, the part that still loved him, which was most of him. He opened the door to see Stan, who looked more nervous than he ever had, which was saying something for Stan.

“Have you heard from Richie?”

“The answer I told you the other day hasn't changed.” Stan rolled his eyes at Eddie’s fake annoyed tone but it didn’t help how nervous he was.

“Do you still have the spare key to his studio?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“I haven’t seen or heard from Richie in four days. No one has. I’m kind of hoping he’s in there but I can’t get in.”

“Maybe he’s just being a child and hiding.” Eddie was trying to get the key off of his keyring. He finally got it off and handed it to Stan.

“I really hope you’re right.” Eddie thought that Stan sounded scared, although he couldn’t figure out why he would.

Stan exited their dorm building and pulled out his phone. He tried calling Richie again, maybe if Richie answered, Stan could get his heart rate to slow down. Stan heard Richie’s voice, but it was the same way he had heard it for days now. He got Richie’s voicemail.

“Sup, fuckers!” Stan could hear Eddie groan in the background “It’s ya boi, Richie. Leave a message and I might get back to you.” Stan hung up before anything was really recorded.

“Goddammit. Richie, you better fucking be alive.” Stan practically ran the rest of the way to the studio. He hoped Richie was okay. Maybe Eddie was right and he was just hiding. But he hadn’t answered Stan at all, he answered Beverly the day it happened, but none of them had heard from him since. He swiped into the building and quickly climbed the stairs to the second floor, where Richie’s studio was. He had been given one of the bigger ones at the start of the semester.

Stan unlocked and opened the door. He was bracing himself to find a dead Richie, instead, he found a broken boy smoking by the window. Stan walked in slowly, thinking that if he moved too quickly, he might spook Richie. The room was silent. This room was never silent, Richie hated silence.

“Hey, buddy.” Richie looked up at Stan, his eyes hollow with bags so bad it looked like Richie had been punched in the face. Richie’s hair was a mess like he had been running his hands through it, but not in a sweet way, more like he was trying to tear some of his hair out. There were stains from his tears down his cheeks. He looked so broken that it almost killed Stan. “Are you okay?”

“No. Stan, I want to die.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Yeah, I do. I ‘m losing the only good things in my life.” Richie took another drag of his cigarette. Stan noticed all of the burn marks littering Richie’s arms. He didn’t want to imagine how many more were on the boy’s legs. “I’m turning into my father.”

“No, you’re not. You could never become him, you care too much.” Stan wanted to take the cigarette from Richie. It was almost done and he didn’t want to watch Richie burn himself. “When was the last time you slept? Or took your meds?”

“When do you think?”

“Since Monday?” It was currently Thursday.

“I can’t sleep, Stan. Every time I close my eyes, I see him. I see the hatred in his eyes. He didn’t look like that after his mom. I made him look like that. No one else did.” Richie didn’t even try to stop the tears that fell from his eyes. They just added to the tear stains already on his pale skin.

“Come on. I’m taking you back to our room.”  

“Okay.” Richie reluctantly stood up and slowly followed Stan out of his room, his prison. When he finished his cigarette, he went to put it out on the same part of him he had for the past four days but Stan caught his hand. He apologized and dropped the butt to put it out how most normal people did. Normally Stan would have said something about needing to pick it up, but he was more concerned in making sure his best friend was okay.

“I broke the promise I made to you.”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“But it’s not. Nothing is okay now.” Richie stopped suddenly and ground the heels of hands into his eyes for a second before dropping his hands again. He just wanted this feeling to end. The feeling that he had let everyone down. He felt like he was back at home.

“Richie, look at me,” Stan sat his hands on either side of Richie’s face, forcing him to look at him. “I’m not upset. I’m not disappointed. It’s gonna be okay. I promise. Now, let’s get you back to our room.” Richie nodded and followed Stan again.

They made it back to their room and Stan immediately grabbed Richie a clean pair of boxers and made him take a shower and brush his teeth, knowing that those were things Richie had given up in his depression fueled haze. Once he heard the water turn on, Stan grabbed his phone to tell everyone that he was okay.

**BirdBoy: Update: Richie is alive, but not in good shape.**

**B-b-bill: Oh, thank God that at least he’s alive.**

**BirdBoy: There are a lot more burns. They’ve made it up to his arms.**

**PolaroidGirl: Oh fuck. At least he’s alive**

**Benny: You’re gonna try to get the truth out of him right?**

**BirdBoy: Yeah, although I don’t know when he’ll be okay to talk. He’s in really bad shape. Like worse than I’ve ever been.**

**Michelangelo: How are you going to keep an eye on him? Aren’t you gonna fall asleep and go to class?**

**BirdBoy: I’ll figure the school part out in a bit and I think as long as I take the keys and cigarettes, he’ll be okay if I fall asleep.**

**B-b-bill: If?**

**BirdBoy: Guys he hasn’t slept. At all. I think if he can last four days, I can last a day.**

**Benny: Yeah but didn’t you say he was used to not sleeping much?**

**BirdBoy: Yeah but he normally gets at least a couple hours a night. I just know the nightmares are going to be terrible.**

The water turned off and Stan soon heard a retching sound. Stan knocked on the door.

“You doing okay?”

“I threw up.”

“Do you want me to come in and help you?”

“Yes please.” Stan opened the door, seeing Richie hunched over the toilet, glasses still on the counter, he had at least gotten his boxers on before he hurled. Stan sat on the floor next to Richie, rubbing his back as he threw up again.

“What do you even have to throw up? Have you been eating?”

“A little.”

“Have you thrown up every time you ate?” Richie nodded, although that made the room spin a little bit. Stan reached up and flushed the toilet, pulling Richie back a little so none of the water splashed on his face. Richie looked so pale. He was already a pale kid, but he looked translucent at the moment.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Caring.”

“You’re my best friend Richie. Of course, I care.”

“Stan my family didn’t care about me. I think that explains why I think you caring is amazing.”

“I’m sure they cared, underneath it all.”

“You know, they never told me they loved me.”

“Not once?”

“Not that I can remember. Eddie was the only one that ever said it to me, and I drove him away.”

“I love you, Richie.”

“I don’t need your pity, Stan.” Stan couldn’t decide if Richie’s voice sounded malicious or sad. But Stan meant it, maybe not the way Eddie did, but he meant it.

“Richie, I do love you, I just don’t like expressing that many emotions. If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t have let you stay at my house over break. I wouldn’t have sent you as many messages as I did. I wouldn’t be here now, like this, if I didn’t love you.”

“I love you too Stan.” They sat like that for quite some time. Richie didn’t throw up again, but Stan finally got a good look at all the new burns, a lot of the ones on his arms were on the insides.

Stan stood up and rummaged through their first aid kit. He was sure he had something for burns, all he found was Neosporin. It would have to do for now. He also grabbed all the ace bandages they had to wrap up Richie’s limbs and grabbed Richie’s glasses. He sat back down in front of Richie and handed him his glasses.

“Can you point out all the new ones so I can clean them?” Richie nodded and pointed at all the new burns. There was a total of 86 that Richie knew were new, some from the first day had already started ‘healing’ so they weren’t as prominent. He had gone through almost four and a half packs. Stan held back the tears that tried to escape every time Richie would point at one and as he wrapped Richie’s arms and legs with bandages. 

“All done,” Stan said as he threw the bottle of Neosporin out, it hadn’t started full so Richie’s patch up job had used the rest of it. “Now I need you to get dressed so we can go out.”

“What?”

“Look, I’m not leaving you here. We need more bandages and I’m going to get an actual ointment for burns. I don’t want you to have any more scars.” Richie nodded and let Stan help him stand up. He was dry at this point, all but his hair at least.

Stan handed Richie the only pair of sweatpants that child owned. Stan didn’t want the bandages to move under Richie’s skinny jeans since that was all he wore. “We need to get you some more sweatpants and maybe some shorts too.”

“Why can’t I just borrow some of yours?”

“I own one pair of sweatpants, and they are shit. Also, I don’t have any shorts here. Put your pants on okay?” Richie did as he was told and ended up sitting on his bed. Stan grabbed an extra towel and began drying Richie’s hair for him. The last thing Richie needed was to get sick from his hair being wet, it might have been March, but it was still cold out.

“I miss him.”

“I know you do.”

“Do you think he’ll take me back?” Richie was on the verge of tears, and Stan knew it.

“I think he will. Maybe once he sees how you are, he’ll figure it out that you would never do anything to hurt him.”

“Is Bev gonna kill me and hide my body?” The question was a bit of a shock to Stan. He had no idea what Richie was talking about or when this conversation happened.

“What?”

“She told me if I broke Eddie’s heart that no one would ever find my body.” Stan chuckled to himself. That sounds like something Bev would say.

“No. She doesn’t believe that you cheated either.”

“Do the others?”

“No. Only Eddie, I think. He won’t really tell anyone what happened.” Richie wasn’t crying but Stan knew he would be soon if the subject didn’t change. “Now come on. Let’s finish getting you dressed.”

“Okay.” Stan removed the towel from Richie’s head and walked over to Richie’s closet.

“Which sweatshirt you want to wear?”

“Can I borrow one of yours? I’m pretty sure all of mine are going to smell like Eddie.”

“Sure thing.” Stan walked over to his closet after grabbing a pair of socks from Richie’s. He looked through his sweaters, which were slim in number, for one that Eddie definitely hadn’t stolen, little sweater thief. He grabbed the new one that Bill had gotten him a few weeks ago, no one had worn it yet. He walked back to Richie and handed him both the sweater and the socks.

“Why am I not surprised you own a sweater with birds on it?”

“Oh, make fun of the future ornithologist. Now get dressed so we can go.” Stan wasn’t harsh in his commands, he kept his voice soft and even.

Stan went to grab his keys and wallet while Richie finished getting ready. He also checked his phone, he had felt it vibrating while he was taking care of Richie but he had chosen to ignore it so that he could give all his attention to his broken best friend.

**PolaroidGirl: I feel so bad for Richie. He’s such a sweet kid and life keeps knocking him down. It fucking sucks**

**Benny: I wish there was something we could do to help**

**Benny: I feel useless**

**B-b-bill: I’m here with him and I have no clue how to help.**

**Michelangelo: How’s Eddie doing?**

**B-b-bill: Better than Richie. Eddie is trying really hard to pretend that Richie doesn’t exist. I tried bringing him up and Eddie responded with “Who?”**

**PolaroidGirl: Haven’t you tried explaining that it probably didn’t happen the way he thinks it did?**

**B-b-bill: Only about a thousand times. He just won’t listen.**

**Michelangelo: This whole situation is such horse shit. And I would know.**

**Benny: Richie just cares too much to do anything like that to Eddie**

**Benny: I mean this is the kid who made all of us a piece of art for Christmas and he barely knew us**

**Benny: We had met him once and we didn’t even bother to get him anything**

**PolaroidGirl: Babe you are a fucking genius! I know something that we can do to help Richie!**

**Benny: How am I a genius?**

**Benny: All I did was point out that we didn’t get anything for Richie for Christmas like we did for everyone else**

**PolaroidGirl: I think we should get Richie the gifts that he missed out on over Christmas. My spring break is this upcoming week so we can mail everything out at once over the weekend. Ben has to drive past Derry anyways to get back to his campus so we can send it all from there. I just want Richie to know that we all still care about him.**

**Michelangelo: That sounds like a great idea! I’ve had my eye on an artist throughout history book that I think Richie would find interesting. It’s not boring or pretentious like some other art books**

**Benny: And I don’t think it would be hard to write a poem for him anymore**

**PolaroidGirl: And it’s not like those shirts were hard to make, I can his done in an hour max.**

**B-b-bill: You could try to find pins for him as well. He wears the ones Stan and I got him all the fucking time.**

**BirdBoy: I think he would like that guys.**

“I’m ready to go.” Stan turned around to see Richie standing with his hands shoved in the pocket of Stan’s sweatshirt.

“Okay. I was just letting everyone know that you’re alive. They were worried.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

“Okay, let’s go.”

~~~~~~~~~~

They ended up picking up some Chinese food as well since Richie could eat fried rice and that wouldn’t be too bad if it came back up. Stan had bought burn ointment, Neosporin, a huge pack of soft bandages, a couple pair of sweatpants and shorts for Richie, and a tub of vanilla ice cream for later. Richie kept saying that he would pay Stan back for all of this but Stan kept insisting that it was no big deal.

Once back in their room Stan and Richie sat on Stan’s bed with Richie wrapped in a blanket and Stan’s laptop open between them. Richie sat against the wall with his head on Stan while Stan sat closer to the edge, able to get up easily if Richie needed anything.

During the third episode of Riverdale, there was a knock at the door. Stan got up to see who it was. He opened the door to see Eddie on the other side. Stan made sure the door was unlocked and stepped outside, Richie didn’t need to know that Eddie was there. Although that was who he would assume was at the door anyway.

“I heard you found Richie.” Eddie didn’t sound like he didn’t care, but he was trying to sound it. He was trying to hide how relieved he was that Richie was still alive. He tried to hide how scared he was for the boy that he still loved, even if he tried to convince himself he didn’t. “How is he?”

“Not good. He hasn’t slept, taken his meds, or kept food down since it happened.”

“Oh.”

“There are also at least 80 something new burns on him. And not just on his legs anymore.”

“You’re joking.” Eddie tried to keep his voice as low as Stan kept his. Stan was a lot better at keeping his voice in check, keeping his deadpan tone and neutral face while they talked.

“Why would I joke about that?”

“To make me feel bad.”

“About what? Any of us would’ve jumped to that conclusion. You didn’t know he was going to crash so hard because you left.”

“Is that why he crashed?”

“I would think so, but really I have no idea. Every time I bring it up, he gets about two sentences in and then shuts down. What happened?”

“I walked in on him kissing this girl down the hall.”

“Was he kissing her back?”

“How am I supposed to know?”

“You and I both know what he does when he kisses back.” His hands. They were by his side and then on her shoulders, almost like he was pushing her back instead of holding her close.

“But he still let her kiss him.”

“What is she caught him by surprise?”

“Oh fuck.” Eddie thought back to that night and then he remembered what he said that night. “Oh God, I know why he crashed.”

“Why?”

“I might’ve said some pretty awful things.”

“Part of me wants to know but I’m not going to force you to tell me.” Eddie decided that he wasn’t going to tell Stan what he said. He didn’t want to upset Stan anymore than this whole situation had. Bill had told him that Stan was hardcore freaking last night when he stopped by in the morning to get ready for class.

“How do I fix this?” Eddie wanted nothing more than to fix this.

“I don’t know. But I hope you can figure it out. I’m gonna go back inside now, I just don’t want to leave Richie alone for that long.” Eddie nodded, understanding pretty well. Stan turned and left Eddie alone in the hallway. Eddie walked back to his room but really, he wanted to crawl into a hole and die because of what he said that night. He called Richie the worst. He said that he would be fine if never saw Richie again, which was the exact opposite of reality. He told Richie that he lied to him and said things just to make Eddie feel better, which Eddie knew was one of Richie’s fears about them. He said Richie was just like his parents, which was Richie’s biggest fear.

Eddie felt like he had become worse than Bowers and his gang that night. He became worse than any monster that Richie could’ve dreamt up. But that wasn’t a nightmare. That was all real. That all came out of Eddie’s mouth, and he wanted nothing more than to take it back.

He opened the door to the room he shared with Bill and just stood in the doorway, looking at one of his best friends. Bill looked up and smirked slightly, which was his normal face when he saw people. Bill hadn’t seen Eddie for most of the day, he had a full day on Thursdays.

“Did you stop by Richie’s?”

“Yeah, Stan answered. He says Richie is in really bad shape.”

“I’m not surprised. You did break his heart. I know he broke yours, but you don’t suffer from pretty severe depression. That shit can kill people.” Bill shuddered at the thought. He had known how terrified Stan had been when he sent them all those messages yesterday. Bill understood that fear better than anyone.

“I broke him, Bill. Not even just his heart, I broke all of him.” Eddie flopped down on his bed. He was trying to muffle his crying. “He can’t eat. He can’t sleep. I’m sure he couldn’t paint or draw. He burned himself so many times Bill.”

“How many times is so many?” Bill didn’t know the actual number, he only knew there were a lot of new ones.

“Over 80 that Stan knows about.”

“Damn.”

“I became a monster, Bill. I said so many terrible things to him. I became everything I hated about my mother. I became jealous and possessive and hateful.” Bill let Eddie cry for a minute, unsure of what to say. “How do I fix this?”

“Fix what?” Bill had a feeling he knew what Eddie was going to say but he just wanted to make sure they were all on the same page.

“All of it. Richie. Our relationship. My relationship with the Losers because once they know I’m going to be a new target.” They did all really love Richie, in their own way.

“You’re not going to be a target. And I don’t know. But you better figure it out soon.”

“Why soon? How close is soon?” Eddie raised his head with that. Bill could see the large tears that ran down his face, the last time he saw those kinds of tears was the incident with his mother. At least for that, he had Richie to go to. Now he feels like he doesn’t have anyone.

“If Richie is in as bad of shape as you think he is, do you think he’ll take you back if you let him suffer like that for too long? Do you think he’ll even really make it to take you back?”

“No. God, I wouldn’t even take me back. I was an asshole.”

“Better figure out something grand to do to win him back.” Bill went back to work, and he also decided to text Stan.

**To Love Bird: I think Eddie finally came around.**

**From Love Bird: He tell you the same thing he told me?**

**To Love Bird: That he feels like he’s becoming his mom?**

**From Love Bird: I didn’t get that part. He did say that he said some awful things.**

“Eddie,” Eddie looked up at the sound of his name, “what did you say to Richie that night?”

“Are you gonna tell Stan?”

“I mean he was the one that told me you said that. But if you don’t want me to tell him I won’t.”

“I mean you can. It’s just gonna really upset him.” Eddie took a deep breath before continuing. “I said that I didn’t want to see him again. That he was the worst. That he lied to me to make me feel better. And that he was just like his parents.”

“You did not?”

“I did. And it’s not like I can take it back.”

“So, it was what you said, not that you left?”

“I mean, I’m sure me breaking up with him did not help but what I said is what pushed him over the edge. I’m almost positive about that.”

“He’s still hanging on, you can still save him.” Eddie nodded and lied face down on his pillow again.

**To Love Bird: So I know what he said. I’m not going to tell you right now though.**

**From Love Bird: Okay?**

**To Love Bird: How’s Richie doing?**

**From Love Bird: Not great. He’s tired but I’m not forcing him to go to sleep right now in hopes that his brain will be too tired to dream when he does finally pass out. I know the nightmares are going to be terrible.**

**To Love Bird: Do you want me to come over tonight? Maybe if we’re both there it won’t be so bad.**

**From Love Bird: I asked Richie and he said that was fine. Plus I’ll feel better if there are two of us here to keep an eye on him tonight.**

**To Love Bird: Okay. Let me tell Eddie and then I’ll be over.**

“Hey, Eddie.” Eddie looked up again, still very obviously crying. “I’m gonna go over to Stan and Richie’s tonight.”

“Why?”

“Well, Richie’s nightmares are going to be really bad and we were going to try to not make them so terrible. Plus, I’m a light sleeper so if Richie gets up and tries to leave, I’ll wake up too.” Bill had become a light sleeper the summer that Georgie went missing. He tried to convince himself that Georgie would find his way home in the middle of the night and try to get Bill to open the door for him by ringing the bell or throwing rocks at Bill’s window.

“Oh okay.”

“If you need me, just call or text me, okay?”

“I’ll be fine, I’m just sad and angry at myself.”

“Just try and keep your anxiety in check, okay?” Bill ruffled the hair on the back of Eddie’s hair slightly.

“Yeah. Okay.”

Bill grabbed a change of clothes and shoved them into his backpack. Since his Friday was pretty much clear he could stay with Richie if Stan needed to go to class or something, he would just need his school stuff. He walked down the hall, expecting the worst when it came to Richie’s condition.

He knocked on the door and smiled when Stan answered it. Bill followed Stan into the room and finally saw Richie. This situation would be slightly comical had the subject matter been different. Richie had one of Stan’s blankets wrapped around his whole body and over his head. He had a tub of ice cream in his lap, which had two spoons in it, and a bottle of Sprite on the bed next to him.

“Hey, Richie. How are you doing?”

“I’m alive but I feel dead.” He answered right before putting a large spoon of ice cream in his mouth. Bill knew he was serious. Bill also noticed the ace bandages wrapped around Richie’s hands. It reminded him of the time Eddie fell and broke his arm.

“Heard we’re having a slumber party.” Bill sounded friendly like he always did. It made Richie feel a little less dead, but only a little bit.

“If you want to call it that.”

“Well, there’s gonna be a fort, movies, ice cream, and snuggling. Sounds like a slumber party to me. Am I missing anything Stan?” Bill looked back at his boyfriend who had his arms crossed and rolled his eyes at Bill’s ridiculousness.

“No, I think you got everything covered,” Richie smirked, it wasn’t quite his normal smirk, but it was something at least. Bill and Stan felt a little better about that.

“You two want to help me build a spectacular pillow fort? I’ll have you know I am the master of them.”

“Yeah, because of your brother.”

“Rude Stan. You cut deep.” Bill was playing up the banter between him and Stan because he knew it always made Richie laugh. It didn’t this time, but at least the smirk Richie had seemed more genuine. “Come on, I need both mattresses.”

Half an hour later and the fort was finally satisfactory to Bill. They had pushed both mattresses together and found enough sheets and blankets to cover all four of the walls. It was tall enough for all three boys to comfortably sit under it so they could watch movies, all Richie’s choices of course.

Richie started with the obvious favorite, Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, but soon went to B rated sci-fi movies that were so bad that they were good. Stan threatened to take away Richie’s movie picking privileges again, but they both knew he wasn’t being serious. A little bit before the fourth movie was finished Richie could barely keep his eyes open. He yawned through the entire last twenty minutes of the movie with a comically big killer animal. At the end of the movie, Stan suggested that they all get ready for bed.

“Can I borrow PJs?” Bill asked no one in particular. He had forgotten them and really didn’t want to go back to his room at two in the morning.

“You’re a struggle, but I guess.” Stan crawled out the side to grab Bill some clothes as well as himself. “Richie, can you come out so we can change your bandages? I want to put some of the burn ointment on you so I might as well change those too.” Richie nodded and slowly got out of their fort. He was exhausted, no sleep for three nights was finally catching up to him.

He followed Stan into the bathroom where he took off his sweatpants and sweatshirt before sitting on the toilet lid. Bill quickly changed before standing in the doorway. He wanted to see the new ones.

Stan started by unwrapping Richie’s legs. Bill had remembered that there were dozens of burn marks on Richie’s legs at New Year’s but seeing all the new ones scattered on his legs made Bill feel sick. Richie’s lower legs were almost more perfect burn circles that regular skin. Bill was worried that Richie’s arms were going to be the same. They weren’t, luckily.

Once Stan had applied burn ointment and rewrapped Richie’s legs, he moved on to the boy’s arms. They looked closer to his legs at New Year’s than today. Some of the burns were terrible though, it looked as though Richie was trying to put the cigarette all the way through his arm instead of just trying to burn the skin.

While Stan had gotten a lot better at hiding how depressed he was, Bill still knew when Stan was that down. And Bill understood why Stan was still down now. Stan understood Richie better than any of them did. He knew that if Richie had gotten to that point, that there was a chance he wasn’t going to come back. Bill knew that thought scared the hell out of Stan. Richie was one of the only people that Stan didn’t have a problem opening up to, and he didn’t want to lose that. He had Bill, but they both knew that Stan needed more than just one person to turn to. And the fact that Richie understood, that Richie knew what it was like to hit that point, meant a lot to Stan.

**To Ed: I can see why Stan was freaking out even after he found Richie.**

**From Ed: How bad are they?**

**To Ed: Really bad. Some of them are real rough.**

**From Ed: How do I fix this Bill?**

**To Ed: I don’t know. It’s gonna have to be with something big though.**

**From Ed: Do you think Richie hates me?**

**To Ed: No. He hasn’t taken the bracelet you gave us at Christmas off.**

**From Ed: Do you think he can be fixed?**

**To Ed: I don’t know.**


	17. The one about fixing broken things

Richie had nightmares, but they all knew he was going to. They just weren’t prepared for how bad he was going to react to them.

The first one of the night came just as Richie fell asleep. It was one he had had before, but it had gone a little further this time. And if he had thought that it was heartbreaking before, he didn’t know anything yet.

He never could see who was holding him back. He never really cared to look either. The sight in front of him took all of his attention, the sight he was fighting to stop. His dad was furious, he didn’t know why and he didn’t care. All he wanted was for that rage to be directed at him, not Eddie.

Richie pulled harder against the hands holding him back as he heard a crack. He recognized it, they were ribs breaking. Richie could feel the claws of whatever was holding him dig into his skin, but all he could think about was getting his father away from Eddie. Richie might have had long legs but the two of them were just out of reach.

“Leave him alone you fucking asshole!” Richie shouted. If he could get his dad to focus on him, maybe Eddie could make it out of this alive.

“Shout all you want.” His father tossed the end of his cigarette as he stomped down on one of Eddie’s hands, crushing many of the bones. “He’s not gonna make it. And you know who’s fault it is?”

“Mine.” Suddenly, there was only him and Eddie in the room. Richie went over to Eddie, who was beaten and battered and barely conscious. “Eddie.”

Eddie’s eyes didn’t want to focus. His breathing was shallow and seemed painful. When he coughed up blood, Richie assumed the broken ribs had punctured a lung.

“Eddie, you’re gonna be okay. I’m gonna get you out of here and we’ll get you some help and then you and I can do anything and everything you want. Forever. I promise.” Eddie’s eyes focused on Richie for a moment and he smirked as much as the swelling would allow. “Eddie please don’t go. I love you, I need you to stay.”

Richie watched as all the life and shine that he loved about Eddie’s eyes slowly drained away, leaving only an empty shell behind. Richie repeatedly said no as he pulled Eddie closer to his chest. He begged Eddie to come back, knowing that it wouldn’t really do anything. Richie shut his eyes and tried not to think about the laughter that soon filled the room he was in. It sounded like his own. It only seemed to get louder the more he tried to ignore it.

Richie shouted Eddie’s name as he woke up. Bill was the one that was awake at that point. He and Stan had decided to take turns sleeping so that someone could be awake when Richie had nightmares. When he saw Bill staring at him, he sat up and was very quickly clutching Bill’s arms.

“Bill… Eddie,” Richie tried his best to form a whole sentence but he couldn’t catch his breath enough to do it. Bill pulled Richie into his chest and ran his fingers through Richie’s hair. They all knew that helped him.

“Eddie’s fine. He’s down the hall safe and sound.” Bill just needed him to calm down enough to go back to sleep for a little bit. Richie just needed to sleep. Richie’s breathing was erratic. His heart was racing. It was almost like he was suffocating. “Hey, I need you to focus on breathing okay. Do it with me.” Richie nodded his head. He hated this feeling.

Bill inhaled in a very exaggerated way, Richie following suit with what little air his lungs would allow. Bill slowly exhaled, Richie again followed suit. They continued this pattern until Richie finally had his breathing under control.

“You ready to back to sleep?”

“Do I have to?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m becoming my father.” Bill could almost physically feel his heart break. Richie may not have ever told them all the stuff that his father had done, but they knew enough. They knew that what he did tell them was already terrible, so whatever he kept hidden was something Bill didn’t want to imagine.

“No, you’re not.” Bill lied back down, pulling Richie down with him. He knew that Richie would try to move away from him so he held on tight. “Now go back to sleep.”

Richie fell asleep for a little bit after that. It was long enough for Stan to wake up and Bill to fall asleep. He had another nightmare, but no one was surprised about that.

It was one he had before, but this time the ending wasn’t happy. It was him and Eddie, sitting somewhere together, Richie was pretty sure it was the beach, but an east coast one. They seemed happy. Suddenly Eddie was falling, but it seemed more like quicksand than the fall he and Richie had in another nightmare. Richie tried to grab on, but every time he would get a hold on Eddie, his arms would burn so much that had to let go.

Richie repeatedly apologized to Eddie as he sank. Richie cried and tried so hard to save the boy he loved. Richie felt useless. He felt like he was letting his whole life sink with Eddie. When Eddie was finally completely under, Richie cried out in pain. It was almost like he could feel his heart break.

He had failed himself. He couldn’t protect Eddie, which may not have been a promise anyone knew about, but it was one he made. He had once told Eddie that he would always protect him, although Eddie didn’t particularly take him seriously.

He looked back at the spot the Eddie had disappeared and saw a small piece of paper. He grabbed the paper and unfolded it, recognizing the handwriting. How could he not when its owner had written him dozens of little love notes. He recognized the words too, although it was for a much less adorable reason.

_You’re just like your parents, a fucking liar._

Richie shouted as Stan shook him awake. “Hey, it’s just me. It’s just me. You’re okay.” Stan tried to calm Richie down as he cried. Bill woke up as well. Stan hadn’t wanted Bill to wake up as well. He knew Bill wouldn’t get much sleep that day.

Richie just rolled into Stan’s side as he cried. Richie wasn’t comfortable with his face pressed against Stan’s hip but he too distraught to care.

“Richie, can you sit up?” When Richie didn’t move Bill helped Stan lift the crying boy up. They propped Richie up against Stan so that Stan could wrap his arms around Richie’s waist. Richie buried his head into Stan’s shoulder and Bill began rubbing Richie’s back.

They stayed like that for at least a half hour. By then Richie finally got his breathing and thoughts under control. Richie lifted his head up and ground his heels into his eyes, this felt worse than the last four days in terms of him crying.

“You doing better now?” Stan asked tentatively.

“I guess.” Richie looked at Stan fully at that point.

“I guess isn’t really an answer. Also, my shirt is wet and you didn’t make the very obvious joke so I know you’re not alright.”

“Stan you’re the worst.”

“You know you love me.” Stan checked the time on his phone. “I need to get ready for class. I would stay but I have exams in both classes today and at least Bill will be here which is the only reason I’m not skipping.”

“Man, that sucks. Luckily, I didn’t miss any exams. Sadly, I’m behind on commissions now. So, I get to work on that at some point. If I can.”

“How about Sunday we go to the studio and you can paint all day. I know it makes you feel better.”

“Sounds like a good plan Bill. What do you think Richie?”

“I think that might help.”

“Okay. Then let’s plan on that. I just really need to get ready now.” Stan got out and very quickly got dressed. He leaned into the fort and said, “Please try to get a little bit more sleep. I’ll be back around one thirty at the latest. Love you both.” Stan left after that, knowing that he needed to get to class early since the first exam was going to take at least the whole class time.

Richie didn’t want to go back to sleep but he knew Bill was going to force him to do that. Bill flattened his legs out and patted his lap. “Come on, lay down.”

“I don’t want to.”

“You got to. I promised Stan that I would make sure you slept.”

“When did you do that?”

“While you were asleep. Now come on, lay down.” Richie laid his head down on Bill’s lap and Bill started running his fingers through Richie’s ever-growing hair. He had Eddie cut his hair a few weeks back but it had already gotten long again. He fell asleep about an hour later.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Bill?” Eddie opened the door to the room slowly, Bill told Stan to leave the door unlocked when Eddie texted him in the middle of the night saying he had an idea. Richie was still asleep, for the moment.

“Fort.” Bill’s voice escaped from the pillow and blanket fort in the middle of the room. Eddie peeked his head in to see an obviously tired Bill and an asleep Richie with his head in Bill’s lap. Richie didn’t look peaceful like he did all the nights Eddie had watch him sleep; he was clutching onto Bill’s leg so hard his knuckles were turning white. Bill didn’t mind though, maybe it would help Richie not feel alone, knowing someone was there. Bill also hadn’t stopped running his fingers through Richie’s hair. “So, what’s your idea?”

“So, I have this doodle that Richie drew me and I was thinking about getting it tattooed on me. And by that, I mean I have an appointment in an hour to get it done.”

“Are you crazy? You realize tattoos are permanent, right? What if you and Richie break up for an actual reason? Although I doubt that will happen.”

“Bill, I don’t think I can stop loving him. I thought he was cheating on me and I still loved him, I still do.” Bill still looked skeptical. “Plus, I think Richie has enough scars on him because of me, why shouldn’t I have one because of him?”

“It’s not the worst idea I’ve ever heard from one of us, I think it might work. It will at least show him that you’re sorry and that you never stopped loving him.”

“He thinks I did?”

“He’s worried you actually hate him. You’ve been in both of his nightmares so far.”

“Fuck. Let me guess, I’m not the victim, am I?”

“I don’t know, but we didn’t really ask. We’ve just been trying to get him to sleep for a little bit.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not me you have to apologize to.”

“I know.” Eddie sighed slightly.

“By the way, you aren’t becoming your mother. You and Richie have very similar fears.”

“I just want to take it back.”

“I know you do. The best you can do is make up for it now.” Eddie nodded and looked down at his watch. If he wanted to make it to his appointment on time, he was going to need to head out soon.  

“I got to get going but I’ll let you know how it goes. Please keep me updated on him.” Bill nodded. Eddie couldn’t stop himself, he leaned in and kissed Richie on the head. “Sweet dreams love.” Eddie left without saying another word, afraid that Bill might notice how hard he was trying to hold back his tears.

~~~~~~~~~~

Richie woke up a few hours later. Stan had made it back to the room and was sitting in the fort quietly talking to Bill.

“Wow, you’re not dead. I thought you were for a little bit there.” Bill had told Stan about Eddie coming by and how after he kissed Richie’s head, Richie seemed to sleep a lot more peacefully. Maybe Eddie was magic on the boy.

“What time is it?” The last Richie knew it was a quarter past ten.

“2:40.” Bill read from the clock on his phone.

“I think exhaustion finally caught up with me.”

“Did you have another nightmare?” Stan asked.

“I started to have one, and then suddenly it was gone. Like smoke dissipating. And then there was just nothing, it felt like I was floating.”

“That’s a good thing at least,” Bill said with a shrug. Richie hadn’t really moved from his spot-on Bill’s lap at that point. He decided he should probably sit up, Bill helped him.

“How are you feeling?” Stan asked and he was really hoping the answer wasn’t ‘dead inside’.

“Empty, but not dead anymore.”

“You want to try eating something?”

“Sure. What’s the worst that can happen?” Stan got out of the fort to get the food he had gotten Richie after class. He handed Richie some rice with chicken, it wasn’t completely cold yet. “Thanks.”

“Did you take your meds earlier?” Richie shook his head as he took a bite of food. Stan gave Bill the look of disappointment, as Bill called it.

“He was asleep, I didn’t want to wake him up.” Stan shook his head and rolled his eyes.

“Where are they?”

“Desk drawer,” Richie answered through mouthfuls of food. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was.

Stan exited the fort again and opened the top desk drawer where he knew Richie kept a bunch of his stuff. No pills. Stan looked in the larger of the two drawers and saw the bottle on top of a pile of sketchbooks. At least it looked like Richie had been taking them before shit hit the fan. He grabbed one and grabbed the water bottle that was on his desk. He got back into the fort for what he was hoping was going to be awhile.

“Take this.” He handed both the water and the pill to Richie to take. He did. Stan knew it wasn’t going to help immediately but it would be a start. “Ran into some art kids in the cafe when I was getting you some food.”

“Oh yeah? They know what happened?”

“They had their own version. One of the guys, I think his name is Matthew or something, said that your girlfriend caught you making out with Millie and freaked.”

“And I’m guessing you corrected them?” Bill asked although he made it sound more like a statement.

“I said ‘Millie kissed him without his permission and it was his boyfriend so you can shove your heteronormativity up your ass. And maybe you should get your facts straight before you look like even more of a dumb ass bitch.’ I probably took it too far but I regret nothing.”

“It’s okay. Matthew is an asshole if it was him. Was he a little bit tan with dark hair and kind of bright blue eyes?” Stan nodded his head. “Yeah, it was Matthew then. He’s always trying to start shit with me. Has since the semester change.”

“So, since you became successful?” Stan asked with his normal sassy deadpan tone.

“If you want to call it that.”

“I do because it’s true.”

“I guess.”

“Richie you have commissions coming out of your ass, and it’s been like that for almost three months. I’d call that successful.”

“Thanks, Stanny.”

“Did you just call me Stanny? Are you feeling better?”

“I think sleep does that.”

“You should try it more often.” Stan and Bill laughed at the banter, Richie smirked, still not feeling up to actual laughter, but at least he was getting there. At least the smirk was real this time. Stan was taking the little victories in this situation. Anything was better than nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, the reposts are over.


	18. The one about Saturn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter I'm sure many of you have been waiting for.

The three of them had been watching more of Riverdale when there was a knock at the door.

“Can we never get through more than two episodes without someone interrupting?” Stan said to no one in particular as he got up to open the door. He opened the door to see Eddie, who was moving his shoulder like it was in pain. “What do you want?” Stan sounded tired, although Eddie wasn’t sure why.

“To apologize.”

“Okay, if he’s alright with it. Just wait here for a second.” Stan turned back around and leaned into the tent slightly. “You okay for a visitor?”

“I don’t things could get any worse so why not.” Stan stood back up and looked at Eddie.

“You can come in.” Eddie walked in and shut the door behind him. “I’ll give you two some privacy, Bill and I are going to be in the hallway. Come on Bill.” Bill made his way out of the fort and into the hallway with Stan, patting Eddie on the shoulder as he passed. Eddie didn’t move for a second, not sure how to go about this.

“You can come in here if you want.” Richie’s voice didn’t really sound like Richie. Eddie crawled into the fort to finally see Richie. They weren’t lying when they said he was in bad shape. They also weren’t lying about the burns. He was obviously staring at the ones on Richie’s arms. “Please stop staring at them.”

“I just can’t believe I caused them.”

“You didn’t but I should’ve known that if a guy like me, loved a guy like you, someone was gonna get burned. I just didn’t think it was gonna be me.” Richie tried his hardest not to cry. He needed to be strong, at least for himself.

“Don’t say that.” Eddie rotated his shoulder again, the tattoo on there was still killing him. “Was it because I left?”

“No.”

“Was it because of what I said?” Richie nodded.

“Had it just been that you left, I would’ve just been mildly annoying until you took me back. But I thought you hated me. I thought I was turning into my dad. He’s been cheating on my mom since before I could remember. It’s hard to be with someone who’s too drunk to move.”

“Do you still love me?”

“I never stopped loving you. That’s why there are so many.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re not the one that forced me to do it.”

“I did. That’s not the only thing I’m sorry about though. I’m sorry for thinking you would do something like that. I’m sorry for not listening or even really giving you a chance to explain. I’m sorry for everything I said that night. I’m sorry if it seemed like I didn’t care or that I didn’t love you or that I hated you. I’m sorry that I know you can’t sleep or really eat because of me. This whole fiasco is my fucking fault and I just feel like I can’t fix it and it’s killing me. I tried to pretend that you didn’t exist and that I didn’t love you but I couldn't. I couldn’t get your face out of my head, or your voice, or how broken you sounded that night. When I go to get dressed all I can think about is you because you’ve made comments about all of my clothes or I think ‘Richie would like this’ or I go to put on your jacket or I think about wearing a certain sweater only to remember it’s yours.

“I literally can’t do anything without thinking about you. You’re in all of my dreams, or nightmares, I guess. Most of them are us, but like, our future. There have been dreams of us with our kids and ones where we’ve taken road trips to nowhere in particular and ones where you have your own exhibit at a big museum and I am just so proud of you. But they always end the same. It shatters in my hands like I’m watching it on some TV screen. The worst one was our wedding. We were standing at the altar and we were about to kiss and suddenly you turned to dust.

“I think that one scared me the most because it felt so real. It felt like what was actually happening to us. It scared me because I’m terrified of losing you. And I know we’ve only been together for like four months, but I have never felt like this before. I’ve never been so close to anyone before. I love you so much.”

“I love you too Eds.”

“Don’t call me that.” Richie pulled Eddie into him, pulling Eddie’s shoulder into him. “Ow. Shit.”

“What?”

“Oh yeah, that’s the other reason I came by. I had a feeling that me just saying I was sorry about everything wasn’t going to be enough so I wanted to prove it to you.” Eddie pulled off his shirt to show off his new ink.

“Is that fucking real?”

“Of course, it’s fucking real.”

“When did you get this done?” Richie reached out and touched it. He recognized the design, it was a doodle that he drew for Eddie on a napkin. It was an outline of Saturn, like the one he had, but this one had a little crown on it. Richie had said that it was him, for he was the prettiest trash king in the universe.

“Today.”

“You shouldn’t have.”

“Why not? You have scars because of my bullshit, so why shouldn’t I?” Eddie grabbed Richie’s arm and moved it up so he could fiddle with the bracelet that Richie wore, the one all the Losers had. “I know it’s going to be hard to get right back to where we left off, but I really don’t want to lose you.”

“I don’t want to lose you either. Do you think we can make it work?”

“I think we can. Because I trust you. And I know you would never lie to me and I am so sorry that I thought you would, even for a second. And I am so sorry for not believing you the first time. And I’m sorry for being a jealous little shit. And I’m sorry for saying you were anything like your parents because you’re not.”

“How many times are you going to say you’re sorry?”

“How many new burns did you give yourself?”

“At least 85.”

“At least a hundred times more than that.” Richie smiled slightly and looked down, at his lap. It felt strange for him to even kind of smile. “It’s nice to see you smile. I know you haven’t since my dumbass day.”

“Is that what we’re calling it now?” Richie looked back up at Eddie.

“Yes. That day will forever be known as Eddie’s Dumbass Day.”

“Eddie Spaghetti’s Dumbass Day.”

“I hate that nickname but I’ll give you that one.”

“Man, you really are sorry if you’re letting me call it that.”

“Anything else I need to do to prove I’m sorry?”

“For starters, you have to change your name in the group chat to StupidSpaghettiMan.”

“That might be too long.”

“Just StupidSpaghetti then.”

“You’re the worst.”

“You know you love me.”

“That is very true.” Eddie leaned in, but not all the way. He didn’t want to push Richie. He finally understood how Richie felt, he didn’t want to push too hard and push Richie away. It may have only been five days but it felt like an eternity to both of them.

But he wasn’t pushing Richie away. Richie closed the gap between them. He missed Eddie’s lips. He missed the way Eddie tasted. He missed the way that Eddie’s lips seemed to fit perfectly into his. He missed the way Eddie’s skin was so soft when he put his hand on Eddie’s neck like he always did. He missed all of Eddie.

Eddie had missed all of Richie as well. He missed how when Richie got into it, he took control, but always knew what Eddie wanted. He missed the roughness of Richie’s hands on his face and neck. He missed the smirk Richie would get when Eddie pulled at his shirt. He missed the vague taste of cigarettes that never seemed to leave Richie’s mouth.

Neither of them had missed Stan ruining the moment like he always did. Both groaned when Stan opened up the side of the fort and looked in.

“There was silence and I was making sure you two were making out and you hadn’t killed each other.”

“Stan, you’re my best friend and I love you, but I hate you so much right now.”

“Well can I come back in? I wanna watch Riverdale.”

“You’re so fucking extra.”

“Says the boy who got a tattoo to apologize to his boyfriend.”

“How did you know about that?!”

“Bill.” Stan and Eddie said simultaneously.

“Don’t give me yall’s shit.”

“Eddie put your shirt back on,” Stan said.

“Ugh. Fine.” Eddie put it back on, luckily, he had chosen a soft black shirt so it didn’t hurt and the plasma that was leaking out didn’t show through. “What episode of Riverdale are you on?”

“We just finished episode five of the first season,” Bill said as he got comfortable again. They had carefully pushed the fort against the back wall and set a bunch of pillows up to make the whole space a little bit more comfortable. Stan snuggled up against Bill. Richie sat back against the back wall and expected Eddie to sit next to him like Stan and Bill were sitting, instead, Eddie threw his legs over Richie’s and curled up into his side. Richie felt more alive at that moment than he had in five days.

Stan hit play on the show. Eddie pulled out his phone and opened up their group chat.

**Richie was added to the chat**

**Edwardo changed his name to StupidSpaghetti**

**StupidSpaghetti: Let it be known, that I am the biggest dumbass that has ever walked the Earth for making Richie feel like shit because I wouldn’t listen to reason. And I would also like it to be known that I love him so much but I also hate him for making me change my name. Also tattoos hurt like a BITCH.**

**Richie changed his name to TrashKing**

**TrashKing: You know you love me.**

**BirdBoy: I mean why else would you be wrapped around Richie like a spider monkey?**

**PolaroidGirl: Okay I’m really excited about that Richie is back but what are you talking about tattoos for? Eddie you’re a little bitch and would never get a tattoo. You looked like you were going to pass out when I got one**

**StupidSpaghetti: Well I did because I wanted to prove to Richie that I still loved him and that I was so incredibly sorry for everything and that I was such an idiot for not seeing the truth.**

**TrashKing: I think you’ve said sorry about twenty times so far.**

**StupidSpaghetti: Only about 170 more times to go**

**Benny: You two are cute**

**Benny: I’m glad you guys worked it out**

**Michelangelo: You mean you’re glad that Eddie got his head out of his ass**

**StupidSpaghetti: Me too.**

They all watched Riverdale for a few more hours before Richie started yawning heavily and relatively frequently.  

“Someone’s tired,” Stan noted.

“Well yeah.”

“Do you want to go to bed?”

“Yeah, that would probably be smart.”

“I’m going to go change very quickly and then I will be right back.” Eddie kissed Richie’s cheek as he left the fort and then the room.

“So, you’re taking Eddie back?”

“Yeah. I mean we might not be as strong as we were before it happened but I think we can get there again. I still love him and I know he still loves me. It may not be the right choice but, it’s the one I want to make. It at least makes me feel a little better.”

“I would make him work for it.” Bill chuckled at his boyfriend, knowing he was being fully serious.

“Oh, I will, I just really want to sleep through the fucking night.”

“I’ve trained you well.”

“Did you want to rewrap me before bed?”

“Oh yeah. We let them air out all day so let’s dress you up.”  Richie nodded and got up and sat on the toilet, waiting for Stan. Stan grabbed the stuff from the counter and crouched in front of Richie. “The ones on your legs don’t look too bad it’s just some of these ones on your arms are the ones that worry me.”

“Why?”

“They just seem like they aren’t healing the right way.”

“I think those were the ones at the lowest points.”

“Hopefully, they’re just taking longer and aren’t infected. We just need to keep an eye on them.” Stan went about putting on the burn cream and wrapping up his arms. Eddie had appeared at some point and had silently watched.

Eddie’s heart hurt every time he saw the burns on Richie’s arms. He knows he caused them. He knows he’s responsible for them. He knows there’s no way he can ever really make up for it. Eddie knows he’s never going to be able to make this up to Richie. He could try for a million years and never feel like he’s done enough. He was hoping the tattoo would at least be a start but he knows it’s not enough to erase everything he said.

“You don’t need to look so sad Eds.” Richie looked up and made eye contact with Eddie. He still didn’t look like himself, he just looked a little empty behind the eyes.

“Sure, I do.”

“Well, we’re all done here. Ready for bed?”

“I’m gonna brush my teeth and then I’ll be ready.” Stan nodded his head and left to finish getting ready for bed. Eddie stepped in and shut the door behind him.

“You really don’t need to look so fucking sad at them.” Richie stood up and stretched before going over the sink. Richie had started brushing his teeth when Eddie walked over and wrapped his arms around Richie’s waist. He stayed like that for a little over a minute before speaking.

“I’m so fucking sorry,” Eddie mumbled into Richie’s spine. Richie shook his head at how ridiculous Eddie was. “Am I even going to be about to make this up to you?” Richie spat out the toothpaste in his mouth so he could answer.

“Maybe.” Eddie moved his head to look at Richie in the mirror so quickly that it made it really hard for Richie to keep the straight face he was working on.

“Wait really? There’s a chance I can’t.” Richie laughed. Richie really laughed for the first time in five days. Which was incredible because this was the kid that laughed at everything.

“You’re so fucking gullible sometimes.” Richie started rinsing the extra toothpaste off of his toothbrush before he returned it to its designated slot.

“I’ll give you that one because I deserve it.”

“You do.” Richie turned around and sat his arms on top of Eddie’s shoulders, crossing his wrists behind Eddie’s head. “You promise that you trust me?”

“I promise. I promise that I trust you and I promise that I love you. I will keep that promise for as long as I have Saturn on my shoulder.”

“Good.” Richie kissed the top of Eddie’s head. “Let’s go to bed.” Eddie nodded and followed Richie out of the bathroom. Once they got into the fort Richie lied down on his side. Eddie snuggled up against him, burying his nose into Richie’s chest.

“You two are so gross.” Stan deadpanned. He had heard Richie laughing and was so incredibly happy about it. Eddie flipped Stan off and wrapped his arm around Richie. Richie was out almost immediately. Stan and Bill were texting so that the other two could sleep. Although maybe half an hour later Eddie rolled over so his back was pressed against Richie. He started playing with Richie’s fingers, knowing it wouldn’t really wake the other boy up.

“Eddie,” Stan spoke in a quiet voice. But Eddie and Bill recognized the tone. It was the voice Stan used when he was really serious, it came out a lot when he was scared. Eddie looked up but didn’t say anything. “I still don’t know exactly what you said to him, but you’re going to have to try like hell to fix everything that happened. You almost killed him, Eddie.”

“I know.” Eddie tried to hold back his tears. “It’s just, Richie is the first person that I’ve ever seriously loved and I was already on edge with classes and I constantly think that I don’t deserve Richie and to see someone else kiss him, it just felt like if I could get him, anyone could just as easily take him away from me. And I was furious at the thought.”

“You realize people asked Richie out all the time last semester, right?”

“Wait what?”

“Yeah. Like two a week or something. He always told them no because he liked you. So, for you to think that anyone could get Richie, you’re insane. And for you to think that someone could take Richie away from you at this point, you’ve lost your mind.” Stan was so eerily good at keeping his emotions in check and keeping his voice down, Eddie knew he had been so close to breaking but it was something you would miss if you didn’t know what to look for. Bill had been rubbing Stan’s knuckles with his thumb the whole time, trying to help. “So, pull it together, because Richie will need it.”

“How are you doing?”

“Not great, but I can’t let Richie know that. If he knows, he’ll feel worse. We’re gonna work on one case of depression at a time. Especially since mine is a little bit more controlled and I know what to do to feel better.” Bill put his head in the crook of Stan’s neck. It wasn’t anything sexual, it was more of a sign that Bill was there for him like he always was. Stan turned his head so that his cheek was against the crown of Bill’s head before looking back at Eddie fully.

“I’m sorry. I know it’s my fault. If I had kept my mom’s anger out of this, none of this would’ve happened.”

“You’re not the only one who has let your parent’s anger get to you. You’re not the only one that has said something really stupid because of it.”

“Yeah, I remember your bar mitzvah. I happened to like that speech.”

“Thank you. Can you believe I made it up on the spot?” Eddie chuckled slightly at the memory. “You should get some sleep, I’m sure Richie will be up early.”

“You should get some sleep too,” Bill whispered against Stan’s skin.  Stan nodded slightly so that Bill could feel it.

“I really am sorry, Stan.”

“It’s okay. Just go to sleep.” Eddie snuggled back into Richie more. Stan and Bill lied down on their half of the fort, they stayed so they were facing each other. Bill watched Stan for a long time, knowing that Stan wouldn’t be able to sleep very well. When Eddie’s breathing even out and matched Richie’s, Bill finally spoke.  

“How close were you to that night?”

“Closer than I like. That’s why I texted all of you. I thought that if you guys could convince me that Richie was alive, then maybe the suicidal thoughts would leave my head.”

“Did me coming over help?”

“Not at first but then it did. I mean I did leave the door unlocked for you this time.”

“I just- I hate that you were even kind of close to that night. Depression fucking sucks.”

“You’re not telling me anything new.”

“I’m sorry that I didn’t figure it out beforehand.”

“I was pretty good at hiding it. And you had some other things to worry about back then.”

“Yeah, but you are just as important as Georgie is.”

“Not that summer.” Stan looked away from Bill, he knew the expression that Bill was going to have.

“You were still important, I’m sorry if I made it seem like I didn’t care about you or something. Finding Georgie might have been my first priority, but the only reason I got though it was because of you. The only reason I had any hope at all was because you kept telling me we would find him and that everything would be okay.”

“You’re cheesy.” Stan buried his head in Bill’s chest so that Bill couldn’t see the small smirk on his face.

“It always makes you smile.”

“Just cause it does, doesn’t mean you should be that cheesy.”

“You love it.”

“No, I love you, so I put up with it.”

“Good enough.” Bill kissed the top of Stan’s head and ran his fingers through the tight curls on Stan’s head. Stan’s curls were closer to ringlets than Richie’s were so Bill’s fingers didn’t get stuck in there.

“You know that doesn’t calm me down the same way it does Richie?”

“Your hair is soft.”

“Because I use conditioner?”

“What is this strange thing you call conditioner?”

“That thing I keep buying you and you keep giving to Eddie.”

“It makes my hair greasy.”

“1. Your hair isn’t greasy anymore, it’s dry. 2. It was only like that because you wore snapbacks constantly. And 3. Even if it was, just get some dry shampoo.”

“When did you become a hair expert?”

“When you stopped acting like a fuckboy and I made you care about your appearance.”

“Jokes on you, I still don’t care.” Stan looked up at him with the face of mild disappointment as Bill called it. “You’re there when I buy all my clothes anyway, why should I care if you do?”

“I hate you.”

“Didn’t you say, like two minutes ago, that you loved me?”

“I lied.” Bill chuckled silently, mostly just exhaling out of his nose like anyone that laughs silently does.

“Go to sleep.”

“You slept less than I did.”

“You know I won’t be able to fall asleep until you do.”

“I know.” Bill had picked up that habit after that night and only got worse when Stan was feeling

down.

“Will you at least lie to me and say you’re tired?”

“I mean I am, I just don’t want to sleep.”

“You’ll be okay. I’ll be right here all night. Promise.”

“I love you.”

“Go to sleep love bird.” Bill rolled onto his back so that Stan could lie on his chest partially, which he immediately did. Stan fell asleep to the rhythmic beating underneath him. Bill was still awake for an hour or so after Stan fell asleep.

Bill knew Stan didn’t tell people about that night. About the night Stan called him. About one of the worst nights of Bill’s life. Bill fell asleep thinking about that night. He woke up after a nightmare, reliving that night but with a not so okay ending. He tightened his grip on Stan, not being able to fall asleep until he had convinced himself that Stan was okay, which he wasn’t really sure he completely believed.

Eddie woke up before Richie, which was more than likely because Richie had wrapped his arms around Eddie as tight as possible. Eddie was pretty sure he heard Richie whimper slightly, he must have been having a nightmare. Eddie pulled Richie’s arms off of him slightly, just enough so he could turn around and have motion of his arm.

Eddie wrapped one of his arms around Richie and up until he felt soft curls under his fingers. _I need to cut his hair again._ Eddie started playing with Richie’s hair, watching his face as he did. When Richie started to relax a little bit, Eddie felt better.

Eddie _hated_ that Richie was still having nightmares. He had hated it before his dumbass mistake and he hated it even more now. Eddie knew it wasn’t because he thought Richie was cheating. Richie would’ve just harassed him until he could explain the whole thing and they would’ve been fine. It was what he said that broke Richie the most, specifically when he said Richie was just like his parents.

Richie deserved so much better than Eddie. Richie deserved someone who wasn’t jealous of nothing. And when Eddie thought about it, this wasn’t even the first time he had gotten jealous of some girl with Richie. He had done it the first time that the two of them hung out together when he was talking to one of the RAs in their building that had been in his class. Richie hadn’t really talked to her again, but Eddie still hated her for no reason.

He really was becoming his mother. His mother had always been jealous of Eddie’s friends. She had been so jealous that they got to spend more time with her son than she did that she constantly lashed out at them, sometimes to their faces and other times behind their backs. That they were the ones that got him to really laugh, to really smile, to really be happy. She had hated that she couldn’t do any of that for her son.

Eddie didn’t realize he had tears running down his cheek until Richie wiped one of them off his cheek. Eddie looked up at Richie and smirked, he wasn’t sure why, but seeing Richie awake and alive made him a little happier. Richie scooted down on his pillow so they were much closer to being face to face.

“Why are you crying beautiful?”

“Because I’m becoming my mom.”

“No, you’re not. And don’t you dare fight me on this.”

“How am I any different from her? I hurt the one person I loved the most.”

“Because you apologized. You feel bad about it. Has she tried to talk to you since break?” Eddie shook his head slightly. “See, you’re not her.”

“I love you, Richie.”

“I love you too.” Richie kissed Eddie’s forehead before rolling slightly to see what time it was. When he saw that the clock on his phone said nine twenty-four, he turned back to Eddie. “We should get some more sleep.”

“Okay.”

They didn’t really go back to sleep, instead, they just cuddled until Bill and Stan woke up completely. Bill asked Richie what he wanted to do that day. Richie didn’t give a single shit what they did. He just wanted his friends to be there with him. And even though the other three couldn’t be there physically, the constant chatter in the group chat made Richie feel like they were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there may not be an update this weekend. I'm having some medical stuff done and will be incredibly out of it during my normal update period. I am going to try and post some stuff on Christmas but I make no promises.


	19. The one about a noisy birdcage

There was Metallica playing and idle chatter in the background as Richie stared at the canvas. He didn’t know what to paint. He had commission pieces to work on but most of them were just someone who wanted a piece of art by Richie, they didn’t care what it was. One person wanted a scene of dying nature, but the kind that was being taken over by darkness. But he just wasn’t feeling that either.

“You struggling there?” Bill asked from behind Richie.

“Yeah. I just don’t know what to paint.”

“I mean you could always paint one of us. Those always turn out really well.”

“Yeah but, who and what’s going on and where are they? There’s just so much that I need to figure out.”

“Okay, please don’t tell Stan I told you this, but maybe you should do something for him. His mood has been a little bit down lately, I think it’s because of everything that happened. In fact, I know it’s because of that.”

“Oh shit.”

“It’s okay, he’s been getting better. But maybe do something for him?”

“Okay. Any suggestions on what to do with that?” Richie looked over to where Eddie and Stan were chatting, Eddie must have said something funny since Stan chuckled at the moment. Stan was wearing the sweatshirt that Richie had borrowed on Thursday, the one with the birds on it. “Never mind. I think I got it.”

“Okay. Is the door gonna be unlocked if I let it close?”

“As long as you unlock the handle.” Richie was already at his wall of paints trying to figure out the colors that he wanted to use. He wanted more muted colors, to give the whole painting a vintage feeling. He made it back to the canvas and started his rough sketch. Richie always sketched out faces since they could be so easily messed up. He also sketched birds out because the proportions are so important. Bill had come back in and was watching Richie sketch everything out.

“Looks good so far.”

“Thanks. I hope he likes it.”

“He will.” Bill went back to where the other two were sitting. Richie painted for a few hours, he would occasionally throw some weird comment their way but he mostly just liked having them in there, before his stomach grumbled loudly.

“Oh, fuck that was loud,” Bill commented.

“You sound like you haven’t eaten in a month but I watched you eat four pancakes and three eggs this morning.”

“Stan the Man and his quality roasts.” Richie hadn’t stopped painting since he was in the groove at that point.

“Do you want us to go get something to eat?” Eddie didn’t want to say anything but he was getting hungry as well.

“Sure. I don’t really care what you get.”

“Are you going to stop painting to eat?” Bill asked.

“Yeah, once it’s here.” Richie turned and smiled brightly at them. They could tell that he was still a little more depressed than normal but he was getting better.

They ordered food from the diner and picked it up. Richie was eating and laughing at something Bill had said when Eddie asked Stan if they could talk out in the hall for a second. Once they were alone in the hallway Eddie asked a question that Stan really hated hearing.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Eddie raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing Stan, who tried again. “I mean no, but I’m getting there.”

“I know that you were worried about Richie, but why did you get so bad? You don’t normally ask me for booze without asking Bill. I don’t know. It’s just been bothering me for a few days.” Stan swallowed dryly and thought about his options. He could tell Eddie the truth or he could try to come up with some bullshit answer, but Stan wasn’t one to lie to people.

“I was really worried that Richie made a mistake that I almost made. I had someone to stop me but since I couldn’t get to Richie, it felt like there was nothing to stop him.”

“What are you talking about?” Stan really hated every second of this conversation. But Eddie deserved to know. Bill had talked to Stan while Richie was missing that their friends deserved to know everything. Bill shouldn’t be the only one that knew about what happened. If he was and it happened again, then none of them would be able to help stop it.

“I thought Richie killed himself.”

“Stan, are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Stan nodded, not really wanting to go further into it, Eddie understood not to push it. If it was something that he didn’t know before this, it was something that Stan really didn’t want to talk about. “Do you want a hug?”

“Sure.” Stan might not be all that into people touching him, but he had been friends with Eddie long enough that it wasn’t the worst thing ever. Eddie wrapped his arms around Stan’s neck and pulled him down into a very tight hug. Stan knew that meant Eddie felt really strongly about something. The tighter the hug, the stronger the emotion.

When Eddie let go, he smiled brightly at Stan, hoping to cheer him back up. Stan told Eddie to go on back in, that he would be back in a second. Eddie wasn’t completely sure as to why they didn’t go back in at the same time but decided not to question it.

Stan just needed a second to catch his breath. Thinking back on that time, especially that night, always took most of Stan’s energy and all of his happiness. When he got back into the room, he finally saw the canvas and the paint that sat on top of it.

“Is this me?”

“Yeah. You like it?”

“It’s … interesting.” Stan stared at a version of him. This version of him had a chest made of a birdcage, he was opening the cage door and the birds were beginning to leave. “What does it mean?”

“Letting go.”

“So, I’m letting go of something I love?”

“Well, they’re gonna be blackbirds so it’s supposed to be like you’re letting go of something that was trying to convince you that you loved it, but it was really killing you.”

“Is it supposed to be my depression?”

“If you want it to be. Art is subjective Stanny.”

“Are you planning on selling it?”

“Yeah, unless one of you want it. You guys can always have the first claim to my work unless it’s a specific commission.”

“Do you want it, Stan?” Bill wore a look of concern, Stan was acting a little weird.

“Maybe. I’ll figure it out when you’re finished.” Stan ended up taking that one. He liked the idea that his depression didn’t control him, that one day he could let go of it. He knew it didn’t really work like that but it was a nice hope. Made the future look a little brighter.

~~~~~~~~~~

They had all spent the next two nights in the fort before finally disassembling it and separating into the two different rooms. Richie had his head on Eddie’s chest, just listening to the steady heartbeat underneath. Eddie had fallen asleep a little bit ago but something was keeping Richie up. He knew that Eddie loved him, that much was clear, but did he really trust him? If Eddie could so easily think that Richie would cheat on him, he could think it again. Richie knew that if something like that happened again, he wouldn’t be able to make it out of that hole.

He had barely made it out of this one. Stan had mostly gotten him out of it, but the last helping hand was Eddie. Although Eddie was also the one that pushed him into it to begin with. Should he really be taking Eddie back so easily? Was this the right decision? Probably not. Whatever. It was the decision he had made and it was the decision that made him feel better, at least for the moment.

Richie moved his head so he could look at the black lines that were still raised above Eddie’s skin. Eddie had probably gone to a real tattoo shop. Unlike Richie who had gotten it from a kid he knew at school under some mildly questionable circumstances. Richie wasn’t a hoe, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Richie ran his fingers over the Saturn that sat on the front of Eddie’s shoulder, the same place that a similar Saturn sat on him. Eddie scrunched his eyes in pain, inhaling sharply through his nose.

“Sorry.” Richie hadn’t meant to wake Eddie up, although he did like that he was awake.

“It’s okay. That thing just still hurts.” Eddie opened his eyes and looked down at Richie.

“Probably because it’s in between muscle groups.”

“Hey, I thought I was the med student here.”

“Yeah but the art student has to know those sorts of things too if he wants to make accurate looking people.”

“I guess that’s true. Why are you awake?” Eddie started running his fingers through Richie’s hair, although he didn’t really notice that he was doing it.

“Can’t sleep.”

“And why is that?”

“My brain won’t shut the fuck up.”

“I’m sorry.” Eddie pushed the hair from Richie’s face and rubbed his thumb against Richie’s prominent cheekbones. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really, but Rose keeps telling me I need to stop doing that.”

“Is Rose the counselor you’ve been seeing?”

“Yeah. Stan and I both see her. She’s nice.” Eddie didn’t know that Stan was seeing someone as well. _I guess there’s a lot of things I don’t know about Stan._ Eddie thought to himself, which made him kind of sad. But he was learning more, Stan was opening up a lot more to him, which meant a lot to Eddie.

“So, what is your brain saying that is keeping you awake?” Eddie wrapped his arms around Richie. He wasn’t sure why he kept moving his hands, maybe it was because he was scared of losing Richie. Maybe it was because he was scared that if he didn’t keep moving, making sure he was awake, Richie would float away with the wind.

“It keeps asking if you really trust me. And if taking you back was the right decision. I don’t know if you trust me completely, but you trust me enough to believe me that I didn’t do anything and that she kissed me. And I don’t know if this is the right decision but it’s what’s making me feel better so fuck it, you know.”

“Yeah.” Eddie didn’t know what to say. Richie still couldn’t sleep because he made a terrible assumption and ruined the boy he loved. “How do I fix this?”

“I’m gonna guess you didn’t mean to say that out loud?”

“I mean if you have an answer that would be great because I have no idea what to do and I just desperately want to fix this.”

“I think you’ll just need to give me time. I don’t really know either. We’ll just have to take it one day at a time.” Eddie was willing to work for a hundred years if it meant he could fix what between him and Richie.

“I love you, Richie. I just want to put this behind us.”

“I do too. To both of those things.”

“Try to get some sleep, okay?”

“What if I don’t want to sleep?” Richie gave Eddie the same smirk he always gave when he was flirting. Eddie rolled his eyes.

“You need to sleep Richie. We can do whatever you want tomorrow night, okay? Cause we actually convinced Stan that you would be alright sleeping in here with me while Bill stays with him.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey Richie,” Richie looked up from the book in his lap at his roommate who was just getting back to their room. He had been reading for his history class, although it was actually a mythology class, trying to catch up on the readings he missed. “I got a package for you.”

“Like someone sent me a package to your mailbox or is it just your dick in a box?”

“The first one.”

“Well, give it here.”

“I don’t know, whoever sent it did send it to me. Maybe I should keep what’s inside.”

“Nah bitch, hand that shit over.” Richie made grabby hands at the package. Stan chuckled and handed the box over. Richie used his pen to rip the tape. When he finally got the package, open Richie saw a letter sitting on top of some blue tissue paper. Richie sat the rest of the package on his bed and opened the letter. Stan sat down at his bed and just watched Richie.

_Dear Richie,_

_So, we know sending you a letter is so old school but might as well send a letter since we’re sending you this package. We all feel like shit that we didn’t include you in our Christmas gifts. In our defense, we are always nervous about automatically including new people, but we should’ve known that you weren’t going to be going anywhere._

_We’re also really sorry that this took so long, we just wanted to save money and wait till we were all in the same state again, we can blame Bev for that (I was forced to write that). Love you a lot and hope you enjoy your gift._

_Love,_

_Mikey, Haystack, and Molly Ringwald_

_P.S. We sent it to Stan because we didn’t know your box number and didn’t want to ask because we wanted it to be a surprise._

Richie smiled at the letter and turned to the actual package. Richie had a feeling of what was inside. He moved the blue tissue paper and saw the first gift. It was the shirt that Bev made everyone. Under that was a book on artists throughout history. Richie opened the front cover and saw a small note that said “Skimmed through this book and thought of you. Hope you like it!” With a little smiley face after it, that was very Mike. Under that was a postcard, although Richie recognized it as the stationary that Ben got for Christmas. He flipped it over to read the poem on the other side.

_Scars that create the stars of the universe_

_But eyes that hold all of the stars behind them_

_Fingers that constantly place the colors in the wind_

_Place the colors in the world_

_And never let others fade to grey_

In the corner, there was a small black pouch. One that someone would keep jewelry in. Richie opened the bag and dumped the contents out on his hand. He smiled at the contents. Inside were three pins: an old looking camera, an old looking book, and a tower. His friends were adding to his pin collection. What a bunch of nerds.

“What is it?”

“Late Christmas gifts from Bev, Ben, and Mike.” Richie pulled out his phone and started a small group with the other three.

**TrashKing started a group**

**Benny, PolaroidGirl, and Michelangelo were added to the group**

**TrashKing: Hey thanks for the box guys. I love it. Although you didn’t have to. I wasn’t upset about you guys not getting me anything for Christmas**

**Michelangelo: Dude shut the fuck up. We were obviously going to be making it up to you at some point**

**TrashKing: So, you picked when my depression was really bad?**

**PolaroidGirl: It was just nice timing.**

**PolaroidGirl: Ben wants to know what you thought of the poem. His phone is on his bedside table and I’m not about to move so he can get it.**

**TrashKing: I like it a lot. It’s very sweet**

“You knew about this didn’t you?” Richie asked Stan from across the room.

“Obviously.”

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“You’re right. I could never hate my true love.” Richie went over to Stan and dramatically fell across his lap.

“Why are you like this?”

“It’s fun.” They both laughed.

“Why are you always trying to steal my man?” Bill asked from the doorway.

“Cause he’s just so pretty.” Richie went to pinch Stan’s cheek but he easily slapped the other hand away. “You coming in here for the night?”

“Yeah. It’s getting kind of late so I figured we should switch for the night.”

“Sounds good to me Billiam. Don’t fuck on my bed.”

“No promises.”

“I could say the same to you, Richard.”

“You’re just upset that you can’t get any of this.” Richie gestured to himself and then shut the door to go to his second room. He almost immediately opened the door again, “Night you two.”

“Love you ya asshole,” Stan called back.

“Love you too ya bitch.” Richie fully shut the door and started down the hallway.  He was on a high, hoping his night with Eddie would keep that up.

~~~~~~~~~~

Both boys were breathing heavily, their bodies shining with sweat. Richie hadn’t let Eddie forget that he promised to do anything that Richie wanted. Eddie had been freaking out a bit when Richie had said this, but he was decently surprised at Richie’s plans, which included strip Mario Kart, and the rest was up to fate as he said. The game ended exactly how everyone thought it was going to end.

“Man, I should’ve let you do that last night.”

“Well, you were the one that wanted to wait till tonight. I was getting needy.”

“Of course, you were.”

“Oh, don’t act like you didn’t love it. I mean you can try, but those moans were pretty telling.” Richie then proceeded to imitate Eddie’s moans, to which Eddie punched him in the arm. “Ow. That hurt.”

“Good. Also, you’re not wrong. This is similar to what I wanted to do on my dumbass day.”

“On what day?”

“On Eddie Spaghetti's Dumbass Day.”

“Oh yes, I remember that day.” Richie still had his joking tone, he wasn’t as hurt by talking about it anymore. It still hurt, but it wasn’t a sharp pain. “Wait, you wanted to do this in my studio?”

“Maybe.”

“That’s real fucking hot.”

“Beep beep Richie.” Eddie covered his face with his hands.

“Wait, is public fucking your kink or something?”

“I hate this conversation.”

“Holy fuck it is. Nice.”

“Well okay, what’s yours?” Eddie removed his hands and looked at Richie. Hoping for a more embarrassing answer than his.

“I don’t know. I guess you’ll just have to figure that out.” Richie leaned over and pulled Eddie’s face toward him, passionately connecting their lips. Eddie kissed back just as passionately, moving so that he was on top of Richie. “You trying to get a round two out of me?”

“Maybe.” Eddie’s voice had dropped. Richie knew that meant he was serious in this situation. Eddie reconnected their lips and they stayed in that position for a few minutes, when there was a knock at the door.

“I swear if that is Stan, I’m gonna punch him in the throat.” Eddie got up and put his pajama pants on, or they might have been Richie’s. He really didn’t look that hard. Eddie opened the door and honestly expected to see Stan, instead, he saw his neighbor Jacob. He looked a little annoyed but more tired than anything.

“Oh, hey Jacob. What’s up?” Eddie really hoped he wasn’t blushing too much. He could guess why Jacob was here.

“Can you and your boyfriend not fuck so loudly? I’m trying to sleep.”

“Yeah, sorry about that.”

“It’s cool. I get it, man. Also, you should be really glad my roommate has been spending more nights with his girlfriend cause he’s a homophobe. He wouldn’t have been nearly as nice as me. I at least waited till you were done.”

“Thanks. Wait how do you know he’s a homophobe?”

“I brought a guy back once after me and Carmen broke up, let’s just say it wasn’t a good time. He’s such as asshole.”

“Oh man, that sucks. Sorry about that. And sorry about being loud.”

“The year is almost done and then I never have to see him again. And it’s fine. I think Alejandro is having the same problem.” Richie started laughing hysterically in the room. Alejandro was his neighbor, not the one that fucks a lot, but one that was really nice. Eddie tried to hide his own amusement.

“I’m never letting Stan live this down.”

“Is that his room?”

“Yeah. It’s also where my roommate is. Anyways, we’ll keep it down. Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine. Have a good night you two.”

“You too Jacob.” Eddie closed the door and immediately started laughing. Of course, the two Loser couples at Morrison would be too loud on the same night.

“Oh my God. This is the best night ever. I got to fuck you and also finally have some quality blackmail on Stan.”

“How do you know it was Stan that was the loud one?”

“Oh, let me dream. Also, I just don’t see Bill as a loud one. Wait, do you know if he is?”

“They both are, it depends on the moment. We went camping before going off to school, they shared a tent, and there was not enough alcohol to make that any less awkward.” Richie was cracking up again. He loved the quality blackmail on his roommate. “Richie.” Richie got his laughter to go away and looked at Eddie. “I still want a round two.”

“Well, come here then baby boy,” Eddie smirked and walked over to Richie, losing the sleep pants along the way. “You know, you’re gonna have to be real quiet so that you don’t piss off your neighbor.”

“Shit, I don’t know how well this is gonna go. I’ll apologize to Jacob later.”

“I don’t know, could be real hot.” Eddie rolled his eyes and connected his lips with Richie’s. Richie soon flipped them over so that Eddie was under him. Richie moved his mouth from Eddie’s lips to his neck, right below his ear. Richie sucked on the spot and bit down hard.

“Fuck Rich.” Eddie moaned out, trying to keep his voice down.

“I was right, you needing to be quiet is real hot.”

“Fuck you.”

“Yeah, that’s the plan.” Eddie rolled his eyes and was going to make some sort of snarky comment but Richie soon returned to the spot under Eddie’s ear.

“You make it real hard to be quiet.”

“Good.”

Eddie couldn’t stay quiet although he did try. He made Jacob cookies as an apology. Jacob laughed and said it really wasn’t that bad, and at least he was getting some.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look I'm not dead. 
> 
> Also, the next really big plot point starts next chapter and I'm really excited about it (hope you are too). There's not really any angst in it, which I feel like is surprising for me.


	20. The one about sins

The rest of the next week had been going really well after that. Richie had gotten caught up in all of his classes. He had explained to his professors that his depression had gotten ridiculous all of a sudden and he was barely able to move. Which wasn’t a lie, they just didn’t need to know the reasoning. But now it was one month before finals and Richie still needed to figure out what he was going to do for his panel.

This semester the art students had to use some sort of mythological creature in whatever style they chose. Unlike last semester, this could all be in the same medium, it just needed to be of one subject matter and it had to be pretty large. Richie had run a few ideas past Eddie and decided to ask the rest of the Losers for their opinion.

**TrashKing: Hey I got a strange question for you dudes**

**TrashKing: Seven Deadly Sins or the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse**

**BirdBoy: Sins**

**B-b-bill: Horsemen**

**BirdBoy: Get out**

**PolaroidGirl: Sins**

**Benny: Sins**

**Michelangelo: Sins for sure**

**StupidSpaghetti: Sorry Bill, but sins**

**B-b-bill: I feel so attacked. I feel like Stan.**

**B-b-bill: Stan punched me in the ribs for saying that.**

**TrashKing: Thanks! So explanation time. For my final panel I have to do some sort of mythology thing and I was thinking about doing the seven deadly sins and since there are seven of us I was thinking about making them portraits and base them off of us**

**TrashKing: But like I would feel weird about doing this without making sure it was okay with you guys**

**PolaroidGirl: Sounds fine to me!**

**BirdBoy: Yeah same**

**StupidSpaghetti: I mean you already ran the idea past me but I’m still fine with it.**

**Michelangelo: That sounds bitchin Richie**

**PolaroidGirl: Which sin am I gonna be? Because if I can choose I kinda wanna be envy.**

**Michelangelo: Dammit I wanted to be envy. Can I be pride then?**

**TrashKing: Yeah sure. To both of you.**

**Benny: Can I not be gluttony**

**Benny: Like it seems too obvious**

**Benny: And a little hurtful**

**TrashKing: Yeah buddy**

**TrashKing: Do you want to be greed?**

**Benny: Sure**

**BirdBoy: I’m scared to ask what you want to make me.**

**TrashKing: Lust**

**B-b-bill: Accurate**

**BirdBoy changed his name to Single**

**B-b-bill: I like how you’re single now but you’re still snuggling with me**

**Single: Fuck you.**

**Single: Also, I’m cold so.**

**StupidSpaghetti: He said fuck you out loud too.**

**StupidSpaghetti: Also who am I gonna be?**

**TrashKing: Wrath**

**TrashKing: Bill can choose between Gluttony and Sloth**

**B-b-bill: I’ll take Gluttony**

**TrashKing: Cool! Thanks my dudes. I just wanted to get this figured out before it was too late and I had to rush all my stuff. Again.**

**Single: Yeah but all the stuff from your last panel sold so why are you worried?**

**TrashKing: I didn’t sell the sculpture. I destroyed it and it was very therapeutic.**

**Michelangelo: Did you guys figure out what you’re doing for spring break? Isn’t that coming up for you guys?**

**B-b-bill: Yeah, it’s this upcoming week and we’re probably gonna stay here. None of us really want to drive that long ass drive to Derry and plus Richie needs to catch up on some commissions and work on his final.**

**StupidSpaghetti: I suggested we go to the city but that got shut down pretty quick.**

**Single: Because collectively we have three hundred bucks and that’s not even enough for a hotel. It’s a good idea we’re just low on cash.**

**PolaroidGirl: Doesn’t Richie make hella dollas through commissions?**

**TrashKing: Phone bill was due this week and a lot of my money goes towards my student loans.**

**TrashKing: So, you’re not wrong but I just don’t have a lot right now, especially since I fell behind.**

**Michelangelo: Makes sense. Sucks that you guys aren’t coming back. I miss you guys. Derry is so fucking lonely**

**Benny: Don’t you have a girlfriend?**

**Michelangelo: HAD. We broke up**

**PolaroidGirl: Aw Mike, I’m sorry. What happened?**

**Michelangelo: She was real controlling, like the kind that wanted to know where I was every second and who I was with, even though all of my friends are gone to school and I mostly just work**

**Single: You had friends on the football team**

**Michelangelo: I had “friends”. They all sucked and most of them were so close-minded and actually made fun of you guys. Like they constantly called Stan and Eddie queers. They wouldn’t let the old dumb rumors about Bev die. The only reason they didn’t make fun of Bill and Ben was because they were on the team too. Although they did mock Bill’s stutter occasionally**

**PolaroidGirl: Wait. Is this true?**

**Benny: Why would you tell them that?**

**B-b-bill: Yeah for real. I just got punched again for not telling Stan that. He has tiny knuckles that fit between ribs and it’s very painful.**

**Michelangelo: Sorry**

**Michelangelo changed their name to DoneFuckedUp**

**TrashKing: I like the name change**

**DoneFuckedUp: Thank you**

**TrashKing: Also, would it make you feel better to hear some of the rumors about me from high school?**

**Single: Yes**

**TrashKing: Okay so one was that I would go down on anyone if they gave me 50 bucks. One was that me and my parents did drugs together. One was that my art teacher and I were in some weird relationship where we fucked in her office a lot. The other was that I gave a kid a blowjob for my tattoo. Which was almost true, it was a hand job and I also gave him 20 bucks.**

**Single: You gave someone a hand job for your tattoo?**

**TrashKing: I WAS DESPERATE**

**B-b-bill: Could’ve been worse**

**Single: How could it have been worse?**

**TrashKing: I could’ve put his dick in me**

**StupidSpaghetti: Beep Beep Richie**

**TrashKing changed their name to BeepBeep**

**Benny: What’s with beep beep Richie?**

**B-b-bill: It’s our way of telling Richie to shut up. It comes from when we were walking to a diner down the street and Richie was rambling and a car honked as it went past us and Richie shut up. We came up with beep beep Richie after that.**

**PolaroidGirl: Are we allowed to use that?**

**BeepBeep: I don’t see why not**

**StupidSpaghetti: I would like to say kissing Richie is a much better way to get him to shut up**

**Single: EDWARD!! THERE ARE CHILDREN PRESENT!!**

**StupidSpaghetti: Who here is a child? I know all of you have fucked at least one person.**

**Single: I can pretend**

**BeepBeep: Yeah, plus like all of our floor knows that you and Bill fuck**

**Single: I’m gonna murder everyone on our floor. Who told you?**

**BeepBeep: Not telling**

**B-b-bill: Was it Jacob when he told you two to be quiet?**

**BeepBeep: Never!**

**BeepBeep: Bill is giving me a dad look**

**PolaroidGirl: William! Leave poor Richard alone!**

All four sitting in Bill and Eddie’s room laughed. No one had called Bill William in forever, not even his parents called him William.

**B-b-bill: Okay mom**

**BeepBeep: Can you two change your names to Mom and Dad?**

**B-b-bill changed their name to Dad**

**PolaroidGirl changed their name to Mom**

**BeepBeep: Oh, look Stan, you can call Bill Daddy now.**

**Single changed their name to RIPRichie**

**Benny: Man, now I’m the only one that hasn’t changed their name in a long time**

**BeepBeep: Then change the name my man**

**Benny: But to what?**

**BeepBeep: Santa Claus**

**Benny: Why?**

**StupidSpaghetti: I caught mommy kissing Santa Claus**

**RIPRichie: Ew get out**

**Benny changed their name to Bennerang**

**Dad: Bennerang?**

**Bennerang: My roommate is drunk**

**Bennerang: He just threw a boomerang at my head**

**DoneFuckedUp: Why does he have a boomerang?**

**Bennerang: He went to Australia for spring break**

**StupidSpaghetti: Richie is laughing too hard to actually respond**

~~~~~~~~~~

Richie stood in the hallway and was absolutely terrified. His stack of painted canvases was getting exponentially heavier. He was pacing, he didn’t have time for a cigarette, plus Stan and Eddie had him under a microscope since that week. He just wanted this to go well. The last panel had gone so well that he didn’t want to let anyone down. He knew that Lori wasn’t going to be in there because it was seen as unfair. She had been in some of the earlier panels but had left a little bit ago, wishing Richie luck.

He checked the time on the clock that sat silently on the wall. Two minutes until showtime. Matthew came out of the theatre and looked pissed. He had done a sculpture of Zeus that looked like shit to Richie. The proportions were all off and he looked like a wimp and didn’t look like the king of the gods. Richie tightened his grip on his canvas stack.

“Good luck Bitchie, those dudes are rough.”

“I asked you not to call me that Matthew. And how are they so rough?”

“They tore my sculpture apart. They failed Millie.”

“That’s not all that surprising,” Richie said under his breath. Matthew rolled his eyes and walked past Richie, calling him Bitchie as he went past. The head of the art department called him in and asked if he needed anything.

“I need seven canvas stands.” The head and one of the other professors set up the stands and Richie placed the paintings up in the order he wanted. When he was done, he nodded at the department head.

“This is Richard Tozier, freshman.”

“Thank you. So, for my final, I used the seven deadly sins as my inspiration. The people in the paintings are me and my friends. The style I was going for was gothic portraiture.” Richie stepped aside so that the judges could look at the pieces. He recognized two of them from last semester but the other one he didn’t recognize. He took a deep breath and tried to get his heartbeat to settle down slightly. He looked to the back of the theatre and saw three figures sneak into the back. Richie would recognize those curls anywhere.

His friends had snuck into his panel. Although Richie was sure that they all had an exam at this time. Stan had a zoology exam and Bill and Eddie had a presentation in their religion class. Richie turned his attention back to the panelists, knowing that it was rude to ignore them if they were trying to give him feedback. They were silent though.

One of the ones he recognized, Andrew Colls, was staring intensely at the painting of Stan. Richie really hoped he didn’t say anything bad about it with Stan in the room. Stan had grown incredibly fond of the painting and got a little defensive if anyone insulted it. The other one that he remembered, Patricia Miller, was scanning over all of them repeatedly. Part of him wished she would pick one and focus on it, but more of him liked that she wasn’t. Maybe it meant that she liked all of them. The one he didn’t know, Jean something, was moving from one to another, in a very scrutinizing manner. Richie felt like he was going to be sick. They were all so silent. _Please say something for fuck’s sake!_ Richie’s brain was screaming. If they started saying something then Richie would know what emotions he should be experiencing. Instead, Richie felt like he was stuck in limbo.

“Thoughts panelists?” Apparently, the head of the department was also thinking they were taking too long. Dr. Henry, the head, knew that Richie was going to pass with flying colors, there was no way that he couldn’t. Richie had missed a week of classes and was able to bounce back so quickly that it made Dr. Henry proud, seeing as Richie was one of his mentees. The one Richie didn’t recognize was the one that spoke.

“I’m not going to lie to you Daniel,” it was weird for Richie to hear anyone call Dr. Henry by his first name. “I’m having a hard time finding anything really wrong with these. The subjects are all dynamic and lifelike. The style and his inspiration work very well together. Excellent job young man.” Richie felt like exploding. He knew that the other two were going to love the work, but to hear that from someone that was pretty much a complete stranger was incredible.

“Well, Jean looks like you owe me an apology.” Dr. Henry looked very smug.

“What?” Richie asked. Cleary this had something to do with him.

“I told Jean that you were one of the most talented students I have ever had under me and that what you were working on was going to amaze him.” Richie thought he was going to pass out. Dr. Henry put so much faith in him to do something amazing. Richie was also really glad his friends were in the back of the auditorium. “Thank you, Richie, you obviously passed.”

“Thank you, Dr. Henry. I’ll just grab my stuff and head out.” Richie gathered up his stack of canvases and used his back to open the auditorium door. He walked quickly to where the studios were, he wanted to be able to put the paintings down before he was attacked by the other three.

He had barely put the paintings down when he heard a very familiar squeal of excitement that he had grown kind of fond of. Eddie opened the door and leaped at Richie. The only reason Richie caught him was because he was getting used to Eddie doing this.

“Oh, my fucking God can you believe that dude loved all your shit!”

“I thought that one was going to say some shit about me and I was gonna fight him.”

“And that’s why we sat in the very back,” Bill responded. Eddie probably would’ve answered but he was too busy imitating a cat.

“How the hell were guys even there? You all had shit to do.”

“Eddie and I made sure we went first and then told the professor we had to go. He doesn’t give a fuck about what we do.”

“That exam was actually a joke. It took me half an hour to get it done.”

“And you were freaking out about it.”

“You were freaking out about that panel for some dumbass reason.”

“You’re so nice to me Stanley.” Stan shrugged. Richie put Eddie down and they left the studio, much to Eddie’s despair. They went to the diner after that, they still needed to pack up the cars but food seemed more important at the moment.

They were all excited about going back to Derry for one reason or another. Stan was excited to be off for a few months and to rub it into his parents’ face that he and Bill were still together and going strong. Bill was excited to see Georgie and also the other Losers. Eddie was excited to spend his first summer how he wanted to, without his mother jumping down his throat. Richie was excited to have everyone back together. He was excited to see all the people he loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you notice that there are a set amount of chapters now? I have all of them planned out and started but some of the later ones aren't completely finished. So, let's hope I can get them done before we get to that point.


	21. The one about good changes

Richie sat in the room he shared with Eddie in Stan’s house sketching while Anarbor played in the background. Eddie had gone out with Mike for the day and the other four were all out on a double date, so Richie spent the day alone, but he was pretty okay with that actually. The phone that sat on his bedside table began ringing. It was a number Richie didn’t recognize, but he knew it was a New York area code. His mind was suddenly racing. What if it was Morrison saying that he couldn’t come back? What if they hadn’t gotten the apartment that they applied for? They had only been done with the semester for a few days but anything could happen. He knew he needed to just bite the bullet and answer the phone.

“Hello.” Richie hoped that the person on the other end couldn’t hear how nervous he was.

“Hello Mr. Tozier, this is Jean Finere, one of your panelists.”

“Oh hello, Mr. Finere. I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize your number. How can I help you?”

“I have an excellent opportunity for you, young man. Do you know what my job is?”

“No, I don’t. I feel like I should.” A thought suddenly popped into Richie’s head. “I’m sorry, this is going to be a strange question, but how do you spell your last name?” Jean spelled his last name and Richie had to bite his tongue so that he didn’t curse. “You’re the head curator for the MET. I am so sorry that I didn’t realize that the first time I saw your name, I was just really nervous.”

“It’s okay young man.”

“So, what is this opportunity you have for me?”

“We have a small exhibit opening in a little under a month and I would like you to take it.” Richie almost dropped his phone.

“Are you fucking serious?”

“I am.” He laughed at Richie’s cursing, unphased by it.

“There’s no way this is happening.”

“It is. Your work is some of the best that I have seen in someone your age. We wanted the artist that took the exhibit to be a college student in the area and I believe you are the best choice.”

“What all will you need?”

“Your Seven Deadly Sins works will be a nice start, but more things like that. Things that are important to you. Things that are from your past. Anything you want really. We would like about but less than twenty pieces.”

“Um okay. I um, can you send me a little bit more information. Like time and day that you would need all of this? I’ll need a fair amount of time to get there since I’m staying in Maine and it’s a long drive.”

“It’s a short flight.”

“I don’t have enough to pay for plane tickets, I put commissions on hold to work on my final project.”

“Don’t worry about it. You will be coming as my guest so your plane tickets and hotel for the opening day and the weekend will be covered by me.”

“Do you think maybe I could bring my friends? I know it’s asking a lot but, they were, are my inspiration and I would want them to be there.”

“So how many would you be bringing?”

“It would be me and six others.”

“Okay.”

“Really?”

“Yes. If these people are so close to you then they are my guests as well. Is it the same six that are in your Seven Deadly Sins work?”

“It is.”

“Then, of course, they are my guests as well.”

“Thank you so much, sir.”

“Also, I will be sending you the rest of the information via email, I just wanted to confirm this over the phone. Have a nice day, Richard.”

“You too Mr. Finere.” Richie hung up and looked down at his phone. He couldn’t believe this was happening to him. He wanted to tell everyone. And he knew exactly who to start with. Richie scrolled through his contacts until he found the right name. He clicked the call button and waited for an answer.

“Richie?”

“Hey, Ryan.” Richie hadn’t spoken to her in almost a year. He felt bad about it. Ryan had been who really pushed him to pursue art as a career and he hadn’t told her anything that had happened to him.

“Richie, is something wrong?”

“No. No, everything is great actually.”

“Then why are you calling? You know I’m in class, right?”

“Then why would you answer the phone?”

“You were calling, I thought it was an emergency.”

“I mean it kind of is.”

“You’re lucky they’re watching a movie today.”

“Hungover?”

“Yes. What is this about Richie?”

“I just wanted to catch you up on some stuff.”

“Go ahead.”

“So, firstly, I got a boyfriend.”

“Richie, that’s great. What’s he like?”

“He’s the best person I could have ever asked for. He makes me be a better person and a better artist. He’s gotten me back into playing guitar. And he’s so fucking good in bed. I just, I can’t believe he’s mine. And it’s not even just him, I have a whole group of friends who really care about me. You remember that dream I told you about where it was me and these kids and then the ground opened up and swallowed them?”

“Yes.”

“It’s them. I don’t know how it is, but it’s them.”

“I’m happy for you Richie.”

“And that’s not even all I called you for. I just got off the phone with Jean Finere.”

“Why?” She knew who Jean was. Everyone in the art world knew who Jean was.

“Ryan, I’m gonna be in the MET.”

“Richard Tozier you better not be fucking lying to me.”

“I’m not. I really am. He judged my final and wants me to take the spot that’s opening up.”

“You agreed to take it, right?”

“Why the fuck wouldn’t I agree?”

“I don’t know. If your boyfriend is _that_ good in bed he could be frying your brain afterward.”

“Fuck you, Ryan.”

“You know you miss me.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Will you send me the details about the opening when you get them?”

“Of course. Get back to class Miss Corbin.”

“Shut up. It was nice to hear from you again Richie, take care.”

“You too Ryan.” Richie hung up the phone and was still ecstatic, he thought telling someone might take the edge off his excitement. It didn’t. So, he did the next best thing he could think of, he shrieked with excitement, sounding a lot like Eddie. Richie heard footsteps coming down the hallway and suddenly Stan was in the doorway.

“What the fuck was that?”

“I need you to get everyone together right now.”

“We were all going to Bill’s for a bit, we stopped by to pick you up.”

“Oh yeah. Okay, let’s go.” Richie jumped up and dragged Stan down the hallway and down the stairs, pausing slightly to throw his shoes on, and into Bill’s still running car, which was his mom’s.

“What is happening?” Bev asked as Richie practically threw Stan into the car and hopped into the backseat with the other couple.

“Come on Bill get the lead out. To casa Denbrough.”

“Okay.” Bill didn’t bother fighting for detail.

“Will Eddie and Mike be there when we get there?”

“No, they’ll be there in like half an hour.” Richie groaned loudly at what Stan said.

“Okay, I’ll text them and tell them to hurry up,” Ben remarked, thoroughly confused. They made it to Bill’s house and went to the basement, Richie pacing the whole time that they waited for the other two.

“Richie, will you calm down?” Bev asked.

“Not yet. I will at some point. Where are they?” Stan sighed and rolled his eyes. Laying his head onto the back of the couch wanting this to be over. He loved his best friend but sometimes Richie was a lot. Even if he was, Stan wouldn’t trade him for anyone. And it wasn’t really Richie that was getting to Stan.

“You okay?” Bill whispered into Stan’s ear. Stan nodded his head.

“Tired,” Stan whispered back. Bill gave him a look of doubt he got from Stan. Stan just closed his eyes and sighed out of his nose. He was hoping this was good news. The shriek sounded excited but it could’ve been anything. And the fact that Richie wasn’t telling anyone anything was freaking Stan out. The front door opened and closed, quickly followed by footsteps coming down the stairs.

“What the hell is going on?” Mike asked as the two made it down to the basement.

“Just sit down. I will be explaining momentarily.” Richie ushered Eddie and Mike to sit down. He then stood in front of all of them, breathing heavily before proceeding. “So, all of you are going to need to find some fancy clothes, like really fancy, because we are going on an adventure in about a month.”

“What kind of adventure requires fancy clothes?” Mike asked.

“The kind where we go to a gallery opening at the MET.”

“Whose gallery is opening?” Stan asked, lifting his head and opening his eyes. If it was Millie or Matthew he was going to say no.

“This young, kind of undiscovered artist named Richard Tozier.”

“You’re shitting me?!” Bev exclaimed.

“I am not milady. One of the panelists from my final was the head curator for the MET and he wants me to take the exhibit that’s opening up.”

“Richie that’s amazing!” Eddie jumped up and hugged Richie. The rest of the Losers got up and hugged Richie as well. Richie felt so loved and knew that all of his friends were proud of him. Bev was the first one to speak. Pulling the others away too.

“Richie do you own nice clothes?”

“No. I didn’t think about that.” Bev’s face lit up.

“Can I make you a suit!? Please?”

“If you can get it done in three weeks.”

“Bitch I can get it done in under a week.”

“What about the rest of you?”

“We all have suits from graduation, as long as they still fit,” Ben said, his was the only one that might need altering, but not by much.

“I’m gonna make a dress for myself as well because I don’t feel like I have anything gallery worthy.”

“Okay,” Richie said through a laugh.

“Do we have to pay for the hotel?” Stan asked he would be the one that asked a real question like that.

“No, plane tickets and the hotel are covered by Jean, we’re coming as his personal guests. Well, I guess you guys are the guests and I’m the star, although I already knew I was.” They all groaned at Richie, although they were all still really proud of him.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

“So, what did you and Mike go out for today?” Richie asked, sitting on the bed. Eddie was putting some of the things in his shopping bags away.

“What?” Eddie asked he was focusing on what was in the bags too much to actually hear what Richie said.

“What did you and Mike get today? Like while you were out?”

“You’re gonna laugh at me.”

“I am not. Come on, tell me.”

“Okay, so please don’t be mad, but Mike and I went out to makeup stores because I wanted some.”

“Why didn’t you take me? I’m the one that will get to enjoy it the most.”

“Because Mike still looks like a really big football player so I figured no one would mess with us. No offense, but you look like a noodle.”

“Rude.” Eddie shrugged and smirked at Richie. “So, what did you get? I wanna see.”

“You’re really fine with me getting makeup?”

“Yeah.” Eddie smiled to himself and grabbed the Sephora bag and sat on the bed with Richie. He had gotten some eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara, highlighter, and multiple lipsticks. He also got some brushes. “You gonna put some on?”

“I’m not gonna be good. I don’t have any experience.”

“You want me to put some on you?”

“You’re not gonna be any better than me.”

“Rude, remember how I’m a successful artist?”

“Okay, how about you get one side of my face and I get the other? We’ll see who’s better.” Richie loved a challenge.

“Fine, but I get to go first.” Eddie rolled his eyes and let Richie get started. Eddie was quiet as Richie worked. He figured Richie was taking this as seriously as he took any of his paintings. Richie had decided to do a smoky look with greys and black, wanting to give Eddie a run for his money, also because he knew it would make his eyes look brighter. Richie had finished the eyeshadow and eyeliner, leaving the mascara for Eddie to do himself. Richie moved onto the highlighter, only knowing where to put that because he had watched a lot of makeup tutorials when he first started art so that he could get faces down and understand how women do their makeup. Plus, Ryan had shown him how she did her makeup a couple times.

“Okay, pick a lipstick,” Richie said, looking smugly at his work.

“Is it the one we both have to use?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Maybe the red one?”

“Okay.” Richie grabbed the lipstick, which happened to be a liquid lipstick and began putting it onto his boyfriend.

“Why do you know what you’re doing?” Eddie asked without moving his lips.

“I’m a painter who likes to do portraits the most. I’ve painted so many lips that this is pretty much the same.”

“I’m gonna lose, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, you are. But you’ll look pretty when you do.”

“Will you just go ahead and to my other eye?”

“Yeah, I’m leaving the mascara to you because I don’t want to poke you in the eye.” Richie had finished the lipstick and looked at his work. He then went to work copying his previous work onto Eddie’s other eye. “Done!” Richie looked happily at his work.

“Okay, I will be right back.” Eddie grabbed the mascara and another bag from his pile and ran into the bathroom. Richie just looked confused, what was the purpose of the other bag? Richie had been putting all of the makeup back into the bag when he heard the bathroom door open. He looked up to feel his heart drop to his stomach, but in a good way. Eddie was in a high waisted black skirt and a pale blue long-sleeved crop top.

“What do you think?” Eddie asked. Richie couldn’t even put a sentence together. He was just too amazed by how his boyfriend looked. “You not saying anything is making me rethink my decision.”

“No. I’m speechless because of how good you look.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Come here.” Eddie walked over to where Richie was sitting on the bed. Richie stood up and placed one hand on Eddie’s waist and the other on his face. “You look so gorgeous.”

“You think?”

“Yeah. What took you so long to do this?”

“I was scared at how you would react.” Richie kissed Eddie’s forehead and walked over to where they had speakers set up on the dresser. He scrolled through his music playlist looking for the right song. When he found it, he hit play and watched Eddie’s reaction as the song started playing.

“Perfect? Really?” Richie shrugged and walked back over to Eddie, taking one of Eddie’s hands in his own and placing the other on the small of Eddie’s back. “Are we slow dancing now?” Richie smirked and nodded his head. Eddie placed his free hand on Richie’s shoulder. They swayed for a little bit and at one-point Richie twirled Eddie, with both of them laughing. Richie liked the way Eddie’s skirt looked when he twirled, although he liked the way that all of Eddie looked. When the song ended, Richie leaned down and kissed Eddie. Eddie pulled away quickly though.

“Richie, you’re gonna mess up my lipstick.”

“Good.” Eddie pushed Richie, who fell onto the bed, pulling Eddie with him. They laughed until Richie just stared at Eddie, biting his bottom lip.

“What?” Eddie asked partially through a laugh.

“You’re just so pretty. You’re also my bi heart’s dream.”

“You are lucky pretty was the look I was going for because if not I would be very insulted that you just called me pretty. Also, I don’t know if I should be insulted that I wasn’t always your heart’s dream.”

“Shut up and kiss me again. I wanna ruin that lipstick.” Eddie smirked and connected their lips again. He couldn’t be bothered about the fact that he was going to ruin his lipstick. Eddie wanted to get his lipstick all over Richie, which is what he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering who the fuck Ryan is, long story short, she was Richie's high school art teacher. I talked about this a lot more in a side-story called Morrison so check that out. It would be really cool.


	22. The one about a soft boyfriend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this sweet fluffy ass chapter.

They lied in bed silently for a minute, radiating warmth between them. Eddie was curled up against Richie, tapping his fingers against Richie’s chest.

“I’ve been thinking.” Well, that sentence scared the shit out of Richie. “I think I figured out what your kink is.”

“Oh, did you now?”

“Yeah. I’m pretty sure it’s the more feminine me. Which sucks cause I wanted to wear skirts out in public but…”

“Probably. Although I can almost guarantee that is not my only one. You got more to discover baby boy.” Richie tapped Eddie on the nose with his pointer finger. Eddie rolled his eyes and got up. “Wait where are you going?”

“To take a shower.”

“Can I join you?” Richie knew that that question was going to sound sexual, but he knew that his face was going to tell Eddie that that wasn’t how he meant it. Eddie nodded his head and put his hand out for Richie to grab as they walked to the bathroom.

Richie got the water running while Eddie started taking off his eye makeup. Most of the lipstick was gone and the highlight would come off when he washed his face. When the water was warm enough Richie motioned for Eddie to get in with him.

“Oh, hold up one sec.” Eddie went back to the bedroom and grabbed the speakers, bringing them into the bathroom. Ed Sheeran had been playing the whole time and Eddie didn’t want to change it, he just wanted to be able to hear it better.

They both stepped into the shower and Richie switched the water so it was coming out of the shower head. Eddie jumped at the sudden water hitting him. Richie chuckled and placed a small kiss on the top of Eddie’s head. Richie was always a lot softer and quieter after they had sex. Eddie didn’t really know why. The shorter of the two squirted some shampoo in his hand and motioned Richie to bring his head over to Eddie.

He did, which also got his hair wet, and Eddie immediately started massaging the mint shampoo into Richie’s hair. Richie had to bend down so that Eddie could reach all of the floppy black hair. At one point, Richie veered sharply, avoiding falling by catching the wall. Eddie raised an eyebrow, thoroughly confused.

“I started to fall asleep.” Richie smiled sheepishly.

“Me playing with your hair relaxes you that much?”

“Well, I don’t know if it’s me being relaxed or something else.”

“Something else?”

“Yeah. When you guys play with my hair I feel safe. I feel loved. I feel like no matter how irritating I may be, or how much I’m sure you guys are so sick of my shit, you guys care. You guys want me to be here.”

“I tell you that all the time. It takes me playing with your hair to get it through that thick skull of yours?”

“I’ve been lied to my entire life Eds. Actions speak a lot louder than words to me when it comes to stuff like that.”

“Is that why you refuse to lie to people? Because it happened to you all the time?” Eddie asked, grabbing the shower head to rinse the shampoo out of Richie’s hair. Richie nodded, keeping his eyes closed so nothing got in them. “I’m sorry. No one should ever lie to you. You’re too sweet for that.”

“You’re sweet.”

“Not as much as you. You’re the sweetest person I have ever met. And you’ve met Ben.”

“Have I?” Eddie sprayed Richie in the face with the water from the shower head. “Rude.” Eddie laughed and put the shower head back on the holder. When he turned back around Richie was working the shampoo in his hand into a bit of a lather. Richie started massaging the lather into Eddie’s hair. Eddie hummed along to the song that was playing, not really paying attention to what it was.

“Okay, step back so you can rinse that out.” Eddie took a step back so he was under the water. Richie was helping get all of the shampoo out of Eddie’s hair. Once all of it was out Richie leaned down and placed a small kiss on Eddie’s lips. It was short and sweet, nothing like the heated kisses they had exchanged earlier.

“What was that for?”

“I’ve always wanted to kiss you in the rain, but I know you hate the idea,” Richie answered grabbing the conditioner bottle.

“That’s just us asking to get sick.”

“Being sick with you wouldn’t be so bad.”

“Then who would take care of you?” Eddie asked closing his eyes as Richie started putting the conditioner in his hair.

“I guess you’re right.”

“I generally am.”

“Okay, Stan.” Richie was working on the back of Eddie’s hair, pulling the smaller boy closer to him. Eddie opened his eyes slightly and started connecting the freckles on Richie’s chest with imaginary lines. “Close your eyes,” Richie whispered as he grabbed the shower head and let the water fall on Eddie’s head, taking the conditioner with it. When all of it was gone Richie put the shower head back on its stand, Eddie opened his eyes.

“Man, I really did get lipstick all over you, didn’t I?” Eddie asked, finally taking in all of Richie’s chest. There were red smears and lip prints all the way down Richie’s front.

“I think I made up for it with those.” Richie pointed at the multiple bruises on Eddie’s neck and collarbones.

“Good thing I got stuff to cover those.” Richie gave Eddie a questioning look. “You give me hickeys all the time. I figured I should get stuff to cover them.”

“Does that mean I can give you more?”

“Will you wait till I get good at it?”

“If I must.”

“You must.” Eddie had been putting some of Richie’s soap on a loofa. He started rubbing the soap suds into Richie’s skin, rubbing slightly harder on the spots where the lipstick was. When the front of Richie had soap on it Eddie motioned for Richie to turn around. Richie did and Eddie started rubbing the soap onto Richie’s back. It was covered in freckles and a lot of scars, although Eddie knew that Richie didn’t put any of them there, and probably didn’t know they were there. There were some that were really large and looked like the cuts were deep when they were fresh.

“You know, I don’t think I ever knew you had so many freckles, especially on your back.”

“I don’t think you’ve ever seen my back.”

“I like it.”

“Thanks, I worked really hard on it.” Eddie rolled his eyes, not that Richie could see.

“Okay, under the water with you.” Richie chuckled and switched places with Eddie. The shower was large enough that they could do that without one of them falling out. Thank Stan’s parents for deciding that the guest room shower needed to be huge. Richie let the water fall over him. His showers were normally very quick, but he was enjoying how long this one was taking. He turned to water temperature up slightly, it had started to cool down.

Richie stepped out from under the water grabbed Eddie’s loofa and fancy ultra-moisturizing soap. He copied what Eddie had done to him moments ago, although Richie tried his best to avoid the bruises since those would probably still be a little sore. He did place small kisses on each one though. Instead of switching places again though Richie just grabbed the shower head and got the soap off of Eddie that way.

When all the soap suds were gone Richie shut the water off and put the showerhead back for the final time. They stepped out of the shower and Richie grabbed their towels, handing Eddie his. Eddie ran it over his hair first before wrapping it around his waist. Eddie grabbed the speakers as Richie followed him out of the bathroom. He didn’t bother turning the lights off since Eddie still needed to wash his face.

Richie lied down on the bed, still in only just his towel and on top of the blankets. He was tired and warm.

“You’re getting our bed wet.”

“Oh well. Come join me.”

“Am I allowed to change first?”

“No.” Eddie did join him, he didn’t care that he was still wet. He could wash the blankets tomorrow. Eddie curled in on Richie who had his arms wrapped around the smaller boy. “I love you, Eddie.”

“I love you too.” Showering together became a thing that the two of them did sometimes. Whenever any of the Losers heard about it, they went down the path anyone would, but it was never like that. It was always sweet and loving. Eddie loved to play connect the dots with Richie’s freckles. Richie almost fell asleep while Eddie was shampooing his hair all the time, Eddie always thinks it cute. They always exchange soft kisses and small laughs. They were always happy times.

 The first night though, Eddie never did wash his face. Or change. And most nights they showered together, he didn’t.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Bill asked. Stan had his legs thrown over Bill’s lap and was curled into his chest, not paying attention to the movie, even though it was the Grand Budapest Hotel, one of Stan’s favorites.

“Yeah.”

“You don’t sound okay.”

“That’s because I don’t know if I really am.”

“Is it your parents again?”

“A little bit.” Bill knew that Stan was lying when he said a little bit. Bill had really only ever seen his dad bring Stan down so hard.

“I thought they agreed to leave our relationship alone after the year was over.”

“They did. But then they found out that we went to the same school. Dad got really mad. He ranted on and on about how he feels like he can’t trust me because all I do is lie to him. But when we made that deal you were going to Westerly and I just didn’t tell them about your change mostly because they didn’t ask so I didn’t think about it and when I did we were at school. Then he told me I should find another school to attend because if I didn’t tell them that you were going to Morrison, how can they trust that I’m not partying all the time even though that’s not the kind of person I am. I don’t want to transfer.”

“Did you explain to them you didn’t want to transfer, and not just because of me? You don’t want to leave Richie, I think that would destroy him. You and I could go to different schools and we would still be fine. It would fucking suck but we would make it work. I just don’t think Richie would be able to handle not having you around all the time. And it’s not like he’s going to go anywhere, we all know how hard he had to work to get into Morrison.”

“I tried. But he just wouldn’t listen. My mom just looked sad the whole time, I think she knew about you. And then they left for over a month.” Stan’s father had been invited to some conference and decided to take Stan’s mother with since they could have a mini-vacation. “Dad expects me to have a new school picked out by the time they get back.”

“Do you think he’s also a little mad that you have Richie and Eddie staying with you guys?” Stan shrugged. He was trying so hard not to cry and Bill could tell. “You know you’re allowed to cry in front of me, right?”

“Yeah, but don’t you think it makes me weak?”

“No. Do you think I’m weak? Or Richie for that matter? Or any of us really?"

“Of course not.” Stan moved his head to look at Bill properly.

“Well, remember how many times I cried to you that summer or because of a thunderstorm? Or how many times Richie has broken down in front of you?”

“The answer to both of those things is a lot.”

“Yeah. And do you remember what you told me every time it was me who broke down?”

“I told you a lot of things. I told you we would find him. I told you that everything would be okay.”

“You also told me, I was one of the strongest people you knew for not letting his disappearance take me too. I didn’t quite get it at the time, but I get what you meant now.” Stan smirked slightly and laid his head back on Bill’s chest, listening to both his voice and heartbeat, a song he would never grow tired of. “I didn’t know about your depression then. I didn’t know that every day you were fighting your own battles and that yours were all in your head. I went to you all the time to complain and cry and you always just wrapped me up in a blanket and listened. And if I was strong enough for myself then, I can be strong enough for you now. We’ll get through this. I’ll be strong enough for both of us when I need to be, forever.”

“When you tell me forever, do you mean-”

“I mean forever.”

“How can you mean forever though? We can’t control the future. We can’t control any of it so how can you promise me that forever really means forever?”

“Because I’ve loved you for too long to not be in love with you. That’s how I can say forever.”

“That was cheesy.”

“You asked!”

“I guess I did.” Stan smiled a little and laced his fingers with Bill’s. The small part of Stan’s brain that wasn’t pessimistic knew that Bill was who he was meant to spend his life with. He knew because Bill’s hands fit perfectly in his. They completed each other like the last two puzzle pieces.

“Are you spending the night tonight?” Bill asked softly into Stan’s curls.

“If I do, Richie’s gonna say that I’m doing the walk of shame in the morning.”

“Oh, he’s not gonna have any room to talk tomorrow.” Stan looked up at his boyfriend quizzically. “I know what Eddie and Mike went out for today.”

“Well don’t leave me hanging.”

“You remember how one of the first times we all got drunk and you dared Eddie to switch clothes with Bev because she was wearing a skirt and he was the only one that would fit it?” Stan nodded his head, remembering the night fondly. It was a like right after he and Bill had gotten together. One of Bill’s dares had been to get a hickey from Stan and stay quiet the whole time. “Well, apparently he got really into the idea of wearing skirts and even makeup after that. That’s what he and Mike bought while they were out. He took Mike so no one would mess with him.”

“Richie’s gonna jizz in his pants when he sees that.” Stan didn’t have any empirical evidence to support that statement, he just knew his best friend.

“You’re probably not wrong.” Stan laid his head against Bill again. “You know what else I remember from that night?”

“What?”

“You giving me the biggest fucking hickey and making me straight up moan in front of all of our friends.”

“Not my fault that I’m good at it.”

“It’s not your fault that you’re a goddamn Hoover?” Stan laughed.

“You don’t seem to mind now.”

“I didn’t mind then. I was just unprepared for how good you were going to be at it.”

“You’re just jealous.”

“Maybe. Or maybe I just need more practice. Although not right now. Right now, I just want to snuggle with the love of my life.” Stan really did love this kid. Bill could’ve very easily taken the night down a different path, but instead, he just held Stan in the most loving way.

“I love you.”

“Love you more.” Stan got out his phone to tell Richie that he wasn’t going to be coming home for the night.

**To Richard: Hey I’m gonna spend the night at Bill’s place. Make sure the house is locked up before you pass out**

**From Richard: Can do captain**

**To Richard: Thanks. Love you**

**From Richard: Love you too. Goodnight**

“Why did you and Richie start say love you to each other?”

“Why? You jealous?” Stan said it in his sassy deadpan tone, but there was some real concern in there too.

“No, just curious.”

“The night I found Richie, he told me that his parents never said that they loved him. Eddie had been the only one that had and at the time he thought he had lost Eddie. He thought he had lost the one person that really loved him enough to say it out loud. I started saying because I mean it and because I think he needs to hear it. Especially from more than one person.” Bill nodded his head.

“I agree with you. He does need to hear it more.”

“Thanks for agreeing with me. And thanks for not being mad about it or something.”

“Look, I know the difference between the love you have for Richie and the love you have for me. And how could I be angry or whatever at you and Richie? Richie needs to know that we care about him.”

“Thank you. I was a little worried about that.”

“Well I love you and I trust you.”

“Love you too.” They both fell asleep on the couch in Bill’s basement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love this chapter. It just makes me really happy. I hope you enjoyed it.


	23. The one about impressing people

When Richie pulled up to Ben’s house, Bev was standing outside smoking. Richie got out of Eddie’s car and walked up to the smoking redhead. “Sup Doll Face?”

“Just waiting on you. You want one?” Beverly asked, gesturing to the pack of Marlboros in her hand.

“Oh God yes.” Richie grabbed the pack from her and lit one up. The smoke filled his lungs for the first time in quite some time.

“When was the last time you had one?”

“It’s been awhile. It’s the first one I’ve had without Eddie or Stan jumping down my throat.”

“They’ve had you under a microscope?” She asked between drags.

“Yeah.” He couldn’t blame them for it. They were just worried and paranoid now. But he would probably be the same if the roles were switched.

“Good,” she punched Richie in the arm. “You scared the shit out of all of us. You fucking disappear for four days and are in such bad shape that I was honestly scared you weren’t going to make it out of it. I refuse to lose you, okay.” She took another drag of her cigarette to take the edge off of her anger.

“You lost a lot of people?” Richie tried to keep his voice even, it was a skill he had been slowly losing over the year he had been away from home.

“I’ve lost quite a few, yeah. I lost old friends cause some dumbass rumors that got started about me. I lost my mom when I was pretty young. My dad left, but I don’t miss him. I refuse to lose any of the Losers.”

“I’m sorry Beverly. If it happens again, I’ll make sure all of you know I’m alive. Okay?”

“I mean I would prefer you didn’t let it happen again, but I’ll compromise with that.”

“Okay good. I really am sorry that I didn’t let any of you that I was okay. I should’ve but my head was just so fucked up.”

“Yeah because you told me that whatever Eddie said was true.”

“In my defense, I thought he was going to tell you that he walked in on me kissing someone and not just straight up cheating. Like I think I should get a pass, I was heartbroken and my brain had just crashed.” Richie had been waving his hands around as he spoke, getting cigarette ash everywhere. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’ve ranted with a cigarette in my hand many a time. You can ask Ben.”

“Where is Benny Boy?”

“Out with the boys.”

“Am I not a part of the boys now?” Richie remembered that the rest of them were going out but Bev wanted to get the suit made as quickly as possible so that if there were any alterations that needed to be made, she could make them so they didn’t seem rushed. He had also pretty much locked himself in his room so that he could paint. He had all of them planned out and two of them started.

“Our hair is the same length Richie, so no.” Richie acted as though he had been shot in the heart making Bev laugh. “You ready to get this shit started?”

“Lead the way Little Red.”

“Very original,” Bev commented as she put her cigarette out in the ashtray.

“Yeah, that one wasn’t my best.” Richie did the same and followed her inside. This was the first time that Richie had been inside Ben’s house. The house was small and cute, apparently, it belonged to Ben’s aunt, although she was traveling at the moment. Bev led Richie into a spare room that had been turned into a small sewing and craft room. There was also a wall full of pictures and newspaper clippings, all of it seemed very insane conspiracy theory shit.

“The fuck is this?”

“Ben has fallen down some weird Derry history hole. I guess there have been a bunch of kid deaths in town over the years and he’s almost positive they’re connected, even though there’s like twenty-seven years in between every instance. I don’t question it anymore.” She sat down on the ground in front of a sketchbook and motioned for Richie to sit in front of her. “So, was there a style or fabric you were thinking about? It can be anything cause no matter what we have to go to the fabric store.”

“I’ve never owned a suit and I get all my clothes from thrift stores. I have no idea about clothes, except for maybe period and traditional pieces.”

“Well, can you at least give me a direction? I’m good but not that good.”

“I want it to be different. Not something you would see every day. I want to look professional but not like a prick. That help?” She didn’t answer, instead, she was furiously sketching. After about fifteen minutes she looked up.

“So, I have something. Let me know what you think.” She turned the sketchbook around for Richie to see.

“Damn. That looks good. Am I gonna look good in it though?”

“I think you will. You’re in good hands, my boy.”

“I know, just nervous is all.”

“What are you so nervous about?” Bev sat that sketch down so that she could look at Richie fully.

“What if I ruin my chances? This could be a huge step forward or a huge push to the bottom. I know that I’m cheery and loud most of the time, but I’m still fucking terrified.”

“Look, I think you’ll be fine. Didn’t that guy say you were one of the most talented people he’d ever seen?”

“For my age. What if I don’t get any better?”

“You will. Now stand up, I have to take your measurements.” The rest of Richie’s time with Beverly was enjoyable. They made a lot of weird jokes, Bev told him a lot of things about Ben, and Richie told her a lot of things about Eddie. He went back a few days later to try on the suit.

“Beverly Marsh, you are a miracle worker.”

“I make clothes. But you’re not wrong in this case.”

 ~~~~~~~~~~

“Eddie, stop pacing.” Mike didn’t sound annoyed, more entertained than anything.

“Well, what the hell is taking them so long?”

“Calm down, we aren’t going to be late. The opening isn’t for another half hour. Plus, the MET is down the street.” Ben said, trying to calm both him and Eddie down.

“Okay, but what if something happened to Richie’s suit and now, he doesn’t have anything to wear? What if this is too much for him and he’s freaking out?”

“They’re probably standing on the balcony of the room smoking. This is Richie and Bev we’re talking about.” Stan deadpanned from where he was standing next to Bill. They were matching, which Eddie thought was cute. Or he would if he wasn’t having a panic attack.

“I should go up there and check to make sure that everything is okay.” Eddie went to go back upstairs when he saw Bev at the top of the staircase. She looked amazing. Her dress had a rose-colored skirt that went to ankles. The top was black with sleeves that went to her elbows and the neckline showed off her shoulders. Her black heels and black accessories stood out against her pale skin and light dress.

“What was that about checking to make sure everything was okay?” She asked as she reached the middle of the stairs.

“I was about to go check on you guys.”

“Oh sorry, we were getting one last smoke in before the opening.” Eddie looked back at Stan who gave him a look of ‘I told you so’.

“You look, great hun,” Ben looked awestruck. 

“If you think I look good, you haven’t seen anything yet.” Bev looked so excited. She looked back up the stairs and called for Richie to come downstairs. “Presenting, our featured artist of the night, Trashmouth Tozier.” They all laughed at the introduction. They all stopped laughing when they finally saw Richie.

His suit was black and cut to fit him perfectly. It was one those jackets that had four buttons that made a square. When he went to push his hair out of the way, they all saw the elbow patches that were black and white flowers. Richie looked like he could be a nineteen twenties author, all he was missing was a pipe.

“Holy fuck.” Eddie’s jaw had yet to return to the top part of his face. Stan walked over and closed Eddie’s mouth, although he was just as much in awe.

“Was that a good holy fuck or one where this was all a really bad idea?”

“A good one.” Bill was the one that answered, being one of the only people that were able to speak again.

“Oh good. Cause this is my first real suit so I didn’t quite know what would look good. Bev talked me into this because it seems more ‘artistic’ and not so ‘stuffy’ or something like that. I just didn’t want to look like a prick.” Richie had air quoted some of those words. Bev just smirked at him as the others laughed. Not Eddie though. Eddie was still just so awestruck by his boyfriend.

Richie looked so professional. He didn’t look like he had been sleeping on the streets. His hair didn’t look like a rat’s nest. Bev had slightly straightened it so the curls were more like waves which she pinned back slightly. He still had his old all black chucks on but Eddie wasn’t surprised seeing as those were one of the only pair of shoes Richie owned. He had put his contacts in since his glasses were old and falling apart. Eddie convinced him that he needed to save up some money to get new ones. Richie finally noticed that Eddie was just staring at him.

“You alright there Eds? I know I look great but there’s no need to stare.”

“When you look like that, yeah there is.” Eddie was finally able to say words again.

“Well don’t get used to it.”

“Are you saying you aren’t going to wear a suit to class?” Stan sighed and faked a look of disappointment.

“This will probably be the only time I ever wear it.”

“What about at the next opening?”

“I appreciate the optimism Mike, but I feel like there isn’t going to be another one. And if there is, it probably won’t be for a while.”

“Okay Stan,” Eddie said as he grabbed Richie’s hand.

“Fuck you, Edward.”

“Well, he’s being pessimistic, which is very you.” Bev came to Eddie’s defense.

“I’m not that pessimistic.” Stan tried to act like he was serious.

“Stan, I love you, but you’re probably the most pessimistic person I have ever met.” Bill smiled softly. Stan could never get mad at the smirks that Bill gave him.

“Fuck you.”

“Maybe later.” Richie winked at Stan.

“Fucking beep beep Richie.” Eddie looked physically hurt. He wasn’t really bothered by it and they all knew that.

“Calm down love, you know you’re the only one I’m fuckin.” Richie poked Eddie on the nose and walked out of the hotel.

“I hate you.”

“Keep telling yourself that Eddie,” Mike answered as he and the others followed Eddie and Richie out of the hotel and towards the museum.

  ~~~~~~~~~~

The gallery was beautiful. It was an ornate room that was a deep wine color. It complimented Richie’s paintings and art style really well. The room was also packed, Richie had never seen so many people in a room before, at least not for him.

Richie immediately started looking around the gallery, looking for a certain head of mousy brown hair that he hadn’t seen in a year. When he found it talking to Dr. Henry, he immediately made his way over there, the others followed, thoroughly confused. He tapped on the shoulder the hair belonged to and let go of Eddie’s hand to hug her.

“Richie, I can’t believe this. You look so good, the fuck happened?”

“I got a boyfriend.”

“Ah yes, I forgot. You gonna introduce me to him so he stops glaring at me?” Eddie hadn’t realized that he was glaring that hard. Stan snickered into his drink.

“Yeah. Yeah. Um, this is Eddie, the boyfriend. Stan, the best friend. Bill, the writer. Bev, the fashion extraordinaire. Ben, our neighborhood poet and conspiracy theorist. And Mike, the person I will turn to if I need someone beaten.”

“Richie, I think you’re forgetting someone,” Ryan said elbowing his side.

“I don’t think I am?” She sighed and rolled her eyes.

“I’m Ryan, I was Richie’s art teacher in high school.”

“She’s also the one that pushed me to go to Morrison.”

“Then I am forever in your debt,” Eddie said, partially sarcastically but most seriously. Ryan laughed.

“It was nice seeing you again, Ryan.”

“Well, you might be seeing me a lot more soon.”

“What do you mean?”

“Dr. Erikson is no longer working for the university, so we need a new graphics professor,” Dr. Henry added behind her.

“I’m finishing my doctorate this summer so, I’m applying. I’m not the only one though, so there’s no guarantee that I’ll get the job.”

“Well, I wish you all the luck in the world, Ryan.” Richie winked at her, she punched him in the arm for that. He had seen her and Dr. Henry holding hands when he walked over.

“Bye Richie. It was nice to meet you all.” They all agreed as they walked back toward the beginning of the gallery.

“So, are you going to give us the grand tour of the art since you wouldn’t let anyone see them?” Bev asked slapping Richie’s shoulder with the back of his hand.

“I guess. I don’t know the order any of these are in but I guess we’ll find out.” They walked along the walls of the room. The first picture that Richie saw was one that made him smile. “Here we have _Freeing the Birds_.” Stan recognized the painting as the one that Richie made for him when Richie was finally able to paint after Eddie tried to break him. Richie made sure to make it slightly different since it was essentially the second copy of the painting.

“This next one is called _The Quarry_ and I would hope you recognized the picture that this is based on.” They did. It was a picture that Bev had taken of all of their backs as they sat on the edge of the quarry cliff with the timer on her camera. The only difference between the original photo and the painting was that Richie had changed the sky. While the photo was taken during the day, Richie made the sky look like a galaxy. Part of him did it because of New Years, although he would never admit that.

“The next piece is called _Dancing with Demons._ ” It was a man and a skeleton ballroom dancing in a room that seemed as though it was falling apart. It also looked more like a living room than a ballroom. The whole room was dark, making the skeleton and paleness of the man stand out.

“Who’s the guy in the painting?” Mike asked.

“Wentworth.”

“Who?” Ben asked.

“My dad.” Eddie slipped his hand into Richie’s, trying to comfort Richie and lend him his strength. “Moving on, we have _Innocence_. And I hope you recognize this beautiful, manly hand.” It was Mike’s hand. It was open with flowers in his palm. The flowers were falling apart and flying away in the wind. The background was black so that the lightness of the flowers stood out more. Richie hadn’t realized that he used that light and dark dichotomy as much as he did.

“Here we have _Shadows._ ” The painting was simple, but Richie averted his eyes. The memory of why he painted that hurt. Eddie squeezed Richie’s hand harder.

“Why are there three shadows? I expected only two.” Stan asked.

“I’d rather not talk about it. Let’s move on, shall we?” That painting had been at the end of the wall. When they turned the corner, they saw paintings that all of them recognized. “Ah, here we have the Seven Deadly Losers Collection. Please take it all in my friends.”

This collection had been the only thing that Richie requested to be in a certain order. He had decided the put the couples on separate ends and keep Mike in the middle. The seven paintings were in a pyramid so that _Pride_ was in the center, Mike looked good with the gold traditional African warrior paint and the gold that was coming from his mouth. On either side of him sat _Envy_ and _Greed_. Richie had made Bev’s eyes significantly brighter and greener with dark green running down her chin. Richie heard some people behind them talking about the amazing details in the snake that was in the painting. Ben’s was simple but had also been on the more difficult ones to paint. Ben had skin of pale gold, hair of copper, and silver running down his chin. It had been a pain in the ass since all of Ben had to shine, looking like he was actually made of those precious metals.

Next to Bev sat _Lust_. Stan was smirking, the mischievous smirk that he always had when he had a great roast ready. A small amount of purple was escaping the corner of his mouth. On the other side of Ben was _Gluttony_. Richie had taken a slightly different approach than most people would have with gluttony. Instead of food, Bill was holding a wine glass, and following the other portraits, Bill had grey coming from his mouth. Richie didn’t know what had prompted him to add the extra colors to all of the portraits but he liked the way they looked. Next to Stan was _Sloth_. Richie looked skeletal like he hadn’t eaten in months, which was something that almost happened to him. He had painted himself shushing the looker so that the black on his fingers could be seen with the black that was running down his chin. Finally, _Wrath_ sat on the other side of Bill. Eddie was chewing on his nails, which was something that he did when any of his emotions ran high, the red that was coming from his mouth looked like blood that was dripping from his fingers.

“Is it weird that I want to get a selfie with myself?” Bev asked.

“No,” Richie said.

“Yes,” Eddie answered at the same time. Eddie gave Richie a disappointed look, although he was smiling at the same time.

“Maybe just not here, we are at a gallery opening.”

“Thank God Bill is the voice of reason.” Stan took a sip of his champagne. The people at the door didn’t ask any of them if they were old enough to drink, they just asked if anyone wanted champagne.

“Moving on before there is a fight and this really becomes my last opening.” They turned the corner to see the next painting. “Oh look, it’s _House of Horrors_. This is a creepy old house that I grew up near and it is in many of my nightmares.”

“Is there someone in the window?” Ben asked, getting closer to the painting.

“Yeah for fun I added It into the house since he’s also in a good chunk of my nightmares. He’s getting easier to create.”

“That’s good at least.” Eddie looked happy for his boyfriend. He knew how hard it was for Richie to make the first sculpture of the creature.

“Here, we have _Last Light_ , featuring my babe.”

“Aw thanks, Richie, you’re alright too,” Bev answered although she was honestly awestruck at the painting. It was her lighting a cigarette that was hanging from her mouth and her cheap gas station lighter was the only source of light. She had taken a very similar picture of Richie, although she hadn’t shown him that yet.

“Next, we have _Don’t Turn Around._ Which is honestly one of my favorites.” It was the back of a shirtless Bill with three finger scratches all over his back. He was also doing the signature fuckboy pose where he had his hand on the back of his neck. Richie had painted that one when he made fun of Bill because he had scratch marks down his back and Stan had a hickey on his neck.

“Here we have a surprise appearance from our favorite Meme Lord in _A Walk in the Woods._ ” It was a small boy who had an orb of light, which was illuminating the face of a huge lion. The lion didn’t look threatening, instead, it looked like it was trying to help him.

“You painted something for Georgie?” Bill hadn’t been expecting that.

“Yeah. He thought it was cool so I went ahead with it. I also asked what he was wearing when he went missing so that’s what he’s in in the painting.” Georgie was in a yellow raincoat since that’s the only real detail he could remember from what he had been wearing.

“I like it.” Bill kept staring at the painting, not in a hurt or upset way but in a loving kind of way. He liked to think that the lion was him, looking over his little brother.

“Thanks, Bill. This one is called _Staying Blind_. It’s how I feel like I used to be.” It was a self-portrait of a Richie with hands covering his eyes. He was going to remove them although his hand hadn’t made it to his human blindfold yet.

“Finally, we have _Addiction_.” It was an old-style portrait as if it had been painted in the 1800s. It was a beautiful woman whose glass skin was falling apart to reveal a much more sinister looking person underneath. It was almost as if she had a mask over her real face that was slowly breaking away.

“Is that your mom?” Mike asked.

“Yeah, it is. It only felt right to have both of them in here.”

“That’s really brave of you Richie. To immortalize those pieces of shit in some really pretty art.”

“Stanley! We are in a public place. Show a little respect.” Ben didn’t know all the details of Richie’s parents like some of the others did, especially Stan, Bill, and Eddie.

“Whatever,” Stan downed the last of his champagne. “I’m gonna go get more.” Stan raised his glass to signify what he was talking about and walked away.

“Maybe take it easy on him tonight, you know how he is around crowds.” Bill looked mildly annoyed.

“He shouldn’t talk like that about people, especially people he hasn’t met. Sure, they might have been terrible, but that doesn’t mean he can say things like that.”

“No, he’s right. My parents were absolute shit. And I painted them because of that fact. The rest of us have paintings that show how far we’ve come, the ones for my parents show how they haven’t improved themselves in years. That they’ve only gotten worse.”

“Mr. Tozier.” They all turned around to the sound of the new voice. Richie smiled brightly at the reason they were there in the first place.

“Jean. These are my friends, well one is getting something to drink.”

“Nice to meet all of you. Do you mind if I steal Richard for a few moments? There are some people that would like to interview you.”

“Sure. Gimme one sec?”

“Of course.” He walked away but Richie followed where he went with his eyes. When he saw the group of interviewers, he let out a long sigh. He was nervous, but he had a right to be. _What if I say something stupid and I ruin my chances of this happening again?_ Eddie squeezed Richie’s hand again, feeling his boyfriend start to freak out.

Richie turned toward Eddie and moved his free hand to Eddie’s neck, pulling their lips together. Eddie was a little confused because they had talked about not being too much at the opening. They knew that most of the art world was pretty open but they still didn’t want to push it too far, at least not at Richie’s first opening. When they finally separated, Richie seemed less nervous and more confident.

“What was that for?”

“Good luck?”

“I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to initiate those.”

“Eh. Okay, off I go.” He let go of Eddie’s hand and started walking toward the interviewers. “Oh hey,” he stopped next to Bill, “Tell Stan that his comment didn’t bother me and that he was fine to make it and that it was kind of funny.” Richie walked off completely after that.

“What now?” Mike asked.

“Mingle?” Ben suggested.

“Sounds good to me.” Bev hooked her arm around Ben’s as they walked off. She was planning on trying to spread her name for some photography but she also just liked talking to people.

“I’m gonna go talk to some pretty girls. Gotta make sure I still got it.”

“Whatever, ya single man.” Eddie laughed at his friend as he walked off. Mike liked to flirt with people. Stan walked back as Mike was walking away.

“What did I miss?” Stan asked. He had also gotten some food although he knew he wasn’t going to eat any of it.

“Richie had to go do some interviews. Bev and Ben went to mingle. Mike went to go flirt. Eddie and I are just chilling here.”

“How are you doing?” Eddie had known Stan long enough to know how much he hated crowds, being in them was the worst for him. He always got a little snippier.

“I think if I keep drinking, I’ll be fine. The only reason I’m even here is that my best friend worked his ass off for this and I want to support him.”

“I feel that. I’m just so fucking proud of him. I know how hard he’s worked for this and how much he’s dreamed of this.”

“I think we’re all proud of him.” Bill grabbed a finger sandwich from Stan’s plate.

“You wanna people watch and make fun of them?”

“Eddie, it’s like you read my mind.”

“Oh, Richie said your comment about his parents was fine and that you weren’t in the wrong and that he thought it was funny,” Bill said through the last little bit of his sandwich, at least he covered his mouth with his hand. Sometimes Bill acted like his younger brother, clearly spending too much time with him.

They stood near the wall and made up stories about some of the stuffy people that they saw. It was crazy how they were there because of Richie and all of the people in this room were the exact opposite of Richie. They were all so fancy and rich and Richie had come from pretty much nothing. These people were born rich and had always lived a life of luxury, Richie had once gone weeks without eating more than one meal a day, and it was because it was the free lunch at school. None of these people had scars that they had to keep covered just so people would take them seriously, and not think that they were an overreacting teenager.

After about an hour Richie came back to the other three, immediately putting his head on Stan’s shoulder. He let out a long sigh that sounded more like a groan.

“I’m right here.”

“You’re too short for this Eds.”

“Okay get off me, your head is heavy.”

“Was it really that bad?” Bill asked. Eddie was still pretending like he was upset.

“No, but now I have to give a speech. Bill, you think you can write me a good one in like five minutes?”

“A good speech comes from the heart.”

“When did you become a fucking Hallmark card?” Stan asked.

“I guess you’re right. I’ll figure it out. Can I get another good luck kiss?”

“Why don’t you ask Stan?” Eddie tried to sound annoyed but Richie thought it was adorable. Sometimes he liked to do things just to mess with Eddie. Little did he know, Eddie was messing with him too.

“Aw honey you know I think you’re the cutest thing ever.” Richie pinched Eddie’s cheek, Eddie swatted Richie’s hand away.

“You’re so fucking annoying.”

“You picked him.”

“You picked Bill.”

“I feel like I should be insulted.”

“So yes, to good luck kiss?”

“Please don’t scar me.”

“No promises, Stanny Boy.” Richie leaned into Eddie as they kissed. They both had to use a great deal of self-control to take it too far, they were in public after all. They separated and Richie smiled brightly at Eddie. “That always makes me feel happier. Both upstairs and downstairs.”

“Beep beep Richie,” Eddie loved his boyfriend, but he had no filter.

“Yeah, there are kids present.”

“Stop calling yourself a child Stan.”

“I’m the youngest, I can do what I want Edward.”

“Can you find the others while I go talk to Jean for a minute? I have to go on soon and I just have a couple questions for him.”

“Yeah don’t worry about it.” Bill ensure Richie as he walked off again. They quickly found Mike since he had a laugh that carried. Bev and Ben had been talking to another couple that was looking for a photographer to do some photo shoots for them. By the time that Bev had given them all of her social media information for her official pages, Jean had begun speaking into a microphone on the small stage that sat in front of the Seven Deadly Losers collection.

“Evening everyone. I don’t think I need to introduce myself so I won’t. I just wanted to take a moment to introduce our featured artist, Mr. Richard Tozier.” The crowd applauded as Jean handed the mic over the Richie, who took center stage. He looked terrified.

“Thank you. I wasn’t completely expecting to give a speech but here I am. This will probably sound repetitive but I have a lot of people I want to thank. Starting with everyone here, so thank you all for coming out to this, I know I’m an unknown college kid and you’re all busy people. Thank you to Jean for giving me a chance, he’s one of the firsts. I want to thank my art teacher from back home, who’s also here tonight, she was the one that decided I needed to apply to Morrison. I want to thank Dr. Henry for his excellent guidance in all of this. I want to thank my parents, but not for a reason anyone would think. But mostly, I want to thank my Losers. You’ve seen their faces all night since they’re hanging up on the walls, especially right behind me. But what you haven’t seen of them, is how much they care.

“I grew up in California and came out here knowing no one. I thought I was trying to escape a troubled past. Turns out I was trying to find something, and I found it in these losers. I found friends, I found love, but more importantly, I found people who never gave up on me, never abandoned me, even though I made it easy for them to do so if they wanted to. So, I might be the artist of the night, but they’re the real stars. Thank you and enjoy your evening.” Everyone applauded for Richie as he stepped down from the stage.

Richie had been trying to avoid eye contact with the Losers until he was done with his speech. He knew that if he had been looking at them, he would see half of them trying to not to let tears fall. When he did finally look at them, that was what he saw. Bev and Eddie were trying to keep their tears from completely streaming down their faces, neither of them wanting their eyeliner to get ruined. The other one that was trying not to cry was Mike, surprisingly.

“That was a really good speech Richie,” Bill said through a smile.

“Thanks. I feel like I’m fucking dying on the inside. That was so nerve-racking.”

“You did so well though. Look you made Mike tear up.” Ben pointed at Mike.

“Mikey, how many glasses of champagne have you had?”

“At least five. This is really good champagne and people just keep handing them to me.”

“Okay, so that is no longer a good argument. It would’ve been really good if Stanny cried.”

“When have you ever seen me cry?”

“Touché.”

“So, what now? Do we stay? Do we ditch early and get drunk in our hotel room? What’s the plan?” Stan asked, clearly wanting to leave. It was understandable, they had seen all the paintings, Richie had given a few interviews and had given his speech. People were starting to leave.

“Can we get food first? I’m starving.” Eddie laced his fingers between Richie’s as he asked. They all nodded their heads. Ben suggested they find a diner because it was them. And because it was them, they all loved the idea. As they started walking towards the door, they heard Richie’s name being called by a woman.

They all turned around to see a young woman, probably a couple years older than them. Her blonde hair was up in a bun and Richie could see some blue hair that she was trying to hide. She smiled brightly at them as she caught up to them. She pushed the large glasses she wore up her nose, took a deep breath as though she was trying to calm herself and then began speaking.

“Hi, my name is Allyson Jacks. I’m a journalism major at NYU. You don’t need my whole school introduction. Sorry. Anyways, I was wondering if I could interview you? I run a blog and I wanted to write about the gallery opening and it wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t at least try to talk to you.”

“I mean we were about to head out to dinner but if this won’t take too long-”

“It won’t.”

“Then sure. You want to find somewhere for the two of us to talk?”

“Oh, I actually meant all of you. I should’ve specified that, to begin with.”

“You want to interview us?” Stan asked.

“Yeah.”

“Fuck it, why not?” Bev said.

“Really?” Allyson’s eyes and smile brightened. She was probably expecting to be told no.

“Bev’s right. Why not,” Bill agreed. “You okay with it?” he asked Stan.

“I guess.” Stan didn’t look completely convinced but it was probably because he had spent the last few hours around a huge crowd of people.

“Okay great. Where do you want to do this?” Allyson asked, digging in her purse for something.

“You know any good diners around here?” Richie asked.

“Actually, yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you're wondering, you should get used to Allyson.
> 
> Also, please don't yell at me for Stan being snippy. He's being snippy at people that deserve it.


	24. The one about making new friends

Allyson took them to a 50s style diner that was a block over. It was cute and the waitress knew her by name. They all sat at a round table so that Allyson could see all of them when she was asking questions. She started with basic questions: names, ages, what school they attended and what their major was. They ordered food, ate and joked around, asking Allyson just as many questions as she was asking them.

“So, why does every person that works here know your name?” Ben asked.

“I come here a lot. Sometimes it’s to work on stuff. Sometimes I just needed an escape from my room and my shit roommate. Sometimes I’m drunk and I want nachos at three a.m.”

“Those are all valid reasons.” Mike related to being drunk and wanting nachos at three in the morning. Mike was one of those people who ate an incredible amount of food when he drank.

“How was your roommate so shit?” Eddie asked taking a sip from his milkshake.

“She was one of those ‘I’m better than you because I come from a rich family and you’re only here because you got a lot of scholarships’ type. I mean it’s true but she didn’t need to point it out all the time. Like this is the only nice outfit I own that doesn’t make me look like a rock singer going to a business meeting.”

“This is the only nice outfit I own. Also, I feel you on the only going to school because of scholarships thing. Luckily, my roommate didn’t do that.” Richie looked at Stan and smiled obnoxiously at the end of that, Stan rolled his eyes but smirked anyways. He really had lucked out with his roommate.

“Did you two room together?” Allyson asked, pointing at Stan and Richie with her spoon.

“Yeah, they were roommates last year. I roomed with Eddie.”

“Okay, can you explain how all of you know each other?”

“You want the long version or the short version?” Bev leaned over and asked.

“Medium version?” Stan told the story since he would give all the important details without falling into some weird side stories, mostly.

“Bill and I have been friends since we were two or so. Eddie became our friend in kindergarten when he started crying about leaving his mom and going to school. It was the three of us until Ben came along in junior high.”

“We cleaned him up after the town asshole got him,” Eddie added.

“I still have a scar from that.” 

“Anyways, Bev joined our group later that same year. I think it was seventh grade. The summer before eighth grade, we met Mike because we threw rocks at the bully that was messing with him. It was the same one that was messing with Ben.”

“I started that. It felt good.” Bev looked very proud of herself.

“After that, we convinced Mike’s grandparents to enroll him in public school for high school. Freshman year, Ben and Bev started dating and it was sickeningly cute.”

“You were just jealous that the guy you loved didn’t notice you,” Bev remarked.

“Oh, I noticed him. I just pretended that I didn’t.”

“As I was saying, Bill and I started dating the summer before our senior year. Then we went to college where I met Richie. I introduced him to Bill and Eddie. Then right before holiday break, Richie and Eddie got together, although they had been crushing on each other the whole semester.”

“And when we met Richie, we pretty much immediately added him to the Losers Club,” Ben added.

“So, how does one join this exclusive club?”

“Well, I have to give you a nickname.”

“That’s not part of it.”

“Let a man dream Stanley!”

“Okay, so besides Richie’s rule of needing a nickname?” None of them had really thought about it. So, instead, they thought about what they all had in common.

“Care a lot about the people around you and support them no matter what,” Ben said smirking.

“Put up with Stan’s sass,” Bev added. Stan flipped her off although he didn’t look upset to the rest of the Losers.

“Be willing to fight for the rest of the group,” Bill shrugged. He had fought a lot of the guys on the football team for Stan, although Stan didn’t know the extent of it.

“Have some dark spots in your past.” Eddie sounded really somber at that moment, although it had probably been meant to be a joke.

“What do you mean?”

“We all have some dark things in our past.” Bill looked down into his lap.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. Would it help, if I said I did too?”

“Yeah.” Stan had taken Bill’s hand and was rubbing his knuckles.

“You don’t have to tell me, by the way. I know I’m new and you barely know me so I’m not gonna ask.”

“Thank you,” Richie also looked tense.

“Since we don’t know you all that well, why don’t you tell us about yourself?” Mike asked, trying to lighten the mood, as well as get to know the new cute girl.

“Well, as I said my name is Allyson Jacks, but people I know call me Ally or Al sometimes. I just finished my junior year and I’m a journalism major at NYU, although I should’ve just graduated. I took a year off between high school and college to save up some money. I run a blog about new things in New York and have been since high school. I eat way more Chinese take-out than anyone should when I’m working on a big project and it’s probably not healthy for me. And I grew up in the city so this is all I’ve ever known.”

“What’s with the hair Blue Apple?”

“Blue Apple? I think that’s your worst one yet. Eh, second worst.” Eddie added from under Richie’s arm.

“She’s from the Big Apple and has blue in her hair.”

“Oh, fuck you can see the blue, can’t you? I dyed part of my hair blue for fun. I didn’t think this was going to happen because no one really talked about it until a week or so ago.”

“Wonder why we’ve known about it for almost a month,” Bill seemed genuinely confused.

“Sometimes, Jean likes to keep new stuff a secret until everything is finalized. People have let him down before, especially smaller artists that think they’re hot shit.”

“Oh yeah, his assistant came by a week ago to pick all the pieces up,” Richie said. He remembered feeling both relieved and terrified handing the pieces over to some stranger.  

“Hey isn’t this supposed to be an interview?” Stan asked. He had actually enjoyed Allyson’s company. She was funny and sweet and knew when to change a subject.

“I mean it kind of is already but I guess I can ask some actual questions.” Allyson pulled a small notebook from her purse and pulled a pen from the spine. “So, which piece from Richie’s was your favorite?” She started at her right, where Bev was sitting and went around the table, ending with Mike.

“A Walk in the Woods.”

“Last Light.” No one was shocked by Ben’s choice.

“Freeing the Birds or A Walk in the Woods.” There was no way Bill would be able to choose between Stan and his brother, he had been way too excited to see both of them.

“Freeing the Birds.”

“I liked painting Don’t Turn Around the most but I think Innocence turned out the best.”

“Staying Blind.” It wasn’t really a shock at which one was Eddie’s favorite.

“The Quarry.”

“Interesting.”

“What’s so interesting?” Ben asked.

“Most is you picked ones that didn’t have you as the main subject, except Stan.”

“The painting in the gallery is a recreation of a painting I made Stan at a rough point in our lives.”

“Richie and I both have pretty severe depression. The painting represents letting go of that and finally being free. That’s why it’s my favorite.”

“So, you would like it, even if it didn’t have your face in it?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I would.”

“How about you? Which one was your favorite?” Mike asked Allyson.

“Um. I think the sins ones were really cool. I like Pride a lot.” She winked at him, making Mike blush slightly.

“Look, Mike, she’s giving you a run for your money when it comes to flirting.”

“There’s the sass. I was wondering what Beverly was talking about.”

“You get used to it. Unless you’re Richie, then you sass back.” Ben said the last part softly, although everyone at the table heard and laughed.

“Also, you can call me Bev.”

“I thought you said only friends called you Bev?”

“I have a feeling that we’ll be friends.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“Richie wake the fuck up.” Richie ignored whoever was shaking him. He was comfortable and warm, although the spot next to him was deceptively cold.

“Why does he sleep like the dead when he isn’t having a nightmare? Eddie’s not even in the bed anymore.”

“Where did he go?” Richie asked the voices, he wasn’t really paying attention to who they belonged to.

“He went to go get us breakfast with Ben and Mike. You need to get the fuck up if you want to go hang with Ally later”

“What time is she getting here?” Richie sat up and stretched his arms over his head. When he looked at the two figures, he finally noticed who they were. They were completely blurry but the red hair and attitude stance gave them away as Bev and Stan.

“In a little under an hour. She texted me like ten minutes ago that she was getting a shower and then she’ll get ready to head over here.”

“Okay.” Richie rubbed his eyes, trying to get the sleep that was still hiding behind them to go away before putting his glasses on. They both looked so awake and ready to take on the day. “How the hell are you two so awake? We went to bed at like four in the morning.”

“I heard Ally leave earlier and have been awake ever since.” Bev was a light sleeper.

“I’ve already had three cups of coffee this morning.” Stan took another sip from the mug in his hand.

“Stanny, I think your heart’s gonna explode.”

“Okay, Bill.”

“Where is Billiam?”

“Taking a shower.”

“And you didn’t join him?” Richie sassed as he got up. Luckily for the other two, he had actually slept in boxers last night, although he normally did.

“Shut the fuck up.” If anyone else heard Stan’s tone, they would’ve thought he was actually angry. Richie and Bev knew better than that, they knew it was just his tone in the morning, especially after drinking the night before and not getting a lot of sleep.

“Did you pack anything but band shirts?” Bev asked as Richie pulled two tees out to ask which one he should wear.

“I think we all know the answer to that.” Stan looked away like they wouldn’t know he said anything.

“What’s wrong with The Ramones and Aerosmith?”

“We are in New York Richard, I told you to try and look nice.”

“These are the nicest ones I own. What do you want from me? They’re all I packed so I guess you’ll have to live with it.”

“You could steal some of Eddie’s clothes.”

“Listen, Molly Ringwald, just cause you fit in his clothes, doesn’t mean I do. I fit into Stanny Boy’s clothes.”

“If you touch my clothes, I’ll stab you.”

“You act as if I’ve never worn your clothes before.”

“You’re not dying right now so my clothes are off limits. Plus, I only packed short sleeves and my button ups definitely don’t go with your jacket.”

“Richie, you’re going to have to wear short sleeves eventually. You’re gonna die of a heat stroke one of these days.”

“Look, I’ll wear them eventually. I just need to dots on my arms covered first.”

“Who thinks about those anymore?” Bev was trying so hard to make Richie feel better about the scars. They weren’t that bad, you had to be looking for them to see most of them. There were a couple of prominent ones.

“Eddie does.” They both looked at Stan. “He still feels bad about them. It’s not quite as painful anymore, but there’s still a little bit of pain in there.”

“I think that answers your question.” Richie nodded his head at Bev. “So, which one?”

“Ramones.” Bev looked a little defeated. She really wanted all of her friends to be happy again, and to know that Eddie was still hurt over what he did to Richie made her sick to her stomach. Richie got dressed quickly and followed the other two out into the living room part of their suite.

The room Jean had put them in was huge. It had one bedroom with a king-sized bed, another bedroom with two queen sized beds, a living room, and a kitchen. Richie and Eddie took the solo room seeing as Richie was the reason that they were there. Bev, Ben, Bill, and Stan took the other bedroom and Mike took the couch. It wasn’t bad since the couch pulled out into a bed.

Richie grabbed the pack of cigarettes and his Zippo from the counter and went over to the balcony. Bev followed him out and stole one from the pack.

“Bitch,” Richie said as he held the flame for her to light it.

“Takes one to know one,” she responded after taking a drag. “I didn’t think you smoked first thing in the morning.”

“Sometimes I do. It all kind of depends.”

“On what?” She hopped up onto the small table that sat on the balcony. Richie figured normal people used it to eat outside when the weather was nice.

“If I had a nightmare or not.”

“Did you have one?” Richie nodded his head. “I thought you didn’t have them when you were with Eddie.”

“I still do sometimes. If I’m nervous or thinking too much they can still happen, it’s just not every night anymore.”

“What was last night’s?” Richie didn’t answer right away, instead, he took a few drags. Even when he did answer, he didn’t look at her.

“I was showing you guys around and you all loved the paintings. And then suddenly, the ones of my parents came out of their frames. My parents fought for a little bit, and then they turned to me. They were blaming me for all of their problems. And then they were yelling at you guys, pointing out all the flaws that we all try to hide. It was like they were in our heads. I tried to get them to stop, but that didn’t end well.”

“What made you wake up?”

“Eds. Sometimes he can tell when I’m having a nightmare and will wake me up. I didn’t have another one after that, but it’s like I can still feel the dark cloud looming above me.”

“You’re trying to smoke it out?”

“I guess. Sometimes smoking just helps my mind drift to other things.”

“So, you smoke to avoid real problems?”

“I also use comedy and the word fuck.” Bev laughed at him.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“You know you love it shweetheart.” Richie didn’t really know where he got the strange mob member voice from but it felt very fitting considering where they were.

“You and those fucking voices.” They both turned to look at the new voice, although Richie didn’t really need to look to know who the voice came from. Eddie shook his head at the pair. He had been listening for a couple of minutes. Eddie didn’t want to ruin the moment between Bev and Richie.

“Hey, there Eds didn’t notice you came out here,” Beverly smirked as she blew smoke out of her nose.

“Oh, not you too.” He looked at Richie. “You’re rubbing off on her and I don’t appreciate it. Also, breakfast is here.”

“We’ll be in there in a second. And you know you love me.”

“Just because I love you, doesn’t mean you can spread your terrible nicknames to people.” Eddie walked back inside as he said that. Richie watched Eddie until he heard Bev snicker from her perch.

“You’re really head over heels for him, aren’t you?”

“Oh, what gave that away?”

“Maybe you following him with your eyes. Or just the fact that I know you too well.” She snubbed out her cigarette and hopped off the table. Richie snubbed his out too and followed the redhead inside. They joined the others at the coffee table that had a multitude of donuts for all of them, tea for Bev and Bill, lemonade for Richie, and coffee for the rest of them. Richie didn’t really drink any kind of caffeine since he didn’t really need any help waking up. Richie was one of those people that once he was up, he was up, it was just getting him up that was the problem occasionally.

“So, do we know what Ally has planned for us?” Mike asked. He was excited that she agreed to hang out with them for the weekend. He had suggested that she do it to get more of an idea of how they interacted with each other as a group.

“Nope. I do know you’re just excited to see her again cause you’re into her.” Bill snickered at his boyfriend.

“What? No.” Mike didn’t even try to hide the sarcasm in his voice, they all knew him well enough to know when he was really into someone. “Okay, maybe I’m into her a little bit. But that doesn’t mean anything.”

“Dude she was flirting with you all night.” Richie tried to speak through a mouthful of donut. Eddie translated for him.

“Maybe she just has a flirtatious personality?” As much as Mike wanted to be with Ally, he knew that in reality, it would be incredibly difficult seeing as they lived over eight hours away from each other.

“No, she’s definitely into you. She told me when I held her hair while she threw up.” 

“What the hell Bev? You swore to secrecy.” They all turned to see Ally standing in the entrance to the room. She faked a hurt look.

“How did you get in?” Ben asked.

“You guys gave me a key card.” She held up the card that unlocked their door.

“That explains why we couldn’t find that earlier.” Ben looked at Mike, who he was sure was the one that gave her the room key. He wasn’t mad, just amused. Ben wasn’t surprised that Mike gave her a key.

“Oh yeah, judge me for giving the pretty girl a key to our room so that none of us had to get up to open the door for her.” Mike was getting some sass lessons from Stan. Ally laughed as she sat down on Mike’s lap. There wasn’t any floor or couch space for her but she wanted a donut and wanted to sit. Mike blushed slightly and really hoped that Ally didn’t notice, she did.

“So, what are your plans for us today?” Ben asked. The others were still scarfing down food, none of them realized how hungry they were.

“Well I figured we can explore the city and I can show you some of my favorite spots. Oh, we also need to figure out a way for you guys to commemorate Richie’s first gallery opening since you guys leave tomorrow.”

“Why can’t we do that back in Derry?” Stan asked. He didn’t care where they did it, he just loved to sass, especially new people.

“Because I decided I want to be there. I don’t have to participate, but I want to be there to take pictures and possibly write about it.”

“What if I don’t want you there, Big Blue?”

“What are you gonna do when I chop the blue out of my hair? And I’m pretty sure if I ask Mike real nicely, he’ll let me come. Isn’t that right Mike?” She turned to look at Mike, who only nodded and pretended that he had food in his mouth. In reality, he just couldn’t form words with her sitting on him.

“Don’t use Mike as your secret weapon. Just cause he’s single.”

“Wow Stan, you have such little faith in me. I’m not really going to use him.”

“You’re using him as a seat.”

“Okay but I’m not using him to get what I want. I’m not manipulating him or anything. I was just joking. Why am I being interrogated?”

“They do this to all the new people,” Richie said as he leaned back on his hands. “Bevvy threatened to kill me and hide my body if I hurt Eddie. It’s kind of like initiation.”

“So, have I passed?”

“I think so,” Bill had been silent, but they knew that was mostly just so he could form an opinion on her. He was one of those people who watched and made his mind up on someone that way. The other Losers knew that if he said someone was fine, then they would be a nice addition to the club. Bill knew that Ally would be good for Mike when they got together, which was inevitable. The chemistry between the two of them was palpable. It reminded Bill a lot of Richie and Eddie.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey Ally, where is a cheap clothing store that sells nice clothes?” Bev asked as they walked through Central Park.

“Stop trying to change me,” Richie dramatically threw his head back.

“I just feel like you should own more than just band shirts. Eddie back me up on this?”

“She’s kinda right. Could you at least have a couple nice things for date nights?”

“You guys are the fucking worst.”

“There’s an upper scale thrift store a couple blocks from here. I get a lot of clothes there.”

“You had me at thrift store.”

“You and fucking thrift stores.” Stan took another sip from his coffee cup. He knew that he should probably slow down on the coffee but he had gotten pretty much no sleep the night before. He felt really sick all night and spent a good chunk of the night hunched over the toilet with Bill leaning against the tub with one of his hands on Stan’s back.

Richie gave Stan a lopsided smirk since he knew how Stan spent his night. Stan only ever drank that much coffee, specifically black coffee, when he was sick.

**From Richard: So how bad was last night for you?**

**To Richard: Pretty bad. I heard Eddie wake you up last night**

**From Richard: Do you think the others heard?**

**To Richard: Nah. I also knew when you went out to smoke first thing this morning. Please don’t forget that I lived with you**

“Who are you texting?” Bill asked. He didn’t try to hide his question from the others.

“Maybe I have some other friends.”

“Did you just say you have other friends?”

“I don’t need your shit, Bev. I’ll fucking fight you.” Stan kicked out his leg slightly as if that was all the effort that he was going to put into fighting her.

“Oh shit, he getting the leg warmed up. You better run Bev.” Richie slung his arm over Stan. Stan just shrugged him off and proceeded to flip Richie off.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Can I pick out something for you?” Bev looked excited.

“How about this, you can each pick out one thing for me. Try to make it a long sleeve thing.”

“Why long sleeves? Summer is coming up," Ally asked.

“I have a bunch of scars on my arms, I would like to keep them hidden for a little bit longer. Or at least until I get them permanently covered.” Ally didn’t ask for specifics, she figured if Richie wanted to tell her he would. They all looked around for a bit. Richie would walk around and give comments on what they were looking at.

“What about this one?” Eddie held up a lightweight sweater. It was light blue and had a turtleneck. The fabric was softer than anything Richie owned.

“Eds that looks like something you would wear, not me.”

“Maybe I just want to dress you up like me just once. Plus, it would be nice for date night.”

“I think you two fags need to start looking in the men’s department.” Richie and Eddie both looked up at the voice on the other side of the hangers. The man was bigger than Eddie and Richie combined. He was gross and reminded Richie a little bit of his dad.

“Excuse me?” Richie had heard what the man had said, but he was just trying to make sure that he heard him correctly.

“I said you should be looking in the men’s section of the store. You are men, aren’t you?” Richie balled up his fists although the man couldn’t see that. He also couldn’t see Eddie grab onto Richie to try and get him to calm down.

“Yeah we are and you should keep your antiquated opinions to yourself before you get knocked the fuck out.”

“By a twig like you?”

“No, by us.” They all turned to see Mike and Bill, flexing a lot harder than they needed to. Bev was also cracking her knuckles and was pulling her meanest face. All the Losers had seen Bev fight someone before in high school, Stan had recorded it and showed it to Richie after Christmas. Ben was a sweet looking kid but he was trying his hardest. Stan looked like he was one of those tiny fighters that could take someone out, although he stood in the back of their tiny gang. Ally was nowhere to be seen.

“You’re just a bunch of fucking kids.”

“Some kids that could kick your fucking ass.” Bev really was scary when she was pissed.

“Do we have a problem here?” The shop owner and Ally had come over at that point. The store owner was a tall, built man who was covered in tattoos. _And we’re fucked._ Eddie thought to himself. _Why can’t we go anywhere without causing a scene of some sort? Just once I would like to go out without any drama._

“These kids are threatening me, sir.”

“You fucking-” Eddie stopped whatever Richie was about to say by covering his mouth with his hand.

“Why would they threaten you? They seem like nice kids.”

“I didn’t do anything.” The shop owner looked at Eddie, clearly asking what happened.

“I found this cute sweater and when I showed my boyfriend, he called us fags and told us we needed to look in the men’s section.” Eddie sounded scared. Normally Eddie was feisty when people started talking shit but this time, he seemed timid.

“I see. Is this true?”

“I-” The man started before the shop owner interrupted him.

“I actually heard everything, sound travels really well in here. I’m going to have to ask you to leave and not return to my store. I don’t need your kind of business.” The man didn’t say anything and left in a huff, muttering something under his breath. The Losers looked at the shop owner and saw both him and Ally smiling.

“The fuck just happened?” Stan asked.

“Losers, meet Sean. Sean, these are the Losers.”

“The ones you were telling me about this morning?”

“Those ones.”

“Well, then I’m happy to help. I hated that guy. I’ve been trying to find a reason to get him to stop coming in for months.”

“Why would want a paying customer to stop coming in here?” Ben asked.

“He is a known homophobe and creeper in the neighborhood. He chose here as a nice place to hang out, even though I’m very open with my boyfriend.”

“I’m sorry. Boyfriend?” Eddie was honestly confused, he looked like a guy that would take his girlfriend to rock concerts all the time and have her sit on his shoulders. 

“Yeah. You remind me a lot of him.” 

“You can stop flexing that hard,” Stan backhanded Bill in the chest. Bill let out a huge breath and leaned over slightly, Mike followed suit soon after.

“I haven’t flexed that hard in so long.” Bill looked physically tired.

“When was the last time you flexed that hard? I thought you were gonna burst something.” Bev laughed.

“How long have we been dating?” Bill looked at Stan with a small smirk on his face.

“Oh, don’t gimme that. You were flexing that hard when we first started dating, you still acted like a fuckboy for the first two months.”

“It was a habit at that point. At least I got over it before school was in full swing.” They all chuckled at the back and forth between the couple.

“Thanks, Sean, I owe you. I’m pretty sure Richie was about three seconds from trying to fight that guy.”

“He would’ve gotten his ass handed to him.” The two girls snickered.

“Fuck you. Like you wouldn’t’ve fought that asshole for this cutie.” Richie pinched Eddie’s cheek, who slapped his hand away.

“Oh, we were ready. I heard him say it the first time and it took all my self-control to not just punch him in the face right then and there.” Mike always felt sick when someone made fun of his friends, especially if it was over something they couldn’t change, like who they loved.

“Yeah, you probably would’ve gotten arrested, which doesn’t seem like a fun way to celebrate why we’re here.” Ben no longer looked upset, he was back to his regular sunny expression.

“Why are you guys here? Al never told me.”

“I was only back in the apartment for like forty minutes this morning. And you were sleeping for thirty of them.”

“I just had a small gallery open at the MET. It’s one very small room, but it’s something so fuck it, you know.”

“That’s exciting kid. How did you pull that off?”

“Jean was one of the panelists for my final. Said something along the lines of me being one of the most gifted artists he had ever seen for my age. So, I can thank nightmares and shit parents for that.” Richie had gone back to looking at clothes. He wasn’t uninterested in the conversation happening, he just had to keep moving all of a sudden.

The experience with that asshole reminded him too much of his home life. It reminded him of too many nightmares. Mostly the ones where his parents turned all their anger onto Eddie. But this situation ended differently than all his nightmares. In those, he was powerless. In the real world, he had friends that would come to his aid, even if was just looking tough and getting the kinda scary looking shop owner to come to the rescue. He also knew that if he didn’t find a couple of nice shirts then he was going to have an adorable midget and a feisty redhead up his ass.

“Are you looking for anything specific?”

“Apparently I need something nicer than the Ramones for when we go out.”

“What’s wrong with the Ramones?”

“Don’t help him.” They ended up leaving the store with three bags of clothes for Richie. When he tried to pay, Sean told him not to worry about it since they had to deal with that guy. When Sean asked if they would be back, Ben said they would. Something told him that he was right in saying that.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Eddie are you okay? You’ve been awfully quiet since we got back.” Eddie looked up from his phone to look at Ally. He had been quiet but he had really hoped that no one noticed. He knew Richie had noticed but he would wait until the two of them were alone to talk about it.

“I’m just still thinking about that guy at the store.”

“Don’t worry about him. He’s just a local asshole. Not everyone here is like that.”

“Oh, I know not everyone is. Most people that we’ve met seemed really cool and sweet, it’s just that” his voice caught in his throat. Richie placed his hand on Eddie’s trying to give him some strength, as Eddie had done so many times for him. “The last person that called me a fag, like to my face, was my mom. Right before she kicked me out.”

“Your mom kicked you out?”

“Yeah. She was controlling and wasn’t exactly happy when I told her I was gay, and that I was dating Richie.”

“That’s awful.”

“It’s not even the worst thing to happen to one of us in this group.” Eddie laughed slightly as he said it.

“What do you mean?” They all stayed quiet for a moment. “I promise, if you tell me, I won’t tell anyone. Not even Sean, but you don’t have to tell me.”

“My dad thinks I’m a disappointment and that all I do is lie to him. We’ve had hundreds of screaming matches about everything and everything. He doesn't understand me and he doesn’t even try.”

“I think my parents forgot how to love the summer my brother disappeared.”

“I moved around so much that I never had friends. I was always bullied for being the new kid. It didn’t help that I was pretty big as a kid. The bully we told you about tried to carve his name into my stomach.”

“My parents died in a house fire, that I remember all of. My grandparents raised me and homeschooled me until I was in high school so I never had friends either.”

“When my mom died, my dad started to act like I was an adult like I was my mom. And I mean that in the worst way that you’re thinking.”

“My parents were alcoholics who abused me growing up. They were religious freaks so a lot of the time it was about me being bi or the fact that I was an art kid and that I would never amount to anything. They never loved me. And I’m so attached to these kids, that when I thought I lost one, it almost killed me.”

“I live with Sean and his boyfriend because my gran kicked me out. Said I reminded her too much of my mom. She hated my mom because she was such a free spirit and I guess she changed my dad or something stupid. My gran was really old fashioned like that. My parents died in a car accident when I was six.”

“Man, we all have some pretty fucked up lives.” Eddie didn’t know why all of them had told Ally about their past, but he liked that she told them about hers.

“But you know what, we have each other. And I think that’s what really matters now. The past is the past, and with you guys, the future is a lot brighter.”

“Oh God, I really am dating a Hallmark card. Someone, take me out.”

“Stan,” he looked over at Bev, “you would love for someone to take you out.”

“Bitch you right.” The rest of the Losers laughed at Stan’s answer. _It’s crazy how these kids can change the mood of a room so effortlessly just by being themselves. Just by being in love with each other in their own special ways. I wish more people I knew were like this._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you not to worry about Ally.


	25. The one about the future

“Hey Ally just texted me and said that her post is up and that we should check it out. She said she would make some changes if we asked really nicely,” Bev said as she came back down to the basement, chips in hand.

“Wanna read it to us Sugar Lips?” Richie asked. He squeezed Eddie’s shoulders a little tighter. No one was really sure if he was talking to Bev or Eddie since he uses pet names for both of them.

“Okay, who was that directed at?” Stan asked.

“I mean, whoever. Mostly Eddie, partially Bev, and not much to anyone else.”

“I’ll read it, although please don’t call me Sugar Lips.”

“You just want to read it cause your girlfriend wrote it,” Stan deadpanned. Bill always wondered how so much sass could fit in so little voice inflection.

“I wanna say you’re wrong, but you aren’t.” Mike took the phone from Bev. He opened the link that Ally had sent and zoomed in so he could read what she wrote. “This post was going to be about the new gallery that recently opened up in the MET, and while it still partially is, it’s about so much more than that.”

“What’s more exciting than me?” Eddie shushed him, wanting to hear what was next.

“I’ll start out with the gallery. The paintings inside were all painted by a college freshman named Richard Tozier, although his friends call him Richie, or Trashmouth. The art was amazing, at least in the opinion of someone who has covered a lot of gallery openings in the city. All of the subjects were incredibly life-like and those in his Seven Deadly Losers Collection (which were based on the seven deadly sins) looked like they could come off the canvas and speak. And in a way, they did.

“The Losers Club as they call themselves were all at the opening and I had the pleasure of sitting down with them for a meal at a local diner I’m a regular at. I’m not going to lie, I sort of forgot that I was even doing an interview because they have this aura about them that is so comforting and inviting, it’s almost like a family. The club consists of Richard ‘Richie’ Tozier, Beverly Marsh, Edward ‘Eddie’ Kaspbrak, Benjamin ‘Ben’ Hanscom, Stanley ‘Stan’ Uris, Michael ‘Mike’ Hanlon, and Bill (William?) Denbrough.”

“She didn’t realize that my name is actually William?”

“No one calls you William. I call everyone by their full name if I’m trying to be a little shit, but I’ve never called you William.” Richie shrugged.

“When you’re trying to be a little shit. So always?”

“Would you two be quiet, I want to hear what she wrote,” Bev told Stan and Richie through a laugh.

“All but Richie are originally from the small town of Derry, Maine. Richie is from Southern California, but he never really said where exactly he was from, although he is currently staying with Stan’s family in Derry. From what I hear, Derry is incredibly boring, and all of them want to leave at some point.

“When I asked about their future plans, the only thing that seemed solid was that they wanted to stay together. None of them had a place in mind, but Ben said, ‘New York seems nice so far.’ So, I wonder if this is where they’ll end up? Part of me hopes so, the Losers would be an excellent addition to the city.”

“She just wants us there so that she can be with Mike.”

“Stan, stop interrupting.” Bev didn’t sound particularly angry, and not really mildly annoyed either. She and Stan had a strange relationship where they picked on each other and fought like siblings. They used to rant about their parents to each other since Bev’s dad wasn’t totally against Stan when he was still around.

“I asked them questions as a normal interviewer would, but those seem like trivial things after my weekend with the Losers. They are all so encouraging of each other and are always there to support one another. I got to spend a little bit of one on one time with all seven of them throughout the weekend and here are my final opinions on all of them.

“Richie is a loudmouth, cursing little shit, partially in his own words. He makes up nicknames for everyone. Throughout our time together I was dubbed Blue Apple, Big Blue, Apple Jacks, and a few others, but those were the big ones. Other nicknames include Eds, Eddie Spaghetti, Stan the Man, Stanny, Billiam, Big Bill, Molly Ringwald, Bevvy, Mikey, Homeschool, Benny, and Haystack. Although it seems like Richie refuses to use someone’s real name, in tender moments he does. He was telling me about Eddie and actually used the name Eddie. So, while Richie seems like a crazy trashmouth, just like his paintings, there is something deeper underneath the surface, you just have to work to find it.

“Stan is the bird-loving, ex-boy scout, sass master of the group. The way you can tell he likes you, is in the intensity and frequency of his roasts. I got roasted more than I would like to admit in less than 72 hours. Richie and Bill got the most of it, but probably because they are his best friend and boyfriend, in that order. And while there wasn’t much else that I could get from Stan on a deeper level, I know there’s something underneath the surface.”

“Why didn’t she mention your depression? You guys told her about that,” Ben asked.

“Maybe she didn’t want the entire world to know about something that is none of their business in the long run?” Mike said. He knew that was the reason, Ally had told him. She said that it wasn’t anyone else’s business and if Stan and Richie wanted people to know they can tell them.

“Ben is a sweet kid that is just so excited to be with the love of his life. He loves poetry and wants to create buildings that will be around for a long time. He moved around a lot as a kid and was always labelled the new kid. He wants something permanent, whether it’s a building he creates or the people in his life. I think he’ll get it. He also told me a lot of weird things about ghosts, serial killers, aliens, weird ways to die, and other conspiracy theories, so he also mildly concerns me.

“Eddie is a sassy little midget, he and I are the same height, which is why I can say that. He’s paranoid, but when you know his mom, I guess it makes sense. He’s also the cheesiest being I have ever met. He loves clichés involving his boyfriend and loves sitting on him. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone be so openly and overly in love with someone else, but in a good way. I ship it. #Reddie.” Eddie groaned loudly and Richie laughed at the ship name. Eddie tried to hide his face into Richie as the others joined in the laughter. Eddie knew that he was prone to sitting on Richie but he didn’t think it was enough to have a new person notice, although seeing as Ally was a journalist, she had to pay attention to things like that.

“Mike is one of those kids that would sacrifice himself to save his friends. He would do pretty much anything that one of his friends asked him to do with little to no hesitation. Some people may think it’s because he’s afraid of losing his friends and going back to being a loner, but if you know them, you know it’s not true. All of these kids are so real and genuine. Mike is like that because he’s loyal, and he loves them more than anything.

“Bill is either really quiet or very talkative and there isn’t much of an in between. I learned in my time with them, that Bill had a childhood stutter, which explains why he’s quiet. But he also has a love of words, which explains why are other times that he talks constantly. If you’re alone with him, he mostly talks about Stan or his little brother Georgie.

“And finally, the one girl of the group, Bev. She’s feisty and doesn’t take anyone’s shit. She knows what she wants and will do just about anything to get it. She’s a good role model. Even though she’s in a group of all guys, she isn’t overpowered in the slightest. The guys respect her, they might be a little afraid of her but I think it’s mostly respect.

“Overall, the Losers Club is a group of friends who support each other, respect other people, care so much about each other, never judge, and are totally willing to fight a bitch for the others. And trust me, that’s not an exaggeration. Whether it be a dick on the high school football team making fun of a boyfriend or some asshole in the streets of New York making a sexist comment, they’re all willing to fight. This is a group of friends anyone could look up to, they’ve all been through so much and can still smile about life, because they have each other. I look up to them. I hope others will too.”

“Is that the end?” Bev asked.

“Yeah. It’s just signed off Allyson Jacks.” Mike handed the phone back to its owner.

“Look, she included the picture we took!” Bev squealed. She loved that picture. They all looked so happy and had gotten a random stranger to take it and not steal Ben’s phone. Ally had insisted that they get a picture together before the Losers went back to Maine.

“She’s calling me.” Mike looked down at his ringing phone.

“You gonna answer it, Mikey?” He answered it and immediately put it on speaker phone.

“Hey, Ally.”

“Okay, I couldn’t wait anymore. What did you guys think about the post?”

“How do you know we’re all together?”

“You said you were going to Bill’s and I know that means all of you are going to Bill’s. Now tell me what you think.”

“I like it. I feel like you didn’t put all the information in there that you could’ve,” Bill said making sure he was loud enough so that she could hear it.

“Well, I got to keep some of the fun to myself.”

“That sounded weirdly sexual. What did you and Mike do in the bathroom?”

“Let’s not talk about it.” Mike looked like he was going to explode at what she said. All of them were all pretty sure they didn’t do anything that bad but Stan lived for messing with everyone.

“Just kidding I don’t want to know. I’m sure it was unholy.”

“You act like you’re the most devout Jew ever. When was the last time you went to Temple?” Bill asked.

“How long has my dad been gone?” All but Ally laughed, she was a little confused.

“What happened to your dad?”

“He went to some conference thing and will be back soon. I’ll go then, probably.” Stan tensed up while he was talking, although Bill was the only one that noticed. They had talked about the whole situation with him transferring a couple times now and neither of them could come up with an answer of what to do. Bill had suggested that they ask the rest of the Losers for their opinion on the whole situation. Stan had agreed but seemed very hesitant about it. Stan hated being the center of attention for extended period of times.

“Oh okay. But you guys are all totally fine with the post?” They all said they were fine with the article how it was written. “Okay good. I just had to check, I’m heading to work so I’ll text you later. Bye guys!” They said their goodbyes and Mike ended the phone call.

“She works?” Eddie asked.

“She works at the thrift store so she doesn’t have to pay rent to live with Sean.”

“Okay, so on to the next order of business,” Bill said. Stan looked a little terrified but some of that terror went away when Bill gave him a soft smile.

“What’s going on? Is Stan dying or something?” Ben asked noticing the little exchange.

“I wish,” Stan said.

“No, Stan is fine, physically. His parents found out that I went to Morrison with him. Needless to say, they were pissed. His dad decided that he needs to figure out a school to transfer to.”

“Oh fuck no.” Richie was clearly pissed. He was actually sickened by the thought of his best friend not going to the same school as him. He needed Stan there. No one got his mental state like Stan did. Eddie was getting better but Stan had been there before. Stan was in the same boat as him.

“I don’t want to transfer either. I like Morrison and I like New York and I don’t think I could survive going to a school without of you guys. But he seems pretty set in his ways that I figure out another school and it has to be one out of New York. He wants it to be close to here so that I can commute. Something about being able to keep an eye on me.”

“Well, what happens if you don’t transfer?” Bev asked.

“I don’t know. I got a shit load of scholarships and I’m using my college fund to pay for school, and I’m the only one that can pull out money and close it so they have no control over that. They would probably kick me out or something. And I could stay with Bill, but where would that put Richie and Eddie? This house would be so cramped.”

“What if we just don’t come back next summer?” Eddie asked. He had been thinking about it before. He had loved living with Richie in Stan’s guest room and he liked the idea of them having their own place. But he was willing to add Bill and Stan to the mix if it meant that Stan could stay with them. He understood how much they all needed each other. He understood how much Richie needed Stan.

“I mean it’s possible. Our apartment is off campus so we could just change our lease to one that’s a year long. It just means we wouldn’t be able to see any of you as much over the summer.” Bill looked at the other three. Bev looked like she was dying to say something.

“Well I was going to wait until it was closer to when we went back but, I’m not going back to Chicago, it’s just too damn far from the rest of you. I was applying to schools in New York so that I could at least be closer. One of the people at Richie’s opening was the head of administration at NYU and when I begged him to take a look at my application, he said he would. So, I guess he liked what he saw because he called me yesterday and said I was accepted. I’ll be getting my financial aid packet in about a week.”

“And I was already looking at schools in New York because I for real need to get out of that hell hole. They’re all the worst. Plus, I also got accepted to NYU.”

“So, it would just be me that you wouldn’t get to see,” Mike sighed. 

“You could always move out with us.” Eddie shrugged. It wasn’t like it was going to be hard for Mike to find a job.

“I mean, I guess. We would come back, occasionally right?”

“Well, I’m not going to just abandon Georgie.”

“We could come back for Christmas and a couple weeks in the summer, it just wouldn’t be us living here,” Ben said.

“I don’t know.”

“You need to get out of this town.” They all turned to Richie, who finally spoke up. “It’s slowly killing you all. There are parts of this town that none of you can go to because of shit that happened there. Every time we come back here it’s like it takes a piece of you. Bev smokes more, Stan’s depression is worse, Bill will stutter occasionally for no reason, Mike seems timid when we go out, Ben hardly says a word, and Eddie has nightmares. Mike, when we were in New York, you were so confident and so sure of yourself. I mean you got Ally in a day and there were girls all over you at the opening and people in general flocked to you because had this light about you. I can’t lose you guys to this shit hole of a town okay. I just can’t.” Eddie had been clutching to Richie’s hand the whole time. He buried his head in the crook of Richie’s neck when he was finished with his speech, he could tell that Richie was having a hard time keeping it together.

The rest of them stayed silent. None of them had really realized it at first, but Richie was right. He had seen all of them in public in both Derry and New York. He was an outside opinion that knew them all well enough to spot the small differences in their actions.

“Okay,” Stan said, although he didn’t sound sure of himself at first. “I’m in.”

“Me too,” Bill said.

“I wanna get out of this place,” Ben looked serious.

“Same here,” Bev said rubbing one of her arms.

“Mike?” Bill asked. Mike was the only one that looked like he couldn’t make up mind.

“I don’t know if I’m ready to just leave.”

“What’s keeping you here?” Ben asked, his voice was so soft.

“I mean my grandparents are here. And what if they need help on the farm?”

“Mike you haven’t worked on the farm in over a year. It’s not like they’re alone, they have a bunch of help. And didn’t you say they were thinking about selling the farm and retiring?” Ben asked again, none of the others stepped in, knowing that if Ben couldn’t convince Mike to move out with them, no one would be able to.

“They’re thinking of handing the work over to my cousin that’s worked his ass off since he was like ten but it would still be their farm, he would just get more of the profits.”

“And are you going to be needed?”

“Probably not.”

“Then why stay? They’ll always be your grandparents and they’ll always love you. They want what’s best for you. I think that Richie’s right, this town is bad for all of us. Here, we can’t get away from our past and it’s not like I’m trying to pretend all that shit didn’t happen to me, I just don’t need the constant reminder of it. I wanna run towards something great and this town has me handcuffed to a light pole.” Beverly seemed as though she had been holding that in for a long time. She had been wanting to get out of Derry since they were in high school.

“Okay. You’re right. I’ll go with you guys.”

 ~~~~~~~~~~

“You doing okay?” Eddie had been sitting between Richie’s legs, playing with the taller boy’s hands. They had all came back from Bill’s earlier than they thought so that they could all explain to their families what their new plans were. Stan was the only one that had decided that he wasn’t going to tell his parents, or at least his dad until he had to start packing.

“Yeah.”

“You’re acting like after sex Richie and we didn’t do anything so I know you’re not.”

“I mean I am now. It’s just that earlier, there was a moment where I really thought about the possibility of losing you guys. And that scared the shit out of me.” Richie pulled the smaller boy flush against his chest. He sat his chin on Eddie’s shoulder.

“You’re not going to lose us you, idiot.”

“Promise you’re not lying?”

“Promise.” Richie turned his head and placed small kisses on Eddie’s neck, these ones were soft instead of the almost desperate ones that Richie normally left on his neck. “How can you be so sweet sometimes, and other times you’re the raunchiest person I have ever met?”

“Talent.” Richie stopped kissing Eddie’s neck, instead he buried his head in the crook of Eddie’s neck.

“It’s more like a split personality.”

“I’m not that fucked up. My brain hates itself too much to create another version.” Eddie shuddered a little as Richie’s breath on his skin.

“I like the analogy but I don’t think that’s how split personality works.”

“I can pretend it is.” They sat like that for some time, Eddie lost track of time when they were like this. Richie was so warm. Richie made Eddie feel safe. Richie felt like home.

With Richie, Eddie could be whoever he wanted to be. With Richie, Eddie knew that he could make mistakes and come back to someone who loved him no matter what. With Richie, Eddie never felt alone. He never felt small, despite the obvious height difference. He never felt like he had to hide anything.

“You wanna take a shower?” Richie asked in a voice so soft that Eddie originally thought that he imagined it.

“Sure. What do you want to listen to?” They had agreed that shower time should always be accompanied by soft music. Eddie reluctantly got up to grab the speakers and his phone.

“Sleeping at Last?”

“Sounds good to me. Anything specific or just shuffle?”

“Year One.”

“Why that one specifically?”

“We’re halfway to a year. Well in a week we are.” _Has it really only been six months? It feels like it’s been so much longer._

“Really?”

“You’re not rocking a very pleasant look there, Eds.” He knew that Richie meant that he looked like something was bothering him. Richie might always be good with paints and a brush, but he isn’t always so good with words. That’s why he had decided a long time ago that music was only going to be a hobby, he wasn’t good enough with words to come up with anything original.

“It feels like six months isn’t long enough.”

“I know. It’s weird to think that we aren’t even at a year yet. We haven’t even known each other for a year.”

“Oh well. Come on trash king, let’s wash up.” Eddie held out his hand for Richie to take. He did and followed Eddie into the bathroom. In reality, Richie would follow Eddie anywhere.

Eddie made Richie feel wanted. Like he wasn’t a disappointment.  Instead of feeling like trash, Eddie made Richie actually feel like Saturn.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

**Allyson was added to the chat**

**Allyson changed her name to BlueBalls**

**RIPRichie: You and Richie are too similar. Mike what do you see in her?**

**BlueBalls: Rude, whoever you are. I just realized the only people I know for sure are Mike Ben and Bev because the rest of you have couples’ pictures. But I can guess this is Stan.**

**Mom: Yeah, that’s the New York Gang for you**

**StupidSpaghetti: You realize that Ally is from New York too, right?**

**StupidSpaghetti: Also this is Eddie.**

**Dad: This is Bill**

**RIPRichie: Your guess was right**

**BlueBalls: Yeah I didn’t think that Richie was going to name himself RIPRichie. That’s a little dark. Even for him. Or talk in the third person.**

**Bennerang: Honestly you never know**

**Bennerang: He would probably do something like that**

**RIPRichie: Richie is BeepBeep. Oh and beep beep Richie is code for “shut the fuck up Richie”. I’m sure we’ll use it at some point.**

**DoneFuckedUp: Wait, where is Richie?**

**Dad: I have no clue where he is.**

**DoneFuckedUp: I figured, that was more directed at Eddie and maybe Stan**

**BlueBalls: Oh boy I love drama.**

**RIPRichie: Richie and Eddie went out on a date. So they’re probably fucking at the quarry. I told them they needed to stop doing that in the house during the day.**

**Mom: They do that?**

**RIPRichie: Are you really surprised?**

**BlueBalls: I’ve known you guys for less than two weeks and I’m not surprised.**

**Mom: Wait, how are you not surprised? I’m like, Richie’s third favorite person and I was surprised.**

**Dad: Third favorite?**

**Mom: Well. I feel like it goes Eddie, Stan, Me, and the rest of you are tied.**

**Bennerang: You’re probably not wrong**

**Bennerang: Although you and Bill might be tied**

**Dad: I don’t mind being tied with Bev**

**BlueBalls: That sounds wrong on so many levels. Like if I didn’t know that Bill and Stan were together I’d think Bill had a thing for Bev.**

**RIPRichie: He did at one point**

**Dad: When we were like seven. You didn’t even like me like that at the time.**

**RIPRichie: Shhhhhh**

**StupidSpaghetti: Why do you think all Richie and I do is fuck? Maybe I’m just trying to have a nice date with my boyfriend**

**RIPRichie: Don’t lie to me like that**

**StupidSpaghetti: IM NOT!!**

**BlueBalls: Well are you two just fucking in the quarry as a date**

**BeepBeep: Maybe**

**StupidSpaghetti: WOULD YOU STOP LYING TO THEM LIKE THIS**

**BeepBeep: Skeet. Just got screeched at**

“That was not a screech.”

“What would you call it then?”

“Sheer pain that you’re who I’m in love with.”

“Whatever babe. How about we both just put our phones away and answer them later?”

“Sounds good to me. I was actually enjoying this picnic until that just happened.” Both of them put their phones away and resumed eating their picnic. Eddie had taken Richie to one of his favorite spots in the woods by the quarry for them to have the picnic that Richie had packed.

“How’s the food?”

“Good. Did you get Stan to help you?”

“What? No. I would never,”

“Bill?” Eddie interrupted.

“Yeah. I needed help unless you wanted cold spaghetti o’s and Lunchables.”

“You made sandwiches, pasta salad, and a fruit salad, I don’t see how any of those are difficult.”

“Remember who my parents were?”

“Oh yeah. Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” They ate in silence for a bit, enjoying the sunlight that was streaming through the trees. “I have a question and feel free to not answer it.”

“What is it?”

“What happened to your dad?”

“He died when I was really young. He got sick and couldn’t get better. I think that’s why my mom was so overbearing, she was afraid of losing me too. And now I guess she did.”

“Hey, I told you she’ll come around. You just need to give her some time.” Richie’s lopsided smirk made Eddie more optimistic about the future. “Do you remember anything about your dad?”

“Not really. I do have a picture of us. I’m super young, and both of us are sitting at the piano, he was gonna teach me how to play but he never did. My mom sold that piano a little after he died.”

“Doesn’t Stan know how to play the piano?”

“Yeah. Bill does too.” Richie was more intrigued by Stan knowing how to play, seeing as he could probably convince Stan to teach him how to play. He thought it would be a nice surprise for Eddie, especially if it was able to remind him of his dad. “So, what else do you have planned for us other than this fantastic picnic?” Richie had taken great pride in planning the date for their six-month anniversary.

“That is a surprise, my dear Eds.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“You know you used to say that a lot less, what happened?”

“I stopped trying to flirt with you.”

“Are you saying you don’t still flirt with me? Because I would beg to differ.”

“Okay, less flirt with you, and more of I’m just not trying to impress you anymore. I trapped your ass, I don’t need to try.”

“You’ve never had to try to impress me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Remember the first time we met at the diner, and there was that moment where I just kind of stared at you?”

“Yeah, it was weird.”

“It was because that was the first time that I was impressed by you.”

“What were you impressed by? How dramatic I am?”

“How fucking adorable you are.” Eddie blushed, he still wasn’t used to how sweet Richie could be when they were alone.

“Shut up.” He took a bite of his fruit salad before continuing. “Wait, why didn’t you ever try to impress me?”

“1. Did I really need to try? And 2. I totally tried to impress you. I took a punch to the face for you.”

“Okay no, you didn’t really need to try. And when did you try besides that one time? I don’t believe you.”

“I tried to trick you into thinking my whole life wasn’t a complete mess. I tried to impress you by acting like I was more put together than I was. I tried to trick you into thinking I wasn’t so broken and beaten down.”

“Oh, you never fooled me, I always knew you were a mess, but that might be why you never had to try.”

“How does me being a mess mean I didn’t have to try and impress you?”

“Because you had so much going for you, but you were such a wreck. I mean look at you. At this point you’re a 4.0 student, you’re a successful artist, you have quote ‘the most adorable boyfriend in the world’, and you’re nineteen. Most people would kill to be in your position.”

“I’m almost twenty,” Richie said as he finished his sandwich. _When the fuck is Richie’s birthday? Did he tell me and I just forgot?_

“Wait, when do you turn twenty?”

“Two weeks before we go back to school.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“Because it’s not that big of a deal.”

“Your birthday is a big deal! I can’t believe you never told me when your birthday was. We have to do something for it.”

“I don’t celebrate my birthday Eds.”

“You didn’t with your parents, the Losers are a whole different ball game.” The glint in Eddie’s eyes made it really hard for Richie to keep fighting Eddie on this. Richie didn’t know how to feel. Even though his parents didn’t care enough to do anything for him for his birthday, he knew that his friends were different. He knew that the Losers cared so much about him. He knew that they were going to do something crazy.

“Just please don’t do anything too big, okay?”

“Okay.” They both knew that Eddie was lying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I only have three chapters before I catch up to what I don't have finished, and I probably won't be able to finish until I'm on spring break so I guess we'll see what happens.


	26. The one about ivory keys

**StupidSpaghetti created a group**

**StupidSpaghetti added DoneFuckedUp, RIPRichie, Mom, Dad, Bennerang, and BlueBalls to the group**

**StupidSpaghetti: GUYS RED ALERT RED ALERT**

**Mom: The fuck are you talking about?**

**RIPRichie: If this isn’t something really important I’m gonna kill you**

**RIPRichie: I was in the middle of something**

**StupidSpaghetti: Richie’s birthday is the beginning of August and we HAVE to do something. Like we can’t not do something for it**

**BlueBalls: Why am I involved in this?**

**StupidSpaghetti: Really I just went to the group chat and added everyone in there but you can be involved if you want to**

**Dad: Are you just now finding out when Richie’s birthday is?**

**StupidSpaghetti: WAIT DID YOU KNOW WHEN HIS BIRTHDAY WAS**

**Dad: Yeah, it’s like two weeks before Georgie’s.**

**Bennerang: I feel like that’s information you should’ve shared**

**Dad: He asked me not to tell anyone and not to make a big deal of it.**

**StupidSpaghetti: BUT THIS IS RICHIE AND WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING AND IT HAS TO BE BIG BECAUSE HE HAS NEVER DONE ANYTHING FOR HIS BIRTHDAY AND JUST IMAGINE HOW MANY YEARS HIS PARENTS COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT IT AND IMAGINE HOW MANY YEARS HE PROBABLY FORGOT IT WAS HIS BIRTHDAY BECAUSE NO ONE CARED ENOUGH TO SHOW HIM HOW SPECIAL HE IS**

**RIPRichie: Calm down. We’ll figure something out**

**RIPRichie: Also you’re freaking Richie out**

**From Richard: You got any idea why Eddie looks like he’s about to explode and why he’s panic texting?**

**To Richard: I’m not with you guys, why would I have any idea?**

**From Richard: If you don’t tell me I’m gonna ask Bill**

**To Richard: Stop treating us like we’re your parents.**

**From Rich: Why does Eddie look like he’s gonna explode?**

**To Rich: Stan is glaring at me so I can’t tell you.**

**From Rich: He’s not the boss of you**

**To Rich: Yeah but he scares me more than you do.**

**From Rich: He threatening to not fuck you?**

**To Rich: Maybe just a little bit.**

**From Rich: Whipped**

**To Rich: Like you have so much room to talk.**

**To Richard: I want you to know, I’m cackling.**

**From Richard: Is that what that noise was?**

**From Richard: Oh, I also had an actual question to ask you**

**To Richard: You can do things like that?**

**From Richard: Rarely. Do you think you can teach me how to play the piano?**

**To Richard: Why don’t you ask Bill that? He’ll probably be a better teacher than me unless you want to get roasted.**

**From Richard: Yeah but I feel like the scary teacher will make me learn faster**

**To Richard: How does that even make sense?**

**From Richard: Well my dad was pissed when I was trying to learn how to play guitar and told me that if I didn’t figure it out quick he was gonna burn the thing. I learned pretty fucking quick**

Stan stared at his phone for a minute, imagining a young Richie teaching himself how to play guitar and his dad threatening him so that he would pick it up faster. He imagined a young Richie trying to be as quiet as possible so that his dad didn’t get mad and probably hit him again. He imagined the relief that Richie felt when he was finally able to practice fully because his parents were passed out and would never hear the small mistakes that he would make. His imagination sent a shiver down his spine.

“You okay?” Bill asked, feeling the shiver since Stan was sitting on Bill’s lap. Stan had been sitting on Bill’s lap before all of this happened.

“Richie asked me to teach him how to play the piano. I told him to ask you since I would probably just roast him a lot. He pretty much just told me that because I’m scarier than you are he would learn faster because his dad was scary when he was trying to learn guitar. I’m pretty sure his dad hit him when he would make mistakes so he had to learn really quickly.”

“You’re letting your imagination get ahead of you again.”

“I’m spending too much time with a writer.”

**To Richard: Okay, I’ll teach you. We can start tomorrow when I get back. I think I still have the book I learned with in my room.**

**From Richard: Thanks Stanny**

“Do you still have that beginner piano stuff from when Georgie learned to play? I’m pretty sure I still have my stuff but I know the books Georgie had were better.”

“Yes? I think they’re in the library. If we want to check you have to get up.”

“You and I both know that you can carry me.”

“Just because I can, doesn’t mean I want to.”

“If you wanna do that shit on our anniversary, you can carry me.”

“Remember how Georgie is here?”

“He has 100% seen us do worse.”

“Oh God please don’t talk about that.” Bill sat his head against Stan’s spine. Stan laughed at the memory. Georgie had walked in on them making out, but it was one of those make-out sessions that was very quickly going to lead somewhere else.

“We were asking for it doing that in the closet where he keeps all the games while his friends were over.”

“It seemed hot at the time.” Bill picked up his head, Stan missed the warmth for some reason. He was sitting on Bill and yet it wasn’t enough for him.

“It was. It was also funny. Now carry me down the hall to the library.” Bill sighed, it was mostly fake, and moved his arms so he could carry Stan bridal style and stood up. Bill still had all of the muscles he got from football since he did still occasionally work out.

“Will you open the door?”

“What do I look like? Your servant?”

“I think if either of us is a servant, it’s me. I’m the one carrying you.” Stan kissed Bill’s cheek and opened the door so Bill could walk them through it. As soon as they were in that hallway Bill and Stan made eye contact with their favorite meme lord. Bill dropped Stan’s legs with no warning which caused Stan the fall, a string of curses falling with him.

“The fuck are you guys doing?”

“Since when do you curse?” Bill asked his brother in complete shock. Stan was still lying on the floor, contemplating his life choices.

“For like a year or something.”

“You’re fourteen!”

“We were cursing at his age,” Stan said from the floor.

“You started cursing at like twelve, I started at like fourteen and even then, it was rare. And get off of the floor.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Were you guys doing something or just being weird and scarring?”

“We were going to the library. I made Bill carry me for- reasons.” Stan caught himself before he said some things that Georgie really did not need to know.

“So, just being weird, cool.”

“Oh, just wait until you find someone, you’ll also be forced to carry them.” Georgie paled a little and looked anywhere but the two of them. Stan sat up as he was suddenly incredibly intrigued. “You already found someone.”

“No, I didn’t,” Georgie’s voice jumped up an octave as he tried to deny the truth.

“Spill child or I’ll tell mom you curse.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” Bill just shrugged and raised an eyebrow at his brother, who sighed heavily before continuing. “Her name is Danni, we’ve been dating, if you want to call it that, for about a month.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Stan watched the back and forth between the brothers from his spot on the floor, he had his suspicions as to why Georgie didn’t tell them.

“Firstly, I didn’t know we were dating until she told me we were, which was like a week in. Secondly, I don’t want you to embarrass me, I actually really like her. And thirdly, if you know, somehow our parents will find out and I just don’t want to deal with that.”

“Mom would probably freak. Don’t worry, I won’t tell her.”

“I might,” Stan said before Georgie kicked him in the thigh. “Bitch,” Stan muttered as he rubbed the spot the smallest Denbrough kicked. There was no malice in Stan’s words since he was pretty much like Georgie’s other brother.

“Stan won’t either. If they find out, it won’t be through us.” Georgie thanked them before Bill continued. “Why were you standing in the hallway?”

“I was gonna ask if you guys could stop calling me Georgie around my friends. They keep giving me a bunch of shit about it. Like when they aren’t here, it’s fine. I just really want them to shut up about it.”

“Yeah, sure,” Bill sounded fine with it, but Stan could see that he wasn’t completely okay with the idea of not calling his brother by the nickname he had given him at birth.

“Thanks, guys. You can go back to being weird now.” Georgie turned and went back to his room. Bill watched the door for a moment before he felt a tapping on his knee.

“Can you help me up?”

“Sure.” Bill reached down and pulled Stan up. And while he didn’t pick Stan back up, he didn’t let go of his hand as they walked down the hall. Stan started looking at the books up on some of the higher shelves while Bill sat down to look at the lower ones. They looked in silence for a few minutes before Bill groaned loudly. It was enough to make Stan sit on the floor next to him.

“You’re not okay with having to call him George.”

“He’s always been Georgie. That’s all I have ever called him. And now he wants me to stop, which is really fine, in theory. It just hurts. I think it just made me realize that he’s growing up. Soon he won’t need his big brother anymore. Do you think he’ll even miss us when we move?”

“He’ll always need you. You’re always going to be his big brother. And he’s going to miss you like crazy. He might not realize it at first, but he will. I think he’ll also understand that it doesn’t mean you’re gone forever.”

“You think so?”

“I do.”

“I’m pretty sure your response is supposed to be ‘I know so’.”

“Yeah but, I’m never sure about anything when it comes to people. You know that more than anyone.”

“I remember you being so unsure about Richie for like the first month. I remember you liking him but you weren’t sure if he was going to stay around. And look where we are now?”

“Don’t remind me.”

“I found the books by the way. They’re over there on that shelf.” Bill pointed at the bookshelf of to the right of him.

“Then why are you sitting here?”

“Yearbooks are on this shelf.”

“Oh shit, which ones?”

“All of them.”

“Please tell me you’re missing the senior year one.”

“You mean this one?” Bill pulled the yearbook off the shelf.

“Fuck.”

“I seem to remember there being a very interesting note in this one.”

“Just know, I’m not fighting you right now because I know you’re sad. Just please don’t read the note out loud.”

“Oh, you mean the note that reads,” Bill opened the book to the page that the note sat. He knew exactly where it was since he used to read it when he couldn’t sleep and he didn’t have Stan there. He had it memorized so he never broke eye contact with Stan. “To Bill. I’m currently drunk and I snuck up here to write this since I laughed when you asked me to write in your yearbook earlier today. I’m sorry. I laughed because I didn’t know what to write at the time but I think I do now. I love you. I know I’ve said that a million times but I really do mean it. I don’t know how you put up with me. You’re like an actual ray of sunshine and I’m a pessimistic little bitch. Oh, shit I wrote this in pen. I really hope you never find this note. Whatever. Love you. Stan.”

“I think I just died on the inside.” Stan had been drunk when he wrote that note, although he didn’t really regret writing it as much as he hated that it took him being drunk to do that. Bill closed the book and placed it back into its spot on the shelf.

“You were already dead on the inside.”

“You right.”

“How long are you staying tonight?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t really want to be home right now, but I know that I’ll be spending even more time here once my parents get home tomorrow.”

“Are you still into the idea of moving out completely?”

“Yeah. This is the first time I want summer to be over so that we can go back.”

“You know this means that you and Eddie are going to have to actually find jobs, right?”

“I know. I’ve been looking, that’s what I actually do at night when I can’t sleep while my dad thinks I’m looking for schools. Are you just picking up more hours at the writing center?” Bill nodded.

“I’m also working on getting something published.”

“What is it? I didn’t think you had anything ready.”

“I didn’t even start this until after the gallery opening.”

“You gonna explain?”

“They’re short stories about all of Richie’s paintings. There were a couple nights where I didn’t really sleep because I was writing, trying to remember every detail.”

“Does Richie know?”

“No. I wanted it to be a surprise if anyone published it.”

“I think someone will. Do you think I can get a signed copy?”

“I’ll talk to the author and see what I can do.” Stan chuckled and scooted closed to Bill.

“I’m proud of you for even trying.”

“Thank you. I’m proud of you.”

“For what? I haven’t done anything.”

“You’re still here. Sometimes I worry that you won’t be.”

“I like to make jokes, okay. I’m not going to do anything to myself, at least not anymore. I love you too much to do that to you.”

“Sometimes I have nightmares about that night. Most of the time, I didn’t get to you in time to stop you. I just held you and cried.” Bill was talking about the night Stan called him crying. Even though he told Eddie the reason he called, Stan never told anyone the whole story of that night. He left out the part where he had the razor blade in his hand when Bill got to him. He left out the part where he had the bath drawn so that he would bleed out faster. He left out the part where he was using Bill as a suicide note. He left out the part where Bill burst through the door and clutched his hands as Stan screamed to just let him do it, to let him end it. He left out the part where he told Bill he had to give the key back if he was going to stop him again. He left out the part where Bill held him all night and refused to let go. He left out the part where his brain told him he was doing it all for attention, for Bill’s attention. He left out a lot of parts.

“Hey, look at me.” Bill turned his head the look at his boyfriend, eyes glassy. “I’m not going to do anything like that again. I promise. I’m in a better headspace and I have people to open up to now. I have someone who understands because he’s been there too.”

“But what if Richie and I are gone and you spiral down again? What if I can’t save you that time?”

“You’re going to be living with me soon so it’s not like I’m really going to be without you for a long time. And you know the signs now.”

“Sometimes you do it without the signs.”

“I’ll tell you, okay. I promise that I won’t just bottle it up until it explodes again. Look I was stupid to not come to you earlier but I was scared. I didn’t think you would get it or you would be too preoccupied with your newest girlfriend to care or I thought that I would lose any chance with you if you found out how broken I was.” 

“I guess we were both pretty stupid back then.”

“You’re right. Oh, and for the record, if something happens to me like in general, I’m gonna blame Richie. He might not have had any part in it, but it’s his fault.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“You picked me.”

“Yeah, I did.” Neither of them really knew who closed the space between them, although neither of them complained. Bill’s hand moved to Stan’s shirt, trying to pull him in closer, and Stan’s hands moved to Bill’s hair, it was soft and Stan never really wanted to let go of it. The moment was intimate, but not in a sexual way. It was the kind of intimacy that came when memories are raw and painful. The kind of intimacy shared between those in love. Stan needed a moment like this after reliving that night. But alas, the moment was interrupted, this time by Georgie.

The knock on the door frame tore the lovers apart. Stan was glad that his back was to the door because he was sure that his face was bright red. Bill looked composed, except he thought was going to spontaneously combust at that moment.

“Mom sent me to get you two, dinner’s done. Guess it’s a good thing that she sent me, she probably would’ve had a heart attack at that.”

“She knows we’re together.”

“Yeah, but she likes to think you two are a lot more innocent than you are.” Georgie left the doorway, knowing that Bill would say to tell their mom that they would be down in a minute.

“Is this how Richie and Eddie feel? I don’t think I like it.” Bill rolled his eyes and laughed lightly, smiling at how ridiculous Stan was. Stan might be ridiculous and dramatic, but he was Bill’s. And Bill wouldn’t have him any other way.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

“So, I got a couple questions before we start this.” Stan stood in front of the piano bench where Richie sat. He had been looking through the beginner book Stan gave him all day. He was trying to memorize the key placements and had figured out how to read bass clef. “What made you decide to learn the piano?”

“Eddie told me about this picture he has of him and his dad at the piano and so I decided to learn it for him. Also, I’ve always thought piano was cool, we just couldn’t afford one.”

“I feel like I was expecting the answer of ‘to get in Eddie’s pants’ but I guess you do that anyways. Also, you’re not really paying attention to make a gross comment.”

“I’m listening, that should count for something.”

“I’ll take it. The other question was, when you were learning guitar, how bad was your dad?” Richie looked up. The question had thrown him off. Normally Stan hated talking about Richie’s parents because they always got under Stan’s skin.

“Real bad. Like I said, he threatened to burn it, more than once. I couldn’t really practice until he passed out which was always really late. I once locked my door so I could practice without being interrupted and he kicked in the door. Got a real good beating and earful after that.”

“How can you talk about all that shit like it’s nothing?” Richie had seemed so nonchalant while he told his story, even looking back at the book at one point.

“Because I know it’s over. Because I know if anyone tried to do that to me again, all of you would murder them and hide their body. Because he has no control over me anymore. I guess that’s how. Trust me, it still hurts like hell, but it’s not so unbearable anymore.”

“Okay, we can start.” Stan sat down and started his lessons. Really Richie just went through the book since it was made to teach people how to play the piano without any previous experience. Stan was there mostly there to correct his mistakes and teach him some tricks when they got to full chords.

They had been working for a couple hours when the growling of their stomachs was louder than Richie’s playing. They agreed that it was definitely time for a break. They went into the kitchen where Stan made both of them sandwiches. Richie went to make a joke about Stan being an awesome girlfriend for making him a sandwich when Stan pointed his butter knife at Richie and threatened to neuter him.

“Don’t only dogs get neutered? Or did I miss that day in health class?”

“There’s another name for it, but neuter was all that came to mind.” Stan quickly finished their lunch and handed Richie his food. Richie was already sitting on the counter, so Stan just decided to join him.

“So, how am I doing so far?”

“Why are you better in a couple hours than I was in a month?” Richie pinched himself very dramatically. “What are you doing?”

“Making sure I’m awake. I thought you only complimented me in my dreams.”

“Oh my God. You’re so fucking extra.” They ate in silence for a little bit. “So, since we’re almost done with that book, we can either go to the next one or we can look up a song for you to learn.”

“You know I’m going to say that I just want to learn a song. Those books are boring.”

“They’re to teach people, children mostly.”

“Well, I am a grown ass adult so I’m bored.”

“You’re pretty childish so I thought you would be thoroughly entertained.”

“Hey. I’m childlike, not childish.”

“Did you just quote a song at me?” Richie winked and they both went back to eating.

Once lunch was over, Stan got the family tablet so Richie could find a song to learn. Richie had been scrolling through a list of popular piano songs when Stan’s phone started ringing.

“My mom is calling.”

“You can answer it. I’ll just keep looking at songs. I’m sure I’ll have decided on something by then.” Stan nodded in agreement.

“Hey, Mom.” Stan walked into the other room. “You guys on your way back?”

“We’re about an hour away from home. Figured I would call so that you could put the house back together.”

“Right. How was the trip?”

“It was nice.” Stan knew that was Mom code for ‘it was bearable but I still hated it’. “How has the school hunting been going?” _Oh yeah, that._

“Fine. I’m just waiting on acceptance notifications before I make any final decisions.” Stan hated lying to his mother. She understood why he had kept Bill’s attendance at Morrison a secret. She understood that Bill wasn’t the only reason that he didn’t want to transfer.

“You mean acceptance letters?”

“No, since I would be a transfer student, I’ll just be getting an email.”

“Oh, okay honey. How has Richie been doing?”

“Better. He seems like he’s getting better.” Stan could hear the piano playing in the other room, although he was too freaked out to really paying attention to what the song was.

“Good. One of the girls in my book club told me that he had a gallery open in New York?”

“He did. How did she hear about that?”

“He was in the Derry newspaper. He looks very nice in his suit. Did Beverly make that?” Fuck was the only word that Stan’s brain could think of.

“Yeah, she did.”

“Did he go all by himself or did you all go?” He couldn’t lie to her; the tone of her voice was just too pleasant.

“We um- we all went. The guy who runs the museum paid for our flight and hotel for the weekend. I had Georgie stop by the house a couple times a day to make sure everything was okay.”

“How long was the trip?”

“We flew out Thursday evening and got back midday on Sunday.” Stan could hear his dad in the background, he didn’t sound pleased. For what he could make out it sounded like “that boy is hiding more from us” but it could’ve been anything.

“Did you have fun?”

“Yeah. It was nice to be back in New York for a bit. Like it more than Maine.”

“Oh, I’m sure it’s not that much different.” _It is. I don’t feel fucking attacked there._ “We’ll be home in about twenty minutes okay? I apparently read the exit wrong.”

“Okay. The door will be unlocked. I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Bye honey.” Stan hung up the call and banged his head lightly against the wall.

“Your parents almost home?”

“Yeah. Twenty minutes. Although it will actually be less because Dad speeds once he gets into the county.”

“So, what’s the plan?”

“I’ll try to stay here tonight, but I don’t know how well that’ll go.” Stan stood up completely so that he was looking at Richie. “So, heads up, my dad is probably going to yell at me. And give me some ridiculous lecture about how I’m a terrible son. Try not to get involved?”

“I’ll try.” Richie wasn’t going to like seeing Stan get yelled at. He knew he was going to hate it. He knew it was going to be hard, nearly impossible for him to watch.

“I’m not ready for this.”

“So, what’s the story for your college hunt?”

“I’ve applied and I’m waiting on acceptance emails. Not letters, emails. It's emailed because I’m a transfer and you can request that option. I don’t know if that’s a real thing, but it is now. You don’t have to lie to them, just don’t talk about that. I’m gonna try to avoid it like the plague so. Also, they found out about the gallery opening so I’m sure that’s going to be a big part of the rant.” Richie placed one of his hands on Stan’s shoulder, trying to calm the other one down slightly.

“It’s all going to be okay.”

“I don’t know if it will be.” Stan shook Richie off of him and walked back into the piano room. He was pacing and mumbling to himself about the fact that he needed to calm down and he needed to keep his mind clear. He needed to keep it together. He just needed to get through the summer and then his life would be infinitely better.

“Dude you’re freaking me the hell out.”

“Look I just know that they’re going to be home soon and then I’m going to have to deal with a bunch of shit that I really don’t want to deal with but I don’t get a choice.”

“You’ve been pacing for ten minutes now.”

“Oh God, it’s a matter of minutes now.” Stan paced for another few minutes when he heard a car pull into the driveway. “I’m gonna throw up.”

“You’re gonna be fine.”

“Am I?”

“They’re your parents. You’ve dealt with their shit for like nineteen years. A couple more months isn’t going to kill you.”

“I’m holding you to that.” Stan heard the door open behind him and cursed lightly under his breath. Stan turned and greeted his mom as she walked in the door. “Hey, Mom.”

“Honey, go help your father bring the bags in.” She said after hugging her son quickly. Stan nodded and went out to grab one of the bags from the trunk of his parent’s car. Only to have his father grab both of them and walk past his son without saying a word.

“Hey, Dad,” Stan said under his breath as he slammed the trunk shut. Stan walked back into his house to see Richie talking to his parents. Stan’s mother really did love Richie. How could she not? Richie was charismatic and funny and successful, unlike their son who was introverted and sarcastic and would never really make a name for himself. Stan stood in the doorway as he listened to them talk.

“Yeah, it was really cool. The guy was one of my judges for my finals panel. He was really impressed and asked if I wanted to take the space that was opening up. Obviously, I said yes.”

“That’s an excellent opportunity. So how did all of you get to go?”

“I asked if I could bring everyone with me. My trip was paid for and I asked if the others could come as well. Jean let us all come for the weekend as his guests, so our flight and hotel were free. It was super nice. We all had a great time.”

“I’m sure Stan jumped on that as soon as you mentioned it.” Stan rolled his eyes at his dad’s comment.

“Actually, Stan was really hesitant about going. I also didn’t really give them an option. Kinda just said that we were all going.” Stan hadn’t been hesitant about going. At least not obviously. Richie had just announced that they were going without asking if they wanted to go. It wasn’t a total lie.

“I’m sure he was just hiding it from you like he hides everything.” Of course, he had to bring that up. It wouldn’t be a great rant if it didn’t include Stan hiding something from his parents. Whether it be hiding his depression or hiding that Bill went to Morrison, Stan hid everything from them, apparently.

“Stan doesn’t hide things. He’s one of those people that you have to ask. He doesn’t just announce everything, he’s not me.”

“How dare you think that you know my son more than I do.”

“I probably do.” _Richie, please shut the fuck up._

“You insufferable child. I would advise that you remember whose house you are staying in.” Stan’s dad wasn’t necessarily an angry man, but he was quite irritable when things didn’t go his way or when people gave him a lot of sass, especially after he had a long travel time. His voice was raised and he had definitely taken a few steps towards Richie. Even though they were about the same height Richie still looked scared.

Richie had been so confident going into this argument of sorts. Now he felt like he was back in his own home. He tried not to cower. He tried not to cry. He tried not to look like he was terrified of a fist hitting him. Stan noticed though. He felt like he couldn’t do anything. If he got involved it would probably make it worse. But if he did nothing then Richie was gonna suffer even more.

“Dad, stop.” Stan didn’t shout, but he did use his most assertive tone.

“Why? This is my home and I would appreciate a little respect. Especially from the child that I am allowing to stay in it.” His father had gone from looking at Richie to looking at Stan, to looking back at Richie. Richie crumpled to the ground. He had been doing so well keeping himself calm. But for some reason, he couldn’t take it anymore. Maybe it was the fact that Stan’s father was suddenly yelling at Stan as well. It was reminded Richie of too many nightmares.

Stan pushed past his father and crouched in front of Richie, who looked like he was having a full-on panic attack. While seeing Richie have a panic attack wasn’t new, Stan hadn’t seen one in a while. Not since he and Eddie had gotten back together. Stan needed to calm Richie down before he started crying.

“Hey, hey. Look at me.” Richie still just stared at his shaking hands. “Richie, I need you to look at me.” Stan moved Richie’s head so that he had to look at him. “You’re okay. You’re not at your parent’s house. He’s not going to do anything to you. He’s not your dad.” Stan dropped his hands and Richie took some deep breaths to get his breathing back under control. Richie nodded his head and closed his eyes for a moment. Stan stood up and turned to his father.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? What would possess you to act like that after all Richie has been through?”

“What are you talking about?” Stan turned to look at his mother.

“You never told him why Richie stays with us, did you?”

“I didn’t think it was necessary that he knew all the details.”

“Of course. Of fucking course, you didn’t tell him. Why am I surprised? I’m gonna take Richie upstairs, you might want to give him the whole reason why Richie doesn’t go back to California.” Stan helped Richie stand up and he walked the other boy upstairs. Stan and Richie stayed in Richie’s room until dinner.

Dinner was one of the most awkward meals that Stan had ever experienced. His mother had finally told his father the full reason Richie stayed with them. However, Stan’s father was someone who never backed down so he didn’t apologize or even make an attempt to. Eddie got back near the end of dinner and had no idea what he walked in on. Richie and Eddie went upstairs and Stan had to stay downstairs because his parents wanted to talk to him.

They asked to obvious questions about Richie’s past. They asked if he was one of the reasons that Stan didn’t want to transfer from Morrison. Stan had hoped that once they found out, they would be more open to the idea of his staying at Morrison without fighting him about it. His dad hadn’t changed his mind though. He was still adamite about Stan transferring.

After they went to bed, Stan decided that he was going to go sit in the yard. He sat down on the grass and pulled his legs into his chest. He stared up at the stars. For some reason, watching the stars had always made Stan feel a little better when he was down.

“Thought I’d find you out here.” Richie had looked for Stan in his room and when he saw the room vacant, he decided to look outside. He knew Stan wouldn’t have gone to Bill’s without telling him first. It had been hours after the incident and Richie wanted to make sure that Stan was fine. Richie sat down next to Stan in the backyard and lit up a cigarette.

“Can I try that?” Stan nodded his head at the cigarette that was dangling from Richie’s mouth.

“The cig or these sexy lips.” Richie waggled his eyebrows.

“The cigarette, you asshole.” Stan took it out of Richie’s mouth, rolling his eyes as he did. Stan took a drag. Richie expected him to choke but he smoked like it was nothing. “I used to smoke occasionally with Bev. It was one of the ways I coped with my depression, not that it really helped.”

“You can keep that one if you want.”

“Thanks.” Stan went back to looking at the stars as Richie lit up another cigarette.

“What’s with you staring at the stars tonight?”

“They make me feel not so alone.”

“How so?”

“You ever think about parallel universes?”

“I used to, I haven’t in a while.”

“I do a lot. When I was younger, I used to think that every star was a whole other universe. And even if it’s not, I still feel like there are other universes out there and I like to think that in one of those universes, there’s another me who’s life isn’t so fucked up, one that’s happy. I mean I have a privileged life. I come from an upper-middle-class family, my parents loved me as a child, I got into the college I wanted to go to for very cheap, I have a spectacular boyfriend, amazing friends, and I’m still sad. It’s so fucking stupid. I should be happy. I shouldn’t be depressed. I shouldn’t still have suicidal thoughts, but I do. I mean I’m not going to kill myself, but sometimes I think about what would happen to the people I love if I did die. Every time I think about it, I just think about Bill. I can see him- I can see him spiraling down that hole again, but so much worse this time. I can see him following me into death. And now, I can see you doing it too. And to lose all three of us would destroy the others. I can’t do that to you guys. So instead, I suffer in silence.”

“You don’t have to be quiet anymore. You can scream it out if you want. Please don’t ever be silent about that kind of shit again. Promise me that.”

“I promise. And thank you.”

“Always.”

“What song were you trying to learn earlier?”

“This is Gospel. I remembered you telling me that it was one of your favorite piano songs. So, I thought that would be a nice homage to the man that taught me piano and didn’t threaten me while I learned it.”

“Thanks.” They both smoked in silence for a few moments. “So how long are you guessing I’m going to stand staying in this house?”

“I give it a week max. At that point, I think we’ll all be at Bill’s place.”

“You’re probably right. I only give it a couple of days. Soon they’re going to start asking what schools I applied to and which ones accepted me and all that other shit. I didn’t even bother coming up with a plan for that since we decided to move to New York.”

“I hate that they think they can fucking control you like you’re still a child. It’s such bullshit that adults think they can do that just because they’re your parents.”

“It’ll be over soon.”

“Not soon enough. That’s why I left home. My dad was angry and controlling. I wasn’t the kid he wanted so he tried to make me like that by force. It was such bullshit.”

“Hey,” Stan placed a hand on Richie’s knee, pulling his attention toward him. “In two months, we’ll be in New York, and away from all of this shit. We’ll come back for Christmas to visit Georgie and cordial visits with the family, but we’ll be our own people.”

“Glad you see it from my point of view,” Richie smirked at Stan.

“Did you just trick me?”

“It’s called reverse psychology babe.”

“I’d be angry if I didn’t feel better.” Stan finished his cigarette and threw the butt into the damp grass in front of him. They were far enough into the yard that his parents would never see it. “Does Eddie know you’re out here?”

“He’s at Bill’s.”

“But he came back earlier.”

“He did for a little bit, but I told him what happened and he figured that you and I kinda needed the night to ourselves.”

“That sounds so weirdly sexual.”

“I mean I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted a piece of this.”

“Shut the fuck up. You’re so goddamn annoying.”

“And yet you keep me around.”

“You’re fun to roast.” Richie finished his cigarette and followed Stan’s lead and threw it into the grass. “I’m sorry about my dad. He’s such a fucking asshole.”

“That was nothing compared to my dad. I just crumbled because it seemed too much like some of the nightmares I’ve had.”

“I’m sure you’ll have a real good one tonight.”

“If I sleep.”

“You better fucking sleep.”

“I could say the same thing to you mister.”

“I’m not the insomniac.”

“If I have to sleep then you do too.”

“Fine. What do you want me to do? Pinky promise?”

“Sure.” Richie stuck out his pinky for Stan to wrap his own around.

“You really are a child.” Stan joked as he hooked his pinky around Richie’s. They stayed out there for a little bit longer before going back inside. They ended up talking in Stan’s room until Stan all but passed out. Richie just lied down in Stan’s bed and slept there that night. For some reason, he couldn’t get himself to leave his best friend alone.

 

“I hear you’ve been learning how to play the piano?” Ben asked. They had all been hanging out at Bill’s house. Stan and Richie had been avoiding Stan’s parents for the past week.  

“Yeah. Stan taught me how to play.”

“You learned anything completely yet?” Mike asked. He wasn’t surprised that Richie had learned to play the piano. He had been more surprised when Richie didn’t know how to play beforehand.

“I have one song memorized so far. I can probably play it completely if you want to hear it.”

“Of course, we want to hear it you dumbass,” Bev said as she rolled from where she was lying in her back with her feet up on the wall so she could stand up.

“Okay then.” Richie walked into the piano room and sat down. He dramatically cracked his fingers. Before starting the song.

“ _This is gospel for the fallen ones_

_Locked away in permanent slumber_

_Assembling their philosophies_

_From pieces of broken memories_

_Their gnashing teeth and criminal tongues conspire against the odds_

_But they haven’t seen the best of us yet”_

Stan was glad that Richie decided to learn this song. His voice and style of singing matched the feel of the song.

_“If you love me let me go_

_If you love me let me go_

_‘Cause these words are knives and often leave scars_

_The fear of falling apart_

_And truth be told, I never was yours_

_The fear, the fear of falling apart”_

Eddie thought that he fell in love with Richie when he played guitar, he didn’t know anything yet. The way that Richie’s whole body moved when he played the piano was something that Eddie felt himself getting lost in.

_“This is gospel for the vagabonds,_

_Ne'er-do-wells and insufferable bastards_

_Confessing their apostasies_

_Led away by imperfect impostors_

_Don’t try to sleep through the end of the world_

_And bury me alive_

_'Cause I won’t give up without a fight”_

Richie was really good at picking songs that Bev loved. Then again, she and Richie both loved songs that meant something. Neither of them enjoyed the mindless drivel that was played on the radio nowadays. Whenever she said that Bev felt like she was slowly turning into an old woman. She took the title with pride.

_“If you love me let me go_

_If you love me let me go_

_‘Cause these words are knives and often leave scars_

_The fear of falling apart_

_And truth be told, I never was yours_

_The fear, the fear of falling apart”_

Hearing Richie play piano and sing, a thought suddenly hit Bill. He had been trying to figure something out for over a year now, and he suddenly knew exactly how to do it, as long as Richie would help. Not that he really had to worry about Richie not helping.

_“The fear of falling apart_

_The fear, the fear of falling apart_

_The fear of falling apart_

_The fear of falling apart_

_The fear of falling apart_

_The fear of falling apart”_

Richie ended the song and stood up to bow while the others clapped. Richie had told them multiple times that there was no real need to clap when he played something for them, but they always insisted. He never really did mind it though, it boosted his ego in a positive way.

“Is that the only song you know?” Mike asked.

“At the moment, yes. Gimme a little bit and I’ll learn more. You may send your song requests to RichiethePianoMan@gmail.com.”

“That would’ve stayed a nice moment had you not spoken.” Stan rolled his eyes and walked back into the living room. They all followed, Bill decided he would ask Richie for his help later. He didn’t want anyone to notice. If someone noticed then they would ask questions.

They hung out for most of the day. It didn’t matter that the Losers spent almost every waking moment hanging out or talking to each other, they never seemed to run out of things to say.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

“This is gonna be a weird question and is 100% gonna make me sound conceited but did you learn piano for me? Like because I told you about my dad?”

“Yeah.” Richie sounded mostly asleep.

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah.” Eddie smiled to himself as he basked in Richie’s warmth. Richie had wrapped himself around Eddie so tightly that Eddie could feel Richie’s heartbeat tapped rhythmically on his back.

“Will you play at our wedding?”

“Sure.”

“Do you want me to stop talking so you can sleep?” Richie hummed in response, burying his nose in the soft waves that made up Eddie’s brown hair. Soon soft snores filled the room around them.

The thought of his and Richie’s wedding made Eddie’s heart flip. Despite the kind of person Eddie was, he had never thought of planning a wedding. Partly because he thought his mother would never let him leave the house long enough to find anyone. But mostly it was because he never thought that he would find someone that loved him for who he was. He was someone who freaked out about dirt and germs sometimes, he was overly dramatic sometimes, he was prone to anxiety, he was tiny, and he felt as though clothes and colors had no gender.

Most people could handle one of those things, some people could handle a few of those things, hardly anyone could handle all of them. The Losers had been there as most of those quirks formed, all of them used to Eddie and his strange ways. All of Eddie and his strange quirks had been thrown onto Richie without any warning, but he stayed around. Eddie had been sure that Richie was going to figure out who he was and run for the hills. Eddie had been so certain that there was no way that Richie would be into someone like him. Eddie thought back to a conversation he had with Bill and Stan during school when Richie had locked himself in the studio for the day. It was just before the Halloween party, a little after Eddie realized that he liked Richie more than a friend should.

_“Guys I have a problem.”_

_“If it’s the micro lab report, then join the club.” Stan had been working on the report for hours and was still only halfway done._

_“No, it’s not that. I mean it is that, but it’s also something else.”_

_“What is it?” Bill asked, Stan still furiously typing._

_“I think I like Richie.”_

_“Eddie we all like Richie. We wouldn’t keep him around if we didn’t.”_

_“He’s not talking about liking Richie as a friend, Bill.” Stan still hadn’t looked up. He had figured out that Eddie and Richie we into each other a couple days ago. Richie hadn’t told him directly but he constantly talked about Eddie so Stan just knew._

_“Oh shit.”_

_“Yeah oh shit. What am I gonna do? I can’t tell him.”_

_“Why not?” Bill asked casually. He hadn’t really been surprised that Eddie liked Richie. Bill had figured it was inevitable._

_“What if he’s not into dudes?”_

_“Richie is bi.”_

_“How do you know that?” Eddie asked, Stan didn’t lie but he really needed to make sure._

_“He told me that after I told him I was gay.” Stan looked up and shrugged before going back to his lab report._

_“I still can’t, I don’t want to ruin our friendship. Also, there is no way in hell that Richie would ever like me like that.” Eddie flopped onto to the floor._

_“Now what makes you say that?”_

_“We are just too different. I mean he is so chill and I don’t think I’ve ever been chill in my life. He’s a punk and I’m a soft ass bitch.” Stan had to hold in a small amount of laughter. Richie had told him multiple times how nice Eddie’s ass was. Sometimes Richie talked like he was drunk although he was stone cold sober._

_“Look, you never know until you try. I mean, Stan and I are pretty different and we are doing great.”_

_“Debatable.”_

_“I’ll tell him about the note.”_

_“Don’t you fucking dare.”_

_“What note?”_

_“If both of you want to keep all your body parts I would suggest that the note is never brought up again.” Stan was eerily scary when he wasn’t glaring at people, but the look on his face scared Eddie a lot more than it should. He had seen the softer side of Stan but in situations like this, that didn’t matter._

_“Okay. Anyways, you might as well try to see if Richie likes you back. And even if you tell him and he doesn’t feel the same-”_

_“Which is also doubtful.”_

_“I don’t think Richie is the kind of person who would stop being your friend. I know this sounds bad, but he doesn’t have a lot of people out here. I don’t think he would just start ignoring you or anything just because you have feelings for him. He would probably make jokes about it, but nothing harmful. He could also realize that he has feelings for you too. He could already have feelings for you but is too worried about losing a friend to act on them. You should tell him.”_

_“No, I think I’m just going to ignore them and hope they go away.” Eddie sat back up and pulled his laptop onto his lap, making up his mind that Richie would never like him back._

_“You tried.” Stan patted Bill on the shoulder, but never really stopped working._

Eddie felt silly about the whole thing now. He should’ve known that Richie flirted a lot harder with Eddie than he did anyone else. He felt silly for not realizing that Richie liked him back earlier, at least he knew now that Richie loved him just as much as he loved Richie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, this is the first update in like two weeks, and it might be the last for a hot sec. I will finish this, it will all be uploaded. But I have hit a point where I don't really know where to go with it. I'm gonna talk a lot more about it on my Tumblr, so you can check that out if you are really concerned. I'm margotcelvin on Tumblr so you'll find it there. 
> 
> P.S. the song mentioned during the back and forth between Richie and Stan in this chapter is called Childish by Makeout.


	27. The one about a ring

“So, I’ve been working on a new song.”

“When do you practice?” Stan asked.

“Shut it you, you want to hear it or not?” Richie had already gotten up and moved over to the piano.

“I don’t care what Stan thinks, I want to hear it,” Bev exclaimed as she jumped up to follow him. She motioned for everyone to follow her. She didn’t know what was going on, she just wanted to hear Richie play the piano again. Once everyone was in the piano room at Bill’s place Richie genuinely looked nervous. Eddie was so confused as to why Richie had been performing for them for like six months at that point.

“ _Do I look lonely?_

_I see the shadows on my face_

_People have told me_

_I don't look the same_

_Maybe I lost weight_

_I'm playing hooky_

_With the best of the best_

_Pull my heart out my chest_

_So that you can see it too”_

Of course, Richie would teach himself a jazzier version of Death of a Bachelor. Bev rolled her eyes at how cliché Richie was sometimes, thinking that Richie learned it for himself.

_“I'm walking the long road_

_Watching the sky fall_

_The lace in your dress_

_Tangles my neck_

_How do I live?”_

Eddie was freaking out a little bit. Richie always learned songs for a reason. Why would he learn this song? Isn’t this song more about getting married than actual death?

_“The death of a bachelor_

_Oh-oh-oh_

_Letting the waterfall_

_The death of a bachelor_

_Oh-oh-oh_

_Seems so fitting for_

_Happily, ever after_

_Whooo_

_How could I ask for more?_

_Lifetime of laughter_

_At the expense of the death of a bachelor”_

Stan leaned his head on Bill’s shoulder. He liked more jazz sounding music. He was also a huge fan of Panic! at the Disco. Bill was hoping no one noticed how nervous he was and he was really hoping that Stan couldn’t feel how fast his heart was beating.

_“You’re cutting his mind off_

_Feels like his heart is going to burst_

_Alone at a table for two_

_And you just want to be served_

_And when you think of him_

_Is he the best you've ever had?_

_Share one more drink with him_

_Smile even though you're sad”_

What was with the weird word changes? Richie never changed the lyrics to songs. He thought that it ruined some of the messages of the artist.

_“He’s walking the long road_

_Watching the sky fall_

_The lace in your dress_

_Tangles his neck_

_How does he live?”_

“What’s going on?” Stan whispered in Bill’s ear. Bill just shrugged as if he didn’t know, although he knew exactly what was happening.

_“The death of a bachelor_

_Oh-oh-oh_

_Letting the waterfall_

_The death of a bachelor_

_Oh-oh-oh_

_Seems so fitting for_

_Happily, ever after_

_Whooo_

_How could you ask for more?_

_Lifetime of laughter_

_At the expense of the death of a bachelor”_

Everyone looked so confused. Eddie looked like he was going to implode. Bill hoped that this was going to end the way he wanted it to.

_“The death of a bachelor_

_Oh-oh-oh_

_Letting the waterfall_

_The death of a bachelor_

_Oh-oh-oh_

_Seems so fitting for_

_Happily, ever after_

_Whooo_

_How could you ask for more?_

_Lifetime of laughter_

_At the expense of the death of a bachelor”_

They all clapped, although they were all really confused. Well, Richie did his part, looks like the rest was up to Bill.

“Hey Stan,” Stan looked at him questioningly, everyone else also turned to the couple. Richie looked just as nervous as Bill did. “So, you remember when you asked me how I knew that whenever I said forever, I meant it?”

“Yeah? This seems like a weird time to bring that up.”

“The song reminded me that, this is how I know I mean it,” Bill pulled out a small cube-shaped box from his pocket and handed it to Stan. No one had noticed that he had it, not even Stan, who had been sitting on Bill’s lap earlier.

“What is -” Stan didn’t finish his question after he opened the box. The ring inside was simple, it was probably cheap. It looked like it was made of silver but Stan was a little too in shock to really take in all the details.

“I’ve,” they could all tell that Bill was fighting his stutter. “I’ve had that f-for over a year. J-just had to find the right time to give it to you.”

“Bill I-”

“And I know this seems like I’m saying right now, and that’s not what I’m saying. I’m just asking if you’d marry me, someday.” Stan still hadn’t really said anything. All of the Losers were holding their breath. “Please say something.”  Bill could hear his heart racing. He knew that Stan was going to be shocked but he didn’t think it would be like this.

“So, you’re asking me to marry you?”

“Yeah.”

“And not soon, but some point?”

“Yeah. Like, after we graduate.”

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes.” Stan was smiling brighter than he had in a long time. Bill was so excited that he picked Stan up and spun him around like they were in some ridiculous rom-com. When he finally put Stan back on the ground, Stan pulled Bill’s face down to his own. They didn’t notice the cheering until they separated. Stan suddenly realized that he was the center of attention and buried his head into Bill’s shoulder. Bill laughed and wrapped his arms around Stan.

“How did you keep that a secret from him? You can barely keep his presents a secret.” Bev asked after they stopped clapping.

“It was incredibly hard. Richie has had the ring for the past week so that I didn’t spoil anything.”

“Wait,” Stan turned around, although he didn’t let Bill move his arms. “Richard you knew about this and didn’t tell me? What kind of best friend are you?”

“Obviously I knew about it, I learned a whole song for it. Do you realize how hard it was to not practice around you? This is probably the second time I’ve ran through the whole fucking song.”

“I guess I’ll give you a pass on this one.” They all turned to face Mike when they heard an excited scream come from his phone.

“The fuck was that?” Bev asked.

“I told Ally and she called and screamed. I’ll put her on speaker.” Mike hit the button and Ally was still screaming. “Honey, you’re on speakerphone now.”

“Guys I’m so excited for you! You couldn’t wait until I was there to do this shit?”

“You’re not coming over this summer,” Bill answered, shrugging his shoulders although he knew that she couldn’t see that.

“I have to put this on my blog.”

“Oh, the Losers Club blog?” Richie asked. She had started a blog exclusively for them when her first post blew up with questions and story requests. Apparently, a lot of people wanted to know more about them.

“Yeah, that one, which is going really well right now. You guys are kind of famous in the journalism department of NYU.”

“You aren’t even in school right now, how do they know about us?” Stan looked worried although he didn’t sound like it.

“We all read each other’s blogs. They really want to meet you guys.”

“You mean they really want to meet Mike?” Bev asked. She and Ally had formed a relationship that was mostly making fun of one another, but Ally had also called Bev at three in the morning crying because of this thing or that thing. It reminded Richie a lot like his relationship with Stan.

“You don’t need to out me like that.” They all laughed. “Hey, can you send me a cute picture of Bill and Stan? I want to put it on there so people aren’t confused that it was Richie and Eddie. I don’t think people will but I just want to make sure.”

“Yeah, we’ll send you one in a little bit.”

“When Stan’s face isn’t the same color as a tomato.” Richie laughed as Stan flipped him off. His face was still really red.

The picture they sent Ally ended up being a really cute selfie of the happy couple with one of Stan’s rare full smiles.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

Richie couldn’t sleep. This wasn’t new for him but this time it was because he couldn’t get his headache to go away. It was a dull pain, but it wouldn’t stop bothering him. After a few hours of staring at the ceiling of Bill’s guest room, he decided maybe a cigarette would help. He moved Eddie’s arm off of him, causing the smaller boy to stir slightly. “I’ll be back,” Richie whispered to Eddie, placing a small kiss on his temple.

Richie crept out of the room. He closed the door softly and tiptoed down the stairs. He knew that he wouldn’t wake Mike up, who was in Georgie’s room since the small Denbrough was staying at friend's house and only trusted Mike in his room since his girlfriend was eight hours away. He just knew that you could hear the stairs in the basement if you stepped on them wrong and he didn’t want to face the wrath of Beverly Marsh. Once at the bottom of the stairs, he went to the coat closet since his cigarette pack and lighter were in his coat. It was summer but Richie still always wore his denim jacket anywhere they went. He didn’t want to see the scars.

Once he found his smokes he turned and saw the light in the kitchen on. _Strange. Bill always turns all the lights off before heading to bed._ As he started toward the kitchen, he heard what sounded like muffled crying.

In the kitchen, he saw something that broke his heart. Sitting with his legs pulled up to his chest and a bottle of whiskey on the floor next to him sat Stan. He was staring at his left hand, where the small silver band sat, and only slightly looked up at Richie when he stepped fully into the kitchen. The situation reminded Richie of when he found Stan staring at the stars, but this time seemed sadder. Richie didn’t say anything, instead, he took the whiskey from Stan and sat it on the counter. _The last time I was around someone who drank this shit, they broke my arm. Stan is not your dad, he’s your best friend. You need to be strong, for him._ Richie sat down next to Stan and laced his fingers between Stan’s. Stan’s hand was decently larger than Eddie’s but it still sat comfortably in Richie’s. They had never held hands before, but Richie thought that maybe it was something that would comfort Stan, it was something that would’ve comforted Richie so it was all he had.

“What if I made a terrible mistake Richie?”

“By saying yes?”

“Yeah.”

“How would it be a terrible mistake?”

“What if Bill leaves me? Richie, I don’t think I could live if Bill left. And I know how stupid and childish that sounds but it’s true.”

“He’s not gonna leave you.”

“But what if he does? And what are my parents going to say? They’re going to disown me, Richie. They’re already going to be pissed about me moving to New York but this is going to push them over the edge.”

“No, they won’t, they might be mad for a little bit, but they’ll come around.”

“Richie, I just don’t know what to do. I just keep thinking that this was the worst decision I’ve ever made.”

“Tell me this, did saying yes make you happy?”

“Yeah.”

“Did it feel right?”

“Yeah.”

“Does it still feel right?” Stan took longer to answer after that question.

“Yeah.” He sounded sure in his answer.

“Then you made the right decision.”

“But how can you know that?”

“Because it’s how I felt taking Eddie back. It’s how I felt moving out to New York for school. It’s how I feel about all of us moving out together.”

“But this is different.”

“How? We’re both just trying to be happy.”

“Yeah but this is me and I don’t think I’ve ever really been happy. I’m the kid that breaks down over nothing but tries to hide it. I’m the kid that is overly sarcastic and a little bit bitchy. And God I think my depression is getting worse and not better.”

“That doesn’t mean you don’t still deserve someone that makes you happy, or could at least.”

“What if my depression gets so bad that Bill doesn’t think he can handle it and leaves?”

“Hey,” Richie used his free hand to turn Stan towards him. It was the first time he had ever seen Stan cry, he didn’t like it. Seeing Stan like this made Richie feel a little broken and very useless. “Bill has seen you at your absolute worst and he still loves you. If he was going to be shaken by a little depression, then he would’ve left a long time ago. He wouldn’t have told you about his feelings at that party. He wouldn’t have let you kiss him that night. He wouldn’t be here now. He definitely wouldn’t have asked you to marry him if he was planning on leaving.”

“What if I lose him? What if I lose you? What if I lose all of you?” Richie didn’t know it, but that was one of Stan’s biggest fears, that he would lose them and be all alone.

“You won’t.”

“Yeah, but how can you guarantee that?”

“Because of these,” Richie pulled his conjoined hand up and moved it so the small tattoo could be seen. The same one that sat on Stan’s left wrist. All the Losers had them. They had gotten them in New York to celebrate Richie’s first gallery opening. Ally had taken them to a tattoo parlor by the apartment she shared with Sean and Hunter. One of her friends worked there so they got them for pretty cheap. They had all gotten V•XXVIII which was the date that the gallery opened.

“Tattoos are permanent on the wearer. It doesn’t mean we’re connected forever or something.”

“Sure, it does.”

“No, it doesn’t you idiot.” Stan laughed at Richie lightly. He knew what Richie meant but he also just enjoyed bickering with Richie, it helped him feel better for some reason.

“Well you’re gonna have that date on you forever so I guess you’re stuck with me. Or it’s gonna be really hard to explain why you have an important date for someone that you don’t talk to anymore tattooed on you.”

“I guess you’re right.” Stan was still crying a little bit. “Will you stay down here with me?”

“Of course. Can I get a smoke in first? That’s why I came down here in the first place. Plus, some fresh air might do you some good.” Stan nodded, sniffing hard. Richie stood up and helped Stan up as well. Stan swayed hard and had to close his eyes to keep from throwing up. “How much did you drink?”

“I’ve been down here for a few hours and that bottle was full when I started.” Stan finally opened his eyes. His hand was still intertwined with Richie’s. Richie saw the bottle was over a third empty. They walked slowly, Richie knew that if they moved too fast that Stan would throw up or fall. Stan can hold his alcohol but he always felt sick when he was down and Richie was sure that the whiskey wasn’t helping.

They made it to the back porch and Richie sat Stan down on the steps. Richie sat down and lit up his cigarette. The smoke swirled around his lungs like a familiar friend. He set the pack down next to him and returned his hand to Stan’s. Stan was staring at the stars again.

“I’m sorry that I’m drunk.” Stan hadn’t really stopped crying, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as before.

“I’m not mad. I get it. If I wasn’t afraid of what it would do to me, I would probably drink too.”

“Richie Tozier is afraid of something?”

“Yeah. I’m afraid of becoming my parents.” He took a long drag and tried to keep his sadness inside. This was not about him. “What are you afraid of?”

“A lot of things.” Stan rested his head against Richie’s shoulder, although he never took his eyes off the sky. “I’m afraid of losing all of you. I’m afraid of disappearing. I’m afraid of my own brain.”

“It’s okay. You’re not gonna lose any of us. And think, now you’re the subject of multiple paintings, so you can never really disappear.”

“Thanks, Rich.” They were silent for some time. Richie thought Stan had fallen asleep. “You know, I was terrified to meet you.”

“What?”

“I was scared how you would react to a lot of things about me. The fact that I’m gay. That I come from a Jewish family. That I’m severely depressed. That I have a dry sense of humor and mostly just like to roast people. I was just scared.”

“I feel like most of those things describe a stereotypical art student, which I am.” Stan chuckled. “I was scared too. I mean look at me, I’m loud and obnoxious. I have terrible nightmares. I smoke like a goddamn campfire. I’d fuck pretty much anyone.”

“You and I both know that one is false.” Richie chuckled, it was. Richie had standards, he just didn’t care about gender. “How many people asked you out last year?”

“Uh. I think we got over fifty.” He had stopped counting when he kissed Eddie the first time. He knew that at that point they were in the thirties. “I had a couple ask me out when I was in my studio super depressed. They were all along the lines of ‘I heard what happened, do you want to get coffee and talk about it?’ I never answered any of those.”

“Yeah, you didn’t answer me either.”

“Sorry.” Richie had wanted to respond to Stan, but he just couldn’t form the words. It was like every time he thought of a response, the idea would leave his head. Stan was quiet for a bit. Richie figured if Stan had fallen asleep, Richie wasn’t going to wake him up. Richie didn’t know that Stan had been battling his own head for a moment, trying to decide if he was going to tell Richie, he figured he needed to.

“You know, I tried to kill myself one time.” Richie felt like his heart stopped for a second. He didn’t know about that, but there was a very small part of him that had suspected it. It had come from when Stan originally saw the scar on Richie’s wrist, he looked way too scared about that. “I called Bill, he was the one that stopped me. He’s the only reason I’m still here. I scared the shit out of him and I feel terrible about it like I’ll never really be able to make it up to him.”

“Look at us, both scaring the shit out of our boyfriends.”

“Are you talking about other than when you scared all of us?”

“Yeah, this one was just him.”

“What did you do?”

“I was stressing over getting all the paintings done in time and making sure they were perfect. He was trying to get me to take a break and make sure that I was doing okay. He was just trying to be sweet ol’ Eds. I told him that I couldn’t take a break, that this was too important for me to take a break. He asked me when the last time I got some sleep was and when I ate last. I told him I didn’t know. He didn’t like that answer and started lecturing me about how I needed to sleep and to eat and a couple of other things. We fought and I ended up using my height as an intimidation factor. He was pretty much cowering in the corner of our room. I hated it. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want to. It was like I blacked out and when I came to, I was my dad.” Richie took a long drag of his cigarette. “I broke down after that. I felt like I was becoming Wentworth, that’s what he did to me. He used his height as a way to intimidate me. Eddie held me that night and told me that he knew I would never hurt him and I would never do anything that my dad did to me to him. I had a nightmare that night, that I looked into the mirror and I was my dad. I then went and beat the shit out of Eddie. I screamed at him that he was disgusting, then I looked down and I was back to being me. I screamed bloody murder when I woke up. I think you were at Bill’s so you didn’t hear it.”

“Is that why there were three figures in _Shadows_?”

“Yep. That one is from Eddie’s perspective since I didn’t really make anything else for him. It was just hard after that. It’s easier now that the gallery opening is done.”

“I’m sorry Richie.”

“It’s fine. It was a mistake and I think I’ve made up for it, at least mostly.”

“I do not need details.”  

“Do you think all we do is fuck?”

“A little.”

“Sometimes we do other things.”

“Please don’t fill me in, I don’t want to know what that means.”

“Sometimes we do this.” Richie didn’t need to specify what he meant. Stan knew that he meant that the two of them would just sit together, in a very similar fashion to how he and Richie were sitting.

“I’m sure you two make out though.”

“Sometimes. A lot of times we just sit, I like to feel close to people.”

“Is that why you’re so touchy all the time?”

“Yeah, I’m touch-starved and that I’m trying to make up for it as Rose tells me. But she also told me there was no reason to be ashamed of that.”

“It’s okay Richie, you’re one of the only two people I’m okay with touching me for a long time.”

“Is it just me and Bill?”

“Yeah. Other people make me itch. Eddie’s not so bad but it still gets there eventually.” Stan sounded like he was almost asleep. At least he had stopped crying. Richie looked over to see that Stan had closed his eyes.

“Do you want to actually go lay down somewhere or are we sleeping out here?”

“I don’t want to move, but the porch isn’t comfortable. I also don’t know if I can make it up the stairs.”

“How about the couch?”

“Okay.” Richie moved Stan before he stomped out the last of his cigarette and helped Stan up. They walked slowly back inside. Richie helped Stan get comfortable on the couch before going and cleaning up. When he was done, he went back into the living room where Stan was already snoring softly. Richie found a blanket and covered his best friend.

Richie was going to go back upstairs but decided instead to get some sleep on the chair, in case Stan needed anything. Richie had just started to doze off when he heard his name being called. He opened his eyes to see that only Stan was still down there. _Was I dreaming?_

Richie closed his eyes again, only to hear his name be called again. It sounded like Stan but he had never heard Stan actually speak in his sleep before, there had been some muffled noises and the occasional grunt, but never actual words. Richie watched Stan for a minute, waiting to see if it was Stan.

“Richie.” It was Stan. He was dreaming? Having a nightmare? Richie wasn’t sure.

Richie went over to the couch and crouched in front of Stan, who looked like he was in pain. Now it was Richie’s turn to be freaking out. Why was Stan calling Richie’s name in his sleep?

“Stan, I need you to wake up.” Richie pushed on Stan’s shoulder slightly. Stan stirred slightly but he didn’t really look any better. “Stan. Wake up.” Richie was a little louder this time. Hoping that he could wake Stan up. “Sorry guys,” he whispered to no one in particular. “Stan!” Richie was a lot louder that time.

It did finally wake Stan up. When he came to, Stan was breathing heavily and was shaking a little bit. He was looking at Richie, but it seemed like he was looking through him instead. Richie tried his hardest to comfort Stan the same way that the other had calmed him down after he had a nightmare. When Stan could control his breathing, he asked Stan what his nightmare was about, knowing that it would make him feel better.

“We were all together and we were drinking, you included. And then you started to get mean like the jokes weren’t funny they were just mean. We told you to stop but you just ignored us. You made Bev cry and pissed Mike off worse than I had ever seen him and you slapped Eddie and you told me I was worthless.” Richie tried to keep his emotions hidden, he was sickened by Stan’s dream and it had to have come from Richie telling Stan he was afraid of becoming his parents.

“You’re not worthless. And I won’t ever be that nightmare version of myself. I promise you that.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I pinky promise.” Richie held up his pinky so that Stan could hook his own around it. Richie knew how Stan felt about promises. To him, people couldn’t just throw the word around and not keep whatever they agreed to, or at least make a conscious effort to.

“Okay. Will you stay with me tonight?”

“Yeah. I will be right there on that chair.” Richie stood slightly and gestured to the chair that he had been sitting on before. But Stan grabbed his arm and looked worried behind the eyes.

“No, I meant, over here.”

“Yeah, sure.” Richie sat down between Stan’s head and the arm of the couch. “I’ll sit here, and you can put your head on my lap if you want.” Stan did exactly that. He also moved Richie’s arm so that it was around him. Richie smirked and leaned his head on his other hand.

“I love you, Richie.”

“I love you too, Stan.” Richie was able to drift off for a little bit more. He was never really able to fall asleep because every time Stan moved, Richie was wide awake again. It was a few hours later when the first of the Losers migrated to the living room, it happened to be Bill.

“Why is my fiancé’s head in your lap?”

“Oh, hey there Big Bill.” Richie sounded exhausted. “I came down for a smoke at like two something and I found this one here very drunk and freaking out in the kitchen. I sat down with him, helped him through it, and then he wouldn’t let me leave because he had a nightmare.”

“Was drinking the only thing that he did?”

“Yeah.”

“He didn’t do anything else? Didn’t say anything else that was concerning?” _Please tell me he didn’t hurt himself, at least obviously enough for Richie to notice. Please tell me he was nowhere near where he was that night._  

“No, all he did was drink almost half a bottle of whiskey.” Bill let the breath that he was holding out, relief washing over him.

“Why didn’t you just bring him back to bed?”

“He was so drunk he could barely walk. I didn’t trust him on the stairs. He also almost fell asleep on the porch.”

“Thanks, Richie. Um, do you want to take him to bed? He’s probably not going to let you leave.” Bill was really good at hiding his emotions, not that Richie would’ve noticed anyways. He wasn’t jealous, jealous wasn’t the right word. He was more hurt that Stan felt like he couldn’t tell Bill what was going on, whatever was going on, although he had a feeling as to what was going on.

“Why don’t you take him to bed? When he wakes up, you two might want to talk.”

“What do we need to talk about?”

“Wanna take a guess about what he was freaking out about?” With that, Richie lifted Stan’s head, stood up, and went upstairs to the bed that he had been sharing with Eddie. Richie closed the door behind him, not really caring if it woke Eddie up or not. Normally he would, but he was just too tired at the moment. He slid back into bed and wrapped his arm around Eddie, resting his head on Eddie’s shoulder.

“Where were you?”

“Helping Stan.”

“With what?”

“I’ll tell you later, I wanna sleep right now.”

“Okay.” Both boys were completely asleep in minutes.

Meanwhile, Bill had picked up Stan and carried him back upstairs to his room. He set Stan down gently on the bed, covering him with a blanket. Bill sat down next to his fiancé, taking the other boy’s hand in his.

_Why wouldn’t he come to me for help? He's always come to me when he got bad. Was he not expecting anyone to find him? Why didn’t he wake me up? God knows how many times I’ve woken him up because of nightmares, especially that summer. Fuck, this is my fault._

_Maybe I made the wrong choice asking Stan to marry me. I mean he is who I want to spend the rest of my life with but maybe this wasn’t the right time. I should’ve waited. I should’ve waited until Stan’s depression wasn’t so bad or waited until we had graduated or at least until it was closer to the time that I actually wanted to have the wedding. Maybe I should’ve waited until we moved to New York. Maybe I should’ve ran it past his parents first, although I know his dad would probably be really against the idea. He’s still holding out hope that Stan is straight, or at least will end up with a girl._

“You’re thinking is really loud.”

“Morning pretty boy.”

“I thought I asked you not to call me that.”

“Sorry love bird.” Bill loved to give Stan pet names, although they were almost exclusively in private. Stan wasn’t the biggest fan of them, although love bird was his favorite. It was the only one that he actually liked.

“That one is better.” Stan sat up using Bill’s hand that was still in his, although Bill could tell that took most of his strength to do. Bill felt terrible, he knew that he caused Stan to drink so heavily. Stan recognized the look on Bill’s face as the one he wore whenever someone mentioned Georgie that summer. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you did something wrong. You didn’t do anything, okay?”

“My actions made you freak out.”

“You’re right.”

“You’re not supposed to agree with me.” They both laughed slightly.

“Promise me something?”

“Anything.”

“Promise- promise that you’re not gonna leave because of my depression.”

“I can do you one better, I can promise I’ll never leave, ever.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You know how Georgie and I are always going to be brothers?” Stan nodded, which made his head spin a little. “You and I will always be lovers.”

“Now you sound like Ben.”

“It’s true.” Bill used his free hand to push some of the curls from Stan’s face. Bill leaned in, although he didn’t kiss Stan’s lips, he placed a small kiss on his forehead, and then on the tip of his nose. He then placed his forehead gingerly on Stan’s, figuring that Stan would probably have a headache. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Stan closed the gap between their lips. He wasn’t sure if he was still a little drunk or if it was just that Stan knew that Bill was telling the truth but Stan felt fine for the moment. Stan pulled Bill down as lied down on the bed, never breaking the kiss. Bill finally broke off the kiss, noticing that he had one arm on either side of Stan. They had been in a very similar position a couple of times, but those times usually ended differently than this time. 

“You know how I know that I’ll love you forever?”

“How?” Stan moved his arms from Bill so that they were crossed on his chest.

“There are still sparks every time we kiss.”

“Stop taking lessons from Eddie on how to be cheesy.”

“You know you love it.”

“Since when am I dating Richie?”

“How are you okay enough for sass right now?”

“The sass flows through my veins. Also, I think I’m still drunk.”

“Well, why don’t we get some sleep okay?”

“Will you stay with me?”

“Of course.” Bill moved from his position on top of Stan so that he was actually lying down next to the other boy. Bill wrapped his arms around Stan as he moved to be on top of Bill. They had discovered a long time ago that Stan loved to lie on top of Bill almost completely when he was really down, it always made him feel warm. Bill didn’t mind since Stan was so light. Stan was asleep almost immediately, Bill never did fall asleep. Instead, he just listened to Stan’s breathing and smirked at the small silver band on Stan’s hand.

He remembered the day he bought it. It had been just after graduation, they hadn’t been together for a year yet but Bill knew that it was the right thing to do with his graduation party money. He went down to the pawn shop on Main street, clearly nervous. He knew it wasn’t going to be perfect, it wasn’t going to be the forever ring, but it needed to be something. He saw the silver band sitting there. It was so simple, but he knew it was something that Stan would like. When the shopkeeper rang him up, he asked what Bill was getting the ring for. Bill wasn’t one to lie so he told him the truth, he told the old man that he was getting it for the boy he loved. The old man said it was sweet, he didn’t seem disgusted by the whole situation. Bill didn’t know people like that existed in Derry.

Bill had been trying to figure out when to give the ring to Stan the whole time he had it. His original plan was to give it to him before they went to college, but then he went to Morrison so he didn’t feel like it was the right time. Then he had thought about doing it at the gallery opening, but that night was for Richie and he didn’t want to steal the spotlight from the kid that earned it. Then he thought that he could’ve done it if Stan really had to transfer, but now they were moving in together. He could’ve done it for their anniversary, but he wanted the rest of the Losers to be there and the two of them spent their entire anniversary alone. He couldn’t do it in the next few weeks because they were all trying to plan for Richie’s party. Once Richie had learned how to play the piano, he knew that it was the perfect time to do something elaborate, which was what he did. The only thing he had ever decided about the ring was that one day he would get Stan a better one. One that was just as gorgeous as Stan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Thank you to everyone who bore with me while I disappeared for like two and a half weeks. I know I kind of made it seem like I was going to take a longer break than I did but I at least know what I want to do with the rest of this story so I figured I would post the next chapter, ya know?
> 
> Also, I use Stan in this chapter to talk about my real life insecurities about everyone in my life, lol.


	28. The one about wishes

**StupidSpaghetti: Is everything set up?**

**DoneFuckedUp: Yeah everything is all good**

**Mom: We are still missing two things but we can’t control when those get here**

**DoneFuckedUp: I can confirm, that one of them is on the way.**

**Dad: Are you guys coming over soon?**

**StupidSpaghetti: Yeah we are heading out soon. Richie finally found something that he liked to go swimming in. I don’t want to claim him when he’s wearing it.**

**Bennerang: What does that even mean?**

**StupidSpaghetti: You’ll see.**

**StupidSpaghetti: We’re heading out now, so please make sure everything is 100% ready. I need this to be perfect.**

“So, we’re just meeting everyone by the quarry?” Richie had his hand out the window, moving it so that the sound the wind made changed.

“Yeah. I wanted to go swimming once before we left and I think the water will finally be warm enough to not kill us.” The weather in Derry had been uncharacteristically cool this summer.

“There’s nothing else going on?” Richie sounded more curious than accusatory.

“Nope. They’ll probably say happy birthday. I think Ben is bringing cake or cupcakes or something.” Eddie died a little inside lying to Richie, but he felt like since he told the partial truth Richie wouldn’t be mad.

“Oh, is that what this morning was about?”

“You better not fucking tell them about that.”

“Why not? It was fun.”

“Fun, yes. Something all of our friends need to know, not in the slightest.” Eddie had surprised Richie by actually wearing a skirt again. Since they had been staying with the Denbrough’s on and off and Stan’s parents had gotten back, Eddie hadn’t worn one in a while. The rest of the morning had gone in a very similar fashion to the first time Eddie wore a skirt. Eddie called it a birthday present.

“Fine. Is there a part two to that gift?”

“If you behave.”

“Man, you know that’s not gonna happen.”

“Then I guess you don’t get part two.”

“Rude. You’re the one that wanted to do something for my birthday.”

“You’re the one that told me not to do anything for it.”

“Yeah but you and I both knew that that wasn’t going to happen.”

“Because your birthday is important.”

“It’s really not. Plus, it’s not even like I’m turning some fun age. Not that my twenty-first will be exciting either. It’s not like I’m gonna go drinking.”

“You can always get your boyfriend drunk and make fun of me when I do something stupid.”

“I can do that already.”

“You don’t need to point that out.” Richie sat the hand between them on Eddie’s leg. He knew that something was going on, he just didn’t want to admit that. He was scared. He knew that they were all planning something and he really didn’t want to break down somehow in front of them. He loved his friends, but he was the loudmouth that made jokes to make everyone feel better. Eddie sat his hand on Richie’s and asked if something was wrong.

“Just nervous I guess.”

“About what?”

“Whatever you guys have planned for today.”

“You’ll enjoy it, I promise.”

“You didn’t go too crazy, did you?”

“I don’t think we did, but you probably will.” Eddie ran his thumb across the top of Richie’s hand.

This was a normal thing for them, Eddie driving and Richie having his hand on Eddie in some form. Sometimes it was like how they were sitting currently, sometimes Richie would hold Eddie’s hand, and one time, Richie put his legs on Eddie while he was driving. Eddie didn’t appreciate that one as much. Normally, Eddie loved the fact that Richie was very touchy. Eddie loved to be held and feeling like someone cared. He loved that Richie was the one to be like that because Richie didn’t treat Eddie like he was fragile as his mother had done.

Sonia had always treated Eddie like he was a glass China doll. Like if she wasn’t careful, he would shatter. Richie was soft, but not all the time. Richie knew that there was a time to be soft, but that it wasn’t all he needed to be.

They pulled off the main road to the clearing where the Losers parked their cars. It was a decently short walk from their makeshift parking lot to the spot where they always met up. The Losers had the tradition of jumping into the water from the cliffs that sat along the perimeter. Eddie had them set everything up in this area so that it wasn’t a super long walk. They got out of the car and Eddie turned to Richie, already looking like he was regretting what he was about to say.

“I need you to put this blindfold on.” He held out one of those black eye masks that people used to sleep.

“Hot damn, is this the part two of my gift?” Richie grabbed the mask and slid it over his head so it sat around his neck.

“I fucking hate you.”

“Keep telling yourself that Eds.” Richie moved the mask so that it was covering his eyes. He was really glad he wore contacts today. Eddie backhanded Richie in the stomach.

“Don’t call me that. Now come on.”

“You realize you’re going to have to guide me, right?”

“I’m gonna run you straight into a fucking tree.” Eddie sat Richie’s hands on his shoulders so that it would be easier to lead him to where everyone else was.

“Please don’t.” They walked down the path and Eddie would tell Richie if there was anything on the path that would trip him. Even if it would be funny to watch Richie trip, he would also fall on Eddie and that was not something Eddie wanted.

They reached the clearing where the other Losers were and Eddie looked around. He was actually impressed with how everything turned out. Eddie thought that it was Bill or Bev who made sure everything was perfect, but it was Stan. It was the first time his best friend was celebrating his birthday so it all needed to be perfect. Stan would never admit that though.

“Okay, you can take the blindfold off.” Richie took the black fabric off of his eyes and had to let his eyes adjust to the light for a second. When his eyes finally adjusted, he was shocked at what he saw.

Balloons were tied onto some of the trees. There was a large banner that said ‘Happy Birthday Trashmouth’. They had set up a table that had a wide array of food. A cooler sat next to that table. All the Losers had party hats on. Mike and Bev had horns that they blew when Richie opened his eyes.

“Happy birthday Richie!” Bev shouted after she stopped blowing the horn.

“Yeah, happy birthday ya fucker,” Stan smirked as he said that.

“Wow guys, this is a lot.”

“Please note, Eddie wanted a lot more stuff out here, but we reigned him in,” Ben said as he handed Richie a hat.

“I appreciate that.”

“Oh, fucking sue me for wanting to spoil my boyfriend for once.” Eddie slid his own party hat string under his chin. _How does he look fucking adorable in a paper party hat?_

“So how does this work?” Richie asked.

“How does what work?” Ben asked, puzzled as to what Richie was talking about.

“Birthday parties,” Richie stated in a way that was too nonchalant for Stan’s liking.

“You’ve never been to a birthday party?” Stan asked.

“Nope.”

“You must’ve had friends at some point before college,” Bev said although it sounded more like a question.

“Kinda. I had a couple of acquaintances but they were generally from the nicer parts of town so they didn’t want their families to know they were friends with me. I had one friend in junior high, but he was also kind of ashamed to admit that he was friends with me. My closest ‘friend’ was my art teacher in high school.”

“You’re fucking joking me,” Bev and Mike both looked a lot more upset than the rest of the Losers did. Bev had always been the most social of the Losers, and Mike just really related.

“What about when you were a kid?” Ben wanted so badly for Richie’s answer to be a happy one.

“No. My parents were always too drunk to drive me anywhere and they didn’t let people pick me up because they didn’t want people knowing that we lived in the shit house. A lot of people knew though.” Richie looked as though he really didn’t care. And he didn’t. It had bothered him as a kid but he was one of those people that thought things happened for a reason. He didn’t really have anyone in California, which made it so much easier for him to leave and move to New York. And Richie is pretty certain that if he hadn’t had escaped when he did, he never would’ve. His father had been getting so much more violent in recent years.

“Well, we can’t really do gifts right now, for, reasons.” Mike looked like he wanted to say the reason so badly, but something was keeping his mouth closed, probably the death glare that Eddie was giving him.

“Why don’t we start with swimming? Then we can dry off, eat, and do gifts,” Ben suggested.

“Gifts?” Richie asked.

“Yes, you dumbass, we got you gifts.” Stan rolled his eyes. He knew Richie would be weird about them getting him things but Stan had a soft spot for the floppy-haired artist. The only other people he was like that with, was the man he was dating and that man’s brother.

“So, yes to swimming?” Bill asked.

“You just want to take the jump,” Ben added. Bill nodded. He had been looking forward to the jump since they got back to Derry. His other half hadn’t. Stan didn’t hate the jump, but it always kicked his anxiety into high gear.

“The jump?” Richie asked. The rest of them looked at him like he was crazy for not knowing what the jump was. Ben was the first that put it together.

“Oh right, it’s your first summer in Derry. Every year we jump into the water of the quarry from the cliffs. It’s one of our strange traditions, just like going to Bill’s the day after Christmas.”

“It seems strange that this is Richie’s first year with us.” Mike had completely forgotten that he had only met Richie at the beginning of their winter break. Richie had fit into the group so effortlessly, it was almost like he had always been there.

“Glad it’s not just me that thinks that,” Eddie said from under Richie’s arm. No one had really noticed that he was there, but no one was surprised. Eddie loved to be as close to Richie as possible.

“Please tell me are doing the jump, and soon.” Mile looked at his phone as Bill asked.

“Yeah, let’s get to it, my dudes.” Mike suddenly looked like he wanted them to hurry.

“Okay, are we all wearing out swim shit?” Bev asked as she pulled her dress off. Part of it was because she wanted to jump in, part of it was because she knew why they had to hurry, but mostly it was because she wanted to show off her bikini. She had worked really hard on it and thought it was really cute.

None of them really answered, instead they all began undressing so that they could jump in. When Beverly saw Richie’s swim trunks she started laughing hysterically, causing everyone else to look over at them and laugh. Eddie looked like he was ready to embrace death. Richie had found the most ridiculous swim shorts he could just to torture Eddie.

They were bright blue, which wouldn’t have been bad had the design in them been normal. Instead, they had a unicorn lifting weights, Bigfoot on a Segway, the Loch Ness monster and the Kraken holding red party cups, skulls with sunglasses, and pineapples with bat wings. Whoever designed it was clearly on LSD.

“Oh my God, those are the best things I have ever seen.” Bev was wiping tears from her eyes.

“So, who’s jumping first?” Eddie was trying really hard to change the subject, he hated those swim shorts.

“I feel like the birthday boy should jump first.” Stan looked way too smug from where he was next to Bill.

“I’m down.” Richie walked closer to the edge and finally saw how far the jump actually was. “I’m less down to going first now.”

“Come on dude, you have to. Not only is it your first year, but it’s also your birthday. I went first the first time I took the jump.” Bev shrugged. She remembered the day fondly; the guys didn’t realize she was there until she ran past them and jumped in.

“Fine. I need a good luck kiss first.” Richie smirked at Eddie. Eddie rolled his eyes and kissed Richie on the cheek. “The fuck was that?”

“You can have a real one after you jump.”

“That’s not how a good luck kiss works Eddie,” Ben was so confused as to what had just unfolded in front of him. Eddie shrugged.

“Okay.” Richie walked back over to the edge and looked down again. He was scared. He had never had a nightmare like this but he was still scared. It seemed too high for him to live if he jumped. Plus, he didn’t know if there were rocks or anything right under the surface. But if the rest of them have jumped and lived, then so could he.

Richie took a few steps back and then took a short running start before jumping off the edge. Richie could hear the rest of them cheering as he fell. Richie hit the water with a loud smack, although it didn’t hurt as much as Richie thought it would. The water wasn’t as cold as he thought it would be either. Richie resurfaced and shook his hair out a little. The rest of them were cheering when he looked up at them.

“Swim out a bit so we can jump in,” Bev yelled down to him. He swam out about ten feet when he heard someone else hit the water. When Richie turned to look at who it was, he wasn’t shocked to see the auburn hair that belonged to Bill.

“God that felt good,” Bill said after he swam closer to Richie.

“It was actually pretty fun.” Mike was the next one to jump in. Eddie and Stan jumped in after that. Stan did not look all that pleased. Ben was the next one in. When Bev jumped in the splash seemed to be too large for the hundred-pound girl that was Beverly Marsh. When blonde and red hair emerged from the water Riche actually squealed.

“Ally!” Richie swam over to the other girl and poked her face to make sure she was real. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“I came out for your birthday dumbass.” Richie turned to look at the rest of them.

“Did you guys do this?” Mike nodded his head and smiled so brightly that Richie thought he was going to outshine the sun. Richie’s smile matched Mike’s. Richie had forgotten what it was like to smile on his birthday.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

They swam and messed around for almost two hours before they decided it was time for food and cake. Mike, Ben, and Bill grabbed the tables and chairs for them to all sit down where all the stuff was. Richie sat at the head of the table while the rest of them stood around him, he was very confused.

“Why are you guys standing?”

“You stand around the birthday kid and sing happy birthday before they blow out the candles,” Bill explained.

“And you can blow out the candles and make a wish as soon as I get these fucking things lit.” Bev was trying to light the candles with her cheap lighter while Ben was holding the cake. It was taking her longer than she would’ve liked, had she stolen Richie’s Zippo she could’ve gotten it done faster.

“I don’t know what to wish for.” Richie looked up at all of them.

“Well pick a go to one.” Mike shrugged.

“I’ve had the same wish for as long as I can remember.”

“Then just do that one,” Eddie asked as he set his chin on top of Richie’s head. It was one of the few times he could actually do that. Richie could do it pretty much whenever he wanted. 

“I can’t.”

“Why not?” Stan asked over the sound of Bev groaning as her lighter went out again.

“It already came true.”

“When did it come true?” Ally asked. She had a couple of thoughts of what he could be talking about, but the answer wasn’t something that crossed her mind or any of theirs.

“Beginning of school last year.” The questioning look on Stan’s face made Richie continue. “I wished,” Richie looked almost uncomfortable. “I wished for a family. A real one. And I got it, so now what?”

“Success in the art world?” Bill suggested.

“I’ve been in the MET. I can’t get a lot bigger than that.”

“Why are you so difficult?” Stan asked.

“This is the first year that I’m actually happy on my birthday. This is the first year that everything in my life is finally going right, and I have you guys to thank for that.” All of them turned to look at Richie, Bev even stopped messing with the candles to look at Richie. A few of them noticed how hard Richie was trying to keep himself from crying.

This was what he was worried about. He knew that if he cried it would put him in a slightly more depressed mood and today was supposed to be fun and happy. And it had been. The jump had been fun. Messing around in the water was fun. Ally surprising him was fun. It was all fun. He couldn’t cry and ruin it.

“Just kidding I got one,” Richie said as a wish popped into his head.

“Okay let’s hurry before these go out again.” Ben sat down the cake and they all sang happy birthday to Richie. When they were finished, he blew out the candles and smirked.

“What did you wish for?” Eddie asked as he sat down on Richie’s lap. They had enough chairs but Eddie’s favorite seat was Richie.

“For some of that sweet, sweet ass of yours tonight.”

“Beep beep Richie,” Bev said as Mike started cutting the cake.

“Aren’t I not supposed to tell you what I wished for? Isn’t that how this works?”

“Look who does know something about birthday parties,” Stan sassed with his normal deadpan tone. _I just don’t want you guys to hear how fucking sappy my wish was. I mean, what would they say if I told them that I wished we could stay together, forever?_

They ate the cake, made by Ben and Mike, and then they went on to Richie’s least favorite part, gifts. Richie didn’t know why he wasn’t comfortable getting gifts but he was. Bev went first, she handed him a small box wrapped in black wrapping paper, which Richie thought was funny. When he opened the box, he saw a Zippo box inside. When he saw the design on the lighter, he almost freaked.

“You got me a Stone Sour Zippo? Hell yeah.” Richie had been binging Stone Sour for a month, it was his newest obsession. “Thanks, Bev.”

Ben was next. His seemed more like a shirt box. When Richie opened it, he saw it was a shirt that said ‘Artist Trash’. Richie laughed at it.

“I’m gonna wear this shirt all the time. Thank you, Ben.”

“My presence is your present.”

“Of course, it is Ally.” Richie was okay with that one. He had missed her.

“I have an actual gift for you.” Mike handed Richie a large bag, which scared Richie a little bit. If it was big, then it could be expensive, which Richie was not as okay with. When Richie moved the wrapping paper, he saw that it was some paints and some new brushes. Richie had been complaining that his brushes were falling apart. It was the paints that threw Richie off.

“You got me oil paints? Those are way more expensive than acrylic.”

“I know, but I also know, that you like the look of oil paints more than acrylic.”

“Thank you, Mike. I’m sure these were not cheap.” Mike shrugged.

“Oh, I guess it’s me.” Bill was really proud of his gift. Bill handed a box over to Richie. When Richie opened it, he saw why Bill was proud. Bill had painted cigarette boxes all white and doodled on them. Each box represented a different member of the Losers Club, including Ally.

“This is amazing Bill, thank you.” Richie was actually pleased with all of his gifts. He also noticed that Stan had been quiet the whole time, he would get to the bottom of that at some point. Richie threw all the gifts into the bag that Mike’s gift came in before they all went back to talking. Trying to catch up with Ally and see how New York was without them. Eddie had returned to Richie’s lap, although no one really took notice to that anymore.

“Happy Birthday Honey,” Eddie whispered into Richie’s ear. Richie held Eddie a little closer, remembering that this boy in his lap, was one of the biggest reasons as to why he was happy on his birthday, for once.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

Richie turned to face Eddie as the smaller boy drove. The night had swallowed Derry at that point. The streetlights lit up Eddie’s features in a way that Richie wished he could capture with paint but knew he would never be able to. That kind of beauty was one that could never be captured or tamed, and Richie knew that he had tried. Eddie noticed he was staring, but he also recognized the look on Richie’s face. It was the face Richie made when he was looking at art.

“You enjoying the view?”

“Always.” Richie leaned over and kissed Eddie’s cheek before enveloping the smaller boy’s hand in his own as they stopped at a stop sign.

“What was that for?” Richie almost always had a reason for kissing Eddie. The reason was generally that he was adorable or looked like he needed a quick pick me up.

“To say thank you.”

“For what?”

“Everything you did tonight. It was sweet.”

“I thought you didn’t want us to do anything for your birthday.”

“Just because I didn’t want you to do anything doesn’t mean that what you did wasn’t sweet.” The worried look on Eddie’s face caught Richie off-guard. “What’s up?”

“You mentioned that this is the first year you’ve ever been happy on your birthday.” Eddie looked over at Richie for a second before returning his eyes to the road. “How bad have your previous birthdays been?”

“It’s gonna ruin any good mood we were rocking a second ago.”

“I don’t care. I need to know Rich. It’s been bothering me ever since you said it.” Richie sighed heavily. It took him a moment to actually respond. Eddie was concerned that he was just never going to answer.

“For the past few years, without fail, I always think about killing myself on my birthday. The nightmares are worse so that would mean that the burns were worse.” Eddie was speechless, he never knew that Richie had thought about killing himself in the past. He wasn’t overly surprised at this information, more just sad that he knew it was true. “Part of me is scared to fall asleep.”

“Is that why you wanted to take a drive after the party?”

“Yeah.” Richie couldn’t really sleep well in cars. He had done it a couple of times on their drives to and from school but it was a rare occasion. “I was also hoping to get part two of my gift.” Richie turned and smirked at Eddie. Eddie knew that Richie was just trying to change the subject but he also understood why. Richie didn’t like talking about his past, especially the parts about his nightmares or his depression or his parents.

“Now what makes you think you deserve part two?”

“I behaved.”

“You threw food at Mike!”

“He started it!”

“Sure he did.” He had. Eddie had gotten up for a moment and Mike bet Richie he couldn’t throw some of the extra cake into his mouth. Richie took the bait and tried his hardest, but Richie did not always have the best aim and Mike ended up getting cake in his nose. Mike pretended like he did nothing wrong, even though Eddie could tell what happened.

“I can’t believe you’re going to believe your best friend over your boyfriend, what kind of boyfriend are you?” Richie made it sound like he was going to start crying. Eddie just rolled his eyes and kissed the back of Richie’s hand. “You wanna play a game?”

“What game?”

“See how long it takes Eds to pull over.”

“What?” Richie leaned over so that he could kiss Eddie’s neck. He started slowly, but only stayed there long enough for Eddie to get what the rules of the game were. Eddie went to ask why this was happening when Richie sucked hard on Eddie’s neck under the smaller boy’s ear. At this point, Richie had done this enough to know exactly where to go to get a certain reaction.

“Fuck me.”

“Only if you ask nicely.” Richie went back to making small bruises on Eddie’s neck. Eddie tried so hard to keep his breathing under control, although it was hard for him to keep the small moans from escaping his lips. And every time Eddie moaned, Richie went a little further.

“Richie, I need you to stop.”

“Why?” Richie’s voice was serious, but he was also slightly out of breath, which did not help Eddie in the slightest.

“I just need you to stop until we get back to the quarry.”

“How far are we?”

“Like, a couple minutes.”

“Then why do I need to stop?”

“Because, unless you want every cop in Derry to catch us fucking on the side of the road, we need to make it to the quarry before I really do pull over.”

“Well, that was kind of the point of my game.” Richie went back to kissing Eddie’s neck, although nowhere close to where he had been earlier.

“Richie.” Eddie’s voice was ragged. He was faltering, and it was quickly at that point.

“Then hurry up,” Richie whispered against Eddie’s skin. Luckily for Eddie, they were less than a minute from the quarry.

Eddie pulled into the Loser’s makeshift parking lot, which was actually fairly hidden, and quickly turned off the car. He pulled Richie’s face from his neck so that he could finally connect their lips. Eddie’s kisses were hungry, and to him, Richie was the finest meal.

“Well someone enjoyed my game.”

“You’re a goddamn asshole.”

 “Well, why don’t you come join me on this side of the car and show me just how much of an asshole I am?” Eddie hopped over the middle console so he was sitting on Richie’s lap. He moved his hips slightly in a way that he knew drove Richie crazy.

“Better?” Eddie’s voice was thick and lower than normal.

“Much.” If it was a teasing game that Eddie wanted, Richie was prepared to fight to the death to win. Richie placed his hands on Eddie’s ass and deepened their kiss slightly. He was fully prepared to win this strange competition that he had created in his head.

“What did I do to deserve you?” Richie had to use all his self-control to keep the mood light. He didn’t want the moment to be ruined.

“You had a nice ass.”

“I’m serious.”

“You treated me like a human being, and not like I was trash.”

“You’re too gorgeous to be trash.”

“Gorgeous huh?”

“Absolutely.” Eddie returned his lips to Richie’s. The moment was perfect to both of them. When Richie’s hand found its way from Eddie’s ass to his neck, Eddie knew he was done for.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

**From Stan the Man: Why are you and Eddie just getting home? It’s like 2 am.**

**To Stan the Man: We went for a drive and then Eddie was saying happy birthday to me in the best way possible**

**From Stan the Man: You did not need to tell me that.**

**To Stan the Man: You asked.**

**To Stan the Man: Why are you still awake?**

**From Stan the Man: I can’t sleep.**

**To Stan the Man: Why not?**

**From Stan the Man: Reasons.**

**To Stan the Man: Stan**

**From Stan the Man: Partially the same reason as a month ago, mostly just thinking too much.**

**To Stan the Man: Meet me in the backyard in ten minutes**

**From Stan the Man: Why?**

**To Stan the Man: We are going to smoke and talk about it**

**To Stan the Man: Duh**

“I’m gonna go chill with Stan in the yard for a bit.”

“Why?”

“He’s feeling down. Just go to bed, I’ll be back in a bit.”

“Okay.” Eddie went ahead and started getting ready for bed.

“That’s it? You aren’t gonna question me or something?”

“No.” Eddie sounded serious. He looked back at Richie who looked a little shocked. “What?”

“Nothing, just thought you would put up more of a fight or something.”

“Why would I do that?”

“I feel like most people, especially after what we went through on your dumbass day, would question me just disappearing for a while. Especially, since I said I was going to meet someone else.”

“1. It’s Stan. 2. I trust you. And 3. You don’t lie to me.” Richie walked over to Eddie and kissed the top of his head.

“I love you. I’ll be back at some point tonight.”

“I love you too.” Eddie walked back across the room. “Make sure Stan is okay.”

“I will.” Richie closed the door behind him and made his way back downstairs. They had all been doing pretty good about staying at Stan’s place even though none of them wanted to be there. By the time Richie made it to the back yard with his Zippo and cigarettes he noticed Stan was already sitting out back. Richie didn’t say anything as he sat down, lit his own cigarette, and handed one over to Stan. Stan lit his own and finally spoke.

“Do you think I’m a terrible person?”

“No,” Richie answered with such conviction that Stan really wanted to believe him. “Why do you think you are tonight?”

“I didn’t even get you a birthday present.”

“I don’t care.”

“I know you don’t care, but other people do, apparently.”

“What are you talking about?” Stan unlocked his phone and pulled up the party planning group chat.

**Mom: Stan, I’m a little disappointed with you for not getting Richie anything for his birthday**

**DoneFuckedUp: I’m less disappointed and more surprised**

**RIPRichie: Look with everything going on I kinda forgot**

**Mom: Okay, maybe disappointed was the wrong word but still.**

“She’s probably joking. And it’s probably just because you have such a reputation for getting people presents.”

“I take a lot of pride in them. And I feel like you never talk about wanting anything and I didn’t want to get you something that you wouldn’t like or actually use.” Stan took a long drag of his cigarette and completely ignored the first part, at least out loud. Richie was probably right. This was Bev after all, she loved messing with him but there was never any malice under it. It didn’t help the insecurities that were swirling in Stan’s head, not that any of it was really caused by her.

“You all act like I wanted anything. I’m pretty happy with everything I have.”

“But I’m your best friend and to not get you something for the first time you actually celebrate your birthday is fucking terrible. Eddie’s off the hook cause you guys can just fuck and call it a gift.”

“Well, there is something you can get me, but we can talk about that later.”

“Okay.”

“So, why didn’t you tell Bill what was going on?”

“He knows. He asked if I wanted him to come over, but I said no.”

“Why didn’t you say no to me?”

“I knew that if I did, you were just going to barge into my room and demand that I tell you what was going on. Bill will just interrogate me in the morning. If he’s not already on his way.”

“How will we know if he just shows up, cause you know he’ll freak if he sees an empty bedroom.” Stan sat the cigarette between his lips and pulled his phone back out. He sent a quick text and handed the phone to Richie.

**From Bill: Are you sure you’re okay?**

**From Bill: Stan**

**From Bill: If you don’t answer, you know I’m going to just get worse with what I call you.**

**From Bill: Okay, you asked for this.**

**From Bill: Love Bird**

**From Bill: Pretty Boy**

**From Bill: Baby Boy**

**From Bill: Honey Bun**

**From Bill: Sunshine**

**From Bill: Sweetheart**

**To Bill: Please stop. I’m out in the yard with Richie**

“Was he running out of ideas at the end there?”

“Probably. He normally just stops with love bird and pretty boy.”

“Why am I not surprised that Billiam gives you ridiculous pet names.”

“Those are ridiculous and your nicknames aren’t?”

“Yeah,” Richie smirked and handed Stan back his phone. “How long are we going to be out here?” Stan shrugged.

Eddie came out to check on them around five when he woke up. He saw Richie smoking while Stan was asleep with his head on Richie’s lap. Eddie grabbed an extra blanket from the hall closet and brought it out with him. Richie jumped slightly when Eddie sat down next to him and wrapped the blanket around both of their shoulders. The blanket was large enough that some of it landed on Stan as well.

“How’s he doing?” Eddie whispered. Stan wasn’t exactly a light sleeper but he would wake up if he heard a lot of conversation happening around him.

“Better now.”

“What was getting him down?”

“Same thing I told you a month ago and then what Bev said about him not getting me a gift for my birthday.”

“She was mostly joking, I asked her about it earlier. I just don’t think it transferred through text very well. Not all of us are as good as Stan is with sarcasm texting.”

“I told him that was probably the case. He’ll be alright though.” The three of them stayed out there until the sun started to rise. Stan woke up when the sun got too bright for him to ignore. He was genuinely a little surprised to see Eddie out there was well but decided he liked it. It made him feel like Eddie cared, and if he did, so did the rest of his friends.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

“So, I finally got Richie his birthday gift.” Stan looked pleased with himself as he stood in the doorway to Bill’s room. He and Richie had gone out for the day and hadn’t really told anyone what they were doing.

“You act like his birthday was so long ago, it was two days ago.” Bill looked up from the box he was packing. Eddie was sitting on Bill’s bed helping him decide what he needed to pack.

“Eddie is gonna be excited that I didn’t get him this beforehand.” Stan pulled Richie into the room and Eddie almost had a heart attack. Sitting around Richie’s lower lip was a small black ring. When Richie smiled the ring was in line with one of his canine teeth. Eddie normally thought that lip rings could look really trashy but it looked surprisingly really good on Richie.

“Wow, that looks cool man.” Bill walked over to Richie. “You gonna send a pic to the rest of the Losers or are you just going to wait and surprise them when we get dinner in a few days?”

“Probably wait till I see them. I kinda want the swelling to go down a little bit before they see it.” Richie had the slightest of lisps and Eddie wanted to die it was so adorable.

“How long is it supposed to be swollen?” Eddie looked really concerned. He had been freaking out when he hadn’t kissed Richie in like five days. How was he going to survive if this took longer than that?

“The swelling should go down in a few days but it will still be real sore for a couple of weeks. I can’t change it for a couple of months though.” Eddie deflated a little bit. _A couple of weeks. I don’t know if I can last a couple of weeks._ “Oh Eds, don’t worry. It won’t be that long.” Richie ruffled the small boy’s hair slightly.

“Don’t call me that. Also, don’t mess up my hair.”

“You’re so demanding today.”

“He’s always demanding,” Stan deadpanned.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

Richie was playing Smash Bros. while Eddie sat on his lap, his arms thrown around Richie’s waist and his head on one of Richie’s shoulders so he could read behind Richie’s back. If Richie hadn’t been a little distracted, he would’ve noticed the book hit the bed near him.

“Richie,” he whispered against Richie’s neck.

“One sec, I’m almost done.” He had less than thirty seconds left in this fight and was very determined to beat the spikey asshole that was Bowser.

“Richie,” Eddie sounded more pathetic the second time he said Richie’s name. Richie chuckled at how Eddie sounded. “Don’t laugh at me.”

“You sound pathetic.”

“I’m needy.”

“You’re always needy.” The results from Richie’s fight came up, he lost. “Fucking hate Bowser. Spikey bastard.”

“You deserve it.” Eddie leaned away from Richie so he could look at him.

“And why do I deserve it?”

“You just _had_ to get your lip pierced.”

“Yeah, I’ve wanted it for a while.”

“You couldn’t have done it before we were together?”

“I didn’t have any money then, remember? These ain’t exactly cheap.”

“But how the hell am I supposed to kiss you?”

“You can still kiss me, you just can’t kiss my lips. I mean you can, it’ll just hurt like a bitch.” Richie closed the DS and threw it on the bed, figuring he wasn’t going to be playing anymore.

“But that’s not as much fun. I don’t wanna do all the work.” Richie laughed.

“You are so ridiculous.” Eddie shrugged slightly. They both knew Eddie was being dramatic just to get a laugh out of Richie. Eddie was still concerned about Richie from his birthday a few days ago but if he showed that concern in a normal way it would probably just freak Richie out.

“So, what are you thinking about getting next? I’m sure this isn’t the only thing you’re getting pierced.”

“I don’t know. Part of it depends on how much you like them. I’d like to maybe get a tongue piercing but if you decide you hate them, maybe not.”

“If you want them, get them. Don’t let me stop you.”

“I don’t want to get something and you absolutely hate it.”

“I’m pretty sure, there’s nothing you could do that I would hate.”

“Really?” Richie seemed genuinely shocked by Eddie’s sentence. Or the fact that Eddie looked so confused by Richie’s skepticism.

“Richie, I love you too much at this point. Also, you’re a punk artist, clearly you want to look the part. Plus, I’m sure I’ll love all the piercings you get, for one reason or another.”

“Tongue piercing will be nice when I give you blowjobs.”

“Mmmmm, please don’t say things like that.”

“Why not, love?” Riche knew that calling Eddie love drove the smaller boy a little crazy.

“Shut. The fuck. Up.”

“Make me.” Stan thought he would be spared from hearing Richie and Eddie’s sex noises since Richie got his lip pierced, he was wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Richie's swim shorts are based on a tank top that my dad for real owns. It just seemed very Richie.


	29. The one about art

“Eds, do you know where my guitar got packed away to?” Richie called from the room he was sharing with Eddie. Their apartment wasn’t huge, but it big enough for the four boys to live comfortably and also have the other Losers over.

“He and Stan went shopping,” Bill yelled back as he went through his emails.

“When did they do that?” Richie asked as he entered their living area.

“Like, a while ago.” Richie flopped down on the couch next to Bill. “Having fun yet?”

“Yeah, unpacking all of Eddie’s shit is so fun. I’m gonna have to teach that boy how to not be a fucking hoarder.”

“Good luck with that.” Bill clicked on the email he had been looking for.

“What’s that about?” Richie nodded towards Bill’s laptop screen when Bill turned to look at Richie. “I know it has to be about something; you’ve been hunting for that since we got here.”

“They sent this email to me like two weeks ago, but it got lost in all the shuffle of things.”

“Who is they?” Bill didn’t exactly answer Richie and continued reading instead.

“Do you happen to have pictures of your art from the gallery? Like some high-quality ones?” Richie was just going to let Bill ask this seemingly random question, figuring he would know who ‘they’ were at some point.

“I think Ally might have some. Or I can ask Jean if he has any. Why?”

“Do you care if I use them?”

“As long as you give me credit, I don’t care what you do.”

“Okay.” Bill quickly typed a response email and then leaned back into the couch with Richie. “I can tell you now.”

“Okay? Mark me down as scared and confused.”

“I wrote short stories about your art gallery pieces. I sent them to a couple of different publishers and one of them picked it up. I explained the concept behind them and they wanted me to send in photos of the artwork. I couldn’t do it without making sure that you were okay with it first. But, once I get the photos to them, they’re going to send it off to an editor. So, nothing is set in stone yet, but I at least have the ball rolling.”

“Bill, that’s so fucking exciting! Why the hell didn’t you tell me about it?”

“I only told Stan about it when we were talking about paying for this apartment.”

“Speaking of, I um- I already paid six months’ worth of rent.”

“Why would you do that?”

“I have the money. Plus, I make more every time a piece sells. The stuff at the MET is going to auction in a month, so I’m sure I’ll make plenty more then.”

“But why would you do that?”

“I don’t want to make you guys stress about getting the money together.”

“How are you going to pay your student loans and your phone bill?”

“Bill, I’ve been in the MET, I don’t pay for school anymore. The phone bill isn’t that bad. Also, I still have quite a bit of money in my account.”

“How loaded are you?”

“Let’s not talk about it.” Richie was uncomfortable talking about how much money he had made recently. He hadn’t stopped working on commission work, plus he had raised the price significantly since his gallery opened. Ally’s blog had helped a lot since she would post pictures of anything that Richie sent her pictures of.

“Okay then. If I get published and it sells well, I can probably pay for the other six months.”

“I’m fine with whatever Billiam.”

“We should stop talking about this.”

“Probably.” Richie looked around their tiny home. It was only a few rooms but it already felt like home. Stan had taken it upon himself to put the photos that they brought up the moment they had everything inside. He said that if they didn’t do it right away, that it would never get done.

Richie loved all those pictures. Almost all of them were pictures of all the Losers. One was the first picture they took with Ally at the airport. One was them at Richie’s birthday party. One was the sketch that Richie drew of the original seven of them from Christmas. One of them was the seven at Richie’s gallery opening. One of them was the four boys in front of their cars getting ready to leave. There were a couple of each of the couples in the apartment. Richie and Eddie had more in their room as well, the two of them loved to write on the polaroid pictures that Bev would take of them.

“Which one of those is your favorite?” Bill asked when he noticed what Richie was staring at.

“I don’t know if I can pick just one.”

“If you had to?” Richie stared at all of them for a moment. He had a different reason to love all of them.

“The four of us getting ready to leave.”

“Why that one? Why not one of all of us?”

“You know how I came to New York to find a home and a family and all that shit?” Bill nodded, he remembered Richie’s gallery speech pretty well. “Well, I found a family a long time ago in all of you, but that family started with just the four of us. And we made a home in this tiny apartment. I didn’t take a picture or anything when I left my first ‘home’ to find a real one, but that one feels like it’s the closest.”

“How can you be so sweet and sentimental sometimes and then other times, you’re a rude piece of shit?”

“Thanks, Bill. Also, don’t ask what my favorite picture in Eddie and I’s room is.”

“I’m scared but also curious.”

“The only reason you would want to know is if you never wanted to be able to look at Eddie the same way again.”

“I’m just scared now.”

“Good. That was what I was going for.”

“I feel like you’re spending too much time with Stan.”

“Hey, fuck you. I’m a delight,” Stan said from the doorway with two arms full of grocery bags. He and Eddie had gone out to get food and other kitchen utensils since they had almost nothing in the kitchen of that apartment.

“Stan move your ass.”

“No, you said two trips were for bitches so suffer.”

“Your fiancé is mean to my boyfriend.”

“I know he is. We should probably help them before they fight each other.”

“Or us.” Bill nodded as he and Richie got up to help the other two. Richie volunteered to help Eddie put everything away so that Stan could get some sleep. Stan had driven almost the entire way and also had to deal with some hellish traffic. Which would have been more okay had he not been in a screaming match with his father for most of the night. Stan had decided to tell him everything, his and Bill’s engagement, the fact that they were moving out, and that maybe he wouldn’t come back for the holidays because ‘fuck you’.

Eddie was trying to put some cans on one of the upper shelves of the cupboard when Richie looked over to ask where he wanted the cookies to be put. Richie walked up behind Eddie and sat the can on the shelf Eddie was aiming for.

“I could’ve gotten it.”

“Really?”

“If I climbed on the counter,” Richie smirked and rolled his eyes before wrapping his arms around Eddie’s waist and burying his head into Eddie’s neck. The only reason Richie didn’t kiss Eddie’s neck or shoulder was that his lip was still too sore to do so. “Thank you anyways, I guess.”  Eddie sounded tense.

“What’s up?”

“It’s just, my mom always helped me with things like that because she was afraid I would get hurt. She never let me do anything for myself.”

“I wasn’t helping because I didn’t think you could do it, I helped so you didn’t have to climb on the goddamn counter to put a can away. I know you could do it, I helped because I didn’t want you to get upset at a can of soup.”

“I know- I know that. It’s just not something I’m used to yet.”

“I get that. We both have to work on getting used to certain things. But you know what? I wouldn’t want anyone else by my side.”

“I fucking hate you for getting your lip pierced. That comment would’ve earned you a kiss.”

“Oh, I have to earn them now?” Richie looked up at Eddie and raised an eyebrow.

“No.” Richie stood up completely and winked at Eddie before he went back to putting groceries away. Eddie remembered the first time Richie’s winks were directed at him. It was back in that first week of school. He and Richie had run into each other, and Eddie was so sure that the only reason he was mildly flustered around Richie was because he was sure that they were going to be really great friends. He wasn’t wrong, but in reality, he was flustered because he knew that he was going to fall in love with him.

Eddie had also realized really quickly that there was no way he could’ve stopped himself from falling in love with Richie. Richie completed him in a strange way. Where Eddie was high strung and anxious, Richie just went with the flow and actually calmed Eddie down. Richie was just as touchy as Eddie was. Even before they were dating, Richie would constantly drape his arm over Eddie’s shoulders or Eddie would sit on his lap without either of them really thinking about it. It had always just been their thing. Being close. Physically touching. And Eddie wouldn’t trade it for the world.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

“Wow guys, this place is really nice.” 

“Thanks, Mike,” Eddie smiled as he looked around their tiny home. The other four had come over later that day since Bev, Ben, and Mike had all moved into their apartment the day before. There were still boxes everywhere but those were all things that could be dealt with later.

“Where’s Stan?” Ally asked. She had been putting the bottle of champagne in the fridge for later. Sean had gotten it for them as a celebration of all of them moving out to New York and being ‘real adults’ or something.

“He’s still in bed. I woke him up enough to respond when you said you were coming over. He told me he wanted twenty more minutes, but that was an hour ago,” Bill shrugged.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen Stan take so long of a nap. Didn’t you say he went to bed like a couple of hours ago?” Ben asked.

“Yeah, but with no sleep and Dad and traffic, it’s really not that surprising.”

“Bill I will break our engagement if you keep talking shit about me,” Stan rubbed his eyes as he came out of their bedroom. Even through his threats, he sat down on Bill’s lap and snuggled into his fiancé.

“Stan acts like a cat when he’s tired, I don’t think I’ve ever noticed that before.”

“Shut up, Ally.” Stan still sounded half asleep.

“We’ve never understood it either,” Bev explained, they really never did understand that. A few years ago, when Bill was being a fuckboy somewhere else, Stan used Eddie and Mike as his go-to sleepy cat person. They had all just learned to accept it.

“Richie is being awfully quiet over there,” Ben pointed out. Richie had been curled up on one corner of the couch with his headphones in. He had been working on some sketches for the past two hours. Eddie tapped his head, which was also when he noticed the other four had shown up.

“Oh, hey guys,” he said as he pulled his earbuds out. “When did you get here?”

“A couple of minutes ago,” Bev answered.

“What are you working on?” Ben asked. They had all taken seats at that point, although Ally and Mike were sitting on the floor.

“I got hired for this big mural thing for a local university. They’re not giving me much to go on. I’ve been trying to get a least a couple sketches to show before I meet with them next week.”

“What did they give you to go on?” Ben asked.

“Literally just their mascot.”

“What’s their mascot?”

“An eagle, which in my opinion is the most generic ass mascot a school could have. I’m just trying to make it good without it somehow going patriotic.”

“What school is it?” Ally asked. She only knew of one school that had an eagle as a mascot and it was not a good place. Richie confirmed what school she thought it was. “They hired you?”

“Why wouldn’t they hire Richie?” Eddie seemed more insulted than Richie was.

“That school is hella homophobic. Like they’re one of those schools that hunt through social media to find any reason to not admit someone. And if you’ve been in a same sex relationship, they do not let you in. And if it gets out after you’ve been accepted, some of the people there harass you until you leave.”

“How do you know all that?” Ben asked. He wanted to believe her but it seemed so extreme.

“One of my friends went there for a semester. It’s what happened to him.” Richie’s face suddenly lit up. He had an amazing idea on what to do.

“Richie you’re not going to do something for them, right?” Bill asked.

“I have to, we have a contract, plus they already gave me a down payment,” Richie didn’t look up from his sketching. The others watched him for a moment before he looked back up. “Okay, so this is really rough right now but I’m thinking of doing something like this.”

Richie turned his sketchbook around for everyone to see. It looked nothing like Richie’s art. Where Richie was generally realistic, this was very plain and almost cartoonish. There were so little details. It was Bev who recognized the style first.

“You are not fucking not.”

“You bet I am. They want to be homophobic, I’ll throw it right back in their face.”

“I’m confused, please explain,” Mike said.

“It’s Keith Haring inspired,” Bev responded.

“Who’s Keith Haring?” Bill asked, Mike recognized the name but he didn’t really understand what that name had anything to do with this situation.

“Keith Haring was a street artist from New York. He was also super fucking gay.”

“I get it now,” Ally commented. She was actually pretty impressed by the idea. Especially since if Richie was as smart as she thought he was, he would say something along the lines of picking Keith Haring as his inspiration because he was a New York based artist who was incredibly popular back when he was alive.

Richie was that smart. He also lucked out that board didn’t know who Keith Haring was. And by the time they figured it out, the mural had been up for two and a half years and Richie was about to graduate.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

“You look nice,” Eddie peeked behind Richie and said to his reflection. Richie chuckled slightly and turned around.

“You don’t look too bad yourself.”

“Um, that is not the right answer to my compliment.” Richie kissed Eddie’s forehead, the metal ring on Richie’s lip was a lot colder than Eddie expected it to be.

“You look gorgeous as ever.”

“Better,” Eddie said through a laugh. “You nervous for your speech tonight?”

“A little. But I had Bill look over it so it shouldn’t be too bad, he didn’t laugh at it.”

“I’m sure it’s good. You’re able to pull gallery speeches out of your ass so I’m sure the one you planned will be good.”

“Let’s hope so.” Eddie forced his hands into Richie’s and started swinging them lightly, it was something he had picked up a few years ago as a way to calm Richie down.

“You’re still worried about impressing them?”

“Is it silly of me?” Richie knew it was but that didn’t stop him from worrying. Eddie really did help though. Over the years their relationship had transitioned back to when it first began. Maybe it was because they both knew that their futures were always going to be intertwined. Maybe they had fallen more in love with each other. Or maybe it was because they realized exactly what the other person needed, and that helping the other meant they were helping themselves. None of these were maybes, they were all true.

“A little bit, especially since they chose you to speak.”

“I’m the ‘most successful’ person here. Besides the professors.” Richie just exaggerated the words that he would normally air quote since his hands were a little full at the moment.

“I’m pretty sure you’re more successful than some of the professors.”

“Don’t talk shit about Ryan like that.” The comment made Eddie laugh, especially since that wasn’t who he was talking about.

“I’d never. Then I would all my fun High School Richie stories.”

“You aren’t supposed to enjoy those.”

“I’m not?” Richie laughed at the face Eddie made as he asked that question in the most overly sarcastic voice he could muster. Eddie reached up and kissed Richie’s cheek to get his attention, “Come on, we got to get going.”

Richie followed Eddie to their car and nervously tapped on Eddie’s leg as he drove. Eddie wasn’t going to say anything since that was Richie’s way of calming down when he can’t smoke. Eddie didn’t allow smoking in the car so this was a fine substitute. He did turn on music, which caused Richie to completely forget about his nerves for a moment as he lost himself in the music.

Eddie had always been a little surprised that Richie had never picked up a music major or minor but had never really thought to ask about that. He remembered Richie’s whole speech on art being a passion and music being a hobby. He guessed he understood that. Plus, it means he got to keep part of Richie to himself.

Richie had blown up in popularity over their college years. His art was everywhere. Granted, there would always be things Richie drew that only Eddie would get to see, but that still didn’t change the fact that Eddie liked having Richie all to himself sometimes. Not that Richie cared since he felt the same way sometimes.

When they got to the art department banquet, they saw the rest of the Losers at their table. They also saw a surprise guest. This one had flown out here yesterday so that they could visit for all of graduation and all the other festivities that were going on this week.

“Georgie?” Eddie asked as they got to the table. Georgie looked up and pushed his glasses up, he had forgotten his contacts so they were all seeing him in glasses for the first time in forever.

“Hey.”

“What are you doing here?” Eddie asked as he and Richie sat down.

“I came out for graduation and stuff. I didn’t know this was a thing but it seems fun. At least it doesn’t seem like a bunch of assholes.”

“Nah, just a bunch of depressed artists,” Richie commented as he scooted his champagne to Mike. Mike was still a sucker for free champagne at art events. He could also just hold his alcohol better than anyone at the table.

“My people,” Georgie said in a fake dreamy voice. Richie also realized that Bill had two glasses in front of him and Georgie didn’t have any. Richie thought it was a little strange but he didn’t have time to dwell on it as someone tapped his shoulder.

“Hey Ryan, what’s up?” Richie asked when he saw who it was.

“Daniel wants to talk to you before you talk in front of everyone.”

“He afraid I’m going to say fuck?”

“Yes.” Everyone at the table laughed. Richie looked back at everyone.

“I’ll be back, at some point.” Richie got up and followed Ryan, Eddie very obviously watched him as he walked.

“You’re very subtle there Eddie,” Georgie commented, he had somehow picked up Stan’s deadpan sass from hundreds of miles away and it concerned Bill.

“It will only get worse as the night goes on,” Bev responded as Eddie turned back around. The eight of them at the table talked for a bit until Dr. Henry made his way to the podium and got everyone’s attention.

“Thank you all for coming out tonight. I know for many of you it was required,” the art students laughed, “but for those who chose to come here, I appreciate it. This year we wanted to highlight some of the students that have found success in our program, whether that be in this school or in the ‘real world’ since many of you call it that.” He paused for laughter again. “Many of these students have their pieces on display around the room for your viewing pleasure. But there is one student who has nothing in here, because I wanted him to speak instead. So, please welcome, Mr. Richie Tozier.” The room clapped as Richie made his way to the podium. He looked nervous, but no more nervous that he did the first time he ever had to give a speech in front of an art crowd.

“Keith Haring, supposedly, once said, ‘I don’t think art is propaganda; it should be something that liberates the soul, provokes the imagination and encourages people to go further. It celebrates humanity instead of manipulating it’. When I was trying to figure out what the hell I was going to say for this speech, that quote really stuck out to me. I think that’s mostly because I know so many people both in and out of this room that have been touched by art. Personally, art has pushed me, to explore more of myself and the people around me. It has given me so much to celebrate in a life that was so full of sadness. Now many of you have no idea what I’m talking about, but that’s okay, you don’t need to. I don’t need to tell you my entire story in words when it can be seen in my art, just like many of your stories. We all put so much of ourselves into our art, sometimes without us even noticing it. But that can be said with most things. The only difference between us telling our stories and a writer telling theirs, is that ours are visual. We have to so carefully tell our stories in case the people in those stories recognize themselves. But we all refuse to stop telling them. Why? Because it liberates our souls, provokes our imaginations, and encourages us to go further when we think we can’t go any farther. We use our art to celebrate our lives and tell our stories. This university has been a place for us all to go further and really reach our potential. I know I will forever be thankful for that, just as I know we all will. Thank you.”

Richie stepped down and walked back to his table as the room clapped. This never got any easier for him. Public speaking was not his thing. His thing was hiding in his studio for days to get commissions and schoolwork done. His thing was camping out in the living room of one of their apartments. His thing was hanging out with his friends in diners and trying to make everyone laugh at something ridiculous he said. His thing was loving his friends, his real family, more than anything.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

Graduation at Morrison was the next weekend. Eddie had bribed Richie to decorate both of their caps to match, at least somewhat. In reality, they mostly just had the same color scheme, that Eddie picked out. Richie had gotten really excited and decorated all four of the Morrison boys’ caps, although Bill and Stan had a different color scheme.

Richie, Eddie, and Stan were all off to the side waiting for everyone else. The others were all talking to their families, these three couldn’t. Stan was also just trying to get away from the crowd for a moment, Richie had used this time for a smoke break, but there were all sitting on one of the park benches at this point.

“Are you upset your parents didn’t come out?” Eddie asked Stan.

“I don’t know. At least Bill’s parents were here, they’re a nice substitute. Are you upset your mom didn’t come out?” Eddie shrugged. He hadn’t really thought about it. Sure, he missed his mom. Sure, he wished they could have a better relationship. But wishes didn’t always come true. But today, his did.

“Eddie?” All three of them looked up at the woman’s voice. She looked so different. She was almost unrecognizable. But Eddie would always remember her face.

“Mom?”

“Yeah.” Eddie stood up, although he didn’t let go of Richie’s hand or actually move towards her.

“You came out for graduation?”

“Yeah. You did send me an invitation.”

“I did it mostly out of courtesy. I didn’t expect you to show up.” They both stared at each other for a moment. “You know I’m still with Richie, right? Nothing changed in the three and a half years since the last time we talked.”

“I know.”

“You know, I’m not going to change, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And you’re fine with that?”

“I am.”

“Who are you and what have you done with my mother?”

“I did a lot of soul searching after I forced you to leave. I think I was just scared. The thought of you being gay never crossed my mind and it felt like everything was crumbling. I thought you were like this because I was a terrible mother.”

“You could’ve been a textbook amazing mother, and it wouldn’t have changed me.”

“I know that now. I didn’t know that then.”

“I mean you still weren’t the best mother, but I did love you. I do love you.”

“You never hated me?”

“No. I was upset sometimes, sure. But you were always my mother.” She smiled at that.

“Are you still friends with the others?”

“Yeah. I’ve been living with Bill, Stan, and Richie for the past three years. Richie and I move into our new place in two weeks?” He looked at Richie to make sure he had the time right. Richie nodded, technically it was only ten days but that wasn’t important.

Eddie actually had some pleasant conversation with his mother. She even asked Richie some questions. Stan chimed in for a little bit before getting up and joining the others, figuring it was probably a good thing to let those three be alone. He waved at the group when he came up to them.

“Hey Stan, where’s Richie and Eddie?” Ally asked. She had graduated last year so she wasn’t in a cap and gown, Stan thought she was lucky. But then again, neither were Ben or Bev since they graduated last week and Mike never went to school, he just got a really good job at the NYU library.

“Um, Eddie’s mom showed up so they’re all talking.”

“Sonia showed up?” Bev asked. Stan nodded before he turned to Bill.

“Did you tell your mom?”

“Tell me what?” she asked.

 “We’re going to steal Georgie for a bit,” Bill said to his mom as he sat his elbow on his brother’s shoulder, causing the smaller Denbrough to roll his eyes.

“You aren’t using him as a sober driver, are you?”

“Nah, that’s me,” Richie said raising his hand slightly, surprising everyone as he and Eddie walked up to the group. Sonia had a plane to catch so she couldn’t stay for long. She hadn’t expected Eddie to actually talk to her so she had booked the earliest flight after graduation. But they had promised each other to actually talk more and try to fix their very broken relationship.

“We’re just stealing him to go have fun, while I can still pretend to not be a real adult.”

“Just make sure he doesn’t get hurt.”

“Mom, I’m eighteen.”

“Don’t worry Mrs. Denbrough, we’ll make sure he makes it home in one piece,” Ben said with one of his bright smiles, one that made it impossible for anyone to say no. They had all tried, but it was a useless effort. She agreed pretty easily after that.

They all wanted to pretend that they weren’t going to go to the diner after graduation, but that was a big fat lie. That was exactly where they ended up.

“What kind of shake you getting?” Ally asked Georgie, she definitely wasn’t expecting the edgy gen Z she got from him.

“Is bleach an option?” They all stared at him for a second before he added, “I’m just kidding. I’m getting a vanilla shake.”

“When did you become an edgy teen?” Ben asked.

“When a bunch of my friends decided to be assholes.”

“What do you mean?” Bill asked. Georgie hadn’t told him anything about his friends being assholes.

“Remember how I came and visited over my spring break?” Bill nodded. “Well a bunch of my friends wanted me to not come out and just stay in Derry and get fucked up every day. I didn’t want to do that because I really don’t like drinking and I wanted to hang out with you guys. You’re significantly more fun.”

“How’d they respond to that?” Bill took over the Losers’ side of this conversation since Georgie was really good at shutting others out or just responding in memes.

“Not well. The last month of school has been absolute hell and I’ve had about two friends, both of them only hang out with me because they feel bad.”

“I’m sorry kid.”

“It’s whatever. I won’t have to deal with them soon enough.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not going to school with any of them. Almost all of them are staying in Maine and I’m not.” Another thing he had not told Bill, he was very surprised.

“Where are you going?”

“I got into NYU, so I’m going to go there.”

“So, you’re becoming your brother?” Richie asked.

“I could be becoming worse people I guess.”

“I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said about your brother,” Stan commented in the classic deadpan they had all come to love.

“It really do be like that sometimes.” There was the regular Georgie. He was able to keep that attitude for the rest of the weekend that he was here. Georgie complained the entire way back to Derry that it was bullshit that he couldn’t stay with Bill and Stan for the summer since he was just going to school in New York anyway. His parents really did think about shipping him back to his brother in a cardboard box, but they decided shipping would be too expensive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know this one has a really big time jump in it. Just assume their last three years of college were pretty uneventful.
> 
> Also, I really liked adding Georgie in so he's staying.


	30. The one about wedding bells

“Richie, I think I’m going to have a heart attack.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re getting married today.”

“No, it’s cause I’m giving birth today, of course, it’s because I’m getting married today ya fucking dildo.” Stan hadn’t moved from where he was lying on the floor. He really wanted to be excited, but so much more of him was nervous. Richie joined him on the floor.

“What’s got Stan the Man freaking out today?” Richie sat his hand on Stan’s. Ever since Richie found Stan in the kitchen, they had started holding hands when one of them was really down or nervous, especially when Bill and Eddie weren’t around. It had been almost three years since that day, and the sentiment behind the gesture had never faded.

“I invited my parents.” Stan moved his hand so he was fully holding Richie’s now.

“Didn’t we decide that was a bad idea?” Bev asked from where she was sitting on the couch of the small room that was Stan’s to get ready in. She was twirling the wedding ring that sat on her left hand as she remembered how nervous she was for her wedding. She and Ben got married over the spring break of their senior year, she had been claiming that they needed to continue to be the alpha couple and do everything first. Really, she was just tired of having to explain that they were engaged, but she didn’t have a ring.

“It’s my wedding, I couldn’t just not invite them.”

“You didn’t ask your dad to officiate it, did you?”

“No Bev, that’s still your job.”

“Oh good. Go back to freaking out.”

“You’re so unhelpful.”

“And yet you asked me to be here.”

“Okay children. Staniel don’t worry, there’s a good chance they won’t even show up.”

“They RSVPed as a maybe so they could if they wanted to, they have seats and dinners.”

“Yeah but it’s also a nine-hour drive from Derry to here. Your dad doesn’t want to make that drive. He didn’t come out for graduation, so what makes you think he’s gonna come out for this?”

“So, he can pick a fight with me.”

“I may or may not, have already given security your dad’s picture and told them not to let him in unless he promises to behave and be quiet. Bill ratted you out at his bachelor party.”

“BEVERLY MARSH!” Stan sat up slightly to look at her. She shrugged and didn’t look upset at her actions. “You’re such a fucking angel, and I love you.”

“I know.”

“You feel better now?” Richie used their combined hands to hit Stan in the chest.

“A little.” That was when Stan noticed the door close. “I think someone just came in and left.”

“It couldn’t have been one of the Losers, none of us are quiet when we come into rooms.” Bev thought that the only exception might be Ben, but even that was slowly becoming untrue. They were all the type of people to start talking as they opened the door. No knocking, just talking.

“Strange, oh well.” Stan lied back down completely and closed his eyes. He still had an hour before he really needed to start getting ready. He didn’t care enough to get up and see who was quickly walking down the hall.

Had he done that he would’ve seen the wedding planner that he did not want to hire walking very quickly down the hall towards Bill’s room. She had a devious smirk on her lips. She had fallen pretty quickly for Bill and had tried a few times to start fights between the couple to make them call the wedding off.

When she made it to Bill’s room, she knocked on the door and waited for someone to open it or say she could come in. She unbuttoned the top button of her blouse so that more of her cleavage was exposed. She was really hoping that Bill was at least somewhat into women. It was Eddie that opened the door.

“Can I help you?” Eddie had seen her once or twice and couldn’t remember what her job actually was.

“I need to speak with the groom, immediately.”

“Which one? There are two at this wedding.” Eddie was a little irritable since he and Stan had switched rooms for the night. Eddie had found it increasingly difficult to sleep without Richie in bed with him.

“Bill.”

“Then come in.” Eddie opened the door so she could come in completely. She saw Bill, with about half of his tux on, sitting sideways on a chair with a notebook on his lap and a pencil in his hand. She didn’t know what he was working on, he was working on a new character sketch for his next book. He looked up at her when he heard the door close.

“Oh, hey Gretchen, what’s up?”

“I just went to check up on Stan and saw something a little concerning.” Bill looked worried all of a sudden. She didn’t see that the other Losers in the room looked concerned as well.

“What was it?”

“I saw him lying on the floor, holding hands with another man.”

“Dark curly hair, tattoo sleeves, big glasses, lip ring?” She nodded, very confused about how he knew exactly what this other man looked like. Bill sighed, relieved. “Damn, you scared the shit out of me for a second there.” Bill returned to what he was doing, as did Ben and Eddie. No one was really sure where Mike and Ally were.

“You know who it is?”

“Yeah, it’s Richie.” Bill didn’t look back up at her.

“And you’re fine with them holding hands?”

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because your soon to be husband is holding hands with someone who looks like he’s slept on the streets for a few days.”

“Hey, he does not,” Eddie piped up from the couch he sat on.

“He doesn’t to us cause we’ve seen him at much worse Eddie,” Ben said as he patted Eddie’s shoulder.

“Either way, it is an artist aesthetic that Bev and I have worked very hard on.”

“I am so confused.” Gretchen looked around at the rest of them. It was Bill who explained, he wanted her to leave.

“Richie is Stan’s best friend and best man. When Stan is really nervous and I’m not around, he and Richie will hold hands. They’ve also done it while I’m there. It doesn’t bother me.” He hoped that that explanation was enough to satisfy her, it wasn’t.

“How could that not bother you?”

“Because Richie and I fuck like every day and I’ve trapped his ass.” Eddie didn’t look up from his book that time. He only looked up slightly when he heard Bill laugh. Bill knew that Richie and Eddie had sex a lot less than that from living together.

“So, you’re fine with it too?”

“Yeah. I trust Richie. Plus, I’m pretty sure he’s gonna ask me to marry him soon.”

“How do you know that?” Ben asked.

“I keep nagging him about it.”

“You fucking would,” Ben said through a laugh, remembering that his engagement had been over a meal at Taco Bell as high schoolers.

“Um yeah, I ain’t getting any younger.”

“Was there anything else I could help you with Gretchen?” Bill was actually looking at her again. For most of this, he had been mostly avoiding eye contact with her. She was fine in his opinion, but he also knew that she had been trying to start shit between him and Stan since the beginning. He mostly thought that it was because she had a thing for Stan.

“No. We are about 80% set up out there. Don’t forget that you have two and a half hours.” She reverted back to her professional mode.

“I know. We’ll be ready. The one on the floor is gonna be the hardest to get ready.” He nodded his head to his sleeping brother. As much as Georgie wanted to move in with Bill and Stan, their parents had forced him to stay in Derry for the summer. And Georgie didn’t sleep well during car rides so he was still exhausted from the car ride to New York the other day. Their parents decided to drive overnight and not really tell Georgie so he could nap during the day. He had thrown a bunch of the pillows from the couches onto the floor and cocooned himself in them.

She left the room after that. Bill rolled his eyes and went back to his character sketch and notes. His publisher said he needed to get more projects finished if he wanted to keep his contract. Bill knew he was full of shit, anything Bill put out sold amazingly so he never really needed to try.

Ever since his short stories about Richie’s art was published, he had found a crazy amount of success. His last three books were New York Times bestsellers and one of them had the potential of being made into a movie. Bill said he would only be okay with that if he could write the screenplay for it, he didn’t want someone else ruining his story and the meaning behind it.

“That was strange,” Ben said after she left.

“Yeah. I’m just gonna be excited when I don’t have to deal with her anymore.”

“Is she really that bad?”

“This is not the first time she’s tried something like that.”

“I would’ve fired her way before this point then,” Eddie said, and the other two conscious ones in the room knew he wasn’t lying. Eddie might trust Richie, but he was also a jealous little shit, especially when it came to women flirting with Richie. Richie never seemed to notice when people flirted with him, which only made Eddie more of a little shit. Richie thought it was cute though, for some reason.

“Why didn’t you fire her?”

“I didn’t want to plan a wedding, did you?” Ben shrugged, which meant he agreed.

Two hours later, Bill was staring at himself in the mirror that was in his room. His tux was on and his hair was done. He had been staring at himself for about ten minutes before Georgie came up behind him. Bill thought that his younger brother was going to ask him to move, but Georgie was completely ready to go.

“You look nervous.” Bill nodded at his brother’s reflection. “Don’t be.”

“I feel like I’m allowed to be nervous about this.”

“Why are you nervous?”

“I’m getting married. I’m taking the next big step in my life and I’m just scared is all.”

“Are you scared that Stan is gonna change his mind?”

“No.”

“Are you scared you’re going to change your mind?”

“No.”

“Are you just scared about the future?”

“Yeah.”

“We all are. I mean, look at me. I just finished high school and I have no idea what I want to do with my future. I have no idea what I’m going to major in and I’m not going to know anyone at school next year. I have no idea what my future holds but I’m excited. Not scared. You have one guaranteed pillar in your life, Stan. So, don’t be scared. Your future isn’t going to come crashing down as long as you have him.”

“When did you get so smart? And deep? Yesterday you sent me seventeen cat memes.”

“I read your books. It’s mostly from there.”

“Aw, you read your big brother’s books?” Bill asked in a partially mocking tone. Georgie rolled his eyes.

“You write them, I might as well read them.” The last half hour was mostly filled with brothers trying to roast each other and making fun of Mike in the group chat for getting there with forty minutes to spare. He claimed they got lost, but absolutely no one believed that.

The ceremony wasn’t held at a church. It was set up like a church though. There was a slightly raised stage for the grooms and officiant. On either side of the stage were stairs for the wedding parties. They had put up art behind the altar, although instead of a stain glass window, it was a large tapestry collectively designed by Richie and Beverly.

“What up, my dudes. We’re here today to celebrate the marriage of our favorite bird boy and our stuttering leader.” Bev was making sure that there were plenty of jokes in what she was saying because she knew how much Stan hated sappy things. That was why they were having her officiate the wedding in the first place. “These two have been in love with each other since I met them many moons ago, so when they finally decided to tie the knot, I wasn’t surprised. None of us were actually. I was surprised about how long it took though. Now, both of you know that marriage is about love and understanding. It’s also patience and talking about the future and knowing that things won’t always work out the way you think it will but reminding each other that you’ll be okay. It’s about keeping the promises that you make with sappy vows and making enough jokes to pretend that nothing is serious. Speaking of sappy vows, who wants to go first, I ask as though I don't know the answer.”

“I’ll go first.” Bill pulled out the small piece of paper from his coat pocket. “So, I’m not sorry but I feel like this is some of my best work.” Everyone in the crowd laughed. Bill took a deep breath before he began speaking again. “There’s a story about the Sun and the Moon being lovers, but they were never able to be together, the universe wouldn’t allow it. So, they loved each other from afar, always wishing to be together. That’s how I thought of us for a long time. I was the Sun and you were the Moon. We were destined to never be together. But there is a time when the Sun and the Moon exist in the same sky, an eclipse. When we finally eclipsed, I was so scared that it was only going to last for a short time. It didn’t. And I thank my lucky stars for the fact that they finally allowed the Sun and the Moon to be together, forever. I love you so much.” All of the Losers were proud that he didn’t stutter. Every time he had practiced in front of one of them, he stuttered like crazy, generally getting frustrated and giving up.

“Guess I’m up.” Stan had his memorized, but he still pulled out the written copy. Those up close could see the slight shaking of his hands. The last time Stan had to speak in front of a crowd was high school graduation, he hated it then, and hated it now. At least as valedictorian he could bribe Bill to write his speech for him, he had to write these all on his own. “It’s no secret that I love you, you’re right up there with birds. But what you don’t know, is that I’ve always loved you. Whenever people ask, I always tell them that my crush on you started when we were eleven, but when I really think about it, I can’t pinpoint an exact moment when I realized I loved you. It seems more like I loved you from the moment I understood what love was but also way before that. You were the one that taught me what love was without even trying to. And realizing that, made me happy, still does. For that happiness alone, I will be eternally grateful. I just hope that I can make you as happy as you’ve made me. I love you.”

“Those were beautiful boys.” Bev wiped a fake tear from her eye. “Now, I have to ask the dreaded question. Is there anyone that objects to the marriage of these two Losers? Speak now,” she was shaking her head no, “or forever hold your peace.” All of the Losers were scanning the crowd, looking for anyone who might say something. The whole room was silent for about thirty seconds before Bev continued. “No? Good. I didn’t want to fight anyone today.

“This means I get to ask the fun questions now.” She turned and looked at Bill first. “William Denbrough, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded loser for life? In sickness and in health, for as long as you both shall live?”

“I do.” His voice was clear and the smirk on his face as he looked at Stan made Stan’s heart melt. Bill tried not to shake too much as he slid the gold band onto Stan’s hand. Bev turned to him then.

“Stanley Uris, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded loser for life? In sickness and in health, for as long as you both shall live?”

“I do.” Stan was surprised at how sure he sounded. He was even more surprised that he didn’t shake in the slightest as he slid the ring onto Bill’s hand.

“Then by the power given to me by the state of New York and a slightly sketchy website, I now pronounce you man and man, you may kiss your loser.” Everyone in the room cheered as Bill pulled Stan closer to kiss him. They kept it soft since they were in front of an audience, it was also just hard to kiss when they were both smiling so much. There would be time for more later.

The reception was held in part of their hotel. They had decided that they were going to stay at the hotel that they stayed at for Richie’s first gallery opening. Since that one, he had had two others; Bill wrote stories for those ones too.

Stan had been on the lookout for his parents for the past hour. When it seemed like they weren’t coming he was finally able to relax and enjoy himself. There ended up being quite a few people at the wedding, and most of them wanted to congratulate the happy couple. Stan found that he really didn’t mind talking to some of the people Bill knew from work, they weren’t all stuffy book people. Bill didn’t really understand all of what Stan and his internship and research colleagues were talking about but he nodded along like he did.

Dinner was finishing up when the obligatory speeches began. They hadn’t decided any real order that they were going to go in, but Mike decided he was going to go first.

“He thrusts his fist against the post, but still insists he sees the ghosts. Bill used to say that for hours on end, every day. It was so frustrating. When I asked why he constantly said it, he told me it was to impress someone. I bugged him for two entire practices for him to tell me who the hell he was trying to impress, none of cared that he stuttered. He finally told me, that when we were really young, Stan told him that he would only marry Bill if he lost his stutter. I didn’t know how to respond to that, it was adorable. Well, I’m glad you were able to lose your stutter, so you could marry the boy you’ve been in love with for as long as I’ve known you. Although, I’m sure Stan would’ve still married you if you stuttered.” Mike raised his glass as everyone clapped. Bill looked at Stan, almost like he was asking Stan to answer the question that Mike didn’t really raise, but kind of did. Stan nodded, causing Bill to smile a little brighter. Bev was the next one to speak.

“There was once a time, many years ago, where Bill dated women, and they both complained to me about it. Bill would call me at like one in the morning to tell me that he _hated_ the girl that he was dating. When I asked why he doesn’t just break up with her and ask the person he really liked out on a date, he told me that there was no way in hell that Stan would feel the same way about him. He was doing all of it to make Stan jealous. Now Stan and I would smoke cigarettes on the trunk of my car and he would complain that Bill was an idiot. I agreed with him. I once asked Stan why he didn’t just tell Bill how he felt, I got ‘He definitely doesn’t feel the same way about me ya dumb bitch’. Most people would’ve taken that comment personally. I didn’t, I knew he was a love-sick boy, also his parents were being terrible that day. When they told me that they finally got together, I smacked both of them on the back of the head and told them that I was glad they finally figured their lives out. Congratulations boys. You really did finally figure it out.” Bev went to set the mic on the stand before she quickly picked it back up and said, “I’m still part of the alpha couple so get rekt boys.” All of the guests who weren’t a part of the Losers club, or Georgie, were very confused by this statement. The mood lightened back up for those individuals when Richie snorted because he was laughing too hard. Georgie walked up to the mic stand, he looked like he didn’t really want to be there, but it was a fake kind of annoyance. He had to keep up appearances.

“I told Bill that I didn’t want to give a speech, but here I am, apparently as a best man you have to, I would not have agreed if I knew that. Congrats big bro. And Stan, you really are the settler in this relationship, thanks for settling with my brother. I guess you’re a pretty good addition to our family. Welcome to the Denbroughs, we are fucking insane, but I guess you are too. Also, will you please stop emotionally scarring me now that you’re married? It would be greatly appreciated.” It was at this point that everyone realized that this was a very different kind of wedding and very interesting group of people. Eddie took Georgie’s place at the mic.

“So, I lived with Bill for four years and Stan for three years. Having lived with them, I have to say, they’re grossly adorable, and this is coming from me. Like Bill makes Stan’s cup of coffee every morning, exactly the way Stan wants it that day without Stan saying a thing. Whenever Stan was working on a long or hard lab report, Bill would always be in the room with him, Stan would read him the section he was working on so that Bill could tell him whether or not it made sense to someone who had no idea what was happening. But Stan also did a lot of cute things for Bill. If Bill was really stressed over school or his writing, Stan would hide little snacks around the apartment. He would always write little encouragements or jokes or tiny roasts on there. That’s how Richie and I knew not to eat them. But the thing I really admire about them is that they never once went to bed without saying I love you first, even when they fought. I asked Stan about it one time, he said that they did it because if you go to bed angry, you’ll only make things worse. I like that idea. So, keep being an inspiration, I know that there’s a lot of people that could learn from you, including me.” It was Ben’s turn next.

“When we were in high school, Bill started hanging out with some of the guys on the football team. He would still publicly hang out with Mike, me, and Bev because we were on the team and everyone was afraid of Bev. It freaked Stan out, he thought he was losing Bill, I ensured him he wasn’t. Bill told me early on, that he was doing it so that they wouldn’t pick on the others. Stan was an easy target for them, and it killed Bill when they would mock him. The beginning of our junior year, there was this kid that targeted Stan for pretty much no reason, he said some awful things, and Bill snapped. It was the first time I saw Bill fight someone, and it was terrifying. I pulled him away before the coach saw and I asked him what the hell had just happened. I still remember what he said. ‘The shit that asshole was saying, it was like he was talking shit about an adorable baby bird that can’t fly yet. I couldn’t just sit there and let him talk like that about someone I love. It’s like how you would react if he was saying stuff about Bev, I just couldn’t take it.’ When he related it to me and Bev, I got it then. And I still get it. I’m happy for you guys. Congratulations. I know you guys will be happy forever because I know Bill will fight anyone to make sure his little bird is happy.” People could hear Stan’s groan over the applause. Part of it was because of how adorable Ben was, but a lot of it was because it was Richie’s turn to talk.

“I told Stan that I wanted to give my speech last because it was going to be the best, obviously. So, I met Stan when I first moved out to New York. But I stayed with him in Derry over that first summer, and there was a bad night for both of us, and we were talking in the yard about the infinite numbers of parallel universes. Stan, you told me that you liked to think that there was a version of you out there that was happy. There is, it’s this one. You got the man of your dreams. And if you’re ever sad, you can turn to your husband and he’ll make you happy again, I know he will. And if he doesn’t, I’ll fight him. I’ll lose miserably, but I’ll fight for your honor.” Eddie hopped up and handed Richie his guitar as Richie adjusted the mic to his height. “So, as Loser wedding tradition has it, I will be performing the first dance song. I told these two that and Stan threatened me so if I die tonight it was great knowing you all. I hope you guys like it, I picked it out just for you.”

Stan rolled his eyes as he had Bill stood up and made their way to the dancefloor. Neither of them knew what Richie was going to play, which Stan found more terrifying than anything else.

_“If you'll be my star_

_I'll be your sky_

_You can hide underneath me and come out at night_

_When I turn jet black_

_And you show off your light_

_I live to let you shine_

_I live to let you shine”_

People, starting with the other Losers, joined the couple on the dancefloor, which Stan was incredibly grateful for. It meant that some of the attention was off of him and he could lean his head on Bill’s shoulder without fear of some strange comment.

_“But you can skyrocket away from me_

_And never come back if you find another galaxy_

_Far from here with more room to fly_

_Just leave me your stardust to remember you by”_

When Richie told Eddie what song he was going to play for them, he didn’t really understand why other than the title. But it made a little more sense now. Eddie remembered overhearing a conversation between Bill and Richie. They had been talking about what it would be like to not be with who they were with. He hadn’t heard Richie’s answer but he had heard Bill’s. Bill had said that he would be okay as long as Stan was with someone that made him happier. And that as long as he still had the memories they made together, he would be okay, eventually.

_“If you'll be my boat_

_I'll be your sea_

_A depth of pure blue just to probe curiosity_

_Ebbing and flowing_

_And pushed by a breeze_

_I live to make you free_

_I live to make you free”_

Richie was really good at picking first dance songs. He had picked Ben and Bev’s first song, which he also performed. Bev had never heard the song before Richie played it since it was from a movie soundtrack but she wasn’t going to argue with a Hozier song. He had also put a whole playlist together for Ben and Bev’s wedding, Ben was the one that was really impressed by the whole thing. He always knew how talented Richie was but it felt like it was something completely different when it was all for the happiness of two of his greatest friends. 

_“But you can set sail to the west if you want to_

_And pass the horizon, 'til I can't even see you_

_Far from here_

_Where the beaches are wide_

_Just leave me your wake to remember you by”_

Eddie wasn’t dancing at the moment, he was just watching his friends. He was watching the happiness that was surrounding them. Eddie had watched Bill and Stan’s relationship since the beginning. And he wasn’t exaggerating when he had said their relationship inspired him. It was moments like this that reminded Eddie as to why. Two days ago, he had watched the two of them bicker over where to hang a piece that Richie had made them for their apartment, but today they were so happy that nothing could touch them.

_“If you'll be my star_

_I'll be your sky_

_You can hide underneath me and come out at night_

_When I turn jet black_

_And you show off your light_

_I live to let you shine_

_I live to let you shine”_

Mike and Ally had never really thought about their future and what it really meant for them. But they had both decided that their future meant staying together. Ally had always had trouble truly letting people in, she felt like every time she did, they let her down. She knew he wouldn’t let her down. Mike let people in so easily, but he was always scared that they would leave. He wasn’t scared anymore.

_“But you can skyrocket away from me_

_And never come back if you find another galaxy_

_Far from here with more room to fly_

_Just leave me your stardust to remember you by”_

Stan finally lifted his head to clap with everyone else. Stan looked over to his best friend, who looked really happy, but not for himself. Richie was happy for Stan and Bill. He was happy for all of his friends and how happy they seemed. Richie looked over to where Eddie had been standing. He thought maybe it was time he asked Eddie a certain question he had been putting off for years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a few chapters left! This was one of my favorite chapters but it was also the one I was the most concerned about. I spent forever on the speeches and I really hope I did the Losers justice.


	31. The one about a mouse

“Good God, how many jewelry stores are you dragging me to today?” Stan asked as he trailed behind Richie. Stan had been back for four days and this is what his best friend was forcing him to do.

“All of them until we find the perfect ring.” Richie sounded like it was the most obvious answer ever, and to him it was. This ring had to be perfect. There was no second chance. And part of Richie, the part he didn’t like to listen to, thought that if this wasn’t perfect, Eddie would say no and leave him. Which was not at all true but that wasn’t the point.

“You know Eddie’s going to love it no matter what, right?”

“But what if he doesn’t?”

“I can almost guarantee that he’s going to be too excited that you’re proposing to really pay attention to the ring. And then he’ll be too in love with you and excited about marrying you to critique it.”

“That’s totally not true.”

“I bet you $20 that is exactly what happens.”

“You’re on, bitch.” Richie pulled Stan into the next jewelry store. It was number six of the day. The store was nice. It was small and seemed like it was family owned, it wasn’t but that was the feeling Richie got from it. It was very different from any other store the two had been to that day.

A girl that looked about their age suddenly appeared. Richie would’ve jumped had she not jingled with her earrings and bracelets. She looked nice and like she was actually excited to help them. She didn’t look like she had snorted cocaine in the back in order to keep her peppy customer persona up.

“Welcome to Smith Jewelers, my name is Becca, how can I help you?”

“I’m looking for an engagement ring for my boyfriend,” Richie answered.

“Is this him?” she asked pointing to Stan, which caused Stan to snicker.

“No, he’s married. My boyfriend doesn’t know we’re here. He thinks I’m getting art supplies.”

“Oh, well we have a wide selection over here,” she gestured to another case. Stan and Richie followed her to the case so they could both look in. There was more than one ring in there that caught Richie’s eye. “Do you have a budget?” Richie shrugged as an answer to her question. He hadn’t thought about the cost of this at all. Mostly because he thought that Eddie deserved the best and the price tag didn’t matter. “Is there anything, in particular, you’re looking for?”

“Something different,” Richie said.

“No diamonds,” Stan commented before Richie repeated it. They had gone over Eddie’s strange hatred for actual diamonds at the first store, which promptly eliminated it since all they had were diamond rings.

“Okay, we do have these,” she opened the case and pulled a tray of rings out, all of them had more than one kind of metal and a pattern engraved in them, “All of these are partially customizable. You pick the metals and the pattern from our selection.”

Richie had already seen more than one pattern that he really liked. One of them looked like a vine with leaves. The other was an interlocking knot pattern. Richie wasn’t sure why he wanted both of them, but he did.

“What if I want more than one design on there?”

“We can do that, it just generally jacks the price up a lot.” 

“Yeah, I don’t care about the price.”

“Alrighty then Mr. Big Spender,” she said as she pulled their book of designs out. As Richie was flipping through the pages, he noticed another pattern that he liked more than the knot pattern. This one reminded Richie of the Starry Night painting. For some reason, he liked the idea of having both of the designs combined.

He ran the idea past Stan and Becca, who was absolutely blown away by Richie’s idea. She said that she had never thought about combining the patterns. She went and got the shop’s ring maker, who also really enjoyed Richie’s idea. So, he ordered it. He was paid for part of it. He was officially one step closer to asking Eddie to marry him. Now he just needed an actual plan on how.

Richie and Stan tried to come up with an idea over lunch, which surprisingly wasn’t a diner. They ended up going to the fancier Chinese restaurant that Stan went to quite a bit. It was small and quiet and a nice place to talk.

“Do you have any ideas?” Stan asked.

“Not really. I know I don’t really want to do it here. I did promise Eddie we would go on vacation before he started working at the school.”

“So, why don’t you do it on vacation? Those are always kind of fun.”

“But where would we go? This has to be completely perfect Stan.”

“How long have you actually wanted to ask Eddie to marry you?”

“How long have we been dating?”

“Like four years.”

“Like four years.”

“You’re one of those people who would propose to someone immediately?”

“I didn’t think I was, but it’s different with Eddie, you know?”

“I mean, I can’t say I felt the same about Eddie, but I think I know what you mean.”

“It’s just like, finding him and getting him to love me back was a dream come true and I just want him to know that.” A look that normally scared Richie washed over Stan’s features. The look normally meant Stan was coming up with some scheme that was designed to torture someone, but given the context of their conversation, Richie figured it was good this time.

“I know exactly where you need to take him.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“Richie, can you tell me where we’re going now?” Eddie asked as they sat in the airport. It was two months since Richie had made all of the plans and he hadn’t told Eddie any of them except the dates they would be gone.

“Where’s the fun in that?”

“Your boyfriend won’t stab you.”

“If I tell you the state we’re going to, I’ll give you three chances to guess what we’re doing.”

“Fine.”

“We’re going to Florida.”

“The beach?” Richie shook his head. “Are you we going on a cruise?” Again, Richie shook his head. Eddie looked around slightly to see if he could get any guesses from the people around them when he saw what travel book one of the mothers near them was reading a crazy idea popped into his head. “Are we going to Disney?”

“You would be correct.” Eddie’s smile was so bright that it reminded Richie of every childhood dream coming true. And it totally made the price of all this worth it. Richie had gone all out for this. He had read a dozen blogs trying to figure out the best way to make the most of this trip. He wanted everything to be perfect. He needed everything to be perfect.

It wasn’t even because he was proposing. This was the first long vacation the two of them had taken as just the two of them. Sure, they had gone on some long weekend trips alone, but most of their trips were with the other Losers. That was partially by design because Richie was terrified and unexperienced. How were people supposed to act on vacation? He didn’t know. He had never been on vacation before. His parents didn’t take him anywhere and they never let him travel with the very few family members that actually liked him.

Richie looked up when he heard the announcement for first class boarding. He sighed slightly and stood up. He held out his hand for Eddie to take, who just looked a little confused.

“You coming with?”

“But they called first class.”

“Yeah. We’re in first class.”

“Why?” Eddie took Richie’s hand and followed him, despite the great confusion he felt.

“1. We can afford first class. 2. I need the leg room.”

“You say we but it’s just you.” Eddie hadn’t started working yet, he really didn’t need to. But he was still going to, he didn’t like just sitting around and not doing anything.

“You act like you don’t have access to my bank account.”

“Cause I’m in charge of all the bills.” The banter between the two continued as they boarded the plane. Richie thought he would be a nervous wreck on the plane since that’s how he was the last time he had been on a plane. He was surprisingly fine with Eddie by his side. They had both put headphones in and worked on their own things. Eddie was reading a book and Richie was sketching. He had tried to get ahead of commissions before vacation but this was Richie so that never really happened.

The plane landed and the two of them caught the bus from the airport to Disney. Eddie was still looking at everything around them in utter amazement when Richie pulled him into a building.

“Richie, is this the hotel we’re staying in?” Eddie looked around the lobby in shock. He had never seen such a beautiful room in his entire life. The chandeliers gave everything a warm atmosphere, one that he didn’t really want to leave.

“Do you not like it?”

“It is the nicest hotel I have ever been in. I love it.”

“I’m going to go check us in and I will be right back, okay?” Eddie nodded and Richie kissed his forehead before he walked over to the front desk. Eddie sat down on one of the couches near him since there was a line. As he sat there, he noticed a girl staring at him. She looked like she wasn’t in high school yet but she certainly wasn’t a young child.

“Hello,” he said, he may not have sounded nervous but he certainly felt it.

“Is that your boyfriend?” She sounded southern but it was still understandable.

“Yeah.”

“He’s cute.”

“Thank you.” She moved over from the chair she was sitting in to sit right next to Eddie on the couch. “Is there something else I can help you with?”

“How did you meet him?”

“I met him in college.”

“Was he nice?”

“He’s always been the nicest person I know.”

“Do you love him?”

“More than anything.”

“My mom would say he’s your prince charming.”

“I would like to think so. Do you have a prince charming?” She looked around and then leaned in close to him.

“I’m more into princesses. Don’t tell my mom that.”

“Your secret is safe with me.” The two of them talked for a bit more before her mother came back. She wanted to be concerned but was immediately less concerned when she saw Eddie. He had already perfected his school nurse smile. The mother motioned for the girl to follow her and they made their way out of his sight.

Richie didn’t take much longer to finish getting checked in. He walked back over and tapped Eddie on the shoulder, motioning him to follow with his head. They rode the elevator up to their room pretty quietly, although there had been a comfortable silence between them for years. Richie had been going over all the details in his head since he checked in. They eventually stopped at the room that Eddie was guessing was theirs.

“Welcome to the BoardWalk Inn,” Richie said as he opened the door for Eddie. The room was huge and it all looked amazing. Everything had this vintage feeling to it. Eddie said something about needing to pee after they dropped their suitcases onto the bed. Richie had gone to look at the balcony when he heard, “Holy fuck,” from the bathroom and figured he should probably check it out.

“Richie. Look how fucking big this tub is,” Eddie only knew that Richie came into the room because he sat his chin on Eddie’s head, which normally he would pretend to hate but this was far too exciting to care.

“Yes. And?”

“We can both fit in there.”

“Is that how you want to spend the rest of the night?”

“It’s how I want to spend part of the night. I’m guessing we’re not going to any of the parks tonight.”

“No. I figured tonight was relaxing and I’m sure you’re going to make a plan.”

“Obviously I’m going to make a plan,” Eddie moved so he could actually face Richie, which only caused long arms to wrap around his waist. “Did you make any plans that I should know about?”

“Just dinner reservations.”

“It’s a good thing you know me well enough to pick places that I’ll like.” Richie had been inching closer as Eddie spoke, sitting his forehead against Eddie’s by the end of his sentence.

“I like to think I do.” He did. There wasn’t a single doubt that this man knew him well enough to plan things that he would love. Hell, he knew him well enough to take him to Disney without Eddie saying anything, he figured their friends helped but that wasn’t completely the point. Richie knew him well enough to know when he wanted something and when he didn’t want anything. Richie knew when moments should be filled with silence or if the air should be filled with laughter. Richie knew everything about Eddie.

Eddie wished he could say the same, that he knew everything about Richie. He did for the most part. The only part he didn’t know was most of his past. Sure, he got stories from Ryan about the things he did in high school, but he didn’t know anything before that. If he did it was just bits and pieces of things. He knew that should irritate him to no end. He knew he should be upset. But he wasn’t. He remembered the nightmares. He remembered the paintings that were a cry for help. He remembered the burns that were being covered with tattoos. He remembered all of that. He also remembered that Richie loved him and he loved Richie. And that he would know at some point. That promise of the future kept him from caring too much. He had the rest of his life to find out about it.

~~~~~~~~~~

The two spent the next day at Magic Kingdom. Eddie had always pretended he didn’t understand why this was called the happiest place on Earth, but he was figuring it out pretty quickly. Their day consisted of trying to see how fast they could get the tea cup they were in to spin, the answer was fast enough to make them both feel nauseous. Telling Richie he was leaving him for Flynn Rider, which Flynn seemed fine with. This caused Richie to fake cry and get consoled by Rapunzel, they both then promptly burst out laughing when she started lecturing Flynn. Eating so much food that they both thought they were dying.

They planned to end the night by watching the fire works over the castle. But Richie convinced Eddie to go to Cinderella’s wishing well first. He said it was something he really wanted to do so Eddie just went along with it. He understood why a little more when they got there. The well was lite up with soft lights since the sun had gone down.

“You know, if you make a wish here it’ll come true.”

“You believe in that?” Eddie asked. Richie shrugged and handed Eddie a coin.

“What the worst that can happen?” Eddie giggled slightly before he closed his eyes and made a wish. He threw his coin in the well about the same time Richie did.

“What did you wish for?” Eddie asked. He noticed that Richie looked nervous but he couldn’t figure out why.

“I wished that you would say ‘yes’ to my next question.”

“What are you going to ask me?” Eddie’s voice tapered out slightly as Richie got on one knee. The ring was silver and black with a pattern in it, although the details were blurring together because of the tears in Eddie’s eyes, ones he was trying so hard to keep in.

“Edward Kaspbrak, will you marry me?”

“That’s a dumb question.”

“I hope because my wish came true and the answer is yes?”

“Of course, it’s yes, you big fucking idiot.” Eddie couldn’t stop the tears that were streaming down his face. Richie stood up and used his free hand to wipe away the tears on one side of his face.

“No, you weren’t supposed to cry.”

“Why are you surprised that I’m crying? How was I not supposed to cry?”

“I’m not shocked but I was hoping you could keep it in. Cause if you cry, I’m going to cry and then this is all going to be a struggle.”

“When are we not a struggle?” They both laughed. “Are you going to put the ring on my hand or not?”

“Oh shit, right.” Richie sighed at his own shaking when he finally did put the ring he spent way too long trying to pick out onto Eddie’s finger. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“I can’t believe you want to spend the rest of your life with me.”

“It’s more like the rest of your life.”

“Are you saying you might kill me one day?”

“Absolutely.”

“That’s not very Disney of you.”

“Shut up and kiss me you asshole.” Richie didn’t need any other incentive to lean down and kiss the boy he can call his fiancé now. Although that was getting increasingly harder the more they smiled into their kiss.

“Maybe we’ll just have to save it for later?”

“I guess so. Aren’t the fireworks starting soon?”

“Oh yeah, let’s go find a spot.” As if the timing gods were not on their side, the fireworks started then. They decided that this was an alright spot to watch them from. Richie wrapped his arms around Eddie as they watched the fireworks. It was almost like he was trying to make sure Eddie was real. That all of this was real. That this wasn’t some nightmare that was going to end terribly.

He had had a nightmare last night about this moment. Eddie had said yes and then It came out of the well and pulled him in. Pulled him away from the person he loved. That had almost made him rethink the spot but he had kept it based on the somewhat privacy they had. That was also why he wanted to do it close to when the fireworks were, there was probably going to be less people around, which he was pleasantly surprised was the case.

No matter how scared he was because of his nightmare, everything had been perfect. He was hoping the rest of the night would be just as perfect as they headed back to their hotel.

**RichieRich: So I’m going to need one of you to pick out a first dance song and one of you is going to have to play it**

**Alejandro: Why?**

**RichieRich: [image sent]**

**RichieRich: CAUSE THIS BITCH SAID YES**

**Bevvery: Oh my god guys! Congratulations!**

**Michelangelo: Is this why you guys went to Disney without us? I want to be upset but I’m way too happy now for that**

The others all said congratulations as Richie tossed his phone onto the bed. He had just wanted to tell them before he and Eddie got into anything else tonight. Eddie came over and sat on Richie’s lap.

“Did you have fun?” Richie asked casually. He knew what Eddie wanted, he just wanted to mess with him.

“You make it sound like vacation is over, we’ve been here one day.”

“It’s not over, we just get to spend the rest of it as fiancés.”

“That’s still way too exciting to me.”

“If it’s too exciting we can pretend it didn’t happen.”

“Don’t you fucking dare.”

“I was joking Eds.”

“You know what you can take this back for calling me that,” Eddie acted like he was going to take the ring off of his finger as he said that. He only spun it around his finger and started laughing. He was too happy at the moment to be bothered by the nickname.

“So, how do you want to spend our first night as fiancés?”

“Well, it has to be a little different than how we spent our last night as boyfriends.” It would be. It wasn’t much different, but every move and touch had a different meaning behind it. Everything held promises of the future and the hundreds of other times they would be doing something like this. 

~~~~~~~~~~

“To Richie and Eddie for finally getting engaged!” Mike said as he and the others raised their shot glasses, all but two having vodka in them. Richie and Georgie were doing shots of juice. Richie was because he was still a child at heart, plus the whole no alcohol thing and Georgie just thought that alcohol tasted awful and he wasn’t 21. They all clinked their glasses and threw back their drinks. Seven of them grimacing slightly at the burn, one of them made a similar face because the orange juice the bar had given him was a lot sourer than he thought it was going to be, and Georgie was unaffected because that child ate sour candy like it was going out of style.

“So, got any ideas for the wedding?”

“Bev, we got engaged a week ago and we’ve only been back for a few days. Thinking about the wedding is not how we’ve been spending our time.” Richie winked at her as Eddie punched him in the arm.

“Beep beep asshole. This is why they think we fuck all the time.” Richie shrugged. Now, that was how they had been spending a lot of their free time but that was not the point.

“Can I see the ring again?” Ally asked. Eddie held his hand out for her to take and look at the ring. “Did you design the pattern in it?”

“I helped. It was kind of a catalog sort of thing but I convinced them to let me combine a couple of patterns to make my own.” Eddie pulled his hand back and looked at the ring, almost like he had never seen it before. “What?”

“I don’t think I actually noticed the pattern.”  

“And why’s that?” Stan asked, not even hiding the snarky tone.

“I was just really excited about getting engaged and then the idea of getting married, also Disney World.” Stan looked at Richie and smirked like he won something, leaving everyone but Richie at the table to be very confused. “What?”

“You made a bet with Stan, didn’t you?” Georgie asked. Richie looked pretty much everywhere but the group, the rest of them knew it was a terrible idea to make a bet with Stan, he almost never lost. “Dumbass.”

“Yeah. But I’m Eds’ dumbass.”  

“Can I return you?”

“No returns or refunds babe. The policy hasn’t changed.” Eddie was really glad the policy hadn’t changed. He had made that joke dozens of times during their time together and Richie’s answer had always been the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the number of total chapters went up one. I didn't write another chapter, I just can't count apparently.


	32. The one about knowing

Eddie wanted nothing more than to lie down and not move for the rest of his existence. He enjoys working with kids and with the school doctor. He likes the kids that see him pretty much every day but he really hated the parents that would come in and yell at him for not giving their children the ‘proper care that they deserve’ even though there was nothing wrong with their kid. Their kid didn’t even come in that day.

Luckily, the day was over. He was on his way home. He could probably convince his husband to order pizza for the night. They could put in a movie and Eddie could forget about his day for a few hours.

Eddie had called Mike to complain as he drove home. He would normally call Richie but he was currently working on some big project and Eddie didn’t want to bother him, at least at the moment.

“Did you make it back to your apartment?” Mike asked when Eddie had paused during his rant.

“I’m in the building, I just haven’t gotten into our actual apartment.” Eddie hit the button for his floor as the elevator doors closed. “Oh my God, am I keeping you from something?”

“Ally got back from work so we were going to go out for dinner,” Mike said through a laugh. He knew that Eddie was probably going to freak out if he hadn’t explained completely.

“Oh okay. I’ll let you go. Tell Ally I said hi.” He hung up the phone and finally made it to the apartment he shared with his husband of almost three years. He kicked off his shoes and sat his bag down on the ground near them. He could deal with the paperwork and such later. Or tomorrow. Tomorrow seemed like a good idea.

“Richie, I’m home.” Eddie heard music coming from down the hall where Richie’s studio was. He soon saw dark curls stick out into the hall and saw the bright smile he was always greeted with.

“Welcome home darlin.” Eddie kissed Richie’s cheek as he walked past him and into their bedroom. His scrubs were absolutely killing him at this point. It was just because he had been in them for too long. “I’m guessing by the fact that you’re putting on leggings and my sweatshirt that it wasn’t a good day?” Richie asked as he leaned against the doorframe.

“The Jefferson parents came in again. Their kid is the sweetest being I have ever met, but her parents remind me of my mom. They are convinced that she has this really severe asthma and that I’m not doing anything about it because I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Don’t you actually have asthma? Isn’t that like the one thing she didn’t lie to you about?”

“Yeah, it’s just not that severe, and neither is hers. She just needs to remember to take her inhaler to gym class, which she does. They yelled at me for twenty minutes and the whole time she just kept mouthing that she was sorry. I’m sure she’s going to profusely apologize for them tomorrow.”

“Is that why you were late getting home?”

“Yeah. They caught me right as I was about to leave. Which made me get stuck in traffic.” Eddie walked over to Richie and sat his head on Richie’s chest, who wrapped his arms around him. Almost seven years together and nothing had changed. Richie loved that nothing had changed between them. Nothing changing meant that there was still love in their relationship. Nothing changing meant there was stability, something Richie felt like he had never had before Eddie.

“Since you had such a shitty day, we can do whatever you want for dinner.”

“I want pizza, movies, and cuddles.”

“I think that’s doable. Just let me change out of my painting clothes.” Eddie stood up and saw that he was in fact in his painting clothes. He looked down at himself and found that he was surprisingly paint free. “I’m still working on that watercolor piece, it’s just habit to put these on.”

It was about an hour before all of Eddie’s demands had been met. He and Richie were huddled together on their couch watching some trashy romcoms with their half-eaten pizza on the coffee table. When the hero was just about to get the girl, Richie’s phone started ringing.

“Pass me my phone?” Eddie leaned over and grabbed the phone off the side table.

“It’s a California number?” Richie grabbed the phone and seemed almost like he recognized the number. Eddie paused the movie as Richie answered.

“Hello?” Richie got up and went into the kitchen. Eddie looked over and tried to listen to as much of Richie’s conversation as he could. “This is him.” Richie still sounded unsure to Eddie. There was a long pause before Richie spoke again. “When uh- when is that happening?” Richie’s voice was something Eddie had never heard before. It was almost like he was confused at his own emotions. “Yeah, I’ll um- I’ll see if I can make it out. I’ll try though.” Another pause, although this one was significantly shorter. “Okay. Goodbye.”

Richie came back in the room and lied down on the couch, setting his head on Eddie’s lap, completely forgetting about the movie. Richie looked like he was both lost in thought and like he had lost part of himself. Eddie used one of his hands to play with Richie’s hair, his other hand was soon trapped under Richie’s.  

“What’s wrong?”

“We might need to go out to California.”

“I thought you said you never wanted to go back there?”

“I don’t, but this is a special circumstance.”

“What is it?”

“A funeral. For my parents.” Eddie’s hand froze in Richie’s hair for a moment. “It was my aunt that called. My agent gave her my number. She said they died in a car crash. She didn’t give me any details. Just that the funeral is next week.”

“Are you going to go?”

“I don’t know.”

“How do you feel?”

“I don’t know. I feel like I should be sad, but it’s almost like I can’t be.”

“Not feeling anything is a normal response. I’m sure you’ll feel something at some point.” Eddie continued the motion of his fingers in Richie’s hair.

“If I go, will you come with?”

“What kind of husband would I be if I didn’t?”

“Not the kind you are. Do you think the others could come? I just know it’s going to be easier if you’re all there.”

“We can try. I know Bill, Bev, Georgie, and Stan should all be able to go easily. Ally and Ben should be able to since they work from home sometimes. And I’m pretty sure Mike could find someone to cover for him.”

“It would only be a couple of days. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do or how I’m supposed to feel and I just need help.”

“Hey,” Eddie said and shushed his husband before he could spiral, “You don’t have to explain anything to me. I get it. And I will absolutely be by your side the whole time. And if the others can’t be there physically, they’ll always be with you.”

“Thank you.” Richie would fall asleep like that. Eddie went ahead and asked the others if they could go out with them. Ally was the only one that wouldn’t be able to make it since she had to fly out for some big project that week. They flew out on Tuesday for the funeral on Wednesday.

Richie had been a mess what whole time. He didn’t really know why. He didn’t even know why he was going out to this thing. Was it some kind of bitterness? Was it him trying to convince himself he wasn’t them? They would never come out if the roles were reversed, which was a thought Richie did not like. Was it the tiny shred of love that he still had for them? Or at least the idea of them? Was it purely respect? He didn’t know.

Richie stood on the balcony of the room he and Eddie were sharing with the Denbroughs, all three of them. He wasn’t sure who came out onto the balcony until he heard the click of a lighter, only one of them smoked occasionally.

“You doing alright?” Stan asked.

“I don’t know. I’ve had so many people ask me that and I still don’t have an answer.”

“Are you speaking at this thing?”

“No. And I don’t think they would want me to. What would I say? These are the people that drove me out and fucked me over so many goddamn times and I’m still here for some fucking reason.” Richie noticed how tense his hands were all of a sudden. They had been shaking for over a day but they were finally still.

“I know some people would say ‘they’re your parents, Richie, of course, you had to come out’. But you and I both know that’s a bullshit reason.” Stan’s parents had barely spoken to him after they moved out to New York permanently. Bill’s mom had told them that his dad would occasionally act like he didn’t have a son. Stan didn’t really care. He was happy and if his parents weren’t, then it wasn’t his problem.

“I just want to know why I’m here,” Richie looked up at Stan, looking to see if he could offer any help in the situation. Richie had gone over it so many times in his head but it was so cloudy in there, maybe someone with a clear head giving his opinion would be helpful.

“Closure?” That was something Richie hadn’t thought about. Maybe he was here for closure. Maybe he just wanted an apology from someone, anyone. He knew he would never be able to get one from his parents. Maybe he just wanted one from the family members that didn’t do anything.

Closure seemed like too pretty of a word the emotions swirling around Richie. All of them seemed so angry. So full of hatred. So very his parents. Maybe it was pettiness. Maybe it was anger. Maybe it was him searching for validation for his feelings. He just wanted to know. He just wanted to know why. He knew these were questions he would never get the answers to. No matter how many cigarettes he smoked or how many angry paintings and sketches he created. Nothing was going to give him the answers he was looking for.

The hours blurred together for Richie. He swore that he blinked and he was suddenly sitting on his bed with his husband tying his tie for him. Richie tried to focus on the slight movement of the flowers on Eddie’s shirt as he breathed to keep him grounded. But after another blink, he was in the funeral home with his friends staring at large pictures of his parents in the front and rows and rows of lilies lining the aisleway.

There were a lot more people at the funeral than he thought there would be. The funeral home was almost completely full. He looked around at all the familiar faces. He wondered how many of them recognized him. How many of them were surprised to see him standing at the back of the funeral home for parents that didn’t care about him. Almost none of them came and talked to him. The one big exception being his mother’s sister, Ana.

She had been the one to call him. Ana had always seemed the most like family to him. She moved to northern California when he was about ten, which was before the real stuff started, although it had been going on for a lot longer than Richie had ever admitted to.

It was about halfway through the second speech that Richie excused himself for a moment. He went out to get some fresh air, he just wanted to clear his head. And people saying nice things about his parents wasn’t making it any easier. He saw some children playing with a ball off to the side of the home, he figured they were the kids of some of the family members.

They looked so innocent and happy. Richie tried to think back to a time he was like that. He couldn’t really think of anything like that. He couldn’t think of a time when he was happy and there were no worries floating through his head. When he didn’t have to worry about how drunk dad was going to be. When he didn’t have to make sure that mom was still alive on the couch when he got home from school. When he didn’t have to listen to the screaming downstairs only to know that soon enough it would be directed at him. When he didn’t have to silence his cries at night to keep it from getting worse. When he wasn’t constantly tormented by either his parents or his own fucking head.

The familiar hand that slipped into his pulled him out of his head slightly. The ring that matched his own was cool where he felt it against his fingers. He squeezed the hand and sat his head on top of the hand’s owner to maybe keep some the tears inside.

“I know this is hard. But for coming out here at all, you showed me just how strong you really are. Richie, you’re the strongest person I know and I love you,” Eddie’s voice was just above a whisper, but the words rang so clearly in Richie’s head.

Maybe that was why he came out. He wanted to prove to himself that he was strong. He wasn’t completely breaking, only cracking. Cracks could be easily repaired with a little tape. And he had plenty of tape. But breaking required so much more and even then it was never quite the same.

Richie lifted his head and sighed. He wiped the one stray tear that had escaped his eyes. He looked at his very concerned looking husband and kissed his forehead before pulling him back into the funeral home, although he heard the laughter before he reentered the building. It seemed so out of place to him.

The eulogies didn’t last much longer, apparently, Richie had missed most of them. He watched as the caskets were carried out, he didn’t help with that. Those positions had been assigned before Richie got there. Not that he cared. He wasn’t sure he would’ve helped anyway. The group waited for most people to leave before they started making their way to the van they rented.

“Richie,” the name’s owner, and the rest of the group turned around to see who was calling his name. It was Ana. Not that Richie was shocked since just her and one of her kids had spoken to him this whole time.

“Hey, Ana.”

“I need to speak with you.”

“Can it be done over the phone?”

“It really needs to be in person Richie.” Richie sighed and chewed on his bottom lip for a moment, trying to figure out what to do. Eddie squeezed his hand, having never given up that habit.

“Fine. Where do you want to talk?”

“You can come to my apartment. I should probably get the kids back, can’t exactly take them to a cemetery.”

“Okay. These guys all have to come too, we’re in the same car.”

“That’s fine.” She dug into her purse before she found a napkin and a pen. She wrote something down on it and then handed it to Richie, “This is my address. If you guys leave before me, just wait till I get there. There should be parking in the lot next to my complex.”

Ben was the one that took the napkin, he was the one driving after all. He thanked her and then they went their separate ways. Richie didn’t remember most of the drive. He had spent almost all of it staring aimlessly out the front window. They had let him sit up front since he would occasionally mess with the radio when it changed to commercials. He didn’t hear any of it, only noticing when he no longer felt the bass from the speaker vibrate his leg.

“Rich,” he looked over at the hand that was sitting on his shoulder, it was Ben’s. “We’re here. So’s Ana. Let’s go inside.” Richie nodded and got out of the van, leaving his jacket on the front seat. He felt almost like he was suffocating all of a sudden. He took the dress shirt off too, leaving him in just his black jeans and band shirt. He didn’t even know which one he was wearing. It could’ve been the one from yesterday for all he knew.

He followed the rest of them inside and looked around Ana’s apartment. She had a ton of pictures of her kids. Lance was the oldest of the two, she had a lot of him in his military uniform. June was her younger one, there were plenty of pictures of her in high school around. She had only graduated this year. The other kids were all the ones she had fostered over the years. Richie had always been jealous that those kids could get out of their situation.

“Richie, can I talk to you in private for a minute?” he looked up at Ana. He hadn’t realized that he had been sitting on the couch. He seemed so lost in his own head. He needed to clear it before he went and talked to her. She was probably going to talk to about something important that he needed to pay attention to.

“I’m sorry,” were the first words out of her mouth when they were in the kitchen alone.

“What exactly are you sorry for?” the cloud that in his head was going away a little bit, but it was being replaced with a much more dangerous cloud.

“That we didn’t notice.”

“You didn’t notice? How did you not notice all the bruises? Or the broken bones? Or the fact that every time he raised his voice I cowered in the corner? How did you not notice that they were always glaring at me? That they never looked at me like you guys looked at your kids? How did you not notice that sometimes they purposefully left me at home because they didn’t want to admit I was theirs? How did you not notice any of that?” Richie had done a good job keeping his voice relatively quiet. He knew that if the others heard what he said, they would be in here with him, and he needed to do this alone. But there was no way he could keep it even, no matter how hard he tried.

“We all saw it, we just wanted to believe that they couldn’t do anything like that. I know you didn’t know them, but they used to be so loving and caring and then alcohol came into their lives. And I thought maybe when you came along, they would be able to put their lives back together but I was wrong. I know I should’ve done something. I just wanted to believe that my sister was good. That she wasn’t this monster that I knew she was becoming.”

“Why didn’t you do anything?” The angry cloud was smaller, replaced with a cloud that hurt. It wasn’t quite the same, this one was clearer than the others. He just wanted an explanation.

“Because I couldn’t prove it. They always had stories about all of your injuries. They always lied to me when I asked about you. And it took them getting sober to finally tell me the truth.”

“Getting sober? They would- they would never get sober.”

“They had been going to aa meetings for over a year. They were court ordered for Wentworth after he got too many DUIs. He took Maggie with. It helped them. Did you not get the letter?”

“What letter?” The clouds were gone but Richie’s head was spinning. His parents were getting sober? He was pretty sure their veins were filled with more alcohol than blood. What had happened while he was gone?

“They wrote you a letter. I didn’t know if they actually sent it to you or not.”

“I never got one. I also, don’t think they knew where I lived. I have a P.O. box but I go through that at least once a week.”

“It’s probably still in the house somewhere.”

“We’re going tomorrow to look through it. I guess I’ll try to find it.”

“I know you don’t want to, but please read it.” Richie took a sip of his drink. He had forgotten what it was a long time ago. “What are you going to do with the house?”

“What do you mean?”

“They left it to you. I’m sure you’re not going to move back in there.”

“I haven’t thought about it. Is it still a shit hole?”

“They had just finished fixing it up.” Richie nodded. He didn’t have much time to think about it when a small child ran up and hugged his legs.

“Richie!” he heard her shout. That tiny shout seemed to snap Richie back to his normal self, at least for a moment.

“Well hello,” he picked her up and held her on his hip. She looked a lot like Lance. “And who’s this princess?” she giggled at being called princess.

“Amanda,” Ana answered for her.

“Well, Princess Amanda,” he turned so that they could see the rest of them in the living room, “You see that guy with the brown hair? The one in the flowery shirt?” she nodded at him. “That is Spaghetti Man, the bravest hero in the world, go harass him.”

Richie sat her down and raced toward Eddie. He knew he was going to get a bunch of shit for calling him Spaghetti Man but that wasn’t the point right now. He turned back to Ana, who seemed to know exactly what questions Richie was going to ask.

“She’s Lance’s kid, her mom didn’t make it through childbirth. Lance won’t be back for another year, so she’s staying here.”

“How many kids you got in this apartment now?” 

“Five.”

“Do they all share one room?”

“The kids have the bedrooms; June and I sleep on the couches.”

“Why don’t you move?”

“I can’t afford it.”

“Is it the house payment you can’t afford?” She nodded. Richie knew the idea that popped in his head would seem too nice, but it made sense to him. And it was one of the only clear reasons he had formed since they had been there. Almost like this was the reason he came out; it wasn’t but he wanted to think it was. “What if you moved into a house that is already paid for?”

“What?”

“Would you be able to afford a house that is already paid for?”

“Yeah.”

“Move into the house.”

“Richie, I can’t do that.”

“Why not? It’s just like you said, I’m not going to move in there. I’m sure my parents would like having someone they loved in there instead of some random strangers.”

“I can pay you some rent.”

“No need. Instead, I want you to make me a promise.”

“Anything.”

“Never downplay these kids’ dreams. If they want to do something, support them. If I ever hear that you told them their dreams were stupid or that they would never amount to anything, I will kick you out of that house. The kids can stay but you can’t.”

“Okay. I can do that.”

“Then you’re more than welcome to live in the house.” She cried a little, but they were happy tears. She decided she would tell the kids once all of the details were settled, which was something Richie had no interest in at the moment. His head was throbbing. He told Eddie that. Who then told everyone else. They left pretty soon after that.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

The house was much different than Richie remembered it. The porch had been redone. The front door didn’t stick anymore. The inside was clean and put together. All of the furniture looked new. Richie figured that maybe that happened when you were sober enough to notice the shit hole you lived in. They all split up to explore and look for anything that might be something that Richie wanted. They would occasionally check in with Richie when they found things and Richie would tell them which pile to put it in.

“Hey Richie,” Richie looked up at Ben who was standing at the bottom of the stairs. “I was going through the bedside tables in your parents’ room and I found this addressed to you.” Ben handed the envelope over to Richie. Richie stared down at the envelope for a long time. This must have been what Ana was talking about.

Part of Richie wanted to just throw it away. To not even bother opening it and reading what was in there. But a lot more of him really wanted to know what the last thing his parents would ever say to him would be. At the moment, it was ‘You’ll never amount to anything’ and ‘I know you’ll come crawling back to us’. Richie was hoping this would be something better than that.

“Just put it with the stuff that we’re taking home. I’ll open it when we get back.” Richie handed the envelope back to Ben and went back to going through the CD collection. Their taste in music had certainly gotten larger since he had been gone.

“Hey, Rich. Come here.” Richie heard the yelling from down the hall.

“Where you at?”

“Study.” Richie followed the voice, that belonged to Bill, down the hall to his Dad’s office, at least that was what it had been when he lived here.

“What did you need me to…see.” Upon entering the room, Richie saw exactly what Bill had been calling him for. Not only had the room changed to look a lot more put together, but on the wall behind the desk was a painting, one that was very familiar.

“Didn’t you…”

“Yeah, I did.” It was Richie’s work. He had painted it. He remembered painting it. They had asked for a classic portrait of a child. Richie had done himself not really thinking anything of it. He remembered the note he included with it too. _You didn’t give me a specific child to go with so I went with me. Hope you enjoy!_

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Just surprised. God, they used a different name and everything.” Richie hadn’t stopped staring at the painting. He didn’t notice that some of the others were standing behind him, although it was still just Bill that spoke.

“What do you mean?”

“They put the commission in under a different name and had it sent to a different address, they must have known that I would remember if they had it sent here.”

“What if they had moved?” Richie chuckled.

“They would never move. They lived in this house since they got married.”

“What do you want to do with it?” Richie ended up leaving the painting there. It seemed almost too personal to take back home with them. He figured Ana could sell it if she wanted to. He had already told her that any of the stuff in here that they didn’t take she could sell if she wanted to.

The plane ride back to New York was silent. Richie had his headphones on and was trying to just disappear into the clouds he was watching. He looked down at the note that was suddenly sitting in his lap.

_You’ve been pulling at your hair again._ It was from Eddie. Of course. Who else would notice something so small that he did? Richie had started pulling out some of his hair as his self-harming coping mechanism instead of burning himself. They all still hated that he did it but at least this wasn’t as bad since he kept it to the underside of his hair and it was only ever a few strands. Eddie could normally get him to stop by holding his hand. 

_I just don’t know what’s going on in my head._

_Did you forget that I’m here with you?_

_Maybe._

_It’s okay. I’ll be here when you want to talk about it._ Richie smiled at the note. He didn’t have time to respond before Eddie grabbed it again and added, _Now and forever._

Richie believed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this is a little angsty, but the next chapter isn't really. Or at least the ending of it isn't.


	33. The one about parents and kids

 “Hey Rich,” a voice from behind Richie sounded. He turned and saw his husband. “Can I talk to you about something?”

“Sure thing.” Richie snubbed out the end of his cigarette and focused completely on the man in front of him.

“Now, I’m gonna say this and I don’t want you to hear it as a nurse but as a concerned husband.” Richie nodded, he could tell Eddie was starting to freak out. “I think you’ve been smoking too much, lately.”

“Why are you only just now mentioning this?” Richie wasn’t upset, he was a little more confused than anything. He didn’t think he had been smoking more lately but he could be wrong.

“Well, we only just started talking about adopting a kid and I don’t know I just don’t really want to bring a child into a home where one of us smokes and-” Richie cupped Eddie’s cheeks to get his to stop rambling.

“Hey, I get it, okay. I’m not mad that you brought it up, I just didn’t know where it was coming from. Especially since I feel like I’ve smoked the same amount since you’ve known me.”

“You started smoking more after your parents’ funeral.” Richie dropped his hands and took a step back. They had been doing a pretty good job at avoiding the topic of his parents for a few months now. He knew it would come up eventually, but he still didn’t like it. “I know I never asked, but what was in that letter they gave you?”

Richie didn’t say anything, only walking past Eddie and back into their apartment. Eddie cursed under his breath. He had promised himself he wouldn’t ask about the letter, but then he had gone and done it. He knew Richie didn’t want to talk about all this but he just had to bring it up. Eddie went back into the apartment and started calling Richie’s name. He just wanted them to be okay.

“Richie, I’m sorry. I was just trying to help and get our lives together so we could adopt and-” Eddie stopped when he saw Richie sitting on their bed, letter in hand. “Richie?”

“I didn’t want to paraphrase it, so I figured I would just let you read it.” Eddie sat down next to him and stayed silent. “I know I wouldn’t let you read it at first, but it might help clear some things up.”

Richie handed the envelope to Eddie like it weighed a thousand pounds. Eddie took it with steady hands. He then leaned against Richie’s shoulder, which was mildly confusing to Richie.

“Why are you leaning on me?”

“To make sure you don’t go anywhere.” Richie chuckled to himself and kissed the top of Eddie’s head. Eddie sighed and finally opened the envelope. He knew he asked what was in it, but he didn’t think he would actually be able to read it.

_Richie,_

_You’re probably wondering why I’m even writing this to you. I haven’t spoken to you in almost six years, I know you’re twenty-five now, I wish I could’ve said happy birthday. But anyway, Wentworth and I are sober. We’re almost a year clean right now. One of the steps in the program is to try to make amends to those that we have hurt, and the person at the top of both of our lists is you. And it’s also you that has been the hardest to try to make amends with. It wasn’t because we didn’t know how to contact you, it was because we couldn’t, not after all that we did to you._

_I know that I shouldn’t even be asking for you to forgive me, especially not for all that I let happen to you. I know I should’ve been a better mother. And I wanted to be, I really did, but I couldn’t because of the alcoholic haze that covered my eyes. A haze that made me so incredibly hateful and blind._

_I blamed you for everything that went wrong in our lives when you didn’t do any of it. You didn’t choose to be a boy or to be bisexual or to be an artist, those were just things that made you who you are. And I am so sorry that I acted like you could’ve changed any of it. I was always sad and angry, but I never realized that those emotions shouldn’t have been directed at you but at myself._

_I’ve seen pictures of you and your husband, mostly online. You two seem so happy, happier than I have ever been. While part of me wants to be upset that you didn’t invite us to your wedding, I can’t be. Not when we destroyed your childhood._

_We know you don’t know about it, but we bought one of your paintings. It’s the most beautiful painting I have ever seen. The note you included in it was so sweet. I feel bad not telling you it was us from the beginning, but I was afraid you wouldn’t paint anything if you knew. I just am so proud of you for ignoring us and living your dreams. We were so wrong for thinking that you couldn’t be an amazing artist. It’s hard to tell how good a painting is drunk._

_I know I don’t deserve to consider myself your mother, but one of the things keeping me ‘on the wagon’ as they say, is that I’ve wanted nothing more than to become the person that you could consider your mother, in at least somewhat of a good way. And while I will always be the woman that birthed and raised you, it was only recently that I became the woman that loved you like a son._

_I know you may never read this, and maybe you won’t have to, maybe I’ll be able to tell you all of this myself. If you do read this, I don’t expect you to forgive us. I asked your father if he wanted to add anything, and he said it was far too late for him to make it up to you. Sadly, I believe that’s true for both of us._

_I am truly sorry for all that we put you through._

_Margret Tozier_

“This is not what I expected.” Eddie folded the letter and slipped it back into the envelope.

“I know.”

“So, why did this make you so sad?”

“The sign-off. You usually end letters to family members, especially to your kid, with love and then your name. She just put her name.”

“I still don’t get it.”

“Did she ever love me? She never said it. And in the last letter she would ever write to me, the final words I would ever get from her, she still couldn’t say it.”

“But she said in the letter that she loved you.”

“But this is different,” Richie stood up, causing Eddie to tip over slightly. Richie didn’t notice since he had started pacing. “There was never a point in my life where she said ‘I love you’ not that she ‘became the woman that loved me’. And I thought that when I started reading the letter that maybe she would say it. Maybe he would even say it too.” Eddie pulled the card out again and looked it over again. He eventually flipped it around and saw the writing on the back.

“Richie.”

“Yeah?”

“Did you ever read the part of the back?”

“What?”

“There’s a note on the back.” Eddie held the letter out. Richie grabbed it and finally noticed the small note of the back of the card. He had never thought to look on the back of the card. The note inside it had taken up all of the space so he thought it had been the end of it.

“P.S. I know I never it said it, but I really do love you. I love you, Richie.” Richie fell to his knees on their bedroom floor. Eddie hopped down next to him and held onto Richie as he started to cry. When Eddie looked at the card, he noticed that there were two kinds of handwriting. They were both neat and small so he hadn’t seen the difference when he first saw it. “They both said it.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?”

“It is. I never thought they would say it. Maybe I can finally be completely happy on my birthday.” Richie said the last part mostly to himself, although Eddie was close enough to hear it.

“What do you mean?”

“Do you think you can get everyone else over here, I’ll explain then.”

“Okay.”

**Eds: Do you think you guys can come over tonight? Richie is asking.**

**RichieRich: You weren’t supposed to tell them that I asked.**

**Eds: Well I did.**

**Billy: Stan should be back in a few hours so we can come over after that. He might need to rest for a hot sec but then we can come over.**

**Bevvery: Ben is working at home today so we can come over whenever.**

**Alejandro: I’m working on a huge project right now but I can be there after 7 or so**

**Michelangelo: I can be there whenever**

**Gregory: I have class until three and then I can come over.**

**Eds: You guys can all come over whenever you want. And thanks guys. We’ll see you tonight.**

 A few hours later and everyone was sitting in Richie and Eddie’s living room. The mood was light and Richie really didn’t want to ruin it, but he really needed everyone to know.

“So, I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve gathered you all here today.” Of course, Richie started with a joke. “Um, I know that you all were really helpful when it came to my parents’ funeral and I can’t thank you enough for that. But there was one thing that I never told you guys. My parents wrote me a letter and it was really important. And I figured I would tell all the people that are important to me, mostly because it might explain why I might have been acting a little strange since we got back.” Richie decided that the easiest way to do this was going to be to just read the letter out loud, which is what he did. At the end, he took a breath before continuing. “Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t forgive them. For anything. But this is a step towards closure, something I’ve never gotten.”

“Richie, you said that maybe you could finally be happy on your birthdays now, why did you say that?” Eddie asked. Richie grabbed onto Eddie’s hand and tried his hardest to gain strength from it. They had done this hundreds of times and it still always seemed to help.

“It was my fifteenth birthday. I didn’t ask for anything expensive or anything that would be hard to find or anything like that. I asked my parents for a cake. Simple, right? Just a fucking cake. I just wanted to be fucking normal for one day. So, my birthday rolled around and I got back from school and not thinking anything of it, I asked my mom if she remembered what day it was. She said she did. I thought it was a good thing, they had forgotten a couple of times. But she said that it was the anniversary of when her life was destroyed. I asked what she meant by that. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, ‘it’s the day I gave birth to an unwanted boy that’s selfish and never thinks about anyone but himself. A boy I will never love.’ My mom normally wasn’t like that, I guess his feelings had finally gotten to her. I ran out of the house. I went down to the gas station and stole a pack of cigarettes before I went to this lookout that people went to for various reasons. I smoked that whole pack like it was nothing. While I was smoking, I just kept thinking.”

“What were you thinking Richie?” Mike asked when Richie took a little too long to continue his story.

“That I could kill myself and no one would care. No one would notice. I was just a kid; how could she say something like that to me? Who tells their kid that they don’t love them? And then I thought if my parents didn’t love me, how could anyone else? Parents are supposed to love you no matter what and mine hated me.”

“Richie, I’m so sorry,” Richie wasn’t exactly sure who it was that spoke, but he was pretty sure it was Ben.

“What if I’m just like them?”

“You won’t be,” Eddie’s words seemed believable. “You want to know how I know that?”

“How?”

“Because you aren’t them. Because you have so much love in your heart that it spews out of you and into the hearts of everyone else. Because Georgie was a kid when you met him but you accepted him into your life like it was nothing, even though he was an angsty tween and didn’t want to hang out with any of us.”

“Hey I’m right here.”

“Anyway, I’ve never seen you be mean to anyone, not even Matthew or Millie and they tried to fuck you over more than once. And if you can be nice to someone you fucking hate, how could you ever be a terrible parent?”

“You really think that?”

“Yeah, I do. And I know everyone else in here does too.” Richie finally looked up at the rest of the group and saw that all of them seemed like they agreed. Maybe they were right.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

 “Are you going to miss the quiet?” Eddie asked as they drove back to their home. He loved the sound of that.

“Maybe, although it’s not like I’m a quiet person.”

“You’re scared, aren’t you.”

“Of course, I am,” Richie answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world. He used the mirror to check the back seat to make sure nothing had changed before quickly returning his eyes to the road.

“I’d say don’t be, but I’m terrified too.”

“You share my fear of becoming a parent like the one you had?”

“Of course. I just don’t want to be controlling or possessive or someone that our kids will hate. Sure, she’s fine now but it took her kicking me out of the house to get better. I can't do that to them." 

“How about this, I’ll watch out for you and stop you from becoming your mom and you can do the same for me? How does that sound?”

“And if we become our parents?” Eddie liked the idea of looking out for one another but he also felt like he needed something to make sure it didn’t happen. He could promise himself all he wanted, but it would mean nothing if there were no consequences.

“I mean I doubt we will, but if we do, the other gets to leave with the kids.”

“For how long?”

“Till the other one gets their shit together.”

“Deal. It’s a little extreme, but I want to believe that we won’t get to that point.”

“We won’t. But it’s nice to have a backup plan.” Eddie nodded before he turned and looked at the two tiny children in the backseat. They were siblings and had refused to leave each other behind, not that Richie and Eddie cared. They were both asleep now. She was older than he was. They had the same eyes. Eddie hoped that they would be happy with them.

“Do you think they’re going to like Rox?” Eddie asked never taking his eyes off the kids.

“They’re going to love Roxy and she is going to love them.” Roxy was the dog they had adopted a year ago to make sure that they could handle being in charge of another being’s life. Roxy was thriving.

“Do you think it’s weird that we’re the last to have kids?” Eddie finally looked back at Richie, although he could still see the back seat out of the corner of his eye. The other three couples in their group already all had kids. Bill and Stan had adopted a boy, Ben and Bev had a daughter, and Mike and Ally had twins. All of them about a year ago. None of that had been planned but none of them were shocked. It did send Georgie and Ben into a weird spiral of conspiracy theories which was fun to watch.

“Maybe. But I feel like we have the most fears tied to parenthood.” Eddie didn’t really like where this conversation was going so, he returned to just watching the kids sleep. He tried not to think about all the ways he could fuck this up, but he did. “Want to hear the nicknames I’ve thought of so far?”

“What?” Eddie asked and faced Richie.

“Nicknames.”

“What is wrong with their names? They’re cute names.”

“But are they really my kids if I don’t give them nicknames?”

“I guess that’s true. So, what have you thought of for Sunny?”

“Sunflower and Sunshine are the really obvious ones.”

“Keep it at those. What about Skyler?”

“Sky Guy.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“That is almost worse than Eddie Spaghetti.”

“Nothing will ever be better than Eddie Spaghetti. I will teach our children to call you that.”

“I will leave you,” Eddie said through a laugh. He knew Richie wouldn’t really teach their kids to call him that, but everyone else’s kids were fair game and there was nothing he could do to stop that.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

Richie and Eddie were both in the living room when they heard a shriek from their daughter’s room. They both looked up and ran upstairs. When they entered the room, Sunny was staring at the paper in her hands with the look of pure joy on her face.

“Hey Sunshine, you want to explain what the hell that was?”

“I got in.”

“Got into what?” Eddie asked. He knew that she had auditioned for the school’s musical but she also wasn’t worried about getting into that. She was an absolute powerhouse on the stage and had been a lead for three years.

“Well, remember how I applied to Morrison, mostly as a joke because I didn’t think I was going to get into their theatre program because it’s super competitive?” Both of her fathers nodded, Richie was the one that saw where this was going. “Well, I owe Drew twenty bucks because he said I was insane if I didn’t think I was going to get in because I’m way too talented for them to turn me down but they didn’t turn me down and I got in.”

“Okay, as happy as I am, there needs to be a new rule, stop making bets with the Denbroughs because you will lose and Stan never lets us live it down,” Eddie said.

“I have yet to lose a bet with Drew,” Skyler said from the doorway. He had heard his sister scream but had mostly ignored it until he heard more talking. He was kind of thinking her ‘secret’ relationship had finally been discovered.

“Fuck. Off,” she said from her bed. Eddie gave his husband a side glance, knowing he couldn’t really reprimand their daughter since Richie seemed to need to say the word fuck at least once every fifteen minutes. He had quit smoking but he hadn’t quit swearing. Eddie had learned to pick and choose his battles. “I’m excited to go to college so I don’t have to see you again.”

“Good luck with that. I got into Morrison too.”

“Why are our children becoming us?” Eddie asked, so confused by the current events.

“Isn’t it great?” Richie asked, way too excited about the current events. His children were going to the same school he went to. The same school that made Richie such a better person.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

“Knock, knock bitch,” Drew said from the doorway of her room.

“Come on in asshole.” Drew flopped down onto her bed and stretched out like he owned the place. “Comfortable?”

“Very.” Sunny rolled her eyes and went back to organizing her desk. “You met your roommate yet?”

“No, she wasn’t in here when I got here so I guess we wait. Have you met yours?”

“Yeah. I already hate him.”

“How is he so bad?”

“I don’t think he showers. The room already smells like garbage.”

“Oh shit. Sorry that not all of us can smell like lemons.” Drew had decided very early into his teen years that he was not going to smell like an 8th grader that showered with Axe, that and Stan wouldn’t let him not smell good.

“You smell like roses.”

“Literally all of my shower stuff is rose scented so obviously that’s what I smell like.”

“Well I guess it’s a good thing I like the smell of roses.”

“You make it sound like I would change what I use for you.”

“Are you saying you wouldn’t?” She shook her head which caused Drew to gasp like he was actually offended. “What kind of secret girlfriend are you?”

“The kind that’s definitely not a secret to anyone but our parents and their friends.”

“One of them knows.”

“It’s not my fault that Georgie is really good at walking in on people and seeing things that he probably shouldn’t see.” Georgie needed to learn to knock.

“What was the excuse we gave him?”

“We were practicing for our stage kiss for Heathers.”

“Remember when your dad shrieked at Dead Girl Walking?” Sunny started laughing, Eddie had shrieked when the graphic part of that song came and then she heard about it for an hour when she got home.

“God that was the funniest thing that has ever happened, I almost fucking laughed on stage. The whole audience would’ve heard me start dying laughing in the middle of the song but I was a little distracted.”

“Are you saying making out with me is a good distraction?”

“It’s alright.”

“Well, maybe you should come over here and get distracted.”

“And why would I do that?”

“I’m cute and you love me.”

“I guess I do.” She went and sat on him; he hadn’t sat up yet. She wanted to pretend that this wasn’t a normal occurrence for them, but it was. She would never admit it, but she liked it. “Well, you gonna come here and distract me or not?”

“Why don’t you come here?” he asked as he pulled her down to his level. He wasn’t rough about it. Not that it mattered since she could very easily stay put. She could also kick his ass if she really wanted to. He might have been a football player but this dancer of fifteen years could take him down.

With her being this close to him, he could smell the rose scent of her conditioner, it was always the strongest. He could also feel her breath on his lips. She had always been much better at moments like these. He got impatient. She had enough patience for both of them.

“You gonna take this dead girl walking or what?” Her voice had dropped, making Drew lose all kinds of self-control.

“God, I love you,” he pulled her down completely so their lips actually connected. Drew constantly thought that every time he kissed her it got better and better. She had always been addicting to him ever since their first kiss as a dare from Meredith. He wouldn’t tell her about his feeling for another four months. When he told her, she responded with ‘well it’s about fucking time’ before a situation fairly similar to the one he currently found himself in now. The situation ended very similarly too, with her pulling away and asking a seemingly random question. This time she sat up completely before starting.

“Do you know when the other three are getting here?” He knew that meant the moment was over. She hadn’t gotten bored or anything, Sunny just had a mind that raced at a thousand miles a minute and whenever a thought popped into her head, she had to get it out. The stage was the only place that didn’t happen. So really, the moment wasn’t over, it was just paused.

“I think Meredith is already here. I have no idea when Logan and Chase are gonna be here.”

“I mean I’m sure Skyler knows but I don’t want to ask him.”

“What do you have against your brother?”

“Nothing. I love him so much and have kicked more than one person’s ass for him. This is just our relationship.” Sunny had taken to protecting her brother since he was technically two years younger than her but still in the same grade as her, although she was a year older than everyone else in her grade and their friend group. Him being a tiny gay space nerd didn’t help any.

“Alright,” Drew said through a laugh. Being an only child, he really had no idea what sibling relationships were like besides watching his friends.

“Do you want to text them and ask?”

“I can.”

**DnD: When are y’all fuckers getting here?**

**MerBear: I’m here**

**BetterTwin: We’re unpacking at the moment.**

**HesALiar: As soon as we get rid of our parents we can hang out**

**BetterTwin: Mom is already crying.**

**Sunflower: Are we really shocked?**

**MerBear: Did Eddie cry?**

**Sunflower: They both did.**

**HesALiar: Dad says the diner just off campus is really good**

**DnD: We really are our parents’ kids, aren’t we?**

**HesALiar: And you’re shocked why**

**DnD: I’m not.**

**FuckOff: Why am I in this group chat again?**

**Sunflower: Because you’re fucking Logan. Remember?**

**DnD: We’re also all friends.**

**HesALiar: Yeah you asshole we literally fucked this morning**

**FuckOff: Oh yeah.**

**MerBear: I’ll add that onto the list of things I did not need to know about Skyler and Logan**

**Sunflower: I wish I could forget that you did that.**

**FuckOff: Like you and Drew are quiet.**

**Sunflower: Fuck. You.**

**DnD: Now we just need Chase and Meredith to date and we’ll be an unstoppable trio my friends.**

**MerBear: Yeah my big ol lesbian ass ain’t gonna do that.**

**BetterTwin: I’m hurt.**

**Michelangelo: So I think our children are going to the diner when they get done unpacking**

**Bevvery: Meredith kicked us out. I feel betrayed by my own flesh and blood.**

**Billy: Drew literally threw all his stuff into his closet and drawers so we would leave and he could go hang out with Sunny.**

**Eds: And they still think we don’t know they’re dating.**

**Alejandro: Well they are your kids. At least mine announced that he was dating your kid. He seemed way too proud of it.**

**RichieRich: Rude.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you there was a happy ending. 
> 
> Well, that is the end of the main story of Nightmares. It has certainly been a roller costar, but thanks for coming along for the ride.


End file.
